Title: I Never Cried

Author: Emo Barbie

Rating: T

Pairing: Finny/Gene

Fanfiction: A Separate Piece

Summary: Gene never saw the need to cry, he never saw the need for any of it really. It was just a random chance...that went terribly wrong.

Extra: I tried rereading it over and over again, and I know it doesn't flow that great, but I wrote it so long ago, that no matter how many times I read it, I can never figure out what more there is to say about it!

It was just since I had made a POV from Finny, {Though that fic has NOTHING to do with this one} I wanted to make one from Gene's. {The only difference was that the other fic, they didn't have a relationship going, in this one they did.}

Minor Notes: Italics: Are quotes from the actual book. They just fit so well, and since they were from Gene's point of view I decided that I would use them.

I Never Cried

I never killed anybody and I never developed an intense level of hatred for the enemy...if he was indeed...the enemy.

And no one cries over the enemy. That was what I kept telling myself over and over again that night. It was true, I didn't kill Finny. Sure, I might have jolted him from the branch and broke his leg, but never did I actually kill him, or even come close to doing anything of the sort. It had been a momentary lapse of judgement. The sudden on-slaughter of rage, of jealousy, that had blinded me, and then it was over. I can't tell you why I did it now, what in the world compelled me, for an instant I was mad, in all sense of the word, and I let reason leave me to indulge emotions that shouldn't have been there to begin with. But I never hated him truly. He was a friend in whom I felt challenged by surely, but I never hated him.

It was a random happening that went wrong, because you see, that's what life is. It's random. In life people die, and you eventually will, but it's the random chance of when, that determines how young or how old you die. And no simple emotion of hatred or pure jealousy will change that chance...and so I had no reason to cry...

You see, only Phineas never hated anyone, only Phineas was never scared. Other people experienced this fearful shock somewhere, this sighting of the enemy, the person who you would seek out and try to extinguish, and so would begin the obsessive labor of defense. The one where you would try and do anything to protect yourself from getting close to the enemy, but at the same time, close enough to demolish his fire. To knock him from his high horse and crown yourself as superior, as his dominant. That was what I had done, simply...demolished Finny's pride for an instant. All I had done was cripple him from what he did best; sports. And that was as good of a satisfaction as I needed. It was all I wanted. For just a moment to be better. To be greater. For a moment I just needed him to lean on me for once. But I never, never, killed him. So there was no need to cry...

I never cried when they lowered him into the ground, because you see, I didn't need to, because you don't cry at your own funeral...and to me, that was just that. Finny wasn't a friend. He was more, he was apart of me...a part in which I had just lost, buried it in the ground with that cold lifeless vessel. Half of me was lost with him, hidden away forever from all those wondering eyes. But I know I didn't kill him, so I never cried.

I never cried as I left that graveyard, that cold unforgiving place, and went back to that school. I never cried as I sat there and stared at his empty bed, his things that would soon be gone...I never cried..no, not even as I lied in that same bed where I would always wake up to find Finny in, with me...I never cried...

Not as I sat there and stared out the same window where Finny would stare as I trained...but now the snow was gone, and the military trucks were driving away. And then it hit me, as they pulled out...I realized it was all over, and all those memories came flooding back. Those chaste kisses, the longing glances and brief touches. I allowed that one single tear to fall down my cheek, and then, like a weak pipe that had suddenly broke from the weight that had been barring down on it for so long, I collapsed. Then and there. I collapsed and allowed all those pent up emotions, all those things that I had been withholding, and I let them all out. You know why...?

Because like a bomb, it hit me, and I realized...that Finny was never gonna come back. A piece of me was gone, that I could never refill. I realized that Finny had never been anything else but my other half, not the enemy, not a challenger. My Best friend. That I had been so blind too. That that one random happening, that one random chance, that one moment of hatred towards him, for his perfection...was all it took to break him. All it took to make him fall. All it took...to kill him...and I cried.

Author's note: Reviews are VERY much appreciated, they always spur me on to write more, and to get better at it so that one day I may actually write something good enough to warrant my own book.