One year ago . . .
"Ahh-shit. It broke."
"You idiot boy."
"What?"
"What?!"
Today . . .
"Not every conception is auspicious," Bette drawled, smiling down at the wide-eyed infant in their lap.
"But how many people," Dot added, "can claim to have a father and three mothers?"
"And we did have an awful lot of fun making you."
"Don't tell her about that," Dot scolded.
"Once upon a time," Bette began, "there were two sisters who were as close as close could be."
"And one of them loved a handsome boy with a twinkle in his eye," her sister finished.
"And the other loved a blonde-haired beauty from a faraway land."
Dot rolled her eyes at her sister, then went on: "The Tattler twins had been spoiled during their pregnancy, enough for, well, two."
"They napped in Elsa's tent in the big pink bed in the afternoon when it was hottest, full to bursting of something else Ethel had cooked just for them-"
"And Bette," Dot interrupted, "ate special-ordered marzipan-which she couldn't even really pronounce-by the handful."
"While Elsa herself might not have rubbed their swollen feet the way Jimmy was happy to do-"
"With his ever-so-talented hands," Dot interjected.
"Or painted their toenails cherry red when their belly was just too big to reach over, she certainly pampered them often enough."
"She had Pepper do it."
"But Elsa was the only one who could find that spot in their lower back that seemed to ache for months on end," Bette said and Dot had to nod in agreement. "She'd bark orders at the crew from over Bette's shoulder while digging her fingers into just the right spot."
"They had all dreaded twice the morning sickness," Dot began.
"But that never happened," Bette finished.
"Their story wasn't all happy," Dot warned dramatically.
"'Do you want this?' Elsa had asked because she loved Bette and didn't want her to be forced to do anything that wouldn't make her happy."
"And not at all because she didn't want to lose her star attraction for nine months."
Bette glared at her sister.
"That's not true."
She looked back down at the baby and caught a chubby hand in hers.
"When Bette answered, she told the truth. She said, 'Not as much as Dot does, but I wouldn't mind a little girl with blonde hair.'"
Bette dipped her head down to kiss the baby's hand, her sandy brown hair.
"But I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world now, Darling, and neither would Elsa."
"Though they'll probably peroxide your hair as soon as you're old enough," Dot teased, before picking up the story. "Another time Paul said, 'The Siamese twins are having the lobster boy's baby and Bette is claiming Elsa is somehow involved-we should sell tickets.'" Ethel had looked right at him and said, 'I don't want to hear those words come out of your mouth again,' and that was the end of that kind of talk."
"Now, Jimmy, the baby's daddy-"
"She knows who her daddy is."
"I'm telling this part," Bette said. "Now, Jimmy, the baby's daddy, had worried and worried about what would happen when the time came for the baby to be born. 'They should see a doctor,' he said. 'There's a good one in town-a nice man,' Ethel, the baby's grandmother with a beard like a grandfather, said, passing the meatloaf over to the sisters because they really liked it when they were pregnant even if they couldn't stand it any other time because their mother used to make them eat it."
Bette and Dot made the same sour face at the same time at the thought of ever having to eat meatloaf again.
"My turn," Dot said.
"After the meatloaf, Ethel said, 'This doctor doesn't judge.' Bette said, 'No' and Dot said, 'We won't go back to the hospital again.' 'Even Elsa agrees with me this time," Jimmy argued. 'What if it's twins? We ain't got no one here to take care of something like that.'"
"'Horse shit. That little belly isn't big enough to be carrying twins,'" Bette did her best Ethel impression and they both laughed.
"And Ethel was right," Dot said. "There was only one baby in there."
"Their water had broken halfway through Elsa's closing number-a rousing rendition of 'Celebrity Skin.'"
"Eve half carried them back to their tent with Jimmy trailing right after her."
"Elsa was in such a state when she heard the news that she had to take something for her nerves."
"She got high as soon as the contractions started."
"She was worried about us." Bette made a silly face at the baby and tickled her stomach. "And as soon as Eve went and told her how Bette was calling for her, she came right away and didn't leave her side again."
"Jimmy was there holding Dot's hand, coaching her along. When the time came, Bette and Dot pushed and pushed and the beautiful boy held one leg-"
"And the blonde-haired beauty the other-"
"And Bette and Dot pushed again as hard as they could. 'Here's the head,' Ethel said. 'And only one of them! Get them shoulders through and that's the worst part.'"
"The sisters who were as close as close could be, the handsome boy, and the blonde-haired beauty looked at the baby they had made."
"Ethel, the grandmother who had a grandfather's beard, declared, 'Ten fingers and ten toes and mighty fine lungs,' as the baby cried out."
"'She's perfect,' they all said. 'Our little darling.'"
Bette and Dot looked up in surprise to see Elsa standing in the doorway, watching them.
"And since they had been calling her that the whole time she had been in her mamas' belly," Elsa continued, "they named her Darling, Darling Tattler. And then Elsa said, 'She's beautiful, just like her mother,' looking at Bette and then, seeing Dot, she said, 'Like her mothers,' but just to be nice."
Bette grinned and held out her hand for Elsa to join them.
Elsa curled easily against Bette's side, softly kissing her temple, before turning her attention to the baby in the twins' lap.
"The whole troupe was happy because they had a living doll to dote on," she cooed down at her.
"Pepper could barely keep her hands off of her," Bette added.
"Eve had been busy making her a wardrobe the envy of babies everywhere," Dot bragged.
"And even little Ma Petite asked to hold her, because in no time," Elsa laughed, "the baby was going to be bigger than her."
Bette sighed, perfectly content to lay her head on Elsa's shoulder and watch their daughter as Dot stroked the infant's head.
"And they all-especially Darling-lived happily ever after."
"Not so fast," Elsa warned, earning a long-suffering frown from Dot. She scooped the baby up carefully, cradling her against her chest, stood and started to bounce Darling the way she knew she liked.
"If you're going to stay here and be part of us, my little darling," Elsa said, staring down into her daughter's big brown eyes, "you'll have to learn to earn your keep. Now since you weren't blessed with any natural gifts besides your great beauty, you'll have to develop some sort of talent."
"Oh, please," Dot scoffed. "She's already got you wrapped around her tiny little finger."
Elsa ignored her. "Mama Elsa will get you a music teacher as soon as you can reach the piano keys. Though I must warn you," she stage whispered. "There's only half a chance you might be able to sing."
"Hey," Bette protested, pretending to be offended. "I earn my keep."
"Sleeping with the boss," Dot said, earning a throaty laugh from Elsa.
"Darling doesn't mind my singing," Bette declared proudly.
"I'm sure she doesn't, liebchen."
Dot sighed.
"Her first words had better not be in German."