So many bad things have happened that I just have to be really scared all the time now. I know that he died because I'm not good enough. I don't know why I'm not good enough but obviously I'm not (or I wouldn't be here!). Some people end up in mental institutions. I can't even manage to brush my hair they have me so doped up I wish I was a clinical psychologist and I wish my husband wasn't dead. Some people are just unlucky. I wish I could get out of here I wish I could just go live on an island somewhere for the rest of my life. That big guy over there...he always commands so much attention. He's funny, he really is. He could be a comedian if he wasn't in here. My husband is sitting next to him but he's really not because he's dead. No one really knows what happens when you die. A lot of people have had a lot of different theories but no one really knows. You won't know until it happens to you but if it's just the end then you'll never know. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. I'm glad I'm not as crazy as that guy who recites those numbers constantly. But maybe he's happier than I am. Maybe that's the only way to really be happy - for everyone. Just nothing. No consciousness. Lost in six numbers or lost in food or lost...I wish I could just get lost on an island, I really do. If I hadn't quit med school after one year David wouldn't be lost. I would've been the most brilliant doctor in the world I would've saved him he'd be on his boat right now, as happy as a person can be the wind blowing in his face. Australia is an island. Maybe that's where I should go I don't know. I could start a new life I wonder what would happen if I just told everyone I was a clinical psychologist maybe then they'd respect me. I've lost all respect for myself literally all and look where I am. Is anybody really happy I don't know. Some people have all the luck. But I'm not bitter and I'm not mad at anyone except myself. Dr. Brooks is taking a Polaroid to prove that my husband's not really there. He is there he's just dead. That big funny guy I don't remember his name can he see dead people? I can't see dead people I'm just nuts. If I ever get out of here I think Australia might be nice. I would've been such a good marriage or family therapist I could really help people.
"Here's your pill, Libby."
A nurse gave me my pill and I swallowed it. If I could get out of here I could help people I really could.