Name: That Awkward Chat
Rating: K+
Summary: Maria has to tell her mother about everything that's happened, including... Bill.
Word count: 1,630
I have to do it. It's unavoidable. She'd find out anyway, at least this way she won't be as mad.
Maria repeated this in her head as she stared nervously at the phone. She was psyching herself up to call her mother, whom she hadn't talked to in a few years. That was only because Mrs. Woodgrove was busy with practicing an ancient magic and had insisted that she be left alone. When she had called her daughter up and asked how the young woman was doing, Maria had freaked out and ended the call.
Now, she was left in the awkward position of having to call back and explain everything... including her pregnancy.
"Pick up the phone, dial the number, and talk." she whispered to herself. "She's your mom, she'll understand."
It wasn't just that. Maria needed advice from her mother about the whole pregnancy business. She was only a couple weeks in and needed some assurance from someone who had done this before.
She took a deep breath and gathered up her courage, grabbing the phone and dialing the number before she could stop herself. It rang a few times, each sound sending another shiver of worry through her.
"Hello?" Mrs. Woodgrove's voice called through the phone, with a slight British accent.
"Mom?" Maria asked, her throat suddenly felt dry.
"Oh, Maria!" her mother sounded ecstatic. "It's been too long. How's my eldest doing? You're not hurt or anything are you?"
"I'm good, Mom."
"Why'd you end the call earlier?"
"I got kind of nervous..."
"Nervous? What for? I'm your mother! You know you can tell me anything."
Maria hesitated a moment. "Promise you won't freak out?"
"Depends on what it is, dearie. You didn't get a tattoo, did you? Because unless its of that rune-"
"No! Mom, I didn't get a tattoo..."
Mrs. Woodgrove sighed in relief. "Okay. That's the worst thing I could think of. You are the most responsible of my lot, I trust that you didn't do anything stupid."
Maria paled, she covered the phone and put it down as she took a moment to reorganize her thoughts. She brought the phone back to her ear. "Mom? You know how I'm living in Gravity Falls, right?"
"Yes?"
"And how I said that I would never marry?"
"Yes?" She paused. "Oh, you met someone, didn't you?"
"Yeah..."
"Did you already get married?"
"Yup." Maria replied weakly.
"Oh I can't believe I missed that. Shame. Who's the lucky man?"
Now comes the hard part, Maria thought. "Well, his name is Bill..."
"'Bill'? Is it okay if I call him 'William'? 'Bill' reminds me too much of that infernal dream demon. Blasted creature... always messing with the witch community! I'd have his head... if he had one. Sorry. I rambled a bit. Now, about your husband, does he come from a respectable family?"
Maria gulped and fiddled with her shirt. "Uhh... they're powerful."
"Hmm...I thought you didn't care for the upper-class snobs."
"He's... different."
"Why do I feel like you're hiding something from me?"
"Uhh..."
"Come on, out with it."
"Promise you won't freak out?"
"Yes, yes. Now what is it?"
Maria took a deep breath and began talking quickly. "You know that triangle? Well, funny story... he got a human form and I took care of him for a while and we kind of fell in love and now we're married and I'm pregnant."
"..."
"Mom?"
"Let me get this straight. The dream demon, Bill Cipher, is human. He's married to my daughter, who is now carrying his spawn?"
"Yes..?"
"I'm out of it for 6 years and the world gets flipped upside down!" Mrs. Woodgrove said dramatically.
"Mom?"
"You're probably going to be his queen now, aren't you?"
"Mom."
"He's in this dimension and he's going to enslave us all!"
"Mom!"
"The community is going to disgrace our family because they think we've joined him!"
"MOM!"
"What is it?"
"He's changed."
"I highly doubt that."
"No, really. He doesn't want to take over the world anymore. And he really does care about me."
"What makes you so sure?"
"What made you so sure about Dad? Huh?" Maria asked defiantly.
Mrs. Woodgrove sighed. "Point taken, dearie."
"You're okay with this now... right?"
"Only if you promise that you'll have the child call me 'Grammie' and to send me pictures. I hope it looks more like you than him."
"Mom!"
"Fine, fine. I'll love them either way." she said, the teasing lilt becoming evident in her voice.
"You're not mad at me, are you?"
"No, not at all. Why should I when you're pregnant with the child of our mortal enemy?"
"Mom!"
"I'm kidding! Take a little joke every once in a while."
Maria sighed exasperatedly, but smiled nonetheless. Her mother wasn't mad! "You want to talk to him?"
"Who, the demon or the child?"
"Really, Mom?"
"Okay, I'll stop. Yes, put him on the line."
Maria walked through the house, looking for Bill. She found him in the backyard, lighting the yard mulch on fire.
"Bill!" Maria scolded. "How many times have I told you to just put this stuff on the curb?"
"It's more fun this way!" Bill replied, holding his hands out to the pile lit with blue fire.
She sighed. "I'll let it slide for now. Mom's on the phone and she wants to talk to you."
"Oh, sure." He took the phone and brought it to his ear. "Yello?" His eyes widened and he stayed silent as Maria's mother yelled at him through the phone. He pulled it away from his ear and winced.
"...and you better treat her right, demon, or I will hunt you down and end your pathetic existence!"
The couple stared at the phone in shock as every manner of curse word came out of it, all of them directed at Bill. He made to end the call, but Maria held him back and shook her head, not wanting him to make a bad impression on her mother. He smiled teasingly and held the phone up away from her reach. She was left jumping, trying to bring it back down while he yawned and slowly reached for the 'End Call' button with his other hand, mocking her efforts. They froze when the background swearing stopped and Mrs. Woodgrove spoke with a little less volume.
"...and just to show you I mean business, here's a little something to remember me by!"
With that, she muttered a spell causing a red spark came out of the phone and turned Bill's hair blue. Maria put her hands to her mouth to stifle her laughter as Bill touched his head and pulled his hair in front of his eyes, an expression of pure bewilderment on his face. The only noise coming out of the phone now as a quiet buzzing as Mrs. Woodgrove spoke at a normal volume. Maria pulled down Bill's arm and took the phone out of his hand to hear what her mother had to say.
"...Understood?"
Maria brought the phone back to Bill's ear as her mother spoke a bit louder.
"Understood?"
"Y-yes, ma'am." he stammered, still trying to make sense of the fact that his hair was now the same color as his magic.
"Good. Give the phone back to Maria."
Bill nodded to signify that he was done talking and Maria to the phone back.
"Yeah, Mom?"
"Wonderful boy, he is. I have a good feeling about this one." Mrs. Woodgrove said cheerfully.
"Yes, Mom."
"Is there anything else you want to tell me, dearie?"
"I... uh..." Maria trailed off as she looked to Bill, who was now starting to panic as he snapped his fingers in an attempt to turn his hair back, without any results.
"Maria?"
"Y-yeah, uh, Mom? How long does that hair-coloring spell last?"
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that." she said dismissively.
"Mom, seriously." she said sternly.
"Fine." The eyeroll was evident in her voice. "Its only for a few hours. Anything else?"
"Just some advice about what to expect in pregnancy."
"Alright, but you might want to write this down."
By sunset, Bill's hair was back to normal and Maria had learned a good deal about what the two of them were in for. They were snuggled up on the couch, channel-surfing for something to watch."
"I know I've probably said this a thousand time, but I'll say it again." Bill said. "Human females are terrifying."
"True that." Maria said. "Moms especially. Just be glad I didn't call Dad. He would have teleported here and personally strangled you."
"...Your mom's not gonna tell him, is she?" he asked nervously.
"She will, but she knows how to handle him. Besides," she shifted a bit and wrapped her arms around him. "I would never let that happen. And neither would Junior." She patted her belly affectionately.
"How's Junior supposed to do anything?" he asked, eyeing her warily.
"Going back in time."
"What?!" he shouted, practically jumping out of his seat.
"I'm kidding." she giggled. "Don't be such a worry-wart."
"You're right. I'll leave that to you."
Maria punched Bill's shoulder, earning a laugh from him.
She was thankful that her Mom hadn't freaked out too much, she could breathe a little easier now. After all, it couldn't get much worse than this... right?