"Oh, that's so sweet. Are you joking?" For some reason, I feel a stutter in my heart.
"Yes. Of course I'm joking." Danny pulls away from his locker, shaking his head, and I feel a twinge. Suddenly, I feel like crying.
"You don't do that to people!" I call after him, in an attempt to hide my despair from Scott. He looks at me sideways, but I shake him off.
I quickly think of where I could go. I don't want to go home, because my dad's there, and he'll ask why I'm upset. I don't want to go to Scott, either. I could go to Lydia, but how would that look? I go crying to my crush that her ex's best friend rejected me. Both Isaac and Allison are off the list, because they're in their own little worlds. Erica and Boyd are missing, so that leaves Derek, because I am not even going to think about going to talk to Peter.
I start to seriously think about going to Derek, and the more I think about it, the better of an idea it seems. I mean, we did make out heatedly after Danny had left and Derek was on the run from my dad. Maybe a make out session was what I needed now. Yeah, Derek would do nicely.
I open the door to Derek's loft, already in tears. On my way over, I had almost caused four accidents because I couldn't see. I still don't know why I'm crying. Derek hears the door open and calls out.
"You back already, Isaac?" He comes down the stairs, and at the sight of him, I lose all resolve of trying to keep myself together. I break down on his doorstep, leaning heavily on the doorframe. "Stiles? What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" I see concern written plainly on his features.
"Derek, I – I need a place to stay for a while. I'm sorry I just…I – " My knees give out, even though I'm leaning on the doorframe. Derek is suddenly there, helping me to the couch. "God, this is so stupid."
"What is? What happened?"
"Nothing, but that's the problem. I wanted… I wanted… I don't know what I wanted, but it wasn't this. I just…I don't know. I don't know anymore. What the hell is wrong with me?"
Derek seems to understand that no amount of prompting is going to get him the answers he wants, so he just sits there, waiting patiently. I'm grateful for that, so I try again.
"You know how all of those sacrifices were virgins?" Derek nods slowly. "Well, I was talking – " I pause, to let a hiccup of sobs wrack my body. "I was talking with Scott about it, about how I – " I pause again, shuddering, suddenly cold. "About how I'm a virgin too, and how my virginity is literally a threat to my health and then Da – " my voice chokes into silence over his name, and the tears come back in full force, and I throw myself at Derek. I cry into his shoulder and make fists in his shirt. When I find my voice again, I whisper the rest of my story against his neck, constantly interrupted by sobs. "Danny – he said he'd help me, have sex with me, and I don't know why, but I – I wanted it, but he said he was joking, and I – I didn't know where else to go."
Derek leans back, taking me with him, holding me against his chest, keeping me there until I fall asleep.
When I wake up, my eyes are gummy and my mouth tastes sour. I look up and see Derek sleeping. I remember back to when we made out.
I closed the door and walked back to my room, finding Derek lying on my bed.
"Miguel, huh? Cute name. Where did you hear it?"
"I had a friend named Miguel." My heart must have sped over the word friend, because Derek perked right up.
"A friend?"
I sighed. "Before Lydia, I had a crush on this kid Miguel. He was sweet, and older, and – why am I even telling you this?"
Derek looked perplexed. "Why did you give me the name of a previous crush?"
"It was the first name that came to my head. It doesn't mean anything." Derek stood up and cocked his head at me.
"Do I remind you of him?"
I snorted "Did you miss the part where I said he was sweet?"
"What happened?"
"I confessed, grade five. He punched me in the face, told his parents and moved to a different school." I turned away, feeling tears pricking in my eyes. "Can we talk about something else, please?"
I could sense Derek right behind me."Stiles, why do you smell of sadness?"
"Because I'm sad." Suddenly angry, I turned to him, and he caught my face in his hands and kissed me. I'd felt the floor disappear from underneath me, my breath hitch, my eyes close. His lips had been soft, the kiss loving. I'd pushed into it, feeling a swirl of emotions. He'd lifted me off my feet and slammed me into a wall, but I hadn't minded. I could tell it was going somewhere else, but we'd been interrupted by my dad coming home.
I suddenly want to feel that mix of emotions again. Derek starts stirring from his sleep. I sit up and look at him. "Do you remember kissing me? Before, when you were hiding from the police?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we could do that again?"
"If you think it'll help you."
"I don't know what's going to help me, but I know that I want to feel your lips again." I look at him again with sad eyes. We lean towards each other and as our lips connect, I feel my heart give a squeeze again. It's a good thing this time, though. Without breaking contact, Derek pushes me back onto the couch , letting my head fall on the armrest. He gets on all fours above me and deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue in my mouth. I let him do what he wants, feeling good to let him take the reins. Slowly, he pulls his mouth from mine, kissing down my neck, sucking my earlobe, and I moan. This feels good.
I put my hands to either side of his face. "Derek" He smiles and kisses me again, lingering for longer this time.
"Did you know that it was pure torture, hearing you talk about him, telling me that it was your desire for him that got you hurt?"
I knew who he was talking about. "I'm sorry." I meant it. I pulled him into another kiss. "I only want you." I meant that, too.
Derek sighs and leans down to kiss me again. I put my hand on his shoulder, holding him at arm's length, looking at him. "I mean it. I love you."
Derek smiles. "I love you, too."
The rest of our evening is lost in a symphony of kisses. I end up sprawled over Derek's chest, asleep and happy.