Day 1
Woke up today from a weird glowy room wearing nothing but my boxers. Yep, that's right, world—I'm a boxers kinda guy.
No idea how I got to this place...don't recognize it at all. Did I throw back too many tall ones last night?
Come to think of it, I can't remember anything about myself. Like, how old am I? Do I have a family? Am I really a guy? ...OK, I just looked down and everything checks out—I'm 100% sure I'm a guy. It's just that my ponytail and lack of facial hair had me in doubt for a moment...and that's never something a person should be in doubt about.
What did the creepy disembodied voice say my name was again? Luke? Lincoln? It was something like that...
I've got one hell of a stiff back and neck. Starting to think I'll never be completely rid of these cramps.
Luckily, I found some clothes outside the glowy room. Yay! Now I don't have to look ridiculous running around half-naked...oh, but darn, they're too small and ratty. They look like they were made more for a ten year old kid or something... Heh, yeah right—who would ever make a ten year old the protagonist of a video game? How ridiculous...
I found a tree branch! Yatta! Not sure how this is preferable to just using my fists to fight but I'm gonna take it anyway since for some reason I feel this weird compulsion to grab everything that isn't nailed to the ground.
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Day 2
Just noticed that I have a natural talent for climbing things: trees, rocks, gigantic sleeping hinox, you name it. Gravity, you've just met your match!
Conveniently, I also found out that I don't ever have to sleep, eat, relieve myself or take care of any pesky bodily functions whatsoever. Sure, I could do those things if I wanted to, but I'd rather risk exploding from an overloaded bladder than let those strange people watching me from the other side of the glass see me tinkle...
This Sheikah slate does all sorts of cool stuff. Like, I made a bunch of huge towers pop up from the ground just by putting it into a pedestal. I bet everyone's gonna want one of these things!
Wow, what a view from up here. I wonder how far I'll have to go before I run into my first invisible wall.
That strange voice told me I've been asleep for 100 years! OK, now I'm starting to think somebody's pulling my leg here because I'm clearly not that old. I've got the stamina of a rabbit mixed with the vitality of a—ouch! Cramp, cramp, cramp!
A mysterious old cloaked guy told me go to a few shrines before he'd give me his cool parachute/hang-glider thingy. Well, I got nothin' better to do, so I'm game. Something tells me I've never once turned down the chance to go on an adventure...
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Day 3
Rain started pouring down out of nowhere today and lightning is striking all around me. Hmm...I really don't know much about lightning but it looks pretty dangerous. Maybe I'll just go take refuge in that tree stump in the shallow pond over there... Oh, look! The ax I found today is starting to sparkle! This is so cool! I think I'll just hold on to it while I—
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Day 4
Ouch. Seriously, ouch. I had no idea that lightning could strike the same place twice, let alone ten times. Hope my hair doesn't stay permanently stuck in the 'Cloud Strife' look. Just gonna rest here for a while eating whatever I can forage until I have the strength to move on again.
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Day 5
It seriously started storming again today. Oh, but this time I know better than to leave my metal stuff equipped. Now all the lightning can do is strike around me pathetically. Ha ha ha! Oh, hey, wait a minute...that grass just caught on fire over there...and now that herd of bokoblins are setting their clubs on fire with it...and it looks like they're coming my way...oh, shi—
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Day 6
Another day spent recovering from my wounds...and my old ones hadn't even had the chance to heal yet. Damn you, mother nature! You can take your breath of the wild and shove it up your—
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Day 7
I apologize for my outburst yesterday. I was just so angry about how everything in nature seems to want me dead. I only have three damn hearts this early in the game so go easy on me, m'kay?
Back to shrine hunting.
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Day 8
Some of these shrines are harder to get to than I thought they'd be. One of them's tucked away deep in the tundra and I had to whip up a spicy snack to keep from freezing my nuts (and acorns and apples and...)
They also have really crazy names, as if somebody just threw a bunch of Hylian characters together and called it a day. "Oman Au"...Heh, sounds like something I would say after accidentally blasting myself with a bomb.
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Day 9
After I finished the shrines, the old man told me to meet him at the Temple of Time...or what's left of it, anyway. He finally dropped a knowledge bomb on me, telling me I got pwned while on a quest to defeat a bad guy named Ganon 100 years ago. He says the whole "nearly killed" thing is likely the reason why I can't remember anything from before I took the nap of a century. Apparently, the sleep (more like a coma, really) was necessary for me to recover from my extensive wounds. He says a chick named Zelda I'm supposed to know needs my help too. The guy even claims to be the spirit of the king who ruled this whole kingdom before Ganon took over (and this isn't even close to being the first time Ganon's done that, apparently). He told me I have to do the same thing I already screwed up before but this time without the screwing-it-up part. Oh boy...think I'm gonna need to lie down for a while...this destiny stuff is pretty heavy...
But at least this time if I screw it up (which, let's be honest, I probably will), I can always just reload!
Finally, I must express my intense hope that if someone, somewhere ever finds this log, then maybe, just maybe, they will leave a review telling me what they thought...