Ch. 1 - Pacific Ocean, June 2015
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"Do you ever wonder how things might have been different?"
Tom's voice behind her was quiet, almost too soft to hear over the crashing of the waves against the hull and the purring of the engine. Sasha straightened, back stiff, cursing him for tracking her down now, when she was so vulnerable. Unbidden, her mind returned to a time when she and Tom played like children, spending long days working side-by-side and long nights tangled up in each other's bodies, not a care in the world.
Until it all came crashing down.
Surprisingly, it hadn't been Tom's appearance at Peng's palace that stirred up the old memories. There was no need to think about the past. As soon their eyes locked, Sasha knew that the fire still burned between them. Buried under life and time and other relationships, perhaps, but the core that drew them together so many years ago remained. Seeing him again, working with him again, fighting with him to rescue Slattery and the crew, it all felt so natural. She had been content to remain in the present, to accept it for what it was, not once tempted down the rabbit hole.
Instead, the trigger had been a man she met only days before. It had been the sight of Lieutenant Danny Green taking Kaito in his arms that caused the flood-gates to open, releasing a maestrom of sadness and anguish and pain. Sasha knew, without having to ask, that Danny was imagining - was longing for - the son he had never met. Because she recognized each emotion that flitted across the man's face as he held the newborn.
Sadness, because this wasn't his son.
Astonishment, because the baby survived.
Happiness, because a new life had come into this world.
Determination, that this child would not suffer like his parents.
Sasha knew exactly what Danny was feeling, because they were the same emotions that Sasha felt every time she held a child in her arms. All except the last one.
Hope.
Danny had hope that someday he would meet his son. Sasha had none.
"This is hardly the time, Tom," she replied, hoping that he wouldn't notice how shaky the words were. But he did, of course, coming to stand next to her by the rail.
"You didn't have any more children," he replied, apparently determined to have the conversation she would have preferred to avoid. Sasha snorted. More than seventeen years and they were picking up right where they left off. Still, this time was different. It was different because he was different, because she was different. It was different because of the loses they both suffered over this past year. Spouses, colleagues, friends, family.
And yet, despite everything, her heart still ached for the loss of a single life, one that never even began.
"Nicholas and I planned to start a family once we returned from our honeymoon. The first day back I got sent here and you know the rest." She paused. "Ashley and Sam are beautiful children."
"Thank you." Tom didn't ask how she knew the names of his children or what they looked like. He understood her well enough to know that she would have kept track of him from afar, not the type to cut ties completely. "They are the most important people in my life and I would not give them up for anything, but I still wonder what it would be like if..."
Seventeen years. That was how long it had been since they lost their son.
And it still hurt.
Sasha turned to meet Tom's gaze, seeing her own pain reflected in his. Without thinking she reached out to take his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before returning her gaze to the waves.
"I wonder too."