Jacen watched Tenel Ka across the rim of his glass of wine. He sipped slowly savouring the bittersweet taste as he tried to puzzle through what was bothering him about his friend. Tenel Ka for her part was pushing her blue grain around on her plate. Her eyes were on her food, but they appeared glazed and far away.
"Tenel Ka?"
Tenel Ka glanced up. "Hmm?"
Jacen was smiling. Had she not seen the smile she never would have known he was. He was a wall to her, an impenetrable wall.
Jacen sat his glass back upon the marble table with a soft click. He leaned back and folded his hands in his lap. "You're not here."
Tenel Ka let her eyes drift to the open balcony doors behind him, watching the setting sun. "No. I'm not. I am worried about you, my friend."
Jacen's eyebrows rose at this. "About me?" He pointed at his chest. "Why would you be worried about me? Do I look ill?"
Tenel Ka did not reply. She was not going to play this game with him. She wanted him to talk and express himself. A faint smile came to her lips. Not so long ago, it had been the other way around.
"What's funny?" he asked, leaning forward.
"This." She gestured with her hand. "You. Here. Having dinner with me. Us pretending that we each know the other still. After all of our time apart. After everything we've been through. Just sitting and sipping wine, enjoying a good meal as if nothing has happened in the last eight years." She picked up her wine and took a sip to hide the flush that came to her face.
Jacen lowered his eyes to hide his amusement at Tenel Ka's flash of anger, however small. He looked up to see her avoiding his gaze again as she cut up her meat. He watched as she used her fork to quickly and efficiently slice the meat into eight neat little pieces. She speared one and shoved it into her mouth with more force than was necessary.
"So you're angry with me?"
Tenel Ka chewed quickly. "I am." She reached for her wine again only to have it pulled from her reach. She looked up at Jacen. "Stop that."
"Tenel Ka, we're not going to fix this if you get drunk."
"I'm not trying to get drunk." Her jaw set in a hard line at his accusation.
"Well, you will if you keep drinking that like its water. We need to talk."
Tenel Ka's mouth dropped open in amazement at his controlling tone. Of all the arrogant— "Jacen Solo, I am not accustomed to being talked to in that tone. You are not my father."
"No." Jacen agreed. "But I will be your lover come morning. And I'm not attracted to women that can't hold their alcohol."
Tenel Ka raised an eyebrow. "Ah. Aha. I was not aware you were attracted to anything except the Force."
Jacen looked up. For one moment his eyes reflected the hurt at her harsh assessment. Then the mask fell again.
Damn him anyway.
Tenel Ka flopped back into her chair and sighed. "Fine. Let's talk. Why are you blocking me out?"
Jacen frowned. "I'm not."
"Oh, but you are. And I suspect I'm not the only one who has noticed."
Jacen flinched at her reference to his twin sister, Jaina. It was true that while he still touched her through their twin bond, he did not let her get too close.
Tenel Ka's eyes narrowed. "There is a bubble around you Jacen. There is something that cuts you off from us. Whether it is self-induced I do not know. But you are no longer the Jacen that I once knew."
Jacen blinked then looked away. Tenel Ka watched as he pushed his chair back and stood. He walked to the balcony and leaned against the frame quietly watching the sunset.
"Tenel Ka. I'm not the only one who has changed."
"That's no secret." She brushed a wisp of hair behind her ear. "I have done what was necessary to survive—" She looked around the luxurious room with disdain. "—in this place."
"And you think I didn't?" He didn't face her. With a barely perceptible tilt of his head he beckoned her to join him.
She joined him and together they watched the swirls of pink and blue as the sun finished its descent. She sneaked a look at her tall friend. His face was as impassive as ever. She missed the warmth in his brown eyes. She couldn't feel anything from him.
"Now you know how it feels." Jacen smirked.
Tenel Ka's mouth opened in surprise. He'd known her thoughts, yet she'd felt no probe. How does he do that?
He turned his head to look into her eyes. He let his gaze drift over her features as if taking note of every pore, every hair. She began to flush under his scrutiny. She lowered her lashes, seeking out something, anything that would give her some clue as to what he was feeling.
"Yes." He said quietly. "I do want you."
Her eyes widened as they locked on his. "I don't believe you." She swallowed nervously. "I feel nothing from you. I do not want your pity, Jacen." The latter came out with much less force than she had intended.
"You never had it." He reached out and pulled her close to him. He pressed her head so it rested on his chest. His arms encircled her waist. He swayed gently, rocking her in his arms.
Tenel Ka breathed in his scent, revelling in his heady aroma. She closed her eyes and let herself be lulled by his presence. She felt something like a door opening. A very bright light was shining from beneath it.
"Do you see?" Jacen whispered into her hair.
Tenel Ka couldn't respond, so bright was the light. She gravitated toward it. Her body shedding its shell as she neared. She wanted him. She wanted him so thoroughly that it made her ache with pain.
She felt soft lips descend upon hers, hands caressing her back. Breath in her ear brought her back to reality. She opened her eyes and saw Jacen looking at her with all the love she had ever hoped for.
"For now, Tenel Ka, this is all I can give." She heard him say, though his lips did not move. "For now, this is all."
She looked into his eyes and saw the pleading. He was begging her to accept him as he was right now. A glimpse of that young Jacen dashed across his features, the endearing awkwardness he'd always felt when he was around her.
She held his face in her hands, feeling his skin warm even more beneath her touch. Her eyes gave him her answer. He bent to scoop her up, taking her to the double doors that led to her bed.
Tenel Ka awoke with the faint glow of the dawn shining into the room. She slowly sat up, pulling the sheet tight against her chest. Looking around the room, she saw Jacen's clothes and lightsaber were gone. The space beside her where he'd slept losing its warmth.
She sighed as she slipped out of the bed, pulling the silken sheet around her. She went to the open balcony doors, pushing the flowing curtains aside. She reached out with the Force and felt nothing save for the life forces of her subjects going about the beginning of their day.
She looked up and saw the ships coming and going from the Royal spaceport closest to the palace. If one of them was Jacen's she would not know. He'd shut himself off to her again.
Not so last night. He'd opened himself up to her so fully that it had left them both in tears. Exhausted, they'd drifted off into a blissful sleep. She thought that she had heard him whispering endearments to her while she slept and stroking her back.
But that could have been a dream.
She started as she felt a kiss at the back of her neck. Her hair ruffled as if a breeze had come into the room from behind her. She turned but saw no one.
She walked out to lean against the railing of the balcony. She watched as one ship seemed to be off its flight path, close enough that she could make out it was a skiff. It lights twinkled in what appeared to be a farewell.
But that could have been the tears in her eyes.