She was doing it again, letting her eyes scan the crowd, looking for a distinction of hair or presence or something. Maybe she was going crazy and she probably shouldn't even be looking for him because hello, he was the one who left without saying goodbye (just some stupid voicemail that she may or may not have saved on her phone and listened to 57 times in the past few weeks) and why should she even care if he is there to see her graduate? It's not like he really matters all that much or is important or anything.
Really, she's concerned for Rebekah. The girl doesn't have much family left and someone should really be there for her. Elena has Damon and Stefan and Rebekah has…Matt. Maybe.
"Looking for Tyler?" Matt asks, interrupting her wandering thoughts. He is not supposed to be sitting next to her, nowhere near the front row where ASB president and valedictorian sit, but Caroline could not imagine sitting the entire ceremony next to the insufferable class secretary Julie, so she did a little switching around.
Tyler. Right. Yeah, she was totally looking for Tyler. If Tyler was like a thousand years older and more ruggedly handsome and an Original.
"Stupid hope, right?" She laughs, but they aren't having the same conversation.
"I'm sorry, Care." Matt says. "I'm sure he wants to be here."
"Yeah," Caroline nods. "His safety is more important."
She starts watching the ceremony again, at the bad speeches and typical senior class gift announcements and looks around at the sea of graduated around her, the teenagers on the brink of adulthood, patting themselves on the back and smiling at their accomplishments. This might be the highlight of their lives. This should be a highlight of hers, Caroline thinks, but her thoughts are overshadowed by Klaus and his stupid existence.
She's been denying it for weeks, but goddamn, she wants him. She wants the salvation that he offers, the safety and the adventure and the welcome, because Caroline knows that he would give and love and make her feel not so insignificant. She's not allowed to think these things, right, because that's totally fucking psycho, but the thoughts are there and Caroline is sick of denying her feelings.
Everything is passing by in a blur. She shares small smiles with Matt and tries to catch Elena's eye. She smiles during speeches and stands during award recognition and waits as the salutatorian speaks, his words jumbled and awkward but slightly sweet and attempts at being inspiring.
Caroline should be paying attention, she knows. She should be engraving these moments into her brain, because she's graduating high school (!) and she's been waiting for this moment for like, forever, but somehow, saying a speech and walking across a stage seems so insignificant now. She's almost died like a zillion times and fallen in love with people who always leave her and is potentially on the brink of making a life changing decision and she may or may not be falling in love with the oldest vampire in existence, who tells her pretty words and shows her compassion (sometimes) and makes her feel special (more than she'd like to admit). Her entire high school career should have been outlined by cheer practice and staying up too late studying for AP tests and ditching class to make out behind the dugouts, but instead when she thinks back on her time, she thinks of vervain ropes and the burn of sunlight and class the day after Alaric died and fighting with Tyler in the parking lot and confusion, being alone and scared and tired. She thinks of Klaus, his hand on her body as he murmurs words of comfort and protects her.
"Care," Matt is elbowing her frantically, because she has just been introduced as the valedictorian and everyone is waiting for her to walk up to the podium and she is dazed out.
Caroline jolts quickly, smiling as she jumps up and strides towards the podium. She sends a thank-you nod to the principal's secretary, who just introduced her, and turns her gaze onto the crowd.
She has been writing for this moment for four years, working towards this speech and this moment of recognition, and now it's finally here and Caroline wants to sleep. Her body isn't tired, but her mind is. Emotionally spent over Bonnie and Klaus and Elena and Stefan and Matt and every. fucking. person.
"'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…'" Caroline starts, putting on her happy graduation speech act because she is the Queen of Faking It. She waits for the chuckle of recognition as a few people in the crowd get her joke, before she laughs.
"Obviously I am not Charles Dickens and I didn't write A Tale of Two Cities, but the quote fits. These past four years have been both the best…and the worst. Things haven't always been easy. In fact, I know personally, things have sometimes been really, really hard." She catches the eye of Elena, who is finally showing some type of emotional, and Stefan, who smiles encouragingly; even though she's sure this isn't the most impressive graduation speech he's sat through.
"High school is supposed to be a time of growth and exploration. Not as much as college, obviously, but still. We're expected to grow into almost adults and figure out what we want to do and where we want to go to college and who we want to be. We spend four years of continuous ups and downs. From fighting with our friends to loving them endlessly, from pulling all-nighters studying for calculus tests to unwinding on the weekends in the woods, from needing our parents to not wanting them around - it's like emotional whiplash. We experience the ups - Miss Mystic Falls, countless decade dances, Friday night football games, and we experience the downs - bad break ups, loosing people we love, feeling alone in a sea of people. We spend four years experiencing every emotion possible and we're supposed to use this time to figure out who we are and who we eventually want to be. Sometime between doing vocab flashcards and figuring out which friends aren't going to stab us in the back, we're supposed to becoming Decision Making Machines and figure out who we are. We get four years to figure out the rest of our lives."
She can feel him. Maybe she's hallucinating or maybe this is just proof of how fucked up this thing between them is, but she can feel his presence. Seriously, it's like the air around her shifts and her eyes zoom to him instantly, standing next to Elijah. He's wearing a suit and he's staring at her and suddenly Caroline can't breathe, but she hasn't spent months agonizing over this speech just to mess it up over some stupid boy. (Okay, so he's not a boy. At all. He's not even a technically a man, but she needs to belittle him to make herself feel better, alright?)
"Honestly, I say screw that." She pauses for laughs. "Some of us are adults and some of us aren't, but none of us are ready to figure out the rest of our lives. We shouldn't have to. Sometimes…sometimes confusion is good. We're young and sometimes we think we're invincible, but this is the time to be reckless. Experiment and make questionable decisions and live in the moment. We have the rest of our lives to figure out who we want to be and what we want to do, so right now, stop planning. Seriously. I know that sounds crazy coming from me, Caroline Forbes, super crazy, super controlling psycho girl, but if I can follow my own advice, you can too. Do something crazy and reckless and enjoy being young. Take a basket-weaving class or follow a weird band across the county. Do things that you've dreamed of—," she is making a decision as she talks, because she can see him there, his hands tucked into the pocket of his neatly pressed trousers, and all she can think about is how this speech, this speech that she spent hours agonizing over and never got quite perfect, is making her decision for her. She needs to follow her own advice.
"—like skydiving or climbing a mountain or running a marathon or going to New Orleans. We've spent four years trying to figure out who we are and I'm telling you right now, it's okay if you don't know. Just enjoy the time that you've spent here and go live your life. Be bold and tell the truth and also sometimes lie and change the world. You're alive. Thank you."
Caroline bows her head in thanks and sends one more dazzling smile out to the crowd. She is walking back to her seat and she can feel her legs shaking, Matt looks somehow mad and Stefan looks surprised and Rebekah looks appalled.
The next hour is a blur of names and shaking hand pictures and she is growing antsy by the second, because oh my God, she just put herself on the line and what if he doesn't want her anymore? Voicemails are one thing but maybe he just did it because he thought that she would never actually go through with it?
Suddenly they are finished, the last 'Zarate' is shaking hands with the principal and walking back to his seat and someone is saying goodbye and they are throwing their caps up in the air and it's over.
Caroline Forbes has just graduated high school.
It takes him six minutes. She's counting in her head as she stands, smiles, poses for pictures with people she doesn't really remember having in class and smiling and thank you when they compliment her speech and her accomplishments. She keeps trying to make her way through the crowd, to Elena and Stefan, but she keeps getting stopped until the person sliding up next to her isn't another teenager with a camera and a teary smile.
"Caroline," his drawls her name out and she shivers, remembering Silas and the whisper in her ear and okay, yeah, the seconds after that were awful but Klaus's lips against her ear still almost bring her down, even if they were his lips that weren't really his lips.
Her head whips around and all of the sudden Klaus is there, standing too close to her in the middle of a bunch of teenagers and it's almost ridiculous.
"Klaus," she breathes. "You came."
"I did," he agrees. "Rebekah would've thrown a fit if I didn't."
She tried to stop the feeling of her stomach dropping, but she ignores it as she forces out another smile. "Another Rebekah Tantrum of the year, for sure."
"Of course," he continues, and he's stepping closer to her and the sunlight is reflecting on his cheekbones and she doesn't want to be out in the open like this, because when he says things in that voice it makes her feel vulnerable. "There's also the added bonus of seeing how lovely you manage to make a graduation gown look."
Caroline tries to laugh. "No one looks good in cheap polyester, but thanks." She attempts to joke, but her heart isn't in it.
"I quite liked your speech," he continues, and the casualness, the nonchalance he uses when broaching the subject that has kept her on edge for the past hour is astounding.
"Thanks," Caroline says. "I…um, spent a while writing it."
"Sound advice that you gave. Be adventurous, live a little, enjoy your youth. Not everyone will stay young forever."
"Yup."
Things are getting more awkward by the moment and Caroline is starting to sweat, her hands clamming up. She can see Stefan, yards away staring at them and Rebekah standing next to Matt, trying to distract him from the fact that his mom never showed up, and Caroline is feeling anxious and reckless at the same time.
She is not a hypocrite.
She needs to follow her own advice.
"Caroline—,"
She is not a hypocrite.
The worst thing that happens is that he rejects her publicly and she feels enough shame for the entire town of Mystic Falls and then she knows and that's it.
She is not a hypocrite.
"—sweetheart, I've been—,"
If she doesn't, she is going to regret this.
She is not a hypocrite.
His mouth is forming another word and she launches herself at him, her hands grabbing at his neck and her mouth fitting against his, lips pressing fiercely together and oh my god, oh my god, oh my god it is like fireworks and movie scenes and the smell of summer and joy and her entire body seems to sigh contentedly as Klaus takes no time in reacting, his hands shaping around her neck and her waist and pulling her body flush against his. His lips are soft but firm and his mouth is hot and warm and welcoming and his tongue is teasing her, spelling out his name along her tongue in a sign of ownership and Caroline has stopped breathing, her body running on reserve power as she kisses him, because this is it, this is her proof, and it is the greatest thing she thinks she has ever felt.
She is not a hypocrite.
—-
This entire thing was inspired by that silly little clip of a blonde kissing a boy and yes, I know, it's a Mabekah kiss but I just had the idea in my head of Caroline finally taking the plunge and kissing Klaus. Also, this is my version of graduation and I can dream about it because my graduation is in like, 21 days (!) so I have all the feels.
It is very late and I have a very large test tomorrow, so sadly this is not proofread, so excuse the errors and I will deal with this tomorrow. Sorry for the semi-hiatus with the drabbles and the request, but apparently this thing called senior year is time consuming and stressful and awful? Enjoy!