that pink haired conundrum
Non-massacre!/OOC!slightSherlock-y!Sakura/slight!O OC Sasuke/slight!AU due to modern attributes added in the Ninja World/some OCs: Because if these lunatic S class missing ninjas do not stop asking out his beautiful, nutty, supermodel teammate every opportunity, Sasuke Uchiha swears he will marry Sakura Haruno himself and be done with it all.
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"I HOPE you're not going to see that Aomame girl from Grass again. She's got three ANBU level husbands six feet under and not a scratch on her fingernails."
Sasuke 'Hn's and balefully glares at his teammate languidly splayed about the sofa. Her eyes are glued to The Asian Food Channel (featuring Jamie Stewart), one hand flipping through a novel and the other stuck in the cookie bag.
"I won't ask how or why you know that." is all he answers, taking his Jounin jacket and his cell phone, making sure she hasn't bugged it again. "And I'm not seeing our ex-client's daughter. Besides all her husbands died from natural causes." He knows she knows it's due to some Uchiha-village clan matter that she knows about but doesn't care to mention.Sakura shrugs.
"Good luck, old mum." she eats a dark chocolate chip macadamia cookie disinterestedly, frown briefly marring her pretty face at the next cooking show. "I've seen this already." Sighing, her thumb punches in a few numbers. The channel blacks out for a moment before displaying a mouse being used as fish bait by a cat.
"Ha ha! I've always liked Tom and Jerry."
Sasuke sighs. He shuts the door outside of his apartment
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What am I going to do with her?
HE ASKS Naruto this question one time (exasperated, ego miffed) when they were still Genin, taking into consideration the fact that he and the rosette were and still are best friends since they were 4. Because if Ino and Naruto of all people got along with her so well, why couldn't he?
Naruto looked amused, he'd gritted his teeth. "You have to let her get used to you." the blonde advised.
(to an Uchiha! of all people... "You were so clueless, teme!")
"She's like..." the blonde thought about it. "Like a tree."
The onyx eyed boy stared blankly.
The jinchuuriki decided that if he was going to explain the dynamics of Sakura Haruno to Sasuke Uchiha, then it would be more beneficial to do it over beef and miso ramen.
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SAKURA IS like a tree. Resilient, nurturing, giving, unfaltering, strong. Her branches are lofty and vast, the leaves and flowers a lovely crown. Her roots hold protectively all she treasure, and are unmoving. If he wanted to ingratiate himself with his new brilliant, gorgeous (it's all on his horrible, mutated hormones) sociopathic teammate, it would apparently, according to Naruto, take some time for the roots to get used to him.
The tree has its own agenda. The tree is a homebody that loves its friends and family, will protect them till its last CO2 intake and stays still to avoid trouble. Yada, yada, yada.
Well, that explains why the girl was such a closet tree hugger. Probably smoked pot and the crack damaged her brain permanently.
To her credit, she is brilliant. Absolutely f*ck*ng brilliant, the word 'prodigy' didn't deserve to describe her. She preferred 'evil genius' but she was far from evil and she even impressed his father and mother and Itachi, of all people.
A young girl coming from the civilian sector with down-to-earth, ordinary civilian parents, somehow, at the age of 5 perfects every single intellectual test that's been given to her, only to find out that she was the Slug Sannin's niece and a freaking Einstein. Fugaku was all preachy at innocent 5 year old Sasuke.
Wonderful childhood he had.
But Sakura is actually kind of socially awkward, and bashful in a cute way, and really compassionately sweet beneath her bizarre character. She wasn't judgmental about Naruto and is up to now extremely fierce (a mother bear) to anyone that so much as looks at him wrong (save for their close friends who are used to the blonde's idiocy), rather treating him as a cute little brother, and she didn't fawn over Sasuke, which he thanked God for.
The pink haired medic is their best friend; for all her lectures on ratiocination and 'seeing and observing', she blacks out when it comes to her loved ones. Sakura is pretty illogical when she blacks out. Her inhuman strength nearly broke Orochimaru's neck and had given the Shukaku and Kyuubi a f*cking migraine.
However, one thing, just one, sometimes makes him regret the day they got stuck on the same team.
It has nothing to do with her preternatural experiments that oftentimes ends with such demolition and aplomb as to make Naruto and Sasuke offer their apartments for her to bunk in.
Certainly not with her unusual penchant for staying up at odd hours of the night reading Fanfiction that overheated the internet server,
Indubitably not all her bloody books (rows and vast mountains of them she should be a freaking librarian) that she acts like a complete Smaug over his gold (great, making him use Hobbit references) and that her things, clothes, books already make up more than half of the things inside both his and Naruto's dwellings.
or the fact that no matter how innovative her poisons, antidotes, serums etc. her cooking skills were so elaborate she breathed life into them.
And unquestionably has no part with her infuriatingly eccentric OCD behavior, and the nearly telepathic deductions (bordering on blatantly rude, on some occasions) she makes that solves many a case and makes her not only the best medic in all of the Five Nations, but the clever detective with the pink hair.
Sasuke Uchiha knows why. And God better help him, God better help them all.
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'EXPECT THE unexpected his ass. This was getting ridiculously life-threateningly unreal.'
Sasuke swears, pumping chakra in his soles to move faster. The leaves and scenery move by in a mesh of green and brown blurs and the speed makes the wind sting his cheeks. Nonetheless he heads on. Their team is composed of him, Naruto, Kiba, Ino, Shino, Chouji and Hinata.
The mission is an emergency. Asuma's team (minus Ino and Chouji, adding Izumo and Kotetsu and Shikamaru) got in the bounty submission rendezvous exactly the same time as two extremely formidable Akatsuki named Kakuzu and Hidan. Three guesses who was team medic.
Sakura.
"God, why the heck does Sakura keep getting into trouble with or without us?" Naruto voices the rest of Konoha 12's frustration. Yes, Sakura, why the heck do you keep on bumping into homicidal S class missing nin?
First time was against one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist Momochi Zabuza and Haku, two very formidable missing nin who nearly got them all killed
(the fact that they survived their injuries and that Sakura played the diplomat/best friend in getting them safely eased in a wary Mizugakure was out of the question)
Second time was Orochimaru. No surprise, because he was after Sasuke's body. Sakura made a pretzel/bagel out of his snaky tongue.
Third time were Sound minions and fighting the f*ck*ng Shukaku out of a psychopathic Gaara. That involved the entire Konoha village and only then did the Sandaime call it quits (barely surviving the match against Public Enemy Number One and practically shoving the Hokage hat to a nonplussed Tsunade.)
Fourth time was Kisame and some weird ass named Tobi, who were after the Nine Tails in Naruto. This time, both he and the rosette did their very best to stall them until his brother Itachi and Naruto's sensei Jiraiya came to save their asses.
Fifth time was serious. It was Akasuna no Sasori and Iwa no Deidara. They attempted to kidnap Gaara but failed because Sakura rationalized that fighting with fake Akatsuki copies of Kisame and some guy named Zetsu was a form of stalling, and that she already deduced the location of the opponent's HQ, and that they clearly were not done sucking the life out of their favorite insomniac Kazekage.
...That was admittedly creepy because as soon as she used chemistry to f*ck with Sasori's puppet wood and poison and puppet wires with Granny Chiyo, the asshole told her he'd make her his first living puppet and called her true art, said it was exciting to own the Detective Medic Genius. Chiyo-obaa-san was used to it, and Sakura was Ms. I'm-too-Intelligent-to-Pay-Attention-to Flirts-When-She-Sees-Them, but the creepiness level was on par with the Snake Bastard's lust for Uchiha bodies.
(Eww.)
Pinocchio even tried to feel her up with his 1000 puppet arms! Naruto had growled.
Then Play-doh terrorist winked at her and asked her out on that same time, and both Akatsuki had played 'Death Glare Fest' over who got the Pink-Haired-Obviously-Going-to-Stay-a-Virgin-Medic .
And then the Sixth time, was Kisame blatantly waggling his gills at her and boasting about the size of his f*ck*ng sword once the fake copies were beaten by Gai's team.
What disturbed the Konoha 12 and their senseis, particularly Team 7, was that all these opponents were all missing nin. S class missing nin. And all of them were male and very much smitten with Sakura Haruno. And that she didn't take this seriously!
'Relax. They just want to rile you up, you're all so easy. And setting aside their vagabond statuses, why would they want to go after boring nerdy old me, the Tree-Hugger?' because she was extremely beautiful and oblivious about it.
Which eventually prompted even her shishou Tsunade get her male chaperones in every single mission.
It was mandatory and unspoken etiquette already that if Sasuke and Naruto were (seldom) unavailable, the rosette COULD NEVER go solo. (and the Seventh incident had something to do with some cannibalistic plant Akatsuki that thought she was pretty and tried to meld her with him in his freaky Venus Flytrap back to HQ. This was on her first and last solo mission.)
It wasn't that Sakura was incompetent. No, she was more than that, she was bloody insanely terrifying and powerful with her monstrous strength, nuclear temper, vast intellect and observation and medical prowess. But their hopes in it turning potential suitors off instead did the polar opposite, shattering all hopes of preventing their paranoia concerning her welfare (not like the paranoia ever went away since they became buddies)
(and for all her sharp reasoning and tactics, the girl couldn't see an innuendo even if it smacked her in the face. She'd probably smack back petulantly, like the child she is.)
Which was why they were all more anxious about that than any of Asuma's team being killed. Sakura would prevent that in the most imaginative of ways.
"If Kakashi sensei were here now, he'd be all serious and intimidating and sh*t." the blonde remarks. Kiba snorts.
"Not like you two wouldn't either."
"Beat it, Dog-face!"
"Shut up, both of you!" Ino snaps. "This is serious!"
The Uchiha sighs. Because if these lunatic S class missing ninjas do not stop asking out his beautiful, nutty, supermodel teammate every opportunity, Sasuke Uchiha swears he will marry Sakura Haruno himself and be done with it all.
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"-EVER HAPPENS, don't let him ingest your blood!" Sakura shouts. Asuma's eyes widen before he nods in understanding and his eyes steel in a more calculated fashion.
The silver haired Jashin worshipper grins. "So you do know my religion! I'm glad that at least someone in that pansy-sh*t village of yours is on the road to salvation! Thinking of converting?"
"Shikamaru, if even one of you gets their blood taken, get him out of that diagram on the ground." she hisses quietly, ignoring Hidan. The Nara nods. "Understood, Sakura."
"Wait, what happens if he does get your blood?" Izumo asks, eyes trained on the Akatsuki.
The pink haired medic shakes her head. "It's a pagan ritual. I don't exactly know how it's possible, but the process is clear." her eyes narrow. "The Jashinist ingests the blood of their opponent, and their skin turns into a black and white skull motif. They become living voodoo dolls, and whatever injuries they acquire, so does the victim. This helps people like Hidan-san attain immortality."
Kotetsu pales. "He's immortal?"
"So long as he practices the pagan rituals daily. He's a masochist, that's what gets him high."
"You're very knowledgeable, kunoichi." rumbles Kakuzu, who was merely watching his partner fight against the Leaf. "Skilled enough to get a 30 million ryou bounty on your head."
She cracks a playful grin. "Only 30 million, and no picture? I've got to say, I'm a little insulted." stunning the Taki missing nin.
They all see the signs. Wide eyes, stunned expression, increased heart rate, then one more comment to test the waters.
"I could cut off your head right now, kunoichi, and make myself a richer man." his voice is husky, as if the bloody bone chilling comment is his version of a universally accepted, sh*tty pick up line to get hot chicks...
...Except Sakura is not some normal hot kunoichi, she is a damn erudite, laughably open-minded at the best and worst of times, and she is more than smoking hot, she is fit to be the cover of Shinobi Weekly and GQ and Vogue for goodness' sake!
(and they're hoping her brain will register the smarter path to just shut the heck up and not let her pride get in the way but deep down it's all hopeless)
Inwardly, Shikamaru Nara prays that her cherry colored lips will not part to ensnare this money grubbing asshole, and so does Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane and Asuma, who vaguely thinks that if this immortal fanatic wasn't going to kill him, Kakashi Hatake will, for dragging Sakura along just to attract more unsavory suitors.
"The name's Sakura, sweetheart." -Oh my God help us, she called him sweetheart- "And don't cut the head, bring the entire body with you, I don't like men who do things by halves."
There is a heavy, shell-shocked silence before Hidan bursts out in raucous laughter.
"Damn, Kakuzu, this bitch is fantastic!" he bursts out, clutching his sides and grinning. "Can we keep her?"
Kakuzu doesn't say anything. There may be a mask covering his face, but not the heavy flush on his dark skin. There are tentacles coming out of his freaking mask, Shikamaru thinks, and the situation is worse than before.
"Hidan, kill them all, except for Miss Sakura."
"Haha, Jashin-sama will be pleased with this fresh blood!" his scythe swings down on Asuma, who blocks it with his wind knuckle kunai, and Sakura throws smoke tags at the right time that the Sarutobi Jounin flips back to join them in safety.
Hidan is raring to go, but Kakuzu bars him with a stitched hand. They can feel the numerous chakra signatures running at a fast pace towards their direction.
"Back-up teams. This has taken too long. We leave now." he says, and the Jashinist reluctantly leaves with him. They thankfully do not recognize Naruto's chakra signature.
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SASUKE IS livid.
"-and you didn't tell us, me, about this mission?"
Sakura huffs, folding her arms. "The situation was under control. I wrote a monograph a few years back on the subject of unusual ninja pagan rituals -"
"That's what the harpoon and the dead pig were for!" Naruto interjected, making the rest of the Konoha 12 sweat drop and wonder what the f*ck she was doing harpooning a dead pig.
"-and I could anticipate what Hidan-san was going to do. Nobody died!"
"You could have died, or worse!" his voice is raising, but nobody dares to interrupt the two despite the fact that they are in Yakiniku Q and everyone is watching this debacle. "What will it take for your massive intellect to just tell me about it before leaving so that I do not burst the blood vessel worrying to death about you and die early!?"
"Then stop worrying!"
"How can I, when every single bloody mission you open your big mouth-"
"Bad idea..." muttered Tenten, idly playing with her fork and knife.
"My big mouth!?" the pinkette shrieks indignantly
"-and rope in homicidal S class ninjas who stalk you, or worse! Look at what that Play-doh freak sent you last year!"
"It was a bird, and I threw it!"
"It was a bomb, and he blew it! He was going to kidnap you with that little tag tacked underneath the beak!"
"Ugh! You are such a chauvinistic cockatoo!" their faces are getting closer, his Sharingan spinning angrily and her green orbs blazing.
"This is all your fault! Now chances for encountering Akatsuki are heightened only for Leaf ninjas! Do you realize what you've done?"
"Explain to me again how this all happens to be my fault! Me, me, me, I, I, I, I just pointed out to the tentacle dude that it's not nice to do things by halves!"
"By halves -!" the onyx eyed Uchiha pinched his nose. "You told him, what was it again, Shikamaru?"
The Nara was already trying to creep out the door, but cursed as he was involved in this. "um, sh*t... It was all a blur..."
"Shika, it's best to just come clean then make a run for it." hissed Ino quietly.
"... That he'd better just take the entire body... instead of cutting her head only..." he shut his eyes.
"There, is that what a self respecting, sane girl tells a mad, psychopathic Akatsuki?" Sasuke demands Sakura.
"You're not making any sense of this!" she snaps.
"You're not human!" the Uchiha retorts
"Agh! I HATE YOU SASUKE-TEME!" Sakura screeches, punching him with her nasty right hook and making Sasuke crash through the doors and out on the street. "DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!" she stomps off, killer rage practically engulfing the entire area.
Sasuke swears a couple of expletives, helped up by Naruto, shaking his head.
"That wasn't very good, was it?" the Uchiha wished he could just sleep.
It's going to be one of those days.
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IN THE hospital on the other side of Konoha, Kakashi suddenly freezes in his bed.
"I need to talk to Asuma." he says under his breath.
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"ASUMA." Kurenai pokes him. "Run."
The warning look in his girlfriend's eyes tells the cigarette loving Jounin everything he needs to know. The next moment he's off in a sprint, running the opposite direction of a mad paced Copy Ninja.
"Asuma, get back here!" Kakashi snarls.
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ITACHI looks up from his copy of Crime and Punishment.
"...Forgot to buy ice again?" he asks with a straight face. Sasuke manages a dark 'Hn' before grabbing an ice pack from the fridge and nursing his discolored jaw. The violent slamming of the door of the Uchiha compound is a signal of a bad day for his otouto.
It had been a surprise for his parents when the younger Uchiha had requested to live in his own apartment (away from family). Itachi had done it, Shisui had pulled it off, so it was inevitable that he would follow, but for entirely different purposes.
(especially when said apartment was just a block away from the jinchuuriki's and the medic's)
The eldest Uchiha knew that it would take a person with the physical handicaps of Helen Keller not to immediately notice the friction between his otouto and his teammate. She was of a handful who could delve beneath Sasuke's armor, and he was of a scarce few who accepted her in all her absurdities.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
"...Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart." he quotes, taking up his book and shaking his head. He'd wagered with Shisui that his little brother would be engaged to her by the end of the month.
And Itachi always won his wagers. He would not meddle with matter already well on their way to perfection.
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"I THINK it is your fate to continue your journey together." says Neji sagely. Sakura blinks.
"But-"
"Listen to Neji, Sakura!" Tenten pleads.
It's a freaking convention in her apartment. There is Neji (she questions her sanity as to why she even asked him for love advice) Tenten and Ino to restrain her, Chouji eating chips and Hinata twiddling her thumbs.
Shikamaru has miraculously vanished to Suna on a diplomatic meeting on the Godaime's command (he actually begs the amused Hokage for a long term mission away from Konoha or "Until that troublesome duo tie the knot and vent their tensions on each other, it's suicide to return!")
"I know... I acted like an ass to Sasuke." she mumbles, tearing up. "I don't know how to make up for this one. It's a catastrophe!"
Nobody contradicts her, putting her in a moodier disposition than before. Ino shakes her head, 'tsk-ing' all the way.
"Look, Forehead, pull yourself together! True this was one of your more... phreatic explosions... but haven't you two always made up? Just go to him!"
Sakura thinks for a while. "What do I say?"
"I-I think you should... s-say what you r-really feel." Hinata stutters, blushing as a certain obnoxious blonde comes to mind. Chouji nods.
"But don't make him anything-!" Ino slaps a hand over the Akimichi's mouth, and he pales.
Sakura looks slightly miffed. "I'm not that angry to poison him." she says off handedly. "Besides, you said so yourself, my pies kick ass!"
(Which means to say that her apple and blueberry pies literally grew arms and legs and kicked Kiba's ass. And a terrified Akamaru's.)
Everyone other than Sakura shudders.
"A-anyways!" Tenten breaks the ice. "He should be in his apartment right around now. Go confess your romantic feelings for him!" she shouts, pushing the rosette out the door and slamming it.
"I don't LIKE THAT POMPOUS TEME!-"
Slam!
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"I THINK you're a masochist." Naruto says.
Sasuke glares darkly at the Kyuubi container.
"I mean it." Naruto shakes his head, an expression akin to pity on his face. "Why else would you constantly worry over her and pick fights with her and let her use you as a punching bag?"
"Why else? Aren't you worried about her too?" Sasuke shoots back, ignoring that last comment.
"Of course I do!" he says quickly. "Why do you think I bugged her food, and I always follow her location on the GPS?"
The Uchiha blinks. Damnit, he should've done that instead, but their teammate has always been paranoid about Sasuke's cooking since the time it glowed in the dark. (Hypocrite, not like hers is any better, it moves! he thinks crabbily.)
It's a damn convention in Ichiraku Ramen. There's Naruto next to him, Kiba, Shino (who is secretly happy that he is remembered), Lee and his own sensei Kakashi. Sasuke (not for the first time) asks God cynically why whatever sins he'd committed in a past life decided to followed him here. Were they really that grievous?
(Probably.)
"Yosh! You must be a fountain of eloquent speech and sincere apologies, so that you may warm her heart once more and become friends again!" Lee propounds. Sasuke slams his head on the table just as the ramen is being served.
"Yeah, nice idea Lee, but I think Mr. Egotistic here wants to be more than friends~!" Kiba snickers. The taijutsu expert looks mortified while the Uchiha throws a chopstick straight at the dog keeper's eye.
"OW! Sh*t Sasuke, it's common knowledge!" Kiba swears, holding his sore eye.
"Next time it's going to be a flaming shuriken."
"I suggest poem reading to her." Shino speaks up, startling Naruto who shrieks shrilly, his already drained ramen bowl flying and holds on to a quickly migraine afflicted Sasuke. "When did you get here!?" the blonde demanded. The bug user suddenly turns gloomy.
"Never mind..."
"Apologize, Naruto-baka, and let him speak!" Sasuke snaps angrily, his patience snapped.
"OW! S-sorry, Shino!"
Shino brightens up (Sasuke surmised from the lack of gloomy aura, one really couldn't tell with those dark shades and ridiculous jacket in this sweltering heat).
"She is an avid reader, is she not? Try reading one of her favorite poems, and be earnest." the Aburame advises. "Then you may take her out to eat, and star gaze on top of the Hokage monument."
(What was it with other people giving advice to him, an Uchiha?
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He really needed it.)
Sasuke breathes a sigh of relief, the cog wheels turning. "Thank you, Shino." he says sincerely. From the corner of his eye he can see... no.
Itachi?
God forbid he should take love advice from his smug bastard of a brother! The onyx eyed teen dashes in the other direction, missing entirely what Itachi was carrying in his hands.
"Oi, Itachi-san, why are you carrying a bouquet?" Naruto asks. The prodigy shrugs and sets it gently on the counter.
I don't love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself.
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly, in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don't know any other way to love
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.
with all the love that I possess
Sasuke
It was written on the card attached to the bouquet of sunflowers, wrapped in a dark red ribbon. Everyone read it.
"Now that's romantic!" Naruto whistles. "Teme actually did that?"
"I only brought what my foolish little brother had forgotten." articulated Itachi Uchiha smoothly. Kakashi, who had only watched in amusement all this time, snorts.
"It jumped over his head." the Copy cat Ninja remarked drily, reading his little orange book.
"Shall I leave it here for one of you to bring to him? I feel as if my presence may exacerbate his spirits."
"I shall not fail in this undertaking, Itachi-san!" Lee declares, shoving Naruto and Kiba back on their seats.
His lips quirk. "You have my thanks." he said, before disappearing. This matter would be most interesting for his otouto, and most amusing for him, Itachi muses.
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SAKURA WAS not expecting this.
She had been watching BBC Sherlock Season 2 and fangirling over Benedict Cumberbatch who had just figured out Adler's password on the camera phone when the doorbell rang.
Cursing, she paused, munching on her milk chocolate macadamia cookies before standing to peep outside.
It was a bouquet of sunflowers, her favorite flower. A bouquet with Sonnet XVII (her favorite poem) of Pablo Neruda's written on the note card and Sasuke's signature. Sakura looked around suspiciously, then grabbed her scanner to scan for any potential traps, poisons etc. on the bouquet and in the vicinity.
Once it was approved, small dainty hands gingerly picked it up, and Sakura cradled it close to her body. She shut the door with her foot and placed the flowers in water, tucking the note in front.
Sasuke could be so sweet.
(She wasn't that suspicious - he did this before after she got sick fighting Orochimaru, and after every mission, and when her father Kizashi Haruno had gotten sick with Stage IV liver cancer, and when her one eyed, three legged pet crab died. It always had one of her favorite poems, and sunflowers.)
"Thank you Sasuke-kun."
But suddenly her door was being beaten, and Sakura in a forgiving mood, went to see who was at the door.
Sasuke himself.
She smiled sweetly and opened the door, prepared to thank him when he ruined the moment.
"You're annoying."
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IN THE trees, the whole of Konoha 12 (minus Shikamaru, safe in Suna), their senseis, the Godaime and Itachi all are perched on different parts of strong tree branches, shaking their heads when Sasuke is, for the second time today, punched senseless by an irked Sakura.
"Foolish little brother." Itachi sighs. "Undoing all our good work."
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"ARE YOU crazy!?" Sasuke shouted, nursing his injury. "This is the second time today!"
"You should have just stopped at the flowers and notes, teme!" she shouts back, furious. "You come here all the way just to tell me I'm annoying!? Now that's not what a self-respecting, sane person says to a normal girl!"
"You're not normal!" his mind is spinning from the hit to wonder when he sent her flowers.
"SAY IT AGAIN!" she screeches, loud enough for all the lights to light up and people sticking their heads out of the windows. "Say it again, Sasuke Uchiha!"
"I LOVE YOU!"
Then civilization freezes.
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THE AUDIENCE hidden in the leaves are also shocked.
"Way to go, baka." Ino says.
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SAKURA IS shocked.
"I love you." Sasuke breathes heavily, dark circles under his eyes. "I love you... you crazy harpy."
"D-don't ruin it." she murmurs, in a half daze. The younger Uchiha's hands are shaking, but his eyes are determined.
"Deceiver, did you hope to hide so harsh a crime, to leave this land of mine
Without a word? Can nothing hold you back -
neither your love, the hand you pledged, nor even
the cruel death that lies in wait for me?"
Sasuke says it with such emotion that Sakura is stricken by guilt for something she doesn't understand, and by shock that he actually just quoted The Aeneid of Virgil in front of her.
"That's what I feel whenever you desert me." he tells her quietly. "I feel like Dido pining for Aeneas when you withhold your plans from me, and I'm in the dark ."
"Y-you... you never complained about my methods before." she stammers, flushing.
"Perhaps, but then again, I've never been in love before until I met you." he retorts. Sakura is enraptured, and only then does she smile.
"So have I, you." the medic then tugs him to her and presses her lips to his in a chaste kiss. They are both blissfully ignorant of the cat calls and cheers from the neighbors around them, the passersby on the streets and the noise from the trees.
They are simply blissful.
"I love the sunflowers and the note you sent me with your signature, Sasuke-kun." she whispers. "And I love you."
"I love you too." the words are now so easy and deep when he says it to her, and he chooses not to ask about the bouquet, merely thanking Itachi mentally.
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They are married within a month, and Fugaku and Mikoto are ecstatic (though the latter hides it with his grunts of approval). Everyone is invited to the wedding, and Sasuke makes sure that the invitations are broadcasted all throughout the Five Nations.
There is absolutely no f*cking chance anyone else will make a pass at his Sakura again.
.
.
.
.
.
(The Akatsuki males mourn the loss of their only single known female associate.
Itachi gets paid by a grumbling Shisui.
Shikamaru returns, apparently married to a laid back Temari, worse off than when he first went. But he seems content, as Temari is the only one he doesn't call troublesome.
All is good.)