Always On My Mind
by Light Catastrophe
Rating: T
Warnings: TRYAN, slash
Disclaimer: I do not own Ryan or Troy or High School Musical, nor do I own the poem 'Remember'. I wish I did.
Author's babblings: Uh, this came to my mind after something(s) that have been happening to me lately. Yay for another one-shot Tryan from ME.
Dedication: to my ex-girlfriend, Emmie-chan, cause she's always on my mind.
Ha, I am a lesbian and I only write yaoi, not yuri. Weird.
Troy's notes
Ryan's notes
Ryan's point of view
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I clutched the note tightly in my hand, wondering if I would have the guts to give it to him. I still loved him, even after so many months apart.
It was kind of scary. I had never, ever felt this way before for anyone. We had been friends for a long time after I had finally been introduced to his friends: the Wildcats.
Then, after many months, I remember driving home with him after a night of partying with the group. A block away from his house, he turned to me with those bright blue eyes. At first, he stuttered and stopped and started over again many times. I was giggling the whole time. It was funny. For some reason, I knew what he was going to ask me. Finally, he asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend. I grinned and jumped into his arms, received my first ever kiss.
If someone were to ask me what went wrong, I couldn't really tell you because I have no idea. We just fell apart and then I left for a month for drama camp and he had completely changed. Chad had never really liked me much. Supposedly, he said that I was bad for Troy and that I would end up hurting him and that all of this was my fault.
So I drowned myself in working, completely ignoring them, not that it was hard; they were ignoring me, too.
Out of the blue, one night, he came to my door, looking a little lost, and asked if I would want to go on a walk. I can't refuse him. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much I know I shouldn't. He's like a drug.
So we talked. At first it was just about the unimportant things, but then it changed and we started talking about the things that really mattered. And he said he loved me, something he had never said while we were dating. And then we kissed, and held each other for minutes in the middle of the street at two o'clock in the morning. I thought things had changed. I thought maybe I had a chance.
But after that I didn't hear from him for the rest of summer and on the first day of school he completely ignored me, probably because of Chad.
Which brings me to the present, grasping a note in my hand. It didn't say much. Just a line from a brilliant poem.
Whatever happened to 'I love you'?
That's all I had put. At first, I decorated it and made it all fancy, but that wasn't me. So now it is just written neatly in pencil. Every time I saw him in the halls I swore I would give it to him and every time I saw him I ducked into the nearest classroom. Finally at lunch, I saw him. He saw me. He reached and grasped his hand, giving him the note and then walking away.
He tracked me down before lunch was over and slipped me a note.
What do you mean?
I don't know why, but I decided to keep using lines from that same poem. It conveyed everything I was feeling.
Do you remember how it used to be? How words were exchanged with no hard feelings? Remember when you cared?
It went on this way for the rest of the day. Even in the classes we had together we exchanged notes as well as in between class.
I DO care, Ryan.
And whatever happened to those late night phone calls? What about your loving words and calls?
I didn't believe him, that he really cared, but I dared to hope.
What are you going on about? Does that have anything to do with anything?
We were in English when he passed me this note. I almost cried. Did he really remember nothing? Depressed, I quickly wrote back to him.
Do you remember how it used to be?
I saw his shoulders slump when he read it and I thought I could almost hear him sigh.
Yes, Ryan. I told you I love you.
So whatever happened to 'I love you'?
I don't know.
Of course he didn't. I saw Chad glaring at us out of the corner of my eye. Chad. Troy had been completely brainwashed by him. Maybe not completely, I hoped.
Do you remember when I would cry, and you actually gave a damn? Remember when you would hold me tight?
When he gave me his reply, he walked up to my locker and wrapped me into a hug, putting the note in my sweatshirt pocket. Then, wordlessly, he walked away. A few tears slipped from my eyes. I wiped them away as I read the letter.
Those were the best times. I love holding you. I remember late nights walking in the park near your house, unable to keep my hands off of you. I remember how you feel against me. I remember your smile. I love you.
My next reply was to be my last. I didn't know what would happen after, but I had nothing more to write.
I remember your sweet kisses. I remember you, the real you, but do you?
I gave it to him before last period. He just nodded and walked away, clutching the note against his chest, Chad following not far behind.
All period I was fidgety. I was more scared than I had ever been in my entire life. What would happen after this? It would be the beginning or the end.
In the halls of crowded students rushing to get out of school, it was just him and I. I could only see him and he seemed pretty damn focused on me. We embraced. Life went on around us, but for us, time was paused. The moment could have lasted forever.
"I'm so sorry," he said at last. "Chad is my best friend, but I won't be spending the rest of my life with him. You are more important. Sorry I was blinded."
"… the rest of your life…?" I gasp.
"Yes," he smiles that smile I love so much. "I love you. You are always on my mind."
The End
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Babblings: I guess this is somewhat my autobiography, though I am not back together with the one I love.
Tell me what you think and please…
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