(A/N) Greetings! For those of you that don't know, this fic contains SPOILERS, so do not continue reading if it is your goal to avoid that type of thing. For the rest of you, this fic begins shortly after the 'breakup' between Solas and Lavellan. Also, I am not sure if the world of Thedas has violins, but for the sake of this story, let's say that they exist.
Disclaimer: I own nothing Dragon Age related! Anything that you recognize is not mine, including a few of the quotes that I have used in this story. They belong to Bioware.
Solas sat in the chair by his desk with his head in his hands. It was late, but his mind would not allow him to escape into the dreamworld. Instead, it forced him to replay the last conversation that he'd had with the inquisitor just a few hours prior.
"Solas, please, I need to know why." She pleaded, desperate for answers.
"I am sorry, Inquisitor," He watched her face crumple at the formal title he'd given her, which he had not used since the title had first been bestowed upon her. "But I fear that telling you would only make everything worse. I need you to harden your heart and to use that pain as a weapon against Corypheus for when we confront him."
The inquisitor hugged herself and nodded slowly, tendrils of her soft hair falling in front of her eyes in the process. No further words were spoken, she simply walked away, leaving him feeling cold.
The mage let out a shaky breath, he did not mean for any of this to hurt her… and he certainly did not mean to fall in love with her. He had been selfish and foolish to distract her from her duty, their mission was far too important for its downfall to be blamed on matters of the heart. In fact, that reason alone should have been enough to stop him from pursuing her, however, he was ashamed to admit that there was yet another reason. He was keeping something from her, the truth about who he was. He wanted to tell her, he truly did, but each time he thought that he might, a crippling fear overtook him, and so he kept his mouth closed. If the truth were spoken and he never again felt the warmth of her gaze, he would never be able to forgive himself.
Both in the fade and later on her balcony, he had set aside his worries, telling himself that he could be happy with her and deal with the consequences later. Later had to arrive eventually, but it came too soon for his liking. Damn it all. Why did it have to hurt like this? Why did it have to feel like every breath he took was sharper than the last?
A sudden chill swept through him, and he knew he was no longer alone. "What is it, Cole?"
"Ar lasa mala revas. You are so beautiful… But then you turned away. Why?"
The spirit's words cut the elf more deeply than he thought possible, but then, he knew that Cole was only trying to help. "I had no choice."
The spirit was silent for a moment, but he did not leave. He had more to say. "She is bare-faced, embarrassed, and she doesn't know. She thinks it's because of her."
"You cannot heal this, Cole. Please let it go." Solas begged, he did not need to relive those events.
But Cole continued, determined to fix this hurt. "She needs you, and you do not know it. She wears a mask for everyone else, but underneath she is scared. You give her strength."
A single tear trickled down the mage's cheek, but he said nothing.
"She would continue to love you, even if you told her the truth." The spirit stopped, seemingly unearthing new information. "But you fear her compassion more than her refusal, don't you? You don't believe that you deserve her forgiveness. You think that you deserve the pain, but it doesn't have to be that way. You deserve happiness."
"Stop this!" Solas whirled to face the spirit, but instead his burning eyes were met with nothing. Cole was gone. He instantly felt remorse for raising his voice at the spirit Compassion, but he couldn't bear to hear another word. He now stood alone, in the center of his room with his fists clenched and shaking with unbidden anguish. He needed to forget about this, he needed to sleep, he needed… he needed her. But he could not allow himself to-
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a smooth and melodious instrument that seemed to emanate from the very walls of Skyhold. Music. It was not unusual to hear music in the hold after dark, as there was a bard that often played in the tavern until late, but this song was different, and it did not appear to be coming from the tavern. The soft notes that echoed through the halls made his chest ache, and it made his skin yearn for the touch of another's. The song was filled with a sorrowful passion that he did not know music could posses, and he could not listen to it anymore. He ventured into the main hall and confronted a nearby guard. "You there. Where does the music come from?"
The guard eyed the elf with uncertainty. "It comes from the inquisitor's tower, messere, as per the usual at this time of night. The music seems to be sadder now though, I do hope that she is alright."
Solas frowned, mumbling a quick thank you to the guard. As per the usual? He must've subconsciously blamed any music that he had heard in the past on the tavern bard. The thought never crossed his mind that someone else could be producing it, why would it? Not many in Thedas knew the art of making music. He hesitated outside the door to the inquisitor's quarters, he wasn't sure that he could face her now, but it was ultimately his need for the music to cease pulling at the strings of his heart that led him to open the door.
The music grew louder as he ascended the stairs, and despite the hurt it provoked, the song was truly beautiful. He reached the top of the stairs, and the sight before him stopped the breath that was to escape his lungs. Candles flickered and swayed with the wind that passed through the open balcony doors, giving the room just the right amount of light. And his vhenan stood in the center of the room facing away from him, holding in her hand an instrument that slightly resembled a lute, only instead of plucking the strings, she slid a bow across them. He recognized this instrument as a violin, he had seen a few humans with them throughout his travels, but he was unaware that the Dalish also made use of them. Or maybe it was just her.
He suddenly couldn't bring himself to interrupt her song, and he found himself stepping further into the room, so that he could see her face. Her eyes were closed as she played, but her cheeks were wet. A wave of guilt struck him like one of Dorian's lightning spells. The guilt weighed on him, nearly choking him. He was on the verge of leaving, but then something the spirit said came back to him.
"But you fear her compassion more than her refusal, don't you? You don't believe that you deserve her forgiveness."
Those words gave him pause. Cole was right about him, as he was rarely wrong. But how could he forgive himself after years of self-loathing?
The music ended, and a startled gasp followed its absence. "Solas? I… I didn't know you were here."
"I know, and I'm sorry for intruding, but I did not have the courage to stop you." He cursed his voice for wavering, it was unlike him.
She cast her gaze towards the floor before speaking softly. "Why are you here?"
Solas did not have an answer at first. His soul cried out for her and his very being ached for her. He needed her and he loved her, but was that enough?
"She needs you, and you do not know it. She wears a mask for everyone else, but underneath she is scared. You give her strength."
Yes.
Yes, it was enough. He knew that she would be hurt at first, when he revealed to her the truth about him, but he could see now that it would hurt her far greater for him to walk away. She needed him as much as he needed her.
"Solas?" She asked again.
He closed the distance between the two of them and wiped her tears away before gently lifting her chin so that he may see her eyes. "I came to beg for your forgiveness, vhenan. I've been a fool." Her eyes widened. "I… words cannot describe how sorry I am for hurting you, but I was afraid. I still am, and that fear sometimes paralyzes me until I cannot think for myself. But I… I cannot deny my feelings for you. They're more real to me than my fear." His hand began to tremble against her cheek, until the warmth of her smaller hand rested atop his. "Vhenan, I am so s-"
Her lips crashed against his and her arms wound around his neck, taking the mage by surprise. He sighed into the kiss and surrendered himself to her, wrapping his arms around her waist with a newfound determination to never let her go. Their lips molded together and his tongue tasted hers. The kiss was hungry, but it was filled with compassion. Eventually though, they had to catch their breath and the impassioned kiss turned into something slower and more vulnerable. It left him feeling light headed.
She pulled away slightly, peering into his eyes. "Will you stay with me tonight?" She whispered.
"I will stay with you for as long as you'll have me, vhenan."
And he meant it.
(A/N) For any of you who are curious, the song that I pictured Lavellan playing was Lindsey Stirling's rendition of River Flows In You. Anyway, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.