It seems, that no matter what I do, I will always be far behind. No matter how much time I sacrifice for perfection, no matter how hard I work myself, I cannot catch up to him. I cannot fly to my dreams like he has; I cannot embrace my passion like he does. No matter what I will do, I will always be the butterfly, and he will be the moon...

-

-

the butterfly and the moon
the moon is so very far away...

chapitre un. ripped

disclaimer: don't own Naruto.

-

-

I opened my eyes when my trained ears picked up the tiniest sounds, my head throbbing with pain as I struggled to remember what had happened. All that I could remember was pain, and my dull, shameless scream when that pain seared all over my body, through my skin, bringing fire all over my veins. I kept my groans of pain, knowing that the one scream that erupted from my skin was shameful enough. When I tried to move, to sit up and figure out where I was, more pain erupted through my body, and instantly I gave up. Warm liquid began to flow all over me, beginning to drip across my skin and drip onto whatever I was rested upon. I was too tired to fight, too tired to bring pride and glory back to my one name.

I had shamed myself enough. I had shamed my team enough. I had shamed him enough, and this was the worst of all.

As I struggled to make him proud of me, to make him acknowledge my usefulness, here I am, hindering his success, and my team's success. No matter how hard I trained, no matter how strong I became, no matter how powerful my willpower grew. I would always be millions of steps behind them, behind him. I cared for them too much to let my disadvantages, my weakness, hinder them. I can find no other uses to my life, all of my days spent to make myself worth something to this cruel, selfish world.

I would always be millions of steps behind. I would always, always be the shamed, useless member of Team Gai. I would always be Tenten; in all my entity, in all my shame and love and despair, Tenten is who I am, and I could never, ever change that.

Who I am is the person who is millions of steps from the people she loves the most. Millions, billions of steps from the man that I so desperately love and care for. I can never be enough. I will always be the ambitious butterfly, yearning for the Moon that does not want me.

I am too far away.

So very, very, far away.

"Is she going to be alright?"

I heard their whispers. My eyes darted across my surroundings, finally registering that I was in a hospital room; my despair had overtaken my senses, and only now was I able to form my new resolve. I was in a hospital. A hospital.

"She was injured – badly. I took a look at her muscles, and all of them were washed out. She overworked herself, and I think this is her body's way of making her pay for its mistreatment."

"That's not what I asked for."

There was silence, and I took the time to register the voices. The first voice – the one who had asked if I was going to make it through – was my teammate, Hyuuga Neji. The concern in his voice scared me, made my heart beat faster. Yet I knew that concern was only for his good, to serve his family well and to redeem himself. I was just a tool to him, an aid and nothing more. And this knowledge hurt me. My eyes began to flutter closed when my heart pounded painfully against my chest, my inner conscious too tired from pain and fatigue to help me bear with heartbreak. So, instead, I focused on the second voice, the doctor. I knew without thinking that it was Haruno Sakura; her kind voice made sure of that. I almost felt sorry for her to have to deal with a raging Neji; I knew he would never accept the fact that his tool was careless and ruined his mission.

"She'll be alright. I've closed all her wounds, but there's no doubt they're going to open; actually, I wouldn't be surprised if they were covered in blood by the time I open this door, since she's probably awake. But..."

Her voice trailed off, my breath hitching.

"But what?" He gruffly asked.

I allowed a painful, tiny smile to cross my lips. Of course. I would always be a tool. Always.

"She won't be able to train for a very, very long time. I, as her doctor and her friend, won't allow her to overwork herself training or go on missions until I'm sure she's completely healed. Don't take this the wrong way, Neji, but – "

I frowned. She wasn't going to give me away, was she?

" – I think you owe her an apology."

"For what?"

I could sense the incredulous look on his eyes, his lips pursed into a tight, rigid line, as veins began to pulse from his forehead, the foreboding sign of his succumbing to the Byakugan. There was silence, and I was dearly hoping that Sakura would not give me away. She couldn't; she was my friend, and friends didn't give each other away.

"You've overworked her. I don't understand how you weren't able to tell how stressed and fatigued her body was; even a kunoichi like her needs to rest her body once in a while. And," Her voice started to rise, and I could sense her fragile, delicate hands form a fist, "I'd bet anything in the world she was up in the air, something hit her, and she fell. She wouldn't have been in such a horrible condition had you the courtesy to catch her."

He didn't catch me? All I could remember was preparing to launch another volley of missiles downward, until I felt something pierce right through me – millions of sharp things pierce right through me. I remembered screaming, and everything fell black after my scream. My consciousness was gone before my brain could register immense pain.

"You think it's my fault she was overworked?"

I felt his voice falter now. Was it anger, or guilt?

"Yes. Have you ever listened to her speak? She's fond of you; she looks up to you. She trains harder than you do so you can accept her."

"Those feelings are not in my control."

More pain throbbed in my chest.

"No, but they're yours. She's your teammate, Hyuuga, your teammate! Your family! Your support, your pillar, your best friend."

Tears began to form at my eyes. It was rare to hear Sakura's voice crack in such a way, and I knew that she was nearly to the point of tears. Haruno Sakura was always sensitive to others, especially her friends and patients, even with her monstrous temper and inhuman strength. Yet she never let this sensitivity hinder her strength; she was just like me – acting strong to stay strong for the people she cared most for. But then again, the man she loved would have caught her, had she been pummeling at high speeds from hundreds of feet in the air; that much I knew.

"No, Haruno. Only my teammate."

I clutched my head in both my hands. It wasn't in my character to cry, but I felt the salty tears brim at my eyes. They were pooling, ready to spill. But I couldn't help it; my heart hurt too much. I knew I was only a tool, and nothing more. Now, I was only hindering his precious time. As twisted as it sounds, I wanted him to reach his goals and dreams; that was love, wasn't it? Sacrificing something of yours to see the one you love happy and able to live their life the way they wanted to.

My heart seemed to stab around my ribcage, seeking a way out. Maybe it wanted out of this stupid body with stupid feelings for a stupid man. Maybe...

"That would – "

"Sakura."

I was surprised when a third voice came in, and already I could feel the tenseness in the air. It was Uchiha Sasuke, his distinctive, alluring, baritone voice was impossible to mistake. I wondered how Neji's face would look; perhaps his pallid eyes were narrowed, his brow furrowed? It was in Neji's nature to do that, especially around Sasuke. They were rivals, after all.

"What, Uchiha?" Neji sneered.

I sort of hated it when he spoke like that. It made him seem more like the bastard than he already was. Always putting things in motion for himself, so he could live his perfect life at the expense of taking from other's lives – like me.

"I wouldn't waste your breath," Sasuke said, completely ignoring Neji's question.

I was surprised. Sasuke's ignorance was sure to have Neji miffed.

"Hn, Hyuuga," Sasuke continued, and I could feel the tenseness rising between them, "Even I would have saved my teammate. No doubt that Lee would have caught her. Scared to get too close?"

There was silence. I could almost feel Sakura's fists clenching and unclenching, and for once I was scared of her inhuman strength. If she lost her temper here, the hospital could collapse. Neji was silent, most likely contemplating his best move, before his harsh voice broke through the atmosphere.

"There's nothing to be scared of. I would never be so stupid to let her become dear to me. She is only a teammate, and I have other things to worry about than populating Konoha."

At this, Sasuke actually scoffed, and I felt Neji's temper flare, even through the thick, hospital walls. Before I could process why I was doing what I was doing, I tightly held my head in my hands – my scalp pleading at me to stop ripping away my hairs – and I closed my eyes. Tears brimmed at my eyes, but this time I let them roll down my cheeks, for once completely shameless about my show of utter weakness. I felt a shuffling from outside, and my door quickly open.

I let out a scream – more like a cry of agony – and fell onto my pillow, my head down as I continued to clutch my head, as if I were going insane.

"Tenten? Tenten?"

Sakura's voice continued to fade through the darkness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

No matter how hard I tried, the Butterfly will never reach the Moon. Never. Never.

-

-

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that," Sakura muttered.

I still could not see. I could feel no power, no strength, within my body, to even lift my eyelids. Nor did I want to awake from this odd place, where I was thrown into the middle of life and slumber. It was surreal, and I knew that nothing could reach me, could hurt me here, because I knew he would never speak to me; it would be shameful to him, and my acceptance of that nearly amounted to the same pain as if I continued to hope that there was a kind soul within him.

"I don't know what I should do now, Tenten. I can't make you wake up. I'm sorry; that was careless of me. I should have known you would have heard."

I felt a tiny smile play on my lips. Of course Sakura would be guilty over nothing. Though it was true I wish that conversation had never taken place, so reality would remain shoved into the depths of my heart where I would not see it, I was glad that my illusions of hope were now diminished. It would be so pointless to carry on my life, hanging onto that tiny, nearly nonexistent sliver; and now, I knew the days of trying to reach him were over. My sliver of hope had vanished like thin air, leaving no traces for me to find, with his dreadful, cold words.

"I'm glad you're somewhat conscious. It's nice to see you smile."

I felt my smile grow wider. It was almost as if I were in a coma, as if my brain had registered too much pain for it to bear, and it had knocked me out to recover and regenerate itself.

"You know, we're sort of the same. Striving to make the people we hold very dear proud of us. For me, it's almost like Sasuke's the sun, and I'm like the rain. He flares, yet I diminish him if my water touches his ambitious flame. The sun and the rain – " She began, but she instantly stopped, and I felt her body tense, hearing her muttering curses beneath her breaths.

" – are still beautiful together, even though they don't belong."

I inwardly laughed this time. Even without being able to see Sakura's reaction, I was positive her cheeks were ten shades of red, her head held in her hands, trying to shield her embarrassment. I would have been embarrassed if I was in love with him, too; it wasn't everyday that the ice around his heart melted, therefore it was utterly rare and surprising when it did. But then again, I thought, my cheeks would still be ten shades of red, regardless of the man's personality; it was quite a cute thing to say, and the fact that it was out of his character was even cuter. No, I instantly corrected, it made the moment rather beautiful.

"Is she okay?" He muttered.

"She can hear us."

I sensed his curt nod, and I assumed he resumed his place by the wall, arms crossed against his chest, as he patiently waited for his teammate – would it be out of place for me to say "lover"? – to finish her duties.

"Since when were you Mr. Romantic?" She teased, a large grin forming on her rosy lips.

I heard his grunt, and her quiet, disapproving giggles. An odd couple, I realized, yet a couple that belonged.

"I feel sorry for her," She whispered, taking my hand in hers, gently squeezing my fingers. "How she can love someone so cold."

"Speak for yourself," the Uchiha mused. "You loathed me when I returned."

"But you changed, and that's what counts, Sasuke."

There was silence.

"Yes," he finally said, mulling over the answer. "Yet, Hyuuga isn't one for change. I've only changed around you. You make me speak more than I can handle. Like now."

Sakura laughed, gently squeezing my hand once more.

"You're not bothered, and I'm not bothered. I'm not forcing you to speak to me, and you know it wouldn't matter whether or not you did."

Allowing only a 'hn' to escape his lips, silence once again encompassed me.

This silence felt like it belonged to me. Became a part of me. Perhaps it symbolized the emptiness of my heart? Or perhaps it symbolized the answers to my pleas and love – nothing. Just silence. Could silence now be considered a part of me?

"You have to wake up, Tenten," She whispered, nervously squeezing my hand as a concerned friend would. "There are people waiting for you, worried sick. I won't let anyone see you, only because you're so ravaged and torn."

I could hear nothing, only anxiously waiting for her to continue.

"Your wings have been ripped away from you, yet you can grow them back, Tenten."

At this, I slowly opened my eyes, tears already brimming as I struggled to remain calm. I, Tenten, was always strong; I was the tomboy, and never once did she show such a weakness.

"But the butterfly will never reach the moon," I coarsely said.

She offered a weak smile, using her thumb to gently wipe away my loose tears.

"Has the butterfly tried?" She whispered.

"Yes. Everything it could. And now look what's happened; it lost its wings."

The higher you go, the harder you fall.

"Does the moon disappear?"

"...Yes?"

She laughed, a brilliant smile gracing her lips.

"And it comes back. Every single night. It is out there, unseen, during the day. Yet it is still watching, waiting for its turn to overtake us. And when it does overtake us, it's quite beautiful."

I scoffed.

"Beautiful? I'm a butterfly with blood dripping from her wings, with tears and rips all over her beautiful worth."

At this, Sakura smiled. For a few moments, time seem suspended as her beautiful smile echoed through my darkness; I was so mesmerized by her modesty and kindness that I hadn't realized Sasuke moved from his place against the wall to gently place his large, calloused hand in Sakura's.

"No, Tenten. You are every bit beautiful."

"Am I?"

My eyes narrowed, and at this moment, I couldn't care less that I was being a stupid, selfish, friend. I couldn't believe her words of comfort, because I have lost hope in my friends, in my teammates. Today proved that. I can't be a tool anymore; my strength, willpower, and hope completely diminished, with no ounce of leftovers. The Butterfly's wings are completely dismembered, nearly unable to lift herself off the ground to try her journey once more. The Moon was just too far away. So very far away...

-

-

-

-

tbc

-

-

-

-

A/N: I totally apologize for a new fanfic, but this idea just popped into my head, so I was wondering what you all thought about it.School's almost over, so I'm finally going to find time to update all my fanfics! Yayyy!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. (: