Disklamer: I may be a Gundam pilot, but I don´t own it.
A/N: Lots of Relena bashing, no fic for Relena lovers.
Relena the Bitch
It was late at night when Relena Dorlian walked into her mansion. She had just gotten back from her trip to Colony XR77, a new colony that was being inspected for livable standards. Now, finally back, Relena was happy to be home.
Upon walking in the door, Relena dropped her bag at the sight she saw. Standing with his back to her was the handsome, drop-dead gorgeous, Heero Yuy. He turned at the sound of Relena's bag hitting the floor. Relena quickly regained her posture. "Heero, I'm surprised to see you here."
"Vice Forgien Minister Dorlian," stated Heero nodding head in acknowledgement.
"What are you doing here?" asked Relena still not over the initial shock. Then she realized how rude she was being. "I mean, how can I help you?"
"I have a proposition for you," said Heero, walking closer to Relena and moving his hand to the front of his pants.
Relena gaze followed Heero's hand but with only the light from the moon she couldn't tell where it went. Looking down, Relena noticed the slight bulge in Heero's pants. "My, Heero, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Heero pulled out his hand to reveal a gun. "A gun," replied Heero pointing it at Relena's head. Relena stared at the gun, completely shocked to see it. "Good-bye, Relena." Then Heero pulled the trigger. Not a sound was heard, due to the silencer, until Relena's body hit the floor with a thud.
Suddenly all the lights came on and everyone came out. Duo ran over to Heero, swung his arm over his shoulder, and started to singing. "Ding, dong, the bitch is dead."
"Which bitch?" everyone asked.
"The Relena bitch. Ding, dong, The Relena bitch is dead."
Out of nowhere Zechs came running in with a bottle of wine in his hand. "You mean she's dead? She's finally dead?" Zechs looked at Relena's body. "Hooray! She's dead!" Zechs cheered then took a big gulp of the wine.
"Zechs, what are you saying?" gasped Quatre.
"Yeah, where is your honor?" questioned Wufei.
"My honor? She was the one always yelling at him to destroy me," Zechs said pointing to Heero.
"It's the story of her life. She's a bitch," said Trowa remembering that time back in Siberia. Everybody looked in awe that Trowa had spoken two whole sentences.
"Yeah. She wanted my lover," said Duo holding on to Heero really tight. "She's a child with no mother," sang Zechs.
"You don't have one either," Charlie pointed out. Zechs shrugged then drink some more wine. The party continued to progress well. Everyone drinking except Quatre because it was against his moral. So Quatre spent the night running around telling the pilots that they were too young to drink and that they shouldn't celebrate someones death. Nobody listened, of course, because they were already pretty drunk.
"Hey, Duo," called Trowa walking over to the ex-pilot. "Shouldn't we get rid of the body? I mean, what if someone comes in here and sees it. We could get in trouble. I don't want to get in trouble," Trowa rambled.
"Woah, Tro-man, we need to get you drunk more often," Duo said to the long banged pilot. "You're right, though. I got an idea." Duo then walked drunkenly over to the corpse and started to drag it to the nearest bathroom. Some people who had been watching came over to see what Duo would do. In the bathroom, Duo continued to look back and forth between Relena's body and the toilet. Everyone looked in wonderment at what would happen. "C, get me an axe." Charlie squeezed her way out of the bathroom and returned five minutes later with the axe. Duo took the axe and swung it down, chopping off Relena's hand.
"This is the way you chop Relena, chop Relena, chop Relena. This is the way you chop Relena. To flush her down the toilet," Duo sang as he messily chopped up Relena's body. Then Duo was joined in by Charlie with picking up each piece of the chopped up corpse and flushing it down the toilet singing, "This is the way you flush the pieces, flush the pieces, flush the pieces. This is the way you flush the pieces so that we don't get caught, yeah."
When all the pieces had been flushed, the group of drunken people except for Wufei left the bathroom. Wufei had stayed behind because the amount of alcohol he consumed, mixed with seeing all the blood, was making him feel sick.
At that moment, Trowa started singing, "Joy to the world, Relena's dead. Heero shot her in the head."
Charlie started singing like a maniac yelling, "What happened to the body?"
"Duo flushed it down the potty. And we watched it go 'round and 'round. And we watched it go 'round and 'round," sung Zechs. Then he imagined that, got dizzy, and fainted.
"Then Zechs fell to the ground," everyone laughed. The party continued while into the night. The next morning, everyone had major hangovers, having drank everything in the mansion. So Quatre, being the only one who couldn't and hadn't drank, ended up having to go out and buy a ton of advil. And even though he was an empath, he couldn't help but giggle and say 'I told you so' as he handed out the medicine. The End
A/N: Lots of Relena bashing, no fic for Relena lovers.
Relena the Bitch
It was late at night when Relena Dorlian walked into her mansion. She had just gotten back from her trip to Colony XR77, a new colony that was being inspected for livable standards. Now, finally back, Relena was happy to be home.
Upon walking in the door, Relena dropped her bag at the sight she saw. Standing with his back to her was the handsome, drop-dead gorgeous, Heero Yuy. He turned at the sound of Relena's bag hitting the floor. Relena quickly regained her posture. "Heero, I'm surprised to see you here."
"Vice Forgien Minister Dorlian," stated Heero nodding head in acknowledgement.
"What are you doing here?" asked Relena still not over the initial shock. Then she realized how rude she was being. "I mean, how can I help you?"
"I have a proposition for you," said Heero, walking closer to Relena and moving his hand to the front of his pants.
Relena gaze followed Heero's hand but with only the light from the moon she couldn't tell where it went. Looking down, Relena noticed the slight bulge in Heero's pants. "My, Heero, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Heero pulled out his hand to reveal a gun. "A gun," replied Heero pointing it at Relena's head. Relena stared at the gun, completely shocked to see it. "Good-bye, Relena." Then Heero pulled the trigger. Not a sound was heard, due to the silencer, until Relena's body hit the floor with a thud.
Suddenly all the lights came on and everyone came out. Duo ran over to Heero, swung his arm over his shoulder, and started to singing. "Ding, dong, the bitch is dead."
"Which bitch?" everyone asked.
"The Relena bitch. Ding, dong, The Relena bitch is dead."
Out of nowhere Zechs came running in with a bottle of wine in his hand. "You mean she's dead? She's finally dead?" Zechs looked at Relena's body. "Hooray! She's dead!" Zechs cheered then took a big gulp of the wine.
"Zechs, what are you saying?" gasped Quatre.
"Yeah, where is your honor?" questioned Wufei.
"My honor? She was the one always yelling at him to destroy me," Zechs said pointing to Heero.
"It's the story of her life. She's a bitch," said Trowa remembering that time back in Siberia. Everybody looked in awe that Trowa had spoken two whole sentences.
"Yeah. She wanted my lover," said Duo holding on to Heero really tight. "She's a child with no mother," sang Zechs.
"You don't have one either," Charlie pointed out. Zechs shrugged then drink some more wine. The party continued to progress well. Everyone drinking except Quatre because it was against his moral. So Quatre spent the night running around telling the pilots that they were too young to drink and that they shouldn't celebrate someones death. Nobody listened, of course, because they were already pretty drunk.
"Hey, Duo," called Trowa walking over to the ex-pilot. "Shouldn't we get rid of the body? I mean, what if someone comes in here and sees it. We could get in trouble. I don't want to get in trouble," Trowa rambled.
"Woah, Tro-man, we need to get you drunk more often," Duo said to the long banged pilot. "You're right, though. I got an idea." Duo then walked drunkenly over to the corpse and started to drag it to the nearest bathroom. Some people who had been watching came over to see what Duo would do. In the bathroom, Duo continued to look back and forth between Relena's body and the toilet. Everyone looked in wonderment at what would happen. "C, get me an axe." Charlie squeezed her way out of the bathroom and returned five minutes later with the axe. Duo took the axe and swung it down, chopping off Relena's hand.
"This is the way you chop Relena, chop Relena, chop Relena. This is the way you chop Relena. To flush her down the toilet," Duo sang as he messily chopped up Relena's body. Then Duo was joined in by Charlie with picking up each piece of the chopped up corpse and flushing it down the toilet singing, "This is the way you flush the pieces, flush the pieces, flush the pieces. This is the way you flush the pieces so that we don't get caught, yeah."
When all the pieces had been flushed, the group of drunken people except for Wufei left the bathroom. Wufei had stayed behind because the amount of alcohol he consumed, mixed with seeing all the blood, was making him feel sick.
At that moment, Trowa started singing, "Joy to the world, Relena's dead. Heero shot her in the head."
Charlie started singing like a maniac yelling, "What happened to the body?"
"Duo flushed it down the potty. And we watched it go 'round and 'round. And we watched it go 'round and 'round," sung Zechs. Then he imagined that, got dizzy, and fainted.
"Then Zechs fell to the ground," everyone laughed. The party continued while into the night. The next morning, everyone had major hangovers, having drank everything in the mansion. So Quatre, being the only one who couldn't and hadn't drank, ended up having to go out and buy a ton of advil. And even though he was an empath, he couldn't help but giggle and say 'I told you so' as he handed out the medicine. The End