The Koopa trutha:
Get it? I tried to rhyme, forget it. You know the koopa kids, or the children mutant wizard turtles. From the original NES game 'Super Mario Bros 3', the koopa kids were introduced as the boss in every castle and were known to be Bowser's kids. They also had a children's show from this made by DICK with a silent k. I considered them to be a parody to the Jackson five with Roy as Jermaine. That all changed when I saw Black Nerd and I found out that they are NOT Bowser's kids! I didn't care, but as the Super Theorist (dibs) this is a question I can't let by. With as fuck ton of enemies in this franchise, the leveling evidence, and peach with the inability to have seven children and still look slim, it's about time to put the question to a theoretical test. So the question is who is the koopaling's mother is and what the fuck does Bowser has to do with this?
Truth be told, I can't really say this can be true, but no one else has came up with this. This doesn't mean I'm bullshitting any of this. So let's start off with their origin story. The true mother of the koopalings is. DON'T YOU FUCKING DRUM ROLL!
Kamella Koopa, beeeeeeeeeeeee-yotch!
Think of it, Kamella is a female foil and if you just look at the koopa kids, they have a vague resemblance to her. They have her mother's genes! Now I know what you're thinking, "Roy, she is from Super Mario Galaxy and anything beyond that is bullshit." Know this, simple contrasting voice that came out of nowhere, know that Kamella looks way too old to be in just that game. And if she did just start in this game, why wasn't she in the sequel? Megalegs came back and he was a minor boss. So this can prove that Kamella was alive even before the events of SMG took place. Continuing, the Koopalings, according to Shiggy, are actually minions in the game. Since Kamella is a minion too, this can explain how the kids obtained those magical wands and weapons. Bowser was their master and he made them work under evil and the magikoopa supplied them with wands all that shizzle! It was Bowser that gave them their abilities to fight besides twirling. So this is proof that Bowser isn't the dealer, but the supplier. One last thing with Kamella, being that having seven kids, she would look like Muscle man without the muscle. After the mass population increase, Kamella got a powerup that at least got her body to normal shape. They can do that according to paper Mario. Either that or she used her magic, eh.
Now for the final piece of experimentation. So we know Peach can't be the mother because no mushroom can fix her after that. When you consider this, we got to find the father. I've found a decisive choice: a koopa troopa. Koopa is in the kids' name, so it makes things clear. The Koopalings have inherited their shells, styled bodies, and 3/7 (42.8571428571 gygabytes) of the kids have the eyes of a koopa troopa. Not only that, cause you're wondering how they inherited spiky shells and armbands, two things. 1) The koopa kids inherited their shells from the spinys, a species of koopa which is mainly the master race of the mushroom and koopa kingdom. 2) Bowser is the supplier, just remember that. This goes to show that Bowser doesn't have to be the father because the koopalings can actually come from something you can find in the Minion circle of life. Evil can be a bitch, can it? Let's hope Kamella isn't on Jerry Springer. Roy is out, peach!
So Koopas have a secret compartment, huh?