It started so long ago that I don't even want to think back to those distant memories. But those distant memories are ones that are placed inside my head day after day. It's those memories that haunt me to my core, the ones that make me hollow. Secrets to be kept are not always secrets that can be kept quiet. Sometimes you just lose yourself and the world doesn't seem to matter. Today is one of those days.
"You think you understand me, but you don't. You hear me. You have all these ideas that I'm hopeless, but I'm not Rory. Why can't you just listen to me for once? You thought I was a good guy before, what's the difference now?"
"I am listening", Rory mumbled back. Her eyes were downcast, she couldn't bare to see him like this again; drunk.
"No your not. You never listen. You sit there and look at me with those eyes".
"Their the only ones I have", she complained back, this time meeting his face.
Jess swayed in the breeze. The bottle of alcohol he was holding slowly fell through his fingers. Trying to grab a tighter grip, Jess dropped the bottle between Rory and himself. Rory didn't move an inch, as the contents sprayed over her legs.
"See what you made me do", he wined.
"What Jess? What? What did I possibly do this time?" There was no reply. Jess just a flask out of this pocket and took a swig.
"Did I make you get drunk?" She questioned.
"Yes, that's exactly what you did". Rory couldn't believe this. Did Jess actually think that it was her fault that each night he would go out an get hammed, and just when we wanted to head hope, he would call her up to collect him and make sure that he did get home?
"Your drunk Jess", she started to come towards him. She knew that he was going to stumble at any moment. Jess pushed her away. This was how it would start. The end of it all.
"You want to know why Ms.Gilmore?" Rory rolled her eyes, she knew she was going to hear one of this reasons. Which one would it be tonight? "It's the only way I can handle the fact that you didn't want my child", he blurted back into her face. Rory stood there stunned. They weren't suppose to talk about it, but the truth was, that was all that they were thinking of since it happened; the baby that she had aborted two years ago. "Yes. Do you remember that? You didn't want to keep it because it was mine".
"That's not the truth". Rory started, stepping back from him. She couldn't stand anyone touching her since the incident. Tears filled her eyes at the memory. She thought she had come past this, but the truth was she felt just as horrible as she always did.
"Yes it is. You didn't want it because it was apart of me, even when I asked you to marry me".
"You were drunk at the time Jess. Do you ever remember that moment? How could I ever bring up a child like that? I couldn't do it".
"See, always my fault".
"I didn't want to marry who you were Jess".
"Who I AM?" he leaned forwarded and then backward.
"So what its my fault?"
"You had the procedure, even though I told you no. You kill our child". Rory fled across the street and into the darkness. How could she take this ridicule again? He promised never to bring it up, but like all of his promises, they seemed to have been broken.
Tears seemed to hit Rory's face, although she didn't really feel them. The
dew in the air was settling in for the night, as she fell upon the grass and took out
the only friend she knew she could depend on. This is what she had been like since she had aborted her child, nothing but a weak child.