Part 1
"I don't know Guinevere – maybe because I'm the King?" Angrily, Arthur tore off his gloves, throwing them down on the table with a loud smack before turning to face her again.
"Well there are limits, you know!" Gwen returned hotly, her eyes burning up at him. "You can't keep doing this, Arthur! You tell me you think only of your people, but what will become of them without their sovereign?"
Arthur took a deep breath, forcing down the tide of anger rising inside of him. For God's sake, why had he married someone so damn good at arguing back?
"And what of my people if I don't go?" he said, trying to calm his tone, "They will be left vulnerable –"
"More vulnerable than if they no longer had a King?"
Arthur gritted his teeth in an attempt to quell the words of frustration that threatened to pour from his lips. Needless to say, he did not succeed.
"They expect their King to defend them, Guinevere! They expect to see courage and leadership, neither of which they will see if I stay here! I don't have a choice. I must go, and I will not be persuaded otherwise."
Gwen made a small noise in the back of her throat – a mixture of anger and exasperation - and Arthur glared at her.
"So this is all about your pride now?'' she shot back fiercely. ''Believe it or not, Arthur, there are things in this world that are more important than a man's reputation – his life, for one!''
''This has nothing to do with my pride! You're just jumping to conclusions because you can't understand what this is like for me'' Arthur snapped, his eyes the colour of ash and flint in his ire. ''Now, if you will excuse me – ''
''You think I don't understand this?'' The interruption was quiet and coldly civil, her tone one of dangerous calm.
''I – '' Arthur made to speak, but somehow could not find the words he wanted.
''I understand every time, Arthur Pendragon. Every single time.'' She fixed him with a hard stare, as if daring him to contradict her. He stayed silent.
''Not just because I want to, but because I have to. Countless times I have watched you ride out without saying a word, countless times I have said goodbye to you, not knowing if I will ever see you again. Countless times I have lain awake in a cold bed, wondering if I will ever feel you lie beside me again. Wondering if you are even still alive. Have you any idea what that is like?''
He opened his mouth to snap back at her with a smart retort, but closed it again when he caught the expression on her face, the sharp words dying on his lips.
''Well it hurts, Arthur. It hurts beyond imagining, and this time is one too far.'' She paused and suddenly, in that one moment of respite, her hard demeanour slipped. Arthur, watching her guardedly, was horrified to see tears sparkling in her eyes.
He had made her cry! Instantly he hated himself for it.
''Guinevere…'' he began, remorseful, but she cut him off.
''I just can't do this right now.'' Her voice was quiet. ''I'm going for a walk. I'll see you later.''
''Guinevere – '' he tried again, but she was already sweeping past him and out of the doors.
Part 2
Two hours later and Arthur was beside himself with worry. When Gwen hadn't come back within the hour, he had gone looking for her – first in Gaius' chambers, then in the lower town, and after that in the meadow where he knew she loved to walk. He had even gone to her old house to see if she had gone there, but she was nowhere to be found.
By now he was ready to send out a squad of guards to find her, but Merlin (who had found him moping by the edge of the training grounds) managed to persuade him otherwise.
"Why don't you go back to your chambers?" he asked, puzzled. "She might've gone back there."
"But what if she hasn't, Merlin?" Arthur rolled his eyes. "Do I have to think of everything?"
"Well you won't know until you go, will you?" The servant pointed out in exasperation. "Look, just go and see. She's been gone two hours and you've been gone one – she could easily be back there by now."
Arthur scowled, knowing his friend was right but as usual, not wanting to admit it.
"Fine. But if she's not –"
"She will be."
Arthur frowned at him. "How can you be so sure?" he asked, puzzled by his confidence.
Merlin shrugged. "I just…have a feeling, that's all."
Having no other choice (it was either that or continuing to mill miserably around the grounds), Arthur grudgingly decided to trust Merlin's 'funny feeling', and bidding goodbye to his friend, he headed back towards the castle.
Part 3
Walking the corridors seemed strangely lonely without Guinevere. Each step reminded him why she wasn't beside him – how arrogant, how stubborn he had been earlier. For the thousandth time he cursed his pig-headedness.
And he had made her cry! A wave of shame washed over him and he flinched at the memory. He was such an idiot! A complete clotpole, as Merlin would say. And this time he definitely deserved such censure.
Lost in mentally beating himself up, Arthur hardly noticed the rest of the walk slip by – that is, until he was stood in front of their chamber doors. For a moment he stopped, suddenly inexplicably nervous. This mess had all been his fault in the first place. Would she even see him? I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't want to, he thought miserably - I gave her every reason to be angry at me.
There was only one way to find out, however. Steeling himself, he walked forward and pushed open the door.
Part 4
He saw her as soon as he stepped inside. She was curled up on the bed, facing away from the door, and if she heard him come in she made no indication of it. Arthur stopped short.
For a moment he stayed still, pulling nervously at his gloves before finally removing them. Laying them on the edge of the table (with considerably more care than he had earlier), he began to walk slowly towards the bed.
"Guinevere?" he asked tentatively, hesitating in the stone archways that led to their bedchamber.
When she didn't reply he took an uncertain step forward.
"I just –''he began, then trailed off, unsure of what to say. For a moment he stood there awkwardly, twisting his wedding ring around his finger before taking a deep breath and starting again.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Guinevere." he told her, his voice wavering slightly. "I was stupid and – and arrogant, and I shouldn't have shouted like that."
He took another step forward, tentatively sitting down on the bed beside her before reaching out a gentle hand and placing it on her shoulder. She flinched a little but didn't recoil, and he shifted slightly closer.
"I hate myself for making you cry, and – "
"Don't." Gwen interrupted, sitting up suddenly and turning to face him. Her eyes were red rimmed, her dress crumpled.
Arthur looked puzzled. "Don't what?"
"Don't you dare ever say that you hate yourself, Arthur Pendragon." she said fiercely, the sudden strength in her voice surprising him. "Don't you dare!"
"I'm…sorry?" Arthur tried uncertainly, but Gwen shook her head.
"No," she said, her eyes filling with fresh tears, "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have shouted either, Arthur - it didn't help anything - and I shouldn't have gotten so angry at you for being –"
"So stubborn?" Arthur interjected quietly. Gwen's uncomfortable silence confirmed he had guessed correctly.
"Guinevere, I know I can be a complete clotpole some of the time. I'm arrogant and insensitive – spoiled, too, as Merlin often points out to me – and you deserve so much better. But I love you more than anything else in the world, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the man you deserve because of it."
"You don't need to." Gwen whispered, suddenly not trusting her voice to hold. "You're more than I deserve, Arthur – especially because you try to be that man. You care enough to recognise your faults and try to fix them. That's more than I could ever hope to deserve."
A tear escaped now, slipping down her cheek and dripping onto the rumpled fabric of her dress – but this time, Arthur was not going to let it fall unchecked. Reaching for her, he wrapped his arms around her small frame and pulled her close.
"I hate fighting with you." he whispered, burying his face in her hair as he tightened his embrace around her. She smiled tearfully into his neck.
"I hate fighting with you too. I'm sorry, Arthur."
"I'm sorrier, Guinevere. I'm to blame for this, but I promise you - " He paused to pull back slightly, lifting a gentle hand to her cheek and brushing away her tears, "– that I will never be such a selfish prat again."
Gwen gave a watery giggle. "You're not selfish."
"But I am a prat?"
"No!" Her laugh was stronger now. "You just need to temper your desire for adventure, that's all. Being King comes with responsibilities, Arthur – you cannot go gallivanting off on every mission like you used to."
Arthur sighed. "I know. I should have listened to you earlier, I just -" He paused, struggling for the words to explain how he felt. "The crown can be very heavy sometimes."
"I know that." Gwen nodded. "But you are beloved, Arthur – not just by me, but by all the people of this land. You are fair and just and true, and they look to you for guidance. You must know that they would be lost without you."
"Just like I would be lost without you, my Guinevere."
Gwen smiled. "I am not sure that you could ever be lost because of me." she said softly, dropping her eyes briefly away from his gaze before looking back up at him. But she knew that she was wrong, and she knew that the look in his eyes was reflected in her own - telling him how she felt far more eloquently than her words ever could.