Brüder

We were meant to grow up together, help one another against the world and all we are left with is cold stares and distant hugs. Was that all that was left of our relationship? Was this truly how Fili and I are meant to be? This can't be it, I refuse to believe this is what we are. We have to be something else, we just have to.

Special thanks to Mama for editing this for me. I love chu.

I own nothing.

[Chapter one; Brotherly Bonds]

I know of his presence before he even walks into the room. Fili's always had this clumsiness to the way he walks, like his feet want to go in opposite directions. I hear him kick off his boots, the floor squeaking under his weight, and he makes his way to the bed. He stands there for a moment - doing what, I do not know - before pulling the blankets back enough to allow him to crawl in. It's only cold for a moment but Fili is quick to fill that freeze. I wonder for a moment if he's going straight to sleep but then I feel his fingers running through my hair and his voice trembling as he whispers my name.

I have never known my brother to cry or whimper out, not even when he was being scolded by Uncle Thorin, so his trembles come as a surprise. At the moment he has his head turned into my shoulder and he's crying gently. I don't know what to do. How do I comfort him?

"Fili?" I ask, turning my head slightly to look at him.

His body jolts as if he had not known I was awake and maybe he didn't. Fili's quick to wipe his eyes and a smile is in place of where the frown use to be. I stare at him, unsure of what to do. He stares back, his blue eyes intense and bloodshot. "Kee," he whispers, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "What are you doing up? You're supposed to be a sleep." He finishes with a small sigh.

I think about lying to him, however I know he will just figure it out. "The storm," is all I say. I'm more worried about him at the moment than the storm brewing outside.

Fili laughs deeply in his chest. It's a sweet, addicting sound and I found myself smiling. "The Stone Giants still frighten you, brother?" He asks. I can feel my cheeks flushing with colour and I move my hand out to gently hit Fili on the shoulder. It is silly, really. Still being afraid of an old legend.

"Uncle says the Giants are angry tonight." I answer, curling my body tighter closer to him. Fili only shakes his head and tucks himself closer to me. Soon we are a bundle of twisted limbs and warmth. I could never imagine being away from Fili. I need this, I need him.

After a long moment, Fili speaks again. "There is no need to worry about the Stone Giants, Kee, I will protect you. They cannot hurt you." His voice is strong, the tremble long gone. There is a different meaning behind these words, I know there is.

Fili has always been protective but there is a much deeper and darker meaning to these words. He is protecting me from an enemy I do not know of and he will not share this information with me. All I can say is, "I know you will, Fee, and I know you will."

The storm looms over head, every once in awhile the sky cracks with thunder and lightning brightens the room. I clench my eyes shut and embrace my older brother closer. Fili holds me, never once complaining. "Fee?" I ask, hiding under the protection of his arms.

"Yeah, Kili?"

"Why were you crying?"

I think for a second that Fili has fallen asleep but he answers with a clear voice but moments after. "It's not important, Kili." I'm slightly offended that he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's wrong.

I open my eyes and glare at him through the dark room. "Quit playing, Fee, it's only the two of us."

He sighs once again and pushes himself up against the back wall. He crossed his arms and looks away from me, his hands tremble in their bindings. "Uncle Thorin came by earlier," he explains. "I was so excited to see him, Kili, but the way he looked at me. I have never seen anyone look so...disappointed in me before."

I frown and squeeze Fili's hand. That doesn't sound like Uncle. Why would he ever be disappointed in Fili?

"He feels that I am not following the correct path I need to to make me the great king I am destined to be." Fili swallows and slowly looks down at me, his eyes are dark now and distant. "He has requested that I come along with him in his travels and learn everything I need to."

I don't know what to think. Fili would leave the blue mountain? He would leave Ma and me behind just so he could practice being king? No. That does not seem like the brother I know. He would never leave his family. "You cannot go," I mutter in fury. "You cannot, Fili!"

"You think I want to go Kili!?" Fili snaps in return.

I stare at him, beginning to pull away when he pulls me into his arms and holds me. "I don't want to, Kili, but I cannot refuse Uncle. He is still our King." He rest his chin on my head and strokes my hands. "I will come and visit as often as I can. It's only for a little while."

No. Fili can't leave. He's suppose to teach me how to hold a sword and how to write. I have my shooting lessons in a few months. He promised to be there. Fili cannot leave.

"You can't..." I whisper against his chest, tears slowly falling.

"I wish I could stay, Kee," Fili replies, holding me tighter. "You have no idea how badly I want to stay."

"Then stay."

We both know that Fili will never go against our uncle's word. He respects him to much to do that. Despite what he might think, I know Fili wants to be like Thorin.

"When do you leave?" I ask.

He does not answer me right away, instead he works on getting us tucked back under the blankets where the warmth is welcomed. It isn't before we are on the brink of sleep that he answers.

"In the morning."

In the morning? My brother is leaving the morning? I give him no response and only bury myself deeper into the blankets. I want to disappear, I want Fili to stay here with me, and I want Uncle Thorin to see how badly this changes things. However, my uncle is stubborn and I know he doesn't do this to hurt us but a small part of me hates him for it.

"I love you, Kili."

Fili and I lay in bed for what might be our last night together and all I can think is the heartache that is sure to follow.