He'd never believed in destiny or any of that first love bullshit but he'd known the very first day he'd laid eyes on her that she was special, different than any girl he'd ever met before. There'd been an intense darkness behind her devastatingly, deep, brown irises. A kindred knowledge that the world sucked and there was little you could do about it. It didn't hurt that she had a killer body or that she'd made the first move by pulling him into a janitor's closet after fourth period English his second week in Toronto. She'd kissed him hard with an authority that said she didn't take shit from anyone but that she was willing to make an exception.
He'd hurt her more times than he could count, more times than he cared to remember. She'd always given him absolution, forgiving his wondering eye and crude sense of humor. She was a saint in sinner's clothing. She was so far out of his league that he often had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
It hadn't been a surprise that she'd finally had enough junior year when he'd managed to fuck up time after time after time. He couldn't blame her for wanting something more, something better. He'd just never imagined it would be in the form of a socialite like Paige Michalchuck. He'd never dreamt that it would mean his chance for redemption would be extinguished with two little words, I'm gay.
But she'd become his best friend, filling in for Sean while he was in Wasaga and then again when he was so wrapped up in Greenpeace he couldn't see past her not so innocent innocence and sassy do good mumbo jumbo. She'd been there through all the ups and downs over the past...five? Six years? Had it really been that long?
She'd shown up with tear stains and a duffle bag cutting him off before the first sarcastic comment could leave his lips. She was sexy when she was being a bitch. He'd let her in offering her the couch to crash on.
"You're such a gentleman," she stated sarcastically with a roll of her eyes as she'd dropped the bag and collapsed onto the thrift store couch that didn't quite match the rest of the tiny apartment's living room area.
"You're not exactly a lady," he'd replied walking around the bar divider into the kitchen and opening the fridge, grabbing two beers before sitting down next to her and handing her one of them.
She took it with a shrug. "So how come you're home on a Friday night," she asked popping the cap and taking a sip.
"Didn't feel like going out," Jay answered taking a long, soothing drink from his own, the fourth he'd had that night. Truth was after Mel left he hadn't really had much desire to mingle with the opposite sex. He preferred Skin-a-max television and the three or four numbers he kept around for girls that were guaranteed to put out without any strings attached. "Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Princess Spirit Squad or what?"
He saw the wall go up instantly as she pulled her feet up onto the edge of the couch so she could hide behind her knees. She took a long chug of her beer and burped lightly, "Or what."
By that time his head had started to swim and he really didn't care why she was there he was just glad that she was. He leaned up grabbing the remote off the coffee table flipping through the channels while the hockey game he'd been watching was on commercial.
He could see her smirk out of the corner of his eye. "I hate it when you do that," she stated reaching over and taking the remote out of his hand. "It won't kill you to suffer through the commercials," she added tossing the remote over to the recliner in the corner.
You're a pain in the ass. You know that, right?" He laughed tilting his head back and draining the rest of his beer. It seared the back of his throat and he let out a loud belch.
"And you're disgusting," she shot back crinkling her nose in detest.
Jay smirked at the familiar banter. "That's not what you use to say," he teased in return.
"Yeah, well I was delusional," she smirked in return, "And in love."
His brow arched up disappearing underneath the size adjuster of his baseball cap, "In love."
"You know what I mean," she back peddled a slight blush darkening her cheeks. She took several small sips of her beer in an attempt to avoid the smarmy look on his face and the bit of truth she'd accidentally spilled. She had loved him, hell she'd even go as far as saying there was a small part of her that still did, at least cared strongly anyway.
"What," she demanded with a sigh when he still hadn't wiped that smug look off his face and his intense leer had finally gotten to her, "Like you didn't already know that."
His smirk widened and Alex groaned. There was no way he'd ever let her live this down.
"Know what?" He asked a false innocence, a forced look of surprise lighting the fine features of his face. His grin widened as he sang, "That you love me?"
"Loved, as in past tense, meaning in the past, no longer, not anymore," she corrected.
"Whatever, you know you still do," he teased playfully poking her in the side. "You love me, you want to kiss me, you think I'm sexy."
"You're worse than a child," she scoffed getting up and making her way into the kitchen. She threw her empty bottle into the trash and opened the fridge grabbing a fresh one.
He kicked his feet up, stretching out on the couch with a yawn. "Careful, Lex, unless you have a twisted desire to sleep in the hallway with the homeless guy that crashes there when it's cold out," Jay warned.
"Albert's still sleeping in the hallway?" Alex asked a nostalgic smile gracing her slightly chapped lips. "I guess some things never change."
"Some things do," Jay stated letting his own defenses slip in his slightly intoxicated state.
She nodded in agreement leaning back against the fridge. "Will you drive me to Ajax in the morning," she asked.
"Ajax? What's in Ajax?" Jay questioned in confusion.
She sat her unopened beer down on the counter, "My mom's got a cousin there that I'm going to stay with for a while until I can decide what I want to do with the rest of my life."
"Why not just stay here?" He offered waving his hands around the sparsely decorated apartment.
She bit in to her lip as she shook her head no. "I need to get away for a little while," she explained. "Clear my head. Get my shit together."
"And you can't do that here?"
Their eyes met, a silent understanding passing between them and Jay nodded. "Sure," he replied turning his head back around to stare up at the ceiling.
"Thanks," she muttered in return.
Jay stretched before pushing himself up off the couch. "It's getting late," he stated.
"Yea, I'm exhausted," Alex added.
He sighed as the weight of his own fatigue weighed down on him. He yawned again before offering, "Why don't you take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."
"Are you sure," she asked straightening up and stretching.
Jay nodded his eyes trained on the sliver of skin that appeared right below the hem of her tee shirt. A sudden urge to touch her, to taste her over took him and he had to fight hard to control it. He turned away, pretending to look for something, a miss placed shoe, the remote, anything to keep from looking at his ex girlfriend who was leaving in the morning and might not ever come back.
"Jay," she asked her voice closer now and laced with concern.
He jerked around as her hand landed on his shoulder and found himself face to face with her, only a little more than a breath between them. He couldn't be sure who made the first move, which of them leaned in first, whose lips touched whose first all he could remember was the taste of Chap Stick and Bud Light and then a tangle of familiar arms and legs and the feel of her skin against his. It felt so right, so good that it was impossible to think clearly, to stop what was happening before it was too late. He wanted her and whether or not she was willing to admit it she wanted him too even if it would only last one night.
She fell asleep shortly after and despite his exhaustion he managed to stay awake in order to watch her sleep. Her chest rose and fell with each breath. She snored softly through her nose, something that use to irritate the shit out of him and keep him awake when she'd fall to sleep first. Her face softened all the hard edges and undeniable pain and suffering she'd seen and lived in her life disappearing under the blanket of night. She was the most vulnerable when she was sleep and damn if that didn't make her even more beautiful.
He reached over gently moving a strand of raven hair that had fallen into her face. She shifted burying her face into the soft, plush pillow and Jay settled back against his own closing his eyes against the realization that tomorrow she'd be gone and he'd have to find some way to deal with that, to live with out her and that wasn't going to be easy.