~*Fashion Statement*~

Jane's noticed that Loki's wardrobe is a little bit lacking in the...normal department. So she decides to take him shopping! Loki/Jane Fluff

When it came to Loki and his particular wardrobe of choice, Jane couldn't help but feel…stumped.

Oh sure, he always wore the finest leather, the most rare of silks, and always had the same appearance of a person who lived in luxury and style. Yet at the same time it had a sort of humble appeal. It was never as ridiculous as Thor's bright red cape and solid steel armor at least, and when those two would ever stand together, it was hard to not compare.

On his own though, Loki was a stick in the mud, so to speak. Wherever he walked he would always turn heads, something he never cared to note. The poor people of earth just didn't know how to properly respond and adapt to such a regal, look-at-me-now figure that made absolutely no effort of blending in. Thor at least could bear wearing denim jeans and a jacket; but not Loki, never Loki.

It had boggled Jane's mind so much, that when the epiphany finally struck her she wanted to repeatedly bash her head. The reason Loki wore the same alligator boots and leather pants everyday was simple—he had never gone shopping for clothes before!

So when Jane had grandly announced that Sunday morning about her intentions to take him shopping for a new wardrobe he had stared at her like she was a polar bear wearing golf shorts. It was a rather endearing face, as Loki always looked adorable when puzzled or confused.

Pushing her affectionate thoughts aside she rather forcibly took the Frost Giant's measurements (unfortunately violating many of his personal comfort rights.) For an alleged Giant, he sure was tiny. His pants size was the equivalent of a woman's two.

"This is completely unnecessary," Loki griped as she cheerily dragged him to her van. From the chilling, sharp tone in his voice Jane could only assume that he still hasn't yet forgiven her for measuring his inseam.

"Oh, it is totally necessary," she exclaimed, grunting when he really started to dig his heels in. "C'mon, you're always complaining about how you don't think you fit in here anyway!"

"I was not complaining, I was merely stating a fact!" They had now reached the van and Loki was seriously upping his struggles. While Thor certainly had the lion's share of brute strength, Loki possessed enough physical capabilities that could be considered godlike. She could only assume that after spending so much time with the much frailer mortals he had grown out of the habit of using his full strength.

Still, he was a force to be reckoned with as she opened the passenger door and tried to shove him in.

But Jane didn't grow up with three wrestler older brothers for nothing. With one might grunt she heaved him into the seat and violently shut the door. Loki didn't try to exit immediately, like she had been expecting. After a few cautious seconds, Jane dashed to the driver's side, jumped in, snapped on her seatbelt, and started up the engine, all in one fast, clumsy move.

"Don't even worry about it, this'll be fun!" she said optimistically as she pulled out of her little driveway. Loki was sitting up stiffly, arms crossed and lips drawn out in a scornful pout.

"I'm being kidnapped," was the only thing he said the whole way up.

The mall Jane had in mind was pretty extravagant for her little New Mexican town. It had parking lots, little surrounding plazas, parking valets. At first Jane wondered the wisdom of taking Loki to such a crowded place with such easily trickable mortals loitering about. But he still mustn't have forgiven her yet because he did not look in the mood for shenanigans.

"Oh, quit you're pouting," she said, parking at the far end of the lot. "It's like I said; this'll be fun!"

"Depends on what you mean by 'fun'."

"I mean having a good time. You're such a spoilsport; you need to work on your social skills."

"If that means to imply I'll have to come into contact with those barbarians, I'll leave right now."

"Uggh, just get out of the car."

The walk was long, but nothing she couldn't handle. Not even twenty feet away from the mall entrance and dearest Loki was already garnering some looks from the locals. It completely sailed over his head, again, because all he could focus on was giving Jane's his deadliest angry eyes. Actually, it wasn't his deadliest as she actually saw him freeze a person into a block of ice by just looking at them, but this look did sting, just a little.

When she strolled into the fresh fake air of the mall, she felt t he overwhelming urge to get Loki out of his alligator boots as quickly as possible. Could he be any more conspicuous, though?

"Alright, I want to get the shirts and pants first, so we could just head right on over there to Men's Warehouse"—she gestured over to the giant store that was painted blue and filled to the brim with people. Loki cringed.—"and then we could grab a new pair of shoes over by Baker's, which is upstairs somewhere. Then there's lunch, but we can just get pizza for that…some belts, a couple of accessories…" She trailed off, tapping her chin in thought. Loki was itching to choke something. "Overall, I think it'll take, like, four hours."

"Four hours?"

"Yeah, it shouldn't be too bad; the mall isn't nearly as crowded on Sunday's."

Loki gestured wildly to the swelling crowd of people surrounding them, almost all of which were staring at him unsubtly, which he still didn't take heed of. For a few moments Jane couldn't understand his indigent glaring until she rolled her eyes and clapped her hand on his shoulder and said, "Oh don't have a meltdown, princess, I recorded all your Nat Geo stuff. We've got nothing but time!"

As she began dragging him off again towards their first destination, she couldn't see the clawing gestures he was making at her. He was obviously restraining himself now, but Jane was too busy patting herself on the back to notice.

Now, if Loki was anything to go by, men don't really know how to shop on their own. So when Jane and Loki stumbled into the Warehouse they blended right in with the other boy-girl pairings, almost all of which consisted of a nagging wife or girlfriend. Loki had already lost all hope as Jane took him into some section in the far back of the store. This is it, he thought as Jane plucked up a purple sweater and examined it. This is where I die.

"I think you're a really deep colors kind of guy, like green and black and stuff, but I could see you in some buttoned up purple thing." She held up the monstrosity of a sweater. "Whadu'ya think?"

He gave it a quick glance over. "Like Stark's vomit at the last Yule festivities."

Jane rolled her eyes and looked like she was about to scorn him when she suddenly did a double-take on the sweater. "Oh God, you're right…" she murmured, looking vaguely horrified. She quickly shelved the sweater like it was burning her hands. "Okay, so purple is definitely out. Oh! Here's the kind of green I was talking about!"

By the end of it all the woman had amassed thirteen shirts, six sweaters, twelve pairs of pants, five ties, and three belts. The worst thing about it was that not only did he have to carry all the merchandise as she browsed, but he had to try them all on. Not just to see if they fit, but she wanted him to model them. In the back of his mind he knew that she wasn't intentionally making him want to rip out his arms and beat her with them, but at the same time he vaguely wished he was still in that dank prison cell back at S.H.E.I.L.D. Surely nothing could be worse than this.

The funny thing about the whole thing to him was that he couldn't pick any of his own clothes. About halfway into the torture he had spotted a diamond studded jacket that greatly appealed to him. When he had been about to take it Jane slapped his hand and had pulled him back to the changing room.

"What was wrong with that one?" he had protested.

"Remember that one guy that got all touchy feely at that Christmas party last year?"

Really wishing he hadn't remembered, he nodded.

"Well, you wear that, and you'll attract even more of them."

He happily left the jacket behind.

Eventually there were no more clothes to try on and Jane was satisfied. For now. She had filtered out three shirts and some pants, but when they bought the merchandise, it took up three giant bags worth.

The whole ordeal lasted about an hour and a half and Loki was insanely relieved to see the interior of the mall again, though he didn't know why. It reminded him of Hell. There was the whole enormity of the realm yet there existed millions different subsections. And there were still two alleged stores to go to in order to sedate the ever so hungry Foster lady.

Jane hadn't been able to convince him to change out of his Asgard clothes (his own version of revenge for her nagging) so she sulked throughout the mall with her bags and withstood the stares of the ever so curious locals. Loki was staring dazedly around the building, his eyes sliding in and out of focus as he looked at the various surrounding stores. Suddenly he stopped and asked, "What's that?"

Jane was forced to stop as well, and looked in the direction of his pointing finger. She smiled fondly and said, "That's a sort of playground for kids to hang around. "

"Oh," was all he said in response as a particularly large kid shouted and began running around on the obstacles like a moron. "I see…" His brow puckered, and then he turned around. "Well, what's that?"

"That is an ice cream shop. Haagan Dazs. They make the best sorbets."

"Ice cream? We have ice cream."

Jane could only assume he meant the 'we' as in 'us Asgardian gods that live up in high heaven'. "Well, from all the things I've seen, food is the most universal of them all."

Loki shuffled around on his feet, looking both intrigued and yet at the same time repelled. Clearly he didn't want to admit to wanting to willingly eat mortal food, and yet those sorbets were just so damn good.

"I'd offer you a scoop, but we're going to have lunch soon and I don't want to spoil our appetite. For dessert, how about that?"

He scoffed, as if offended that she had made him such an offer. "Very well."

They continued to walk, Jane keeping an eye out for the shoe store. Her stomach was starting to growl and she really wanted to move onto lunch, yet get all of the material shopping done first. Loki was quiet for a few minutes, but after awhile he went back to his little self-induced game of 'What's that?'

"What's that?"

"That' Macy's."

"Oh. What's that?"

"Claire's. It's a jewelry shop for tweenagers."

"What's that?"

"Build-a-bear. You get to make toys and stuff."

"Make toys? Like knitting?"

"Not from scratch! You just stuff a bear with fluffing and customize it."

"Ah. Well, what's that?"

"That's Victoria's Sec—oh hey!"

As the duo passed the sexy women's shop, Jane suddenly remembered that Darcy's birthday was coming up and she had been meaning to buy a birthday present.

"Victoria's Sec—oh hey?" Loki asked questionably from behind her.

"I need to go and buy something from in here."

"This was not on the itinerary!"

"It's not all about you, Loki."

"You're the one that kidnapped me and brought me here."

Ignoring his distressing statement of fact, Jane began sauntering over to the predominate lingerie shop, unaware of the trailing god behind her until she already had a foot in the door. Whirling around in incredulity, she forcefully pushed him back. "Aaah, no, no! This is a No Boys Allowed kinda shop. You wait out here."

"Boys?"

"Relax! I'll be out in a minute!"

"Wait—!"

But Jane was already gone, chartering the shopping bags in with her. Loki's face was flushed with indignation, but he restrained himself from going after her. One, because he didn't want to be seen chasing the Foster woman by anybody, and two, because there really looked to be some disturbing things in that shop that sort of kinda maybe revolted him.

Are women supposed to wear those? What?

Arms folded with his lower lip jutted out in his usual 'Loki-no-likey' expression, he stood stubbornly outside the foot of the shop, waiting for the woman to return. Without her to completely absorb his attentions, he suddenly realized how many people were staring at him. It didn't bother him to the point of fury, but it did make him uncomfortable. Especially when two blonde haired girls sauntered over to him.

"Hey there," one of them said in a friendly voice. The other was looking him down head to toe, reminding him of the one occasion when he had seen a Midgardian cougar preparing itself to pounce on an elk. Disturbing.

Where is that blasted woman?

Meanwhile, Jane was hibernating in the shampoos and body lotion section of the store. No, Darcy was one of those people who believed that thongs and bikinis were the personal lackeys of the devil. Jane would never dream of buying her anything scanty and what not, even though that stuff made up half the store.

But every girl likes perfume.

Growing lost in the familiar pattern of shopping for a present, one minute quickly turned into five, and then ten. By the time she bought and paid for the brand of perfume (Slice of Heaven, by the by), fifteen minutes had past and Loki had already been unwittingly dragged away by his new admirers, unbeknownst to Jane as she exited the shop.

I leave him for five minutes and he gets lost! Pocketing the gift for her friend, she dashed off in a random direction. She had already began to draw a strategy plan to scour every section of the mall in order to find the missing trickster as quickly as possible when she suddenly spotted him near the stairwell, chatting with two beautiful girls whose legs ran for miles. Leave it to the brother of Thor, she thought irritably as she began to march right on over.

By the time that she was a few feet away she had barely caught Thing One when she said, "…always want to stretch before exercising. You know, loosen up."

And she gave quit a demonstration too, throwing her limbs all over the place and emphasizing the more bulky parts of her body. She couldn't see Loki's face, or even guess his reaction at such a show, but the thought that was running through her own mind was a serious, Slut Alert.

"Hey!" Jane snapped as she approached them, looking directly at the runaway god. The 'looser' of the two girls gave her quite a biting glare, while the younger one just smiled brightly, obviously not possessing the same mindset as her friend. Run while you can, kid, she thought. Loki whirled around, and his eyes narrowed at the sight of her, something she was beginning to think was an automatic reaction.

"You were in there for hours!" he snapped before she could get a word in. At her arrival, Loki completely shut out his surroundings again, his buzzing annoyance blocking out even the girls directly besides him. The 'loose' one sent her the death eyes, which she happily ignored.

"Hours, he says! I can't leave you alone for two seconds, can I?"

"You said, for only a minute! That was a precise fifteen!"

"That didn't mean you had to go off wandering willy-nilly!"

"I did not—!"

So infuriated with her to the point of speechlessness, Loki suddenly turned to the two poorly ignored girls and before Jane's very eyes his anger just melted off and he put on his brightest, most charming smile. She has never seen that smile before. All that fury—gone!

What the— How the hell did he do that?

"My apologies, madams," he said, as smooth as glass. "It has been an absolute pleasure, but as you can see I must take my leave now." And then he bowed—like a bloody prince.

Still reeling in shock, Jane could do nothing more than flap her jaw uselessly as the trickster snatched up her wrist and began dragging her away. By the time they had reached GameStop, she barely managed to squeak out, "…what?"

He seemed to get what she was saying. "When you live with an insufferable fool like Thor, one tends to learn how to keep their emotions in check," he said through gritted teeth. He looked back at her with one impressively arched eyebrow. "At least most of the time."

"Oh, I get it," she said coolly, shaking the iron grip off her arm. "I'm the exception to your emotions?"

His glare was positively vile, completely pacifying any significance of the earlier girl's death glares. Of course, Loki has had centuries of practice; and he had a natural talent, too.

"Where there is one person for everyone that compliments every single part of their being, a soulmate," he spat, "there is also one anti-person, one that insults and demoralizes everything that is their existence. You, Jane Foster, are my anti-person."

"Well, you rub me the wrong way, too," she snapped, folding her arms stiffly. Despite herself, her lips curled into a teensy smirk. "Still, it's kinda funny that you seem to think I'm the only person in the world who can really push your buttons."

That did it.

"Can we please just finish buying whatever is left and go home?" he cried, stopping half the people in the mall in their tracks. Jane chuckled, readjusting the bags strapped to her wrists.

"C'mon, slugger, let's go get some lunch."

~*O*~

To Be Continued...

Hey everybody! Remember me? Wow, I can't believe how much the Loki fanbase has populated since I last left it. The Lokane fanfiction had barely enough entries to make up one page. Now we have four! Yay! :D

I had drafted the shell of this story when Avengers was still fan speculation, so don't mind the simplicity of it all.

This is going to be a two-shot, so hopefully when I finally see Avengers sometime this week I'll get the inspiration I need to spin out the rest of this.

~DM-sama