Matchmaking the Cherry Blossom
A/N: This was written last year when I was still rolling about in the GB fandom. It should explain the seriously cracky, no point story but it really doesn't since I'm just as nutty this year. Also, this probably doesn't fit into the current timeline so uh... yeah.
Dedicated to Rabid Lola and Atropos' Knife. It's been far too long. (shakes head and bows)
Disclaimer: Rando-sensei's and Yuya-sensei's. Nothing but the cracked up plot is mine.
"…no."
Flip.
"…no."
Flip.
"No."
"Why not!"
Strong, stubborn silence.
"You know you're a real stiff, don't you?"
Silence.
Siiiiiigh…
-ººº-
There had been a discussion a week earlier about the ages of the Get Backers and their friends/allies/neutral acquaintances. The youngest was Gensui-sensei's grand daughter, Ren at 13. (The Specialist didn't count and neither did Akabane since no one was about to call him up and ask for his age, thanks very much.) The oldest was Ban's old mentor, 99-year-old Maria Noches. As far as they knew anyway. Ban commented that if Maria looked like that at 99, that should make Hevn at least 120.
For once, Ginji wasn't the one bashed into the wall of the Honky Tonk.
-ººº-
Flip.
"Hmmm…"
"Yes! Potential!"
"No."
Groan.
"When will you make up your MIND?"
"On an important decision like this-"
"Don't go into those flowery, long speeches of yours. I know."
"Then the purpose of your question?"
"Out of untold boredom and exasperation. We've been at this for HOURS!"
Flip.
"…no."
-ººº-
From the subject of ages, it had somehow lead onto the subject of a suitable age to get hitched and settled down. (N, not that any of them were thinking about getting married anytime soon of course… such a nerve suggesting such a thing…)
Kazuki mentioned that in the Fuchoin family, the age of consent for anyone to get married was around twenty. Those below that age were considered too immature and too young. It taught brash lovers to wait and to think things through. Most times, it worked.
Shido recalled that the Fuyukis and Maryuu people in general could marry in their late teens, say about seventeen or eighteen. If they thought they were ready of course. (Everyone glanced at Madoka and "coughed".)
Emishi said that the Rouran were allowed to get married a little earlier, about fifteen to sixteen usually. Not that he had had any such luck…
Juubei revealed that the Kakkei clan left the subject of marriage to the couples themselves. If they thought they were ready, then by all means go ahead.
Kazuki looked thoughtful for a minute then spoke up.
"That was for the boys as I remember. Girls had to be married by 24. I can't recall the reason… but if they weren't, the matriarchs didn't really look kindly upon it."
-ººº-
Flip.
"…………no."
"Aw man… how long is this going to go on?"
"For as long as it takes."
"Meaning forever knowing you."
"Hmph."
Flip.
"No."
Flip.
"No."
"Fli-
"No."
"You haven't even LOOKED!"
"No."
Mutter "crazy…" mutter mutter "picky…" mutter.
Shing!
"Alright! Alright! Put those back before you poke someone's eye out!"
Silence.
"…uh…"
-ººº-
Everyone went over the ages of the females around following Kazuki's comment.
"Hevn?"
"21."
"Natsumi?"
"17."
"Ren's 13…"
"Madoka?"
"17."
"Clayman?"
"…looks twenty-ish."
"…Sakura?"
"…23."
Everyone fell silent, looking at Juubei.
"…your sister's got a year left before…" Emishi trailed off before he said something he'd never live to regret.
Juubei frowned. Hard.
-ººº-
Emishi flipped yet another glossy photo of one of the few dozen hundred males in Mugenjou with a tired sigh. Behind him were three five-feet stacks of pictures, all rejected.
And there was more coming silently out of MakubeX's blasted printer.
"No," said Juubei stoically after several moments of thought.
Emishi exchanged glances with the silver haired king of Mugenjou. MakubeX could only smile in slight exasperation. Humouring the man of the needles seemed to be the best way to go. As the Joker tossed the picture behind him he wondered for the sixteenth time in the past hour, just how on earth Juubei could assess someone by a picture when he was blind.
He decided, for the sixteenth time, he didn't want to know.
It was a good thing Sakura had a high patience level as she watched from afar with a sigh, her brother try to choose "a husband worthy of Sakura".
Honestly, Ban-san had been right.
Her otouto spoke in a style long gone with the samurais, had principles that wouldn't budge for anything and clung to tradition like a barnacle to a ship.
He really was a "samurai boy."
End.
Epilogue:
Flip!
Midou Ban.
Juubei frowned. "Too brash."
Riiip.
Flip!
Amano Ginji.
"…too volatile."
Riiip.
Flip!
Wan Paul.
"…too old."
Riiip.
Flip!
MakubeX.
"…too young."
Riiip.
Flip!
Doraemon.
"….Emishi…"
"What! He's got useful gadgets and he's single! Well, 'cept for a few cat girlfriends here and there but that's nothing a good marriage can't cure!"
"..."
"Right, right…"
Riiip.
Flip!
Fuyuki Shido.
"He has set his affections on Otowa Madoka, asyou mayrecall."
Riiip.
Flip!
Kiyouji Kagami.
"…Emishi..."
Riiip.
Flip!
Toshiki Uryuu.
Emishi had barely enough time to duck as needles ripped the photo apart.
Flip!
Fudo Takuma.
"Gaah! Watch it! You nearly impaled me!"
"That was the point."
Flip!
Nikuman.
"……………."
"What! I'm hungry!"
"……………."
Riiip.
Flip!
Magaruma Gouzou.
"….no."
"I kinda figured. (If you'd said yes, that would have been a sign of the apocalypse.)"
Riiip.
Flip!
Akabane Kuroudo.
Emishi stared at the needle, the bigger-than-usual-2-cm-in-diameter-highly-dangerous-needle, shuddering beside his ear, about a millimeter away.
Rip rip rip rip rip!
Flip!
Radou Gensui.
"….Emishi…"
Riiip.
Flip!
Juubei stared (or seemed to) at the seven photos attached to each other by cellophane tape.
"…who are they?"
"Uh, the Miroku Seven."
"….is there some reason why the photos are all attached?"
"Uh… well, the thing is… if you choose one, you get the other six. But for free!"
"….there is a girl amongst them."
"Ahaha… terms and conditions still apply."
"…………I will not subject Sakura to such… such… abnormality."
"But… we're all abnormal what with Shido and his animals and Ginji and his lightning and Kazuki and his strings-"
"EMISHI..."
It took some time to ripping all seven photos.
Flip!
Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales
"………………………………………………………………………"
"What! He's a gaijin, he's rich and he's a prince! I dunno why but girls like him!"
"………………………………………………………………………"
"Did I mention he's a prince?"
"………………………………………………………"
"….right. (Wouldn't have been able to kidnap him here to Mugenjou anyway. Ban and Ginji's passports were suspended after that last incident at the airport…)"
Riiip.
Flip!
Emishi Haruki.
Emishi grinned hopefully and widely.
Juubei remained silent.
For a LONG while.
"…is that a yes silence or a no silence?" ventured Emishi tentatively.
"…………………."
Emishi sadly ripped his own photo in two amidst torrents of tears and wailing.
Flip!
Kakkei Juubei.
"….Emishi… why is my picture in THERE…?"
"Eh-"
"Are you insinuating that I would stoop so low as to commit incest with my own SISTER!"
"Juubei, that's not what I meant at all! I'm sorry! It was an accident!"
Riip! Riip! Riip! Riip! Riip! Riip! Riip! Riip!
"There! All gone! Yipe! Juubei, calm down!"
After an hour and a half of hiding…
Flip!
Fuchoin Kazuki.
"….hmm…."
Emishi perked up from plastering his forehead. This sounded like a different sort of "hmm".
"My best friend, one I can trust with mine and Sakura's life… she's known him for some time… a good man with enough strength to protect my sister…"
The Joker leaned forward in expectation.
"Hmmm…."
"Yes….?"
"…yes. Yes… Kazuki it is."
Emishi punched the air.
"YEAH!"
MakubeX looked up from where he had been watching in amusement.
"Juubei-san… Kazuki's waiting for Ren, Gensui-sensei's grand daughter, in case you don't remember."
Emishi, in the midst of joyful, klutzy dancing face faulted. Juubei stroked his chin in contemplation and concurred that Kazuki couldn't marry his sister then.
The Joker was crying by this point. Not more pictures!
The End.
A/N2: Err, Prince William belongs to himself.
...look, I told you it was crack.