It was dark in the hotel room; the winter moon light crept into the room lightly shining onto Milton who lay in bed, trying desperately to sleep. No matter which position he was in, whether the blankets were on or off, he just couldn't sleep. It wasn't like the bed wasn't comfortable or anything of the sort; it was the thoughts that kept him up. The thought of returning home to his partner and to his child was on his mind a lot for the past month, and tonight it was worse.
With Christmas two days from now, it made him hurt to think about missing the holidays with his family. But about ten months ago was when Milton decided to walk out the door, to leave and take a break from everything. Philip had become frustrating and so had Milton; they both took it out on each other causing the couple's relationship to be placed on rough waters.
For eight of those ten months it was a break, a breeze. But during the ninth it started to dawn on him that he couldn't keep doing this, keep pretending that running away was a good idea. During the tenth, his heart finally began to ache, he wanted to return home and see his partner, hold his child, and spend the holidays in a place where he belonged. It was now on December 23rd that he made up his mind. Milton Mamet was going home.
The next morning bags were thrown onto a plane, and he was seated on it; ready to go.
Milton hailed a taxi the moment all his bags were back in his possession; he was nervous and had noted his hands even got clammy on the way home. He had no idea what he was to say to Philip, 'Where did you go?' 'Why ten months?' 'What did you do?' 'Did you meet someone new?' Milton kept thinking of all the questions he could imagine being drilled with as he came through the door.
Would Philip even want him home? Did he move on? Milton was slowly regretting this, but if nothing else he returned for his daughter. But he knew at the back of his mind he wanted everything he had with Philip back.
When the taxi arrived at his home he breathed in and out slowly, his nerves spiked higher now as his bags were clutched in his hands, heading up the familiar stairs to the front door. Before he could even knock the door flung open with a small girl coming out right after; latching herself onto Milton, arms wrapped tightly around him. He dropped his bags and returned the gesture as he listened to her sniffle into his jacket.
Her tiny voice muffled by the fabric, but he could faintly hear her whisper 'You're finally home, Papa.'
Milton felt guilt wash over him, he shut his eyes and whispered back, 'I know, I'm here to stay now.'
Philip was making his way home from another day of handing out resumes, going to interviews and all together finding a way to keep his home and daughter. He had been going through job after job, but each failed after he kept showing up late and eventually messing up. It wasn't like he couldn't focus or work; it was honestly just his exhaustion from keeping his daughter entertained and cared for.
Eventually all his bosses got tired of his constant screw ups and fired him, it was becoming hard to keep things together now, as he could barely afford a babysitter for his little girl anymore, and he could afford to shop for groceries. It got worse each month and now he was close to losing the house.
For each month Milton was there, no, for each day Milton was there, Philip felt more and more guilty and only wanted for him to return home. He pinned it all on himself for why Milton had walked out the door. Why he hadn't seen him in 10 months, and every day that passed he just wanted to call him up and ask for him to return, tell him how sorry he was.
Even though it was a joint problem and both of them had caused this, he still couldn't help but feel guilt. Philip had practically pushed it to the point of his partner walking out the door, he could have done something to stop it, but instead it continued.
Pulling up to the house he got out and headed towards the door, before he could even pull out his keys he could hear two voices inside the house, one of them did belong to his daughter; but the other sounded familiar and for a moment he thought it sounded like- 'No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't come back.'
He unlocked the door and made his way inside; headed straight to the living room, wondering who it was that was in his daughters company. But Philip had guessed it right; keys and jacket hit the floor as he stared into the living room in disbelief. His heart fluttered but his stomach went into knots as guilt flooded his system. But Philip just remained staring, not saying a word because he simply didn't know what to say. His guilt and happiness where clashing and words couldn't form as he internally struggled.
Milton looked up and gave him a meek smile, "I dismissed the baby sitter-"
"Where have you been all this time?" The question came out of Philips mouth suddenly, cutting him off. He was giving Milton almost a helpless look; he was dying inside; wanting to know the answer badly. With no contact, Philip didn't have the slightest clue where his lover had gone, or had done.
"Clearing my head."
"Please, tell me you're back now?" Philip looked completely broken at this point, he didn't even realize it, but he was perfectly displaying just how much he knew he had messed up. How much he missed Milton, how much he wished he would have come home to him, and tell him how sorry he was.
"I am." The answer was simple, but his face showed just as much damage as Philips did. He knew that he had just got up and left them for ten months, and he felt terrible more and more every second he looked at Philips torn face.
"You know, you're all I wanted for Christmas this year."
Milton heard Philip and took a moment to think before he replied. He wasn't sure how exactly to reply, but he knew that what his partner had said made him feel worse, if it were any more possible for him to. He regretted leaving for so long, but maybe it was necessary. Maybe.
He looked Philip right in the eyes, voice firm as he spoke the truth. What he really wanted for the past few months. What he thought about and what pushed him to get onto that plane this morning. "Home is what I wanted."
Philip gave him a small smile before walking over to him and sitting next to Milton; both now watched as their daughter curiously wondered around the tree, investigating each present. Philip noticed the gifts that that had been added to their empty tree and smiled; he knew Milton wouldn't forget about presents. He was so uptight about having everything read on time; just that thought made him reach other and grab Milton's hand.
He felt bad in a sense because in all honesty, their daughter most likely wouldn't have gotten presents this year, thanks to him. He was grateful to Milton, not just for that, but also glad that the man he loved had come home.
"Thank you."
