A/N: Written for someone on livejournal for christmas - only it didn't turn out cheery. REALLY NOT for those who are under 16/18, and wow this is one of the most explicit thing's I've ever written (and allowed others to see). Reviews are good for the soul (and muse). :)
Weak
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
'Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear
~ Lily Allen, The Fear.
*~*~*
Gold.
Blue.
Silver.
Red.
The man, who looked barely old enough to be called as such, watched as colours danced before his eyes in the half light of the store. Raising one hand he reached out, selecting one of the objects in front of him.
"This one."
The clerk behind the counter nodded, putting the trays he'd been holding onto the counter behind him.
"Very well, Sir," he said, his face lacking any real emotion. The clerk held out his hand and the object was deposited into it, the normally cold, harsh metal now warmed by the young man's hand.
"Wrapped?"
"No, just in a bag, please," the man replied, withdrawing a bag of Galleons out of his pocket as he spoke.
The clerk nodded, expecting such an answer, and drew a small satin drawstring bag out from under the counter. Dropping the object in, he pulled the strings taut, and placed the bag onto the glass counter top between them.
"How much?"
"The same as all the others times," the clerk replied. He smiled tightly as the man nodded to himself and withdrew the correct amount, handing it over with little thought.
The clerk took the Galleons, and watched as the man grabbed the satin bag and put it and his hand deep into the pocket of his cloak, turning and walking out of the store without a word or a glance behind him.
Returning the trays to the display, the man sighed. That young man had been into this shop more times these last few months than most of his customers ever did. It wasn't healthy.
x.x.x.x
The young man, his shoulder-length blond hair glinting in the late summer sun, criss-crossed Diagon Alley, entering shop after shop, each time leaving the stores with at least one bag more weighing him down.
He could have shrunk them, cast weightlessness charms upon them and stored them in his pocket, but the burden already deep in the folds of his robe was heavy enough.
Entering one last clothes store, he smiled at the assistant as she turned to greet him.
"Ah, Mr Malfoy. Back again are we?"
Draco smiled genially and placed his bags down on the chair by the cash desk. "Yes indeed."
"What can we get for you today then?" the middle-aged woman running the store asked kindly.
"I need a few shirts. Blue and green, I think," Draco replied. He moved forward towards the racks of clothes and began shifting them across the rail, one at a time, as he shook his head, discounting each for different reasons.
"Right, Mr Malfoy," the sales lady said, moving into action as he moved from the first rack, to the second. "Your size, I take it?"
Draco paused in his cynical assessment of a navy blue silk shirt, looking up. "Oh, no. The same size as the ones I bought last week. If you remember?"
The sales lady paused for a moment before nodding, her hand coming up beside her head in a gesture of understanding. "Yes, okay," she replied, before disappearing behind a thick, dark curtain behind the cash desk.
Draco wandered around the store for a few moments, glancing half-heartedly at a few items, picking up a belt and examining it thoughtfully before the woman reentered the room, her arms full of material.
"Here we are," she said, placing her load onto the desk. "I've brought a wide range for you to look through. All of them are either silk or linen."
Draco approached the desk and the woman watched as he quickly sifted through the shirts, setting two aside after a few minutes. "These two."
Nodding the woman collected the others up and placed them back in the back-room, out of the way.
"Anything else?" she asked, as she folded the shirts carefully, and began putting them into a bag.
"Yes. Scarves," Draco said, glancing around the shop, looking for something. "Do you sell them?"
"Of course!" the woman said, cheerily. "Let me show you."
Draco followed the woman and in a short time had chosen two scarves which were duly packed in with the shirts. Sealing the bag with a small sticking spell, the sales woman accepted the galleons from Draco.
"Thank you," he said, his tone somewhat subdued. Grasping the bag's handles he moved to the chair where his other belongings were waiting and collected them, leaving the store silently.
The woman behind the counter placed the galleons into the cash box, a small frown on her face. Looking up she watched through the window as he passed the front of the store, heading in the direction of the Leaky cauldron. Sighing, she nodded sadly as she saw him disappear out of view, and set about her work once more.
x.x.x.x
Setting down his bags by the door, Draco delved one hand into the pocket of his robe and withdrew the satin bag within it. Opening it up Draco tipped the ring out, watching as the last of the evenings light reflected off the brushed silver surface for a few moments before he slid it onto the ring finger on his left hand.
Holding his hand out and looking at it for a few moments longer, he smiled and shook his hair back over his shoulders. Bending to pick up his bags, Draco opened the door to his home.
His and Harry's home.
"Harry!" Draco called, as he dumped the bags on by the door and started unbuttoning his outer robe. "You here?"
Draping his robe over the back of the settee in the centre of the room, he smiled as a pair of arms came around him.
"I'll take that as a yes?" Draco said, bringing a hand up to touch Harry's hand where it rested on his chest.
"Mmm," Harry replied as he brought his lips to Draco's neck, kissing it briefly before inhaling deeply. "Love how you smell."
Draco smiled and turned in Harry's arms until he faced him. Putting his hands around Harry's waist he kissed him, his eyes sliding closed for a few moments as he basked in the sensation of his tongue sliding against Harry's.
Harry pulled away and Draco opened his eyes, smiling back at Harry, who moved his head forward and kissed quickly on the lips once more. "Where've you been today?" he asked, rubbing his palms over Draco's back.
"Shopping."
"Oh? Buy anything for me?" Harry said, a cheeky grin on his face as he pinched Draco's arse.
"Yes, as a matter of fact," Draco said, swatting the hand away as it reached out to pinch his bum again.
"Let's see then."
Rolling his eyes in mock annoyance at Harry's impatience, Draco moved to the bags and selected the one from the shop he'd been to last. "Here," he said, holding the bag out to Harry.
Harry took the bag, sitting down on the settee and patting the spot next to him. "Come sit."
Draco did, and watched silently as Harry undid the sticking charm on the bag and withdrew the small pile of material inside. Harry shook out on of the shirts - the royal blue - and looked to Draco a smile about his lips. "Is it linen?"
Draco nodded and Harry leant forward and kissed him on the cheek before turning back to the remaining items. As he opened up the second shirt, this one emerald green, Draco reached out and ran his finger along the length of the sleeve. "Silk?" Harry said, his voice quiet.
Draco nodded once more. "Yeah."
Harry bunched up the material in his hands and rubbed his cheek along the material, his eyes meeting Draco's before they moved away and Harry put the shirt to one side with the other.
Draco stood and moved across the room to the remaining shopping bags as Harry unwrapped the two scarves he'd bought. Picking up one or two items out of the bags, he turned and watched as Harry ran the fine lengths of silky material through his fingers.
Harry turned to him and one eyebrow rose in question as he held out the two scarves. "And these are for...?"
Draco smirked, unable to stop a blush coming to his cheeks as he crossed the small distance between them to take the scarves from Harry. "Tonight."
Harry stood and, grasping the dangling end of the two thin scarves that Draco now held, he brought them up and around Draco's neck. Taking both ends and ignoring that Draco was still holding onto them, he pulled Draco closer to him, until he could place a kiss on Draco's lips. "Tonight, eh?" He whispered, breath hot on Draco's ear as he kissed his cheek, his neck, his ear.
"Yes," Draco replied swallowing hard as Harry's hand came to brush up against his groin, fingers purposefully teasing his already half-hard cock. Steeling himself momentarily, he pulled back and removed the scarves from Harry's grasp. "Have you eaten?"
Harry nodded and looked Draco up and down, his eyes lingering on his crotch rather obviously before moving back up to meet his eyes. "Yes, I ate at Hermione's earlier."
Draco smiled, thankful for once that he'd not have to wait, and moved forward, grabbing Harry's t-shirt in a fist. "Well then, that makes things easier," he said, grinning as Harry eyes widened briefly before he eagerly followed as Draco pulled him towards the bedroom.
x.x.x.x
Harry whined as Draco bit lightly at his jawline, writhing as much as he could on the bed underneath Draco. "Draco, gods," he murmured, his breath coming quick and fast as Draco kissed and nipped his way down Harry's torso, his hands seemingly everywhere at once, overloading Harry's senses.
Draco sat back, settling on his knees between Harry's spread legs. "Gods, hmm?" Draco said, his tone teasing. Running a hand up Harry's thigh, he took in Harry's position. Hands tied above his head with one of the newly bought scarves and his eyes masked with the other, he looked delectable. Draco stopped his hand as he came to Harry's hip, circling close to Harry's hard and leaking prick for a few moments before sliding back down his thigh.
Repeating the motion with both hands for a few moments he watched as Harry hips bucked, trying unsuccessfully to direct his touch towards his cock.
"Ah, ah, you know the rules, Potter," Draco said as he pushed Harry's hips back into the bed. "Play along nicely now."
Harry made a sound of frustration and Draco watched as Harry swallowed, his Adam's apple moving in his throat. "Draco," he said pleading, lifting his head up from the pillow in a vain attempt to see .
Draco ignored him and continued his movements up and down Harry's thighs for a few moments more before giving into temptation and leaning forward to lick a stripe up the length of Harry's prick.
"Ah, fuck," Harry cried out, hips jerking as Draco repeated the motion back down his shaft.
Draco slid a hand up Harry's thigh again, this time coming to rest at the juncture of Harry's thighs and cupping his balls teasingly as he moved his head up and slid Harry's cock into his open mouth, moving his tongue against him in the way he knew Harry loved.
Using his other arm to hold Harry's hips down, Draco moved his hand to grasp the base of Harry's cock, squeezing as his mouth moved over the head. Harry whined again and Draco sucked harder, tightening his lips over Harry's cock as his hand moved up and down the shaft, in rhythm with his mouth. Letting his teeth ever so gently scrape over Harry's cock once or twice, Draco smiled inwardly as Harry keened and then he did it again. Harry panted and Draco knew the precise moment he was about to come because he tensed for a fraction of a second, his muscles tensing and relaxing, before Draco felt the first splash flooding his mouth.
Harry let out a groan and Draco sucked, taking every drop as Harry relaxed back onto the bed. Pulling back, Draco swallowed and quickly moved up Harry's body, pulling off the blindfold as he settled on top of him.
"Hmm," Draco said, kissing him once on the lips. Harry smiled, a little dazed still, and lifted his head once more to kiss Draco.
Giving in, Draco kissed Harry properly, sharing the lingering taste of him with himself and rubbing his own cock against Harry's hip as he did, the almost-but-not-quite-enough friction maddening.
"Does that mean it's my turn now?" Harry asked.
Draco shook his head and lifted himself onto his elbows and knees for a moment, removing the temptation to rub against Harry some more. "No," he answered, watching as Harry eyed his erection hungrily.
Harry shrugged as well as he was able to with his arms still bound to the head of the bed and moved his legs carefully so that Draco's were once more in between his. "Going to fuck me then?"
Draco licked his lips and moved to kiss Harry's chest. "Not." Kiss. "Today." Kiss.
"What then?" Harry said, lifting a leg to curve around Draco's back and pull him closer so that he was once more laid on top of him his weight only partially supported on his elbows. "Want me to suck you while I'm tied up?" he whispered against Draco's cheek. "Or are you going to rub up against me? Come all over me?"
Draco groaned as Harry spoke and nodded into Harry's neck. "Yesssss."
Harry's other leg came around Draco's lower back and tightened until Draco's aching cock was trapped between them. Draco moaned as Harry moved a little, shifting his hips this way and that, his skin moving against Draco's cock.
Lifting his head from Harry's shoulder, Draco kissed Harry, his tongue loosely tangling with Harry's as he began moving his hips, rubbing against Harry slowly.
"That's it, yeah," Harry moaned, biting Draco's lip playfully. "Come on, faster."
Draco gasped as his already over-sensitive prick slid up and down Harry's skin, the friction causing shivers up and down his spine. He moved a hand to grasp Harry's hip, steadying himself somewhat when Harry shifted beneath him, in counterpoint to Draco's movement and the sensations intensified.
Gasping, Draco moved back to Harry's mouth, the kiss rough and inaccurate as Draco shuddered and came, faster than he thought he would. Taking big lungfuls of air, he dropped his full weight onto Harry, hearing no complaints, and revelled in the feeling of his release on their skin between them for a few moments before rolling off to one side and looking at Harry with sleepy eyes.
"Love you," Harry said quietly, looking at Draco with his piercing green eyes. Draco moved a hand to Harry's lips, brushing his fingers over them for a few moments, silently watching Harry's face.
"Love you, too," he finally said into the silence, stilling his hand over Harry's chest and casting a wandless cleaning charm on them both. "Want to be untied?" Draco asked sleepily.
"Mm, please," Harry answered. Draco unbound the scarf from around the headboard and Harry moved to spoon behind Draco, one arm tightening over his waist, held there until he drifted into slumber.
Draco lay there, in the dim light from the candle, his mind already on other things. As Harry shifted in his sleep, turning over so his back was to Draco, he shifted so he was sitting up and turned to look at Harry. The low light from the candle on the bedside table was barely enough to see by, but Draco could see what he needed to: Harry. His Harry.
He sighed and bit his lip regretfully, dropping his head and closing his eyes before allowing himself to fall back onto the pillows behind him and snuggling up close to Harry. He'd wait it out, make it last, he told himself.
x.x.x.x
Hours later, Draco woke up slowly and stretched, moaning deep in his throat at the delicious sensation of stretching sleepy muscles out. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he sat up slowly, already knowing what he'd done, but willing it not to be so.
Minutes passed by and eventually he opened his eyes, turning his head to look at the empty side of the bed. Harry wasn't there.
Of course he wasn't.
Because none of it was real.
Frustrated, angry, distressed, and ashamed of himself all at once, Draco looked to the ring on his finger. "Stupid fucking... fuck!" he said, his voice getting louder with each word as he realised he really had let himself do it again.
He was weak. He hated being weak.
Getting out of bed, unmindful of his nakedness, he marched into the living room, pausing at the sight of the untouched shopping bags by the door. Not real, the voice in his head rang out, tauntingly.
Approaching the mantle he took a box from behind the picture frame on the left hand side, swallowing hard. Old and ornate, the silver jewellery box looked inconspicuous and Draco ran his fingers over the patterned top before sitting down on the settee in front of the fireplace and opening it.
Inside the box were rings. All identical to the one on his hand and Draco let out a short cry of frustration as he looked at how many there were.
He hated the sight of them, hated what they proved; that he was weak and couldn't stop himself from going out and buying those rings, those thrice damned fantasy rings, and pretending it was all okay.
Because it wasn't. None of it had been real from the moment he'd put it on.
Pulling the ring on his hand off roughly, the skin on his finger turning an angry red at the harsh treatment, Draco dropped the ring into the box and shoved it back on the mantle piece behind the photo frame, angry at himself. Stepping back, meaning to return to bed, his eyes met the contents of the photo frame and his jaw tightened with the effort of not letting himself break down.
He hated being weak.
Sitting down on the settee front of the fire, Draco's head was propped up by his hands, elbows resting on his knees as he leant forward, staring into the dead fire. He sighed sadly and shook his head. "Fake, real... I don't know," he whispered to the empty room, choking back a sob.
Moving onto the settee fully, he tucked his legs up to one side and draped the blanket from the back of the sofa over them and lay down on his side.
Staring into the cold fire resolutely, he refused to let himself think about the photo, or the unpacked shopping by the door; bags on bags of clothes he'd never wear. And he didn't once think or dwell on the eight or nine, or was it ten now?, rings inside the box on the mantle, each marking Draco's desperation and despair.