school shooting from 4x18 referenced vaguely
Free Fall
Relief crashes heavy over Sam, rolling over his entire being like a wave onto the shore. Adrenaline moments ago kept him from falling apart but now the come down leaves his muscles burning. Exhaustion consumes him now that he knows Brittany is whole and solid and warm in his embrace.
Safe.
Everybody is safe. Sam is tired, his knees weak and his head pounding. He clings to Brittany, he shudders against her and tries to forget how scared and powerless he had felt.
Brittany holds him up entirely for a heartbeat and he wants nothing more than to close his eyes and pretend that this embrace belongs to his mother. So easily he could drift away in her arms. But the feeling, the comfort of imaging his mother, is fleeting and nothing more than a fantasy. Leprechaun's gold. Brittany pulls away, wipes her tears onto her sleeve and focuses on the others. She is independent and so strong; she doesn't need Sam to reassure her.
Sam looks across the choir room as Brittany gathers the girls to her like a mother hen. As she floats away, Sam feels the fear fueled focus and single minded mania wash off of him. His eyes find the fallen metronome still ticking out its deafening rhythm. The piano catches his attention, askew because Blaine tried to move it in front of the door.
Blaine, brave Blaine, his best friend.
Blaine.
How had he forgotten Blaine?
Blaine who is tucked into a ball under the piano. Blaine who looks so young and small. Looks like he's about to break into a million pieces, not hysterically but silently like a sun imploding upon itself all alone in the vacuum of space. Seeing Blaine this way makes Sam's stomach lurch. Blaine is always so brave, so put together, so controlled.
Blaine's shoulders spasm in a soundless sob. The vulnerability of it hits Sam hard, the knowledge of how much Blaine means to him, the fact that Blaine is part of him now, their lives entwined in ways Sam never imagined. Blaine is the best friend he has ever had and Sam cannot imagine life without his steady presence. Every vision Sam has of his future includes Blaine.
He loves Blaine. And he knows Blaine loves him. And right now all Sam knows is that Blaine needs him.
Sam is at Blaine's side before he is even conscious of taking the first step.
Sam doesn't need words with Blaine. As always Blaine accepts all that Sam is without judgement, without conditions. Even now, as Blaine struggles to hold himself together, Sam knows that Blaine understands.
Blaine blinks up at Sam from underneath glittering eyelashes. His eyes overbright and frightened. Sam's heart stutters painfully against his ribs as he holds Blaine's gaze. The overwhelming urge to protect Blaine from the pain that is etched across his face and heavy across his shoulders propels Sam forward.
Without hesitation, Sam leans down and places his hands under Blaine's armpits, against his ribs. Sam can feel Blaine's heart hammering through the thin polyester of the Cheerios uniform. The fragility of Blaine sends a shiver down Sam's spine.
Suppressing the chill he suddenly feels, Sam lifts Blaine in one gentle, fluid motion. Blaine offers no resistance to Sam's hold, he comes into Sam's arms with no hesitation. He leans desperately into Sam's touch.
For a moment Blaine is utterly still but for the pounding of his heart, like the jarring beat of the metronome, pulsing against Sam's hands. Sam holds Blaine a little bit tighter. Blaine clutches at Sam's back, leans heavily into the embrace and stills for a second as the last traces of his facade crumble away. Blaine stutters out a whimpering sob.
Blaine cries and Sam holds him. Blaine comes apart in Sam's arms. Sam staggers under the trust Blaine gives him so freely and he holds on a bit tighter. Blaine trusts Sam to hold him together and Sam will not let him down.
Sam is not just giving comfort though, holding Blaine comforts Sam like the embrace he imagined from his mother. But he is acutely aware that it is Blaine, and only Blaine, fitted tightly in his arms. No pretending now. He holds Blaine and Blaine holds him and they fit together perfectly.
After a while Blaine's heart slows into a normal pace and his sobs become breaths again. Sam doesn't let go though, not yet, and Blaine comes back together in his arms. He gathers all his courage and strength with Sam still wrapped around him. Blaine is beautiful and so brave and so important. Sam needs Blaine but Sam knows now Blaine needs him too.
Finally they part from the cocoon of their embrace. But as they seperate, Sam feels closer to Blaine than ever before.
Sam knows at that moment that Blaine is a part of him. The feeling is freeing and frightening and familiar.
It feels like falling in love.
And the most terrfying thing of all is Sam lets himself fall freely.