AN: Helloo my pretties. I've been having a nasty case of writer's block for God knows how long, I need to write something meaningful but short to try make the block go away. By the way, this one is SLASH and MOVIE VERSE [the theme in this one is easier if it is written as movie verse]. So no flames ya?
Summary: This takes place in Lorien. Legolas and Haldir have been lovers, but Legolas feels a shadow growing, and to make things worse, he feels as though Haldir is going to leave…..
Ilfirin-amin.
My heart felt heavy, as though some unknown force was pulling it down under, under deep black waters, too deep and too dark to overcome.
The Golden Wood was still beautiful, still peaceful; it almost felt surreal to me, for my heart was experiencing things that were totally different. All of a sudden, I had a strong urge to cry, but I kept the tears at bay. Why was my heart so heavy? Why did it hurt so?
My legs had wills of their own, walking me down a familiar path, the roots and earth so predictable and unchanging. By the time I had reached my destination I had to use all of my willpower to hold back my tears that were threatening to spill. I cursed inside, feeling helpless and furious at the turbulence in my heart. I forced a smile. I slowly walked towards the waterfall waiting for me. I walked towards my lover, Haldir.
I could not help but feel some warmth spread through me, no matter how dismal the amount. He turned around to welcome me. He smiled widely, I gave in and threw myself into his arms and hugged him tight. I smelled his hair, breathed in deeply. Always the same, it smelled of morning dew and the smell of the air after rain. I inhaled deeply, and found myself trembling. I felt his hand gently push us apart, his face filled with worry and concern.
"What is the matter ilfirin-amin? What is it that makes your heart ache?" He asked softly as he stroked my sensitive ear. I let myself rest into his palm and just smile. "It's nothing."
How typical, I thought it was. I said it nonetheless.
"Hmm…you do not sound very convincing my prince. There IS something wrong. Tell me, please?" He gave me a sort of look a begging puppy would, and I only gave him my best smile and cut him off by kissing his soft lips. He moaned into the kiss and I felt his strong hands support my back and bring me down onto the forest floor.
At first it was all going slowly, time seemed to lengthen, it almost stopped. Pulling off each other's clothing, I laced my fingers through his hair as he kissed my face feverishly.
I was drowning. Drowning in the pleasure he gave me and the memories and burning feeling in my heart. I loved him. For God's sake I loved him. My head was beginning to spin even before anything really happened. I felt his hands roam my body, I could feel the intensity build, our breaths becoming more and more broken. I sucked on his lower lip till it was swollen, and he bit my neck till it was marked. Valar. It felt so good. I kissed him hard, and I could feel the tears run down my cheeks.
I could feel it. He was going away. I didn't know when but I knew it. He was going to leave forever and never come back. It nagged at the back of my mind.
"He's going! He's leaving! He will depart. You fool."
But I tried to ignore it so, but I failed the minute I felt it. He did not know that I was crying, and he whispered into my ear and I nodded, and he thrusted into me and I screamed. I don't know how many elves had heard my screams or were roused from their sleep, but I just screamed. I screamed in pleasure and pain. Pain? It wasn't physical, it was the torment inside. I knew somehow he was leaving, but I still did not let go. I held onto him as though for dear life.
The pressure of everything just hit me at the same time, leaving my head in a mess. His voice soothed it somehow; and I finally begin to feel what Haldir was giving me.
All his love was poured into me. But why? Why bother? Are we really going to live forever? Are we really going to love each other forever? Am *I* going to be the one who leaves? Why do things when not everything is certain?
"Ilfirin-amin." He whispered harshly as he felt his climax approaching. "Ilfirin-amin." All over, and over again. My mind was already clouded by then, my climax reaching as well.
Why did he always call me that, I wondered.
Finally after his last thrusts I screamed, my throat on fire, my heart pounding, and we lay on top of each other, content. He gently stroked my matted hair as our breaths began to steady. And suddenly he realized that I had been crying, and he kissed my teary eyes.
"Why do you weep?" he whispered in my ear.
"Because I fear." I whispered back. He smiled. "There is nothing to fear. I will protect you, ilfirin-amin." I frowned. "Why do you always call me so? You speak as though only I am an immortal. You too are an immortal. Why?" I felt as though I was going to cry again. Haldir brought me closer to him in an embrace. He stroked my head and rocked me. I tried to fight the feeling but me eyes were starting to tire. No! I couldn't fall asleep. I had to know! But the hands of slumber were crafty, and they slowly dragged me into deep slumber, and before I retired, I could only faintly hear Haldir's sweet voice say,
"Because you will have to live and go on, for me."
I must have cried in my sleep.
Arrows flew through the air, piercing many men and elves. My heart ached so badly, but I had to go on. I had to go on for the sake of Aragorn, Gimli, my friends who had fallen. And then, time seemed to stop as I turned around. I saw an elf on his knees, quavering. His arm had been pierced and his back had been stabbed. There was no way he would be able to survive. I could feel tears spring into my eyes.
We are elves. Are we not immortal? Are we not supposed to live forever? Why? I ran. I ran over to the elf. And the tears that threatened to spill, spilled. It was Haldir. His breathe turned shallow and painful as I cradled him in my arms. I felt his blood seep into my own clothes. But he still looked up at me, a smile on his face. My tears splashed onto his dirty cheeks. I was already choking for breath; it was just so hard to breathe. I bent down to kiss his lips and forehead. He smiled weakly at me.
He whispered, "I love you. Ilfirin-amin."
And as I whispered "I love you" back, he closed his eyes, never to be opened again.
I cried and cried. And then I knew. I realized.
He knew all along.
AN: Hmm..I'm not very sure how you guys like it but please review so I'd know and will try not to produce crap in the future.