Hey, here's a fun, little one-shot. It's SasuNaruSasu and shonen-ai. I hope that it's funny!
Brought to You By Love Puff
Quote:
"Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."
-Announcer
Sasuke walked into his living room to find Iruka and Naruto already there with their eyes glued to the television.
Well, Naruto's eyes were glued to the television, Iruka seemed vaguely confused and more than a little disapproving.
"Really, you watch this?" Iruka asked.
Naruto nodded fervently, his eyes not leaving the television. "To Possess the Evening is the best damn show on television."
"It's a low budget soap opera."
"The characters are their strong point," Naruto replied.
Naruto was curled up in the armchair that had somehow become his and he had a bowl of popcorn and M&Ms and was methodically rifling through the popcorn in order to pick out the M&Ms. Then he would eat the popcorn.
Naruto would do this every time they watched To Possess the Evening. This wasn't to imply, of course, that Sasuke watched such a pointless show. He was merely present in the living room at this time of day for the past few weeks. It was not due to his own fault or whatever that the television was already on and set to channel 22.
"Good, you're here, Sasuke," Naruto said, "I know you hate to miss the 'previously' part."
Sasuke scowled at Naruto and ignored Iruka's raised eyebrow. He should just turn and walk out of the room. And insult Naruto on his way out. Maybe even break the television. It was his television after all.
But-
He was already in the living room. And he would not let them chase him out of his own living room. So, with all the regality of the snob he was, Sasuke walked to his spot on the couch and sat.
The only sound was the small crunch of the M&M candies between teeth followed by the thick chewing of melting chocolate. Naruto had the remote in his hand ready to turn the television's sound back on.
"Is this what you were wasting your time on during Academy?" Iruka asked suddenly and suspiciously.
"No," Naruto said somewhat indignantly as he struggled to swallow the candy in his mouth. "I didn't understand how much To Possess the Evening rocked until recently. It's for grown-ups, Iruka. It's not like that baby stuff I used to watch."
Sasuke wished that Naruto would stop talking.
"What were you watching back then?"
Naruto readjusted so that he was on his knees facing Iruka. "I used to follow Love Me Most before I realized that that show was lame. And I'd also watch Sorority Confusion, but that was on really late at night and I'd usually fall asleep before it would start."
Sasuke glanced over at Naruto. He'd seen an episode of Sorority Confusion before and it was...
"You used to watch Sorority Confusion?" Iruka fairly exclaimed, "How old were you?"
"'bout 8 or 9," Naruto said, filling his mouth with more M&Ms. Sasuke didn't understand how Naruto could eat M&Ms so indiscriminately. Naruto never even attempted to sort them by color first.
"Eight or nine," Iruka repeated faintly.
"Yeah. And that show was crazy! I didn't think that siblings were supposed to, y'know, sleep with each other. Or teachers either," Naruto paused and gave Iruka a suspicious look.
Iruka immediately blushed. "Naruto you shouldn't watch trash like that! It's completely unrealistic!"
"I said I stopped watching it a long time ago!" Naruto said with a scowl. "And how do you know about it anyway?"
Iruka's blush looked painful. Sasuke would have smiled if he were the sort of person who did that.
Silence reigned supreme.
"Here it is!" Naruto crowed, pressing the mute button and immediately the room was filled with obnoxious music.
"To Possess the Evening is brought to you by Love Puff," Naruto recited loudly with the announcer, "If you are looking to get cozy with your special someone, then spray yourself with some Love Puff, the best scent around."
Sasuke was used to sitting close enough to Naruto that he could hit the boy. Usually in order to get him to shut-up before the previously part started. Naruto had tried voicing over that section before and it hadn't ended very well between the two of them.
The last episode had been particularly exciting. Clarrisa had finally admitted to Tony that she was pregnant with Jason's baby and, in a jealous rage, Tony had tried to kill her. The conclusion to that was still pending. And then Dominique had finally confessed his love for Ramona and she was going to have to choose between her love for the exotic Dominique or her parents' expectation that she marry the woman-hating Thurston. And it had been revealed in the previous episode, as well, that Thurston's hatred might actually stem from a deeply hidden romantic interest in his long-time friend Damian.
Sasuke was secretly pleased that Tony was trying to kill Clarrisa. She was annoying and Sasuke much preferred Tony's interest in Belinda, his co-pilot. Though he supposed that it wouldn't be very good since Clarrisa was pregnant.
Naruto had violently disagreed with him over this issue. Naruto maintained that Belinda would be better with Dominique. And she'd always be able to fly him to his home country to see his sick younger sister.
At least they had both agreed that they didn't like Clarrisa.
It irritated Sasuke to hear Iruka's slight snort as the previously scenes flashed across the screen. If Iruka was just going to sit there and make fun of it then he shouldn't have bothered to come over in the first place.
"That's Clarrisa," Naruto stage-whispered to Iruka as Clarrisa and Tony rolled across the screen in a life-or-death struggle.
"Huh," Iruka replied.
Naruto sat up a little more in avid anticipation as Tony grabbed the butcher knife and it descended quickly towards Clarrisa's protruding abdomen. Naruto then gasped as the onscreen door flew open and Belinda stood in the doorway.
"That's Belinda," Naruto whispered again.
Iruka didn't reply.
Thurston and Damian stared at each other from across a small table covered with various types of alcohol, all nearly empty. "Damian," Thurston slurred, "There's something I need to tell you," he leaned across the table (knocking over several bottles) and grabbed Damian's hand.
"To Possess the Evening is brought to you by Love Puff, an erotic scent for erotic people," the announcer announced.
Naruto hit mute as bright commercials filled the screen. "I think he's gonna confess," Naruto said, "And I think that Belinda's gonna help Tony murder Clarrisa. And I think that Jason's gonna come back and avenge Clarissa's murder. What do you think, Sasuke?"
Sasuke struggled to maintain his composure under Iruka's glance. "Shut up, idiot," he muttered.
"Oh c'mon, don't be a bastard," Naruto said, "I know you still like Belinda better than Clarrisa, but Belinda is so self-sacrificing that she'll definitely give up Tony if she thinks that it'll make everyone happier."
"Don't be stupid," Sasuke said with disgust, "She's not that self-sacrificing. But she's not going to let a murder happen without stepping in. And of course Thurston is going to confess. They've had tension going on for the last five episodes."
"You thought they had tension for the last five episodes?" Naruto asked, "No way! I didn't notice anything, I thought that they were just mad at each other."
"Yeah, well you're not very perceptive to the differences between anger and tension," Sasuke said.
"What would you know about it?" Naruto demanded, digging in the bowl for the last of the M&Ms.
Sasuke stopped short. His eyes darted quickly to Iruka and then back to the television. "I'm just…guessing," he said.
Sasuke trained his eyes strictly on the television screen as Naruto popped the final three candies into his mouth. Therefore neither of them saw the small smile beginning on Iruka's face.
"To Possess the Evening is brought to you by Love Puff. A sexy scent for sexy people," the announcer said.
"Those are Ramona's parents," Naruto whispered to Iruka, as Ramona's domineering parents arrived to harass her.
Naruto gasped when they slapped her and a ludicrous smile adorned his face when Dominique appeared and swept Ramona into his arms.
Belinda stood in undecided shock as both Clarrisa and Tony pleaded with her to help rescue/kill them. Then suddenly Jason arrived. With a chainsaw.
"Fuck yes," Naruto said, his eyes glued to the screen.
"Naruto!" Iruka scolded.
"Shhh!" Naruto said harshly and Sasuke silently agreed without turning away from the program.
Jason walked two steps forward and ripped the cord to the chainsaw which came to life with a roar.
The scene cut away abruptly to Thurston and Damian. "Damian," Thurston said, "I love you. Elope with me."
The screen cut away to black and then revolved around a small, attractive bottle. "This episode was brought to you by Love Puff. Signal to your sweetie that you desire them."
"Oh man," Naruto said, stretching, "That was a great episode."
Iruka didn't say anything and Sasuke nodded absently as he replayed the episode in his head.
"I really hope that Jason uses that chainsaw! Against Clarrisa. Or Tony! Oh! And I hope that Damian accepts Thurston. It would work out perfectly 'cause then Ramona would be free to go with Dominique!"
"She'd lose her inheritance, though," Sasuke said thoughtfully.
"So what? She'd have Dominique!"
"Yeah, idiot, but if she has no inheritance then she also doesn't have a plane," Sasuke said, "And then they wouldn't be able to travel back to Dominique's home country."
Naruto hit the mute button as a commercial for Precious Moments figurines came on. "What did you think, Iruka?" Naruto said, turning around and swishing the leftover kernels in the bottom of the popcorn bowl.
"I, uh-"
Iruka was saved from having to answer at the sound of the side window sliding open and a "Yo."
"Hey Kakashi," Naruto said.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Kakashi. "I have a front door," he said sourly.
"Wow," Kakashi commented, "I wasn't expecting this little gathering here."
"We were watching To Possess the Evening," Naruto readily supplied.
Kakashi's eye widened and he looked consideringly at Iruka and Sasuke before shrugging. "Ah, it's not as good as Icha Icha," he said dismissively.
"Whaaat?" Naruto said, "How can you not like To Possess the Evening?"
"It focuses far too much on characters like Clarrisa and not enough on-"
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke cut Kakashi off abruptly.
Kakashi smiled, "Can't I just want to visit my favorite students?"
There was a silence. Kakashi shifted. "Fine. We have a mission tomorrow at eight in the morning. It'll take a few days before we're back."
Naruto looked to Iruka who sighed, "Yeah Naruto, I'll record the show for you."
Naruto grinned. Sasuke was always relieved that Naruto already had an arrangement for when they were gone.
Kakashi blinked suddenly and looked around.
He then smiled broadly, ignoring Iruka's questioning glance and Sasuke's suddenly poisonous glare. "See ya," he said, and exited the same way he came.
Kakashi managed to make it a modest distance before laughing.
"Of all the people to wear Love Puff…"
And there you have it! No offense intended to those out there who love soap operas. But, c'mon, you know that Naruto would love the soaps.
Review please!
-CR