So on a whim, I started watching the Carmen Sandiego series on Netflix. As of writing this, it's a pretty good new series. And it doesn't hurt that our boy Finn is in it basically playing Mike Wheeler in the 21st century while helping a master thief do her thing. I know you guys didn't click on this to hear my review of some new series, though, so here goes my story.
Siberia, Russia. November 7, 20XX. 0216 Hours.
Security cameras scanned back and forth outside the secure base. Inside, a man known only as Nine was admiring his latest score from a robbery. A valuable item known as the Grail of Dionysus. Supposedly it had been used by the god himself, and it was made entirely out of amethyst and gold. He was prepared to offer it to his bosses back at the 'Department of Energy'.
Then the lights flickered and there was a moving shape on the cameras.
"Nobody could've gotten through the security system…" he growled. He'd installed it himself—a top-of-the-line system that was used by museums all over the world. Nine got up and began to draw his weapon of choice.
I stole this. It's mine!
"Come out and fight, you coward!" he called.
"I wouldn't call myself a 'coward'," a female voice said behind him. He whirled around to see a woman with curly brown hair (topped with a pink fedora) wearing a pink overcoat and black pants. She had the Grail in her hand.
"Eleven…"
"It's Mage now. And you can remember it."
The lights flickered again and she was gone.
And so was the Grail.
"FUCK!"
"Great job with the security system, Bard. Never would've made it in by myself."
"Of course you wouldn't have. Paladin says you're beautiful and smart but hopeless with technology."
"Tell him to save it for when I bring the Grail back."
She slid out into the snow and a motorcycle roared up. The rider gave her a look through the visor on their helmet and tossed a second to her. Once she was on, they sped off into the night. Nine came out of his base screaming… only to find himself surrounded by law enforcement aiming guns at him. He got down on his knees and muttered about traitorous bitches.
Mage had gotten away.
My name is Mage, formerly known as Eleven, AKA Jane Hopper, and I'm a professional thief. I don't steal from dig sites or from museums, though; I steal from other thieves. Taking back priceless artifacts or pieces of history is what I do, returning them to where they belong so that others can take in their meaning and significance for themselves. It's not an easy path, but it's fun. Not to mention I get to stick it to the 'Department of Energy'—AKA the biggest crime syndicate in the world.
Now, of course, I can't do this on my own. I have a crew who backs me up through thick and thin.
First, there's Cleric, AKA Will Byers. He's our forgery expert who also happens to be my stepbrother. A sweet guy who doesn't have the mental fortitude for being in the field like I do. But he hates the 'Department of Energy' just as much as the rest of us. They kidnapped him when he was twelve, which was actually how he and I met, shortly before I met my birth father for the first time and was given a way out.
Then there's Ranger, alias Lucas Sinclair. He's in the field as much as I am, except he's not actually stealing anything. Usually, he's covering my ass by being the lookout/sharpshooter. If something's up, he'll call me and tell me to get out of there. He was the one who trusted me the least initially, but now we're really good friends. Any negativity between us is long dead and buried in the ground.
Next up is Zoomer—better known as Max Mayfield. Like me and Lucas, she's usually in the field. But she's basically our getaway driver and an expert in shaking off anybody who might be tailing us. In any given heist, she'll be waiting around the corner for the second I drop out of the building. And to think, when we met, we hated each other for no other reason than the facts that she thought I was a pretty popular girl and I thought she was trying to replace me.
Fourth up is Bard, or Dustin Henderson. For lack of a better term, he's our hacker and technological expert who can get into almost any system in the world. It's kind of weird to watch, but it's probably the thing that's saved me more times than anything else. If it weren't for him, I probably would have tripped more alarms and been arrested dozens of times over. Not to mention he thinks my skills are nothing short of awesome superpowers that I use for good instead of evil.
Finally, there's Paladin, known to others as Mike Wheeler. He's our leader and the one who's usually making the plans for our heists once he gets the necessary information. Like Will and Dustin, he's not really much of a field guy, but that doesn't stop him from trying to get out there. Usually, it's in an effort to protect me from whatever cops or agents are on my tail. No matter how many times I tell him I can protect myself. But I can't bring myself to be mad at him; after all, he's a thief who stole my heart and he calls me the thief who stole his.
Together, we're the Party—the most sophisticated group of thieves in the world. To everyone, we seem unstoppable, but my pink coat is the thing that kind of defines us. Mage is the name the world knows as the thief and Jane is the name they know as me.
"You got it?"
Mike opened the cargo hold of the plane to let Max drive the motorcycle up and park it. The redhead took off her helmet and El did the same, shaking out her curly brown hair. Of course, as soon as that was done, she pulled the Grail of Dionysus out of her bag and showed it off to her boyfriend.
"Got it."
"And Nine?"
"In the hands of Russian MPs." He swept her into a hug and they kissed briefly before Max gagged.
"Okay, lovebirds. Let's get moving before they come after us." She headed towards the cockpit. "LUCAS! GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
El and Mike strapped into their seats next to each other, the Grail secured elsewhere. With everyone onboard, they took off into the night. Mike smiled at his girlfriend and squeezed her hand gently.
A few hours later, they were still in the air, but El had gotten in a power nap and was now walking around the plane. She looked out the window at the ocean below and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Mike asked.
"Have you ever wondered what will happen once this is all over? Once the 'Department of Energy' is taken down for good and we don't have to do this anymore?"
"Of course I have." He leaned on the wall, supporting his lanky frame with his hand. "The only thing that will change is that we won't be off on globe-trotting heists. We'll still be together, and maybe we can take the next step we discussed."
She knew what he was talking about and her mind flashed back to that night—where, in the heat of dodging Interpol while they were in Paris, he'd asked her to marry him. Her initial reaction had been shock, but they hadn't been able to discuss it until they'd gotten back on the plane. Besides the overall cheese factor of him popping the question in Paris, she'd turned it down because it wasn't safe for them to advance to that stage yet.
He'd understood and agreed to shelve it for another time.
"I'd like that. And a proper proposal not made while running from what's essentially the European FBI."
"You'll get it, I promise."
They kissed and Mike pinned her to the wall of the plane before heating things up. El wrapped a leg around his waist and buried a hand in his messy hair. Then the intercom crackled.
"Attention, lovebirds, this is your co-captain speaking," Max said over the intercom. "If you two are going to suck face and renew your memberships to the Mile-High Club, please move to a storage unit. We all use that area and I would prefer not to think of you screwing near my baby."
Mike and El both turned pink before Mike pulled away. Then El grabbed the front of his jacket and yanked him towards one of the small storage units that was located in the hold.
In the cockpit, Max rolled her eyes.
"Jesus Christ. Can they keep their hands off each other for ten goddamn minutes?"
"They've been in love with each other since we were twelve," Lucas reminded her. "I don't blame them for being touchy."
"But do they have to do it ten feet from Carmen?"
"I still can't believe you named your motorcycle."
"I still can't believe you're a sharpshooter."
The plane continued on its way back Hawkins, Indiana.