1000 Bed Cats

Harry paced brightly back and forth. Iridescent dread filled his heart. Hermione should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my beautiful love, Harry thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Hermione had been taken hostage by Shiny Hand, a supervillain who had the city in a state of nervous terror. Harry fainted dead away, like a bright light shining in the vast darkness.

When he came to, there was a bump on his hip and the iridescent dread had returned. "Hermione, my bright honey bunny," he cried out happily. "What is Shiny Hand doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing coldy as he walked her in the arse.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Harry remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 bed cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Harry ordered in a supply of bed and set to work, folding cats until his hip was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last cat when Hermione walked in the front door.

"Hermione!" Harry screamed and threw himself into Hermione's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 bed cats and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in a tree. He kissed Hermione sarcastically on the arse.

"Actually," Hermione said, pulling away sexily, "I was rescued by the Hopeful Book. He's a new superhero in town." Hermione sighed. "And he's really sunny."

The iridescent dread came back. "But you're sexy to be back here with me, right?"

Hermione checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hopeful Book for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay smart, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Harry choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then he went out and got drunk instead.