Title: Brave
Author: tika12001 (aka Katie)
Rating: K
Word count: 1132
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, never will be, make no money, etc
Trigger warnings: nil
Other warnings: Rizzles. Wait, does that even need a warning? ;-)
Authors Notes: Written for the Rizzles Facebook group fanfic competition. This is my second attempt at the competition... the one I did not submit. I wasn't happy with it for a long time but I've tweaked it a bit now and I'm... happier. Still don't think it's amazing, but it's better than it was. Hopefully you enjoy. :-P (The theme of the competition was 'unconditional support'... we had to use a gif set for inspiration and throw our own spin on it - I used the running scene when Maura is still recovering from surgery - and include the line "this is the room where you don't have to be brave")
R&IR&IR&I
"Maura! Maura! Stop! Maura, please... will you please just stop?" Jane's voice is shrill, desperate, and slowly, slowly, Maura stops. She feels helpless. She is hurting, and she is scared, but she can no more run away from Jane than she can fly to the moon. It is simply beyond her power. She would rather sacrifice herself... throw herself in front of a proverbial bullet... than see Jane upset.
She would kill herself first.
"I'm fine."
She doesn't know why she says it, the words just slip out. It is another attempt to stop the pain from appearing in Jane's eyes... though it does nothing for herself, for the own agony that is welling up in her chest.
Breathing! Why is she not breathing!
"Maura! Maura, hey... breathe... come on, breathe for me. Don't vasavaginal on me, okay?"
The deliberate mispronunciation does the trick... Maura sucks in a whistling breath, another, and finally laughs. "'Vasovagal'," she corrects fondly.
"Right. That's what I said," Jane says, a small grin curving the corners of her lips, and Maura finds herself staring at them, remembering...
"I have to go."
"Why? Where do you have to go?"
Jane has not touched her yet. Why has she not touched her?
"I have things to do..." Maura hissed, glancing to the side self consciously. There are other people in the park; of course there are. Some are having picnics, some are walking their dogs. Others still are having a lunchtime jog, just as she and Jane were going to do, before... "People are staring."
Jane looks around, bewildered. "No one is looking at us."
Maura shakes her head. "Please. Just... I need to go."
Jane is not touching her. She is not being held in any capacity. So why are her feet not moving?
"Maura..."
"I'm fine." The words slip out easily this time, as Maura internally catalogues her physical condition. It is true, after all, her bones, muscles and tendons all appear to be in good working order, her lungs and other internal organs are not causing her difficulties, she is not suffering from pain in any parts of her body... she is fine.
"Would you stop saying that?"
"Saying what?"
"That you're fine! Why are you running away from me, if you're fine?"
"I'm not running." She really wasn't. It was more of a brisk walk turned jog.
Jane stares at her for a long moment, and Maura feels herself shrinking under the scrutiny. Why, oh why does this woman know so much about her? "You're fine physically, and that's what you were thinking when you said that the second time... but how are feeling emotionally?"
Maura opens her mouth and shuts it again. "How are you feeling emotionally?" It's a cop out, she knows, but she can't answer that particular question at the moment. Jane blinks at her.
"Like..." Jane sighs, and her hands rest on her hips as her head sags forward, "like my best friend just dropped a bombshell on me. And I'm still trying to process it."
Maura felt a sinking sensation as she slides her hands inside her pockets. A bombshell. That couldn't mean anything good. "Right. Well... I'll just be..." She turns slightly, but an abrupt movement from Jane aborts the movement. She is reaching for her hands, and, without even thinking, Maura has reached back.
"No... Maura, no. Please don't. Please don't run from this. Please don't run from me."
"I..."
"No. Don't say you weren't going to. Please, just..." Jane sighs, shakes her head, but doesn't drop eye contact for a minute. "Why did you do it? Please, just... tell me that."
Maura's breath is shaky, and she can't seem to feel her feet. She has the odd sensation that if Jane were to let go of her hands right now, that gravity would simply cease to exist and she would float off into the sky, never to be seen again. It has no basis in reality, that sensation, but she cannot deny that she feels it regardless. "I... I don't kn..."
"Yes, you do. You have to know. Or you wouldn't have done it."
Maura sighs, drops her gaze for just an instant to stare at those lips again. "I had to know what it was like."
"Why?" Jane's voice is soft, sweet, encouraging, and Maura feels tears welling up in her eyes.
"Because I was too scared. Too scared to tell you, so I just... I just did it."
"Why were you scared?" That infernal soft, encouraging tone is still in Jane's voice, and Maura can't help the anger that rises up inside her.
She attempts to pull her hands out of Jane's grip, but those scarred, beautiful hands are deceptively strong and do not let go.
"Because I'm not brave!" she blurts desperately. "I'm not brave like you. I... I don't know what to do in social situations; I only know how to act around men because I've studied others through the years. I have no idea... none!... of what to do in this situation! You're my friend! And I'm not brave, Jane! So I..." she deflates, "I k...kissed you. And I ran."
"You don't have to be brave."
Maura blinks. "What?"
Jane bites her lip. "This... this is the room where you don't have to be brave," she stops, shakes her head and stares at the ground. "I mean..." she trails off. Maura feels her hands flutter within their grip and the movement makes Jane look up. "What I mean is... you don't have to be brave with me. You can tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and I will always love you."
"Not the way I want you to love me." As soon as the words slip out of her mouth, Maura's eyes slam shut and she berates herself. Stupid, idiotic, unbelievably naive and unintell...
"How do you know?"
Maura's eyes open again. "What?"
Jane is visibly trembling. "I mean... you never told me. Not really. So how do you know I won't love you that way?"
"I..."
"Tell me, Maura." Jane's voice is soft, a mere whisper, and Maura responds in kind.
"You're my best friend. And I've fallen in love with you."
The kiss to her forehead is soft, sweet, and Maura feels her eyes drifting shut as the lips linger against her skin. When they finally pull back, she tilts her head up. And she is not disappointed by the kiss that follows.
"God, Maura..."
"Shut up, Jane."
Maura wraps her arms around Jane's waist and scarred hands cup her face as the kisses continue.
"You know," Jane whispers, pulling back slightly, "I think you're braver than you think you are."
Maura rests her forehead against Jane's. "Maybe I am. I... I love you. I love you."
Jane smiles. "I love you too."
END
As always, I'd love it if you could find the time to review, but if not, I hope you enjoyed anyway and thanks for reading. Love to all xoxo (next chapter of smut story should be up shortly).
