"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay I could sing – and thats something no one wants to hear" He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.
My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.
Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving up just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.
If I turned my face to the side-If I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without a doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.
But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?
Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.
And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.
"be happy" he told me.
I froze.
Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.
Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head.
I sighed, I couldn't carry on living for something that was impossible. The quicker I learned to understand, the quicker I could move on. I thought of Jacob, the Jacob from the beach the first time I saw him. Just turned 15, his babyish face still present, his long hair still on show. I looked at the Jacob I saw now, staring at me, his long hair gone, and all signs of his younger years with it. I thought of the way I'd tried to flirt with him, and smiled. Jacob looked slightly confused, but he grinned back all the same, reminding me of the younger the Jacob, the one I loved, but the one who would always be like a brother to me. I could not live without Jacob Black, not even for a few days, he would eventually find someone, and I'd be alone again.
'Bella, are you okay?' he asked hesitantly, knocking me off my train of thoughts.
'Uh, yeah' I tried to smile 'I'm... confused' I admitted.
'Its fine Bella, I know I can't ever be to you what, well... what you had before' I could hear the sadness in his voice.
'Maybe... Maybe in time, I don't know Jake I...' I began.
He placed one finger to my lips, I was worried he was going to try something when he placed his other hot hand onto my cheek, but he simply pulled me into a hug.
'Its enough to be my friend' he said finally. I knew I couldn't believe it, I could see in his eyes, he cared too much, I was selfish, and he was hurting, all the time, more and more, and it was all my fault. He pulled away from the hug and smiled his infectious grin. Without thinking any more, I leaned in closer to him, so that we were nearly touching. I kissed him on the cheek. It could be taken as a friendly thing, but I knew Jacob, I knew he would take it as something else, but I couldn't help it. He was hurting, and that meant I was too, I couldn't stand it any more.
'Thank you Jacob, I don't know where I'd be without you' I whispered, and got out of the truck.