Title: Journey to my heart, part 1
Pairing(s): Hephaistion/Alexander
Rating: NC-17 for the series
Disclaimer: Own nothing and nothing is true. All events are purely fictitious.
Warning(s): M/m slash, language, angst, drama, AU
Word-count: 3,550 (this part)
Feedback: Feed my muse please.
Note: Written for bi-weekly Alexander Alphabet Challenge.
Hephaistion sat, stoically sipping his wine, ignoring the ignorant, arrogant, over-zealous, drunken buffoons around him. He'd done very well not to be plunged or coerced into any of their drama as he sat and watched his King.
Alexander was in his element as usual, being waited on hand and foot, and having his ass kissed and praised by anyone and everyone. The look in his lover's eyes told Hephaistion that the majestic man was feeling no discomfort and was well on his way to being firmly planted in his cups. The General huffed, as yet another serving whore flaunted her large bosom in Alexander's face and tried to perch herself on his lap. As was always the case, the woman was quickly shuffled away by one of the King's minions with a single movement of his hand.
Hephaistion had been trying unsuccessfully all evening to catch his beloved's eye, but had not been graced with even a glance. He knew not to call attention to himself by approaching Alexander, since the King himself had warned him against such inappropriate behavior. Inappropriate behavior? How exactly was it considered inappropriate when everyone else in the room, including the dreaded General Cassander, was throwing himself at the intoxicated King?
Inappropriate my ass, Hephaistion thought to himself. Not draw attention to himself, then how by Zeus' balls was he supposed to at least get a sign that his scheduled rendezvous was to take place. Alexander had iallowed/i Hephaistion two nights a week to be with him since they had arrived at Babylon. Twice a week to satisfy their animalistic urges was what the mighty Alexander had deemed practical for the man who was supposed to be the most important person in his life, the man who supposedly held his heart and always would.
"Held his heart?" Hephaistion snorted to himself, realizing he might have imbibed more wine than he had intended on. Held his heart but not his royal cock, if Alexander's frequenting of his royal harem was any indication. He had seen his beloved in the company of more than one pretty Persian boy as of late, and he was fairly certain that the lads were not washing the King's back so much as lubricating his majestic member.
"General Hephaistion. Such a displeased, sour look to be shadowing the face of the most beautiful man in Alexander's army."
"Do leave me be, Cleitus. I am not in the proper mind to spar with your quick wit and lascivious nature."
"Merely stating the truth, my good General, and would I not be wrong in assuming that it is our mighty King who has placed that sourness upon your face himself?"
"Alexander has placed nothing on my face ..."
"And therein possibly lies the problem?"
Hephaistion snorted involuntarily, the logical side of his brain telling him to repute the lewd statement but the emotional, and at the moment angry side, knowing Cleitus was absolutely right.
"I shall speak no more of this with you, General," he said, bringing his empty cup to his lips.
"There are always other options, Hephaistion," Cleitus growled, his black eyes burning holes in the sea-blue of his friend's.
"And I appreciate the offer but strongly refuse, as I always do."
"Can't blame a lusty general for trying." Cleitus grinned. "Is this not your alotted evening with our fearless leader?"
"Yes, but you never heard it from me."
It was Cleitus' turn to snort. "I've known you lads since before you even realized that the appendages between your legs were for anything except pissing, so I believe there are not many things I don't know about the two of you."
"I assure you there are some things." Hephaistion couldn't stop the smirk from curling his lips.
"Aye, and those are the very things that are reserved for my dreams."
"Cleitus!"
The black-eyed man laughed out loud. "Don't worry, boy, you and his Highness are like sons to me and though I do appreciate your physical attributes, I do pride myself on not lusting after my sons. Now you best be ignoring my ranting since your beloved seems to have made his exit."
Hephaistion looked across the room and sure enough, Alexander was nowhere to be seen. Had he at least tried to signal his lover or had he merely left without giving him a thought? Rising dizzily from his chair, and being steadied by the large hand of Cleitus, he bid the general good night and hurried to the entrance of the massive hall.
Alexander was not in the spot where they usually met, so Hephaistion decided he'd probably gone on ahead to his rooms to wait there. The hallways of the palace were empty as he approached the King's sanctuary, and strolled past the guards. He could hear Alexander's voice coming from the main chamber and opened the door slowly.
"I've never been blessed with a man of such limber means and sexual prowess as you," Alexander growled. Hephaistion stopped dead in his tracks. Perhaps Alexander was so deep in his cups that he was talking to himself? Or perhaps not? Did Hephaistion really want to know?
He decided quickly that he most certainly did want to know, and cracked the door open a little further until he was able to peek in at his King. Alexander stood fully-dressed as a tall naked boy gyrated and writhed before him. Hephaistion held his breath as the boy bent impossibly backwards, reached out his arms behind him and flipped his legs over his head to land on his feet once again.
"There is nothing I want more than to give that tight little ass of yours a pounding. Now I command you to undress me and show me what those long limbs and that filthy mouth can offer me," Alexander growled again, his tongue licking madly as he brought a cup to his lips. Hephaistion could see the shining look of lust overtake the brown eyes as he eyed up the boy and held his arms out to his sides. "You know you are a very lucky lad. I make it a rule to never indulge in the entertainment of ione of you/i more than once but you have shown me things I should like to experience, again. Now, do as you're told and grant me the pleasure I have commanded."
Hephaistion stepped back from the door, walking backwards until he caught his breath. He'd been right about the harem boys and that confirmation made him feel extremely ill. Rushing past the guards, he rounded the corner of the hallway and crashed headfirst into Cleitus.
"Hephaistion?" Cleitus questioned, watching the general struggle to his feet, one hand clutching his middle and the other clamped over his mouth. Hephaistion turned quickly and continued his march down the hallway with Cleitus close at his heels.
He reached his inner chamber just in time to retch violently, emptying his gut into his chamber pot. He felt a strong hand on his back and another pull the hair from his face as his stomach heaved and convulsed. Alexander's words played through his head like the screams of an animal being slaughtered. His mind reeled and heaved as much as his gut and his heart felt torn to shreds. If he could have wished himself away from his life at that moment, he surely would have.
"Hephaistion," Cleitus said softly, pulling the man from his thoughts and back to reality. "Are ya finished? You looked paler than death, man, come sit down." Hephaistion nodded, his mind skipping over the slight embarrassment he was feeling, choosing instead to follow the anger still flowing like liquid fire through his veins.
Wiping a hand across his mouth, he rose slowly and pushed past Cleitus. "I am fine, Cleitus. Please excuse my rudeness but I'd rather be alone." He sat heavily on his bed, head bowed, hands raking through the tangles and dampness of the vomit-soaked strands.
"You do not seem fine to me, General. As for your rudeness, I find no offense with a clearly upset man. Tell me what's happened? T'was not that long ago you were dancing your way out the door to rendezvous with your King."
"I do not intend to discuss imy King/i with you, General, and I beg that you leave me at once as I am not in a sparring mood."
"Not in a sparring mood, Hephaistion? Do you think so little of me that you believe I would try to amuse myself with the obvious pain you are feeling?"
"That was not my intention. I merely seek solitude, Cleitus, and my head and gut are in impossible turmoil. Please understand."
"What has he done, Phai?"
Hephaistion shot up from the bed, his body colliding with Cleitus' and crushing him to the wall, his forearm pressing on the man's throat, body tight against his. "Do not call me that! I will not accept ianyone/i calling me that, do you understand? Or perhaps you believe that by using the familiar name given me by my King, you will somehow get closer to mounting me? Is that what you wish? Because if it is, then you most certainly have arrived at an opportune time. My ass is yours for the taking, Cleitus, do you wish to take it?"
His words exhausted and his head still reeling, Hephaistion assaulted Cleitus' mouth with his own, one hand straying to the man's clothed cock and giving it a hard squeeze. "Do you wish me to take you in my mouth, Cleitus? Is that not how all the men think of me ... as the King's whore?"
In one mighty push, Hephaistion found himself flying, landing hard on his ass and slamming his head to the floor. "What in Hades has got into you, Hephaistion?" Cleitus yelled, hovering above the dazed man. "I've not seen you like this before and I do not wish to see it again."
"You don't wish to fuck me like the rest of the men, Cleitus? Oh yes, you believe me to be like a son to you, do you not? I have heard of such atrocities before though, it is quite common among the Greeks, is it not?" Hephaistion remained on his back on the floor, deciding it was as comfortable as any place else with his head pounding and his stomach rolling. "Is the smell of the vomit on my breath too unsavory for you, Cleitus? I believed you to be more hardy than that, General."
Cleitus clenched his jaw, his hands balling up into fists and the tension in his body screaming at him to beat the man lying beneath him. "You best hold your tongue, Hepahistion, for son or not, I am becoming excessively displeased with your behavior."
Hephaistion laughed out loud, his eyes closing as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Behavior? Am I being inappropriate? I have been told that before ... how inappropriate my behavior is. Please forgive me, Cleitus, as I do not wish to offend you, but merely offer myself up as a late-night refreshment."
Cleitus shook his head. He was completely baffled as to what was happening to his normally-subdued, in-control friend. This was not the Hephaistion he knew and loved, this was a raving lunatic laid out at his feet.
"Let's get you into your bed," he said, offering his hand to the sobbing man. He was positive he had never seen his friend cry before, not after battles, or when the news of his father dying had arrived, or even when he was injured. He intended to find out what was happening, but was unsure whether that mission would be reached this night.
Grabbing Hephaistion by his hand, Cleitus hauled him up into his arms and walked him backwards to the bed, releasing him gently and moving Hephaistion's legs so his entire body was resting comfortably. The younger man's eyes were closed but he brought one hand up to cover them, as Cleitus yanked the boots from his feet.
"Do you mean to undress me, too, Cleitus?" he asked quietly, his hand never leaving his face.
"No, I do not. Nor do I wish to indulge in a late-night refreshment, my troubled friend. Were you off drinking by yourself just now, or did you actually consume that much wine in the dining hall?"
"The wine is not the entire cause of my upset I'm afraid." Hephaistion rolled to his side, willing the general to disappear.
"Well, you do look unwell and I shall leave you alone for the moment but I expect a detailed explanation in the morning. Get some sleep, Hephaistion. Things may look better in the light of day." Cleitus turned and left the room, as Hephaistion rolled over again, and blew out the torch.
"I don't think the light of day will be making anything look better," he whispered into the dark. "Perhaps just the opposite."
*****
"Hephaistion!" The sound of the King's voice woke the general abruptly, his head spinning and recoiling when he opened his eyes to the brightness of the morning. "You did not appear at breakfast this morning, are you ill?" How in the name of Achilles did Alexander not suffer the effects of the drink he imbibed night after night, when Hephaistion felt like a hundred horses were galloping through his head?
"Why are you in my room, Alexander?" His voice was barely a whisper as his throat burned with dryness and leftover stomach acid from the night before. "Do you not have things to do, my King?"
"Did you over-indulge last night, Phai?" Hephaistion cringed at the old, familiar name but ensured his face remained stoic and unscathed. "Truth be told, I did not see you all evening. Were you present in the dining hall or did you sneak out early for some other reason?"
"Hephaistion! Are you ready to talk about last night or are you ..." Cleitus strolled into Hephaistion's room, stopping dead when he saw Alexander already there and glaring at him.
"By Zeus' balls!" Hephaistion cried as his head continued to throb. "Does no one bother to be announced anymore? Has my room become a common area now, where everyone can come and go as they please?" He could see the look of shock on Alexander's face at Cleitus' words but chose to ignore it until the King himself brought it up. Struggling to rise from his bed without allowing the whirling in his gut to cause him to retch, he slowly put his legs over the side and looked up at the two men who stood staring down at him.
"Might you allow me a few moments to piss, my good men?" he asked, setting his feet on the floor and testing his legs for signs they wouldn't wobble out from under him. "I shall see you both later when I've awake enough to see and think clearly."
Alexander and Cleitus stood open-mouthed as Hephaistion rose from the bed, turned his back to them both and entered his inner chamber. "You best be going, Cleitus, but I would like to see you in my room later."
"Why? So you can admonish me and question what I wish to talk to Hephaistion about, Alexander? I think not." He turned his back to the King and called out, "I shall speak with you later ... Phai, when you are not so busy."
Alexander's mouth dropped open, again, as Cleitus strolled out the door and Hephaistion reappeared. "Alexander, did I not ask you to give me some privacy to gather my thoughts for the day?"
"Did he just call you Phai?"
"Yes, I believe he did. Cleitus enjoys ruffling your feathers, my King, you should know that by now." The general pulled his chiton over his head and turned back to the inner chamber, dipping a cloth in the bowl of water and slowly washing his torso, relishing in the cold liquid against his skin. He placed the cloth over his face and let it linger there a moment longer, the coolness managing to soothe his aching head just a little.
"What did he mean italk about last night/i? Did something happen, Phai? Is that why you were still in bed at such a late hour in the day?" Hephaistion was not surprised that Alexander had followed him into the inner chamber, nor that he was trying to interrogate him when he had been specifically asked to leave him be. Alexander did what he pleased and expected everyone to just allow him to do so. He guessed it was because of his royal status, but that did not make Hephaistion accept it any better, especially at that moment.
"I wish to wash and dress in peace, Alexander. Please honor my request and I assure you I will come and speak with you shortly."
"Were you drinking with Cleitus last night?"
Hephaistion allowed a strong sigh to roll forth from his throat. "Yes, I was. And I was doing it right across the room from you, my King."
"In the dining hall?"
"Of course."
"But I did not see you. How is that possible?"
"You were undoubtedly busy and cannot be expected to notice everyone who comes and goes, can you, my King?"
"Are you upset with me, Phai? Have I done something to displease you?"
iDisplease me/i, Hephaistion repeated in his head. Alexander just didn't get it. He just did not understand and the general decided now was not the time to make him get it.
"Of course not. I just fell a little too far into my cups last night, and you know I am a lightweight when it comes to wine, unlike the rest of you. I merely wished to get myself together before seeing you. Might you permit me to visit you later ... to express my apologies?"
"Yes, of course. How arrogant of me to barge in when you are not well. You are sure I've not angered you though?"
Using every ounce of willpower he had, Hephaistion stepped towards his beloved and gathered him in his arms, kissing the silky hair on the man's neck then stepping back and forcefully curving his lips. "I am sure."
Alexander smiled warmly, something Hephaistion had missed dearly as of late, his lover smiling only at him. "I looked for you last night because I was under the impression that it was iour/i night. I'm assuming you forgot."
Hephaistion controlled his impulse to send Alexander flying on his ass to the floor. iI forgot!/i, he seethed inside. iYou pompous bastard!/i "I was feeling unwell and it must have slipped my mind. I'm sorry. Perhaps we can reschedule?" What was he doing? Wanting to reschedule was the furthest thing from his mind but still the words left his mouth.
"Of course. I'm sure we can arrange that. Let me check my schedule and get back to you. Feel free to drop in later. And Hephaistion ..."
"Yes, Alexander?"
"I trust you did not ... have relations with Cleitus?"
"What? Of course not, don't be daft."
"He did say he saw you last night."
"He merely helped me back to my room when I was ... unwell."
"Ah, yes. That's what I thought. I trust you, my love. I know our love is too strong for you to love another. Joy to you, my Phai." The King leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Hephaistion's lips, making the General cringe inside with anger, want and love.
Hephaistion waited until Alexander had cleared his door then collapsed on his back onto the bed. He was irate with himself that he had not stood up to Alexander and told him exactly what he had been doing last night, and that it was not ihe/i who had forgotten about their night together. And all Alexander's musing about their love was all sanctimonious horse dung.
How was it that his love for Alexander was too strong to allow him to be with another, but Alexander did it every other night? Was that the role he would play for the rest of his life, the King's whore, who waited night after lonely night for his majesty to give him a mere glance or even more unthought of, a kiss?
Suddenly sitting up so fast that his head swam with stars, his hand covering his mouth and his eyes wide, Hephaistion's brain brought forth a thought too impossible to believe. He'd kissed Cleitus last night, hadn't he? Gods, what had he been thinking or more precisely, not thinking? And had he actually offered ... for the love of Zeus, how was he to face the black-eyed general now?
TBC