Based on the story by Tim Burton
Adaptation by Jacob Drenick
Glossary
1. Bandersnatch - a creature under the control of the red queen
2. Brilliq- 4 O' clock in the afternoon, the time when you begin broiling things for dinner.
3. Crims- The central lands of Underland.
4. Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid- "Down with the Red Queen" Slogan.
5. Ezel- high, go up
6. Fairfarren- fair well
7. Frabjous Day- The day Alice slays the Jabberwocky.
8. Frumious- filthy with a very bad smell
9. Futterwacken- dance unbridled joy
10. gallymockers- crazy
11. Gribling- the day Alice will return to Wonderland.
12. Gummer Slough-A dangerous swamp of thick vicious mud.
13. Horenvundish Day- The day the Red Queen took over Underland.
14. Jabberwocky- A deadly creature, Red Queen's ultimate weapon.
15. JubJub bird-Vicious bird under the Red Queen's control.
16. Oraculum- A Calendar for all the days in wonderland. All with it's own name for each day.
17. Pishsalver- Potion that makes you shrink
18. Upelkuchen- Cake that makes you grow
19. Underland- The real name for the place Alice calls Wonderland.
Prologue
Oh, Alice, dear where have you been?
So near, so far or in between?
What have you heard what had you seen?
Alice, Alice, please, Alice!
Oh, tell us are you big or small
To try this one or try them all
It's such a long, long way to fall
Alice, Alice, oh, Alice
How can you know this way not that?
You choose the door you choose the path
Perhaps you should be coming back
Another day, another day
And nothing is quite what is seems
You're dreaming are you dreaming, oh, Alice?
Oh, how will you find your way? Oh, how will you find your way?
There's not time for tears today. There's no time for tears today.
So many doors... how did you choose
So much to gain so much to lose
So many things got in your way
No time today, no time today
Be careful not to lose your head
Just think of what the dormouse said... Alice!
Did someone pull you by the hand?
How many miles to Wonderland?
Please tell us so we'll understand
Alice... Alice... Oh, Alice
Oh how will you find you way... Oh, how will you find you way?
Chapter 1 Alice's Dream
Falling fast into an endless abyss with fleeting surreal images; a lush but off kilter landscape, strange misshapen people, a blue caterpillar floating in a smoky mist, the wry smile of a man in a top hat, a weeping turtle, an egg man on a fence, a gryphon and a silhouette of a large headed woman screaming "off with her head!!! Off with her head!!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!"
My eyes opened faster than I could blink.
"Alice?" I heard a smooth voice ask me. It took me a while to remember where I was. The smooth voice was my mother. She and I were in the back of a carriage; she looked at me and took my hand.
"Are you alright?" she asked me.
"Mother…." I started but never finished. I wanted to tell her about my dream that's been plaguing my mind since I was young. I wanted to confide her in the same way I did my father. But it wouldn't be the same.
"I know this is difficult," my mother told me, "but just try to smile…… just for today."
The lands of the Ascot Mansion are vast with topiaries, statues, fountains, and rose gardens. A summer part is in full swing. Everyone turned out in their summer finery, crinolines, and bonnets, parasols and boaters. Guest played croquet on a long stretch of green lawn. Skiffs drifted lazily on a meandering river.
I and my mother stood on the steps. My mother gently straightened my unruly hair. I mustered a weak smile as Lord and Lady Ascot approached.
"There you are at last," Lady Ascot said to me and my mother. Lord Ascot is stately, acrostically, and kind man. His wife however, is all airs and superiority.
"Lord Ascot, Lady Ascot," my mother replied.
"Alice, dear," Lady Ascot said to me "You're looking lovelier than ever. Hamish has been waiting to dance with you. My mother nudged me. With a sigh, I went to join to other young people of a marriageable age.
"She's not doing well is she?" Lord Ascot asked my mother.
"Her and her Father were very close." She replied
"Poor dear," Said Lady Ascot, "I hope it's not to long before she becomes herself again."
"Im sure this afternoon will lift her spirits," my mother said.
"Im certain of it" Lady Ascot said as she patted my mother's hand.
"Madame, in this world," Lord Ascot started, "there are very few people with a vision. Your husband had a vision. Charles Kingsley could see an opportunity in the most strange and exotic places. It's a shame you have to sell his company.
"I wish I didn't," my mother replied, "But, it's a consolation knowing that it will be in your capable hands."
I danced with the Ascot's son, Hamish. He's more like his mother than his father, refined and immaculately dressed with an aristocratic arrogance. Dancing had made my smile more genuine. I looked up to flock of geese flying up above.
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fly?" I asked Hamish.
"I don't waste my time wondering about impossible things," he replied. How stubborn he was.
"My father says…" I caught myself, "My father used to say… believing in the impossible, is the only way to make it possible.
"Did he?" he asked me. I laughed at the memory. Hamish looked pained at me, while the dance ended.
"Alice, I need to speak to you in private. Meet me under the gazebo at dusk," Hamish told me.
"Dusk?" I repeated.
"Dusk," he confirmed. He left while I started to wonder to myself.
"When is dusk exactly?" I asked myself. I was soon set upon two giggly females. The Chataways.
"Alice!" Faith, The first young chataway said to me.
"We have a secret to tell you!" Fiona, the second chataway told me.
"Well, if you tell me, it's really not that much of a secret then," I replied to them.
"Maybe we shouldn't," Faith spoke to her sister
"Of course we should tell her,"
"Tell me what?" I was started to get impatient.
"Lord Hamish is going to ask for your hand at dusk!" Fiona blurted out. They squealed and giggled, but I was stunned. I went to go find my recently married sister, Margaret. Then she saw me. One look at me and she they that I knew the secret.
"Who told you?" she asked me.
"The Chataways,"
"Now their going to have to be strangled," Margaret said, "And after everyone worked so hard to keep the secret!" I looked at all the guest.
"They all know?" I asked my sister.
"Of course, that's why we all came. This is your engagement party!"
"Today?" I asked "But how does he know I'll accept it?" She laughed as if it was a joke.
"He asks you, you say yes, and the orchestra plays music,"
"But I don't know if I want to marry him,"
"Are you mad? He's a lord,"
"Yes. But, I wouldn't be marrying his house; I would be marrying Amish," I looked around to find Amish blowing his nose. He studied the contents of the handkerchief before folding it and putting it in his pocket.
"Do you have someone else in mind?" Margaret asked me.
"Not at the moment," I replied.
"You can't do better than a Lord. Your almost twenty, Alice. That pretty face won't last forever. You don't want to end up like Aunt Imagene" We both glanced over at out middle aged aunt Imagene With her over-rouged checks, and a yellowing white dress that was too young for her.
"Such an embarrassment," Margaret said, "And since father is gone, you can't depend on mother for everything." She not only succeeding for making me feel insecure, but guilty as well.
"Of course not," I muttered softly.
"So you will be marrying him," she said to me.
Lady Ascot appeared and entwined her arm around mine.
"Walk with me through the rose garden, we'll get to know each other," She said to me.
We walked through the beautiful rose garden. I felt very awkward walking with her.
"You're a lovely girl, Alice. But, you know what I've always feared? Ugly grandchildren. Oh well," she gasped " Incompetence! The gardeners planted white roses, when I ordered red!"
"You could always paint them red," I suggested, not knowing where it came from.
"What an odd thing to say, Alice!" she snapped.
Just then I heard a jingling sound. I caught a glimpse of something large and white dart past.
"Did you see that?" I shouted.
"See what?" she sounded confused.
"That! A rabbit, I- I think."
"Probably, we're plagued with them. I set the dogs out on them one time," she explained.
Just then I was hit with a big flashback. The first time I told my father about my dream. I asked him if I was mad. He felt my forehead and whispered to me 'Yes, completely bonkers actually. But I'll tell you a secret… all the best people are.'
Lady Ascot was talking while I was thinking. Something about planning dinner.
"Are you listening, Alice?" she asked me.
"Yeah, dinner." I replied
"Well," she said, "Shall you go to the gazebo?"
On my way up there, someone stopped me. Aunt Imagene.
"Alice, what is all this talk about you marrying Lord Amish?" she asked me.
"I don't even know if I want to," I replied
"Marry him, Alice. Trust me."
"Why are you sitting away from everyone else?" I asked her.
"Waiting for my fiancé,"
"You're engaged? I didn't know that?"
"No one does, we have been secretly engaged for years. He's a prince, but he can't marry me until he gives up his throne."
I was a little worried now. All I could think of a reply was "I see…". I waiting by the gazebo for a few minutes.
"There you are, Alice!" Hamish Shouted
The pillars of the gazebo fell over me like prison bars. Hamish dropped to his knees. I glanced over at an artist who was painted the moment for prosperity.
"Alice Kingsley…." Hamish started. Then I noticed a small blue thing on his shoulder.
"Amish," I told him "you have a blue caterpillar on your shoulder."
"Get it off!!" he started to swap at it.
"Don't hurt it!" I let the caterpillar crawl up my finger and I gently put it on a tree branch
"You'll want to wash that finger," Hamish started again, "Alice Kingsley, will you be my wife?" the crowd went silent. I put on my best surprise look. It seems that the whole world was listening. Unsure of myself, unsure of my future, unsure of anything that moment, I panicked.
"I- this is all so sudden," I stuttered, "I need a moment." I turned and ran. Whether I was running after the rabbit or away from Hamish is a question I'll ask myself in the future. I ran into the meadow where I saw the white rabbit. But no rabbit there. There was a small rabbit hole by a large oak tree. I kneeled down by it; it was hard to see where it ended. I leaned in closer, trying to see if the rabbit was in it. As I leaned in closer, my shoulders almost in it… I fell in.
Chapter 2 Eat me, Drink me.
I scram as I tumbled head over into the rabbit hole. I frantically grabbed the walls which were hung with exotic objects: paintings, ancient maps, cracked mirrors, demonic mask. I pulled out books, jam jars, a crystal ball, a badger's claw, a monkey's hand, a human skull in my effort to stop myself falling. And yet, down I fell.
I looked up to see a round bright circle of the rabbit hole and the blue sky above which grows smaller and smaller the further I plunge.
Gradually it grew darker as the day passed into night. And still I fall. I could now see stars twinkling in the dark round circle of the hole as I plunged deeper and deeper into the earth's surface. Finally after what seemed like hours, I dozed of….
WHAM! I hit the bottom, also hitting my head on a wooden floor, knocking the wind out of me. I gasped. When I could breathe again, I rubbed the bump on my forehead. That darn falling dream again. I looked around; I was in a small room lit by lanterns, with many doors. But I've never end the bottom before in my dream, weird. I went over and tried to open a door. Locked. I tried the one next to it. Locked again. I knocked on them.
"Hello? Anyone there?" I called out.
All of them were locked. There was no way out. I turned around to see a three legged glass table with a little golden key sitting on it. I went to go pick it up, but the key was much too small for any of the doors. It was too small but, since it was there it had to fit somewhere. I pulled apart a curtain to reveal a small little door. Around two feet tall. Ahh. I tried the key on the little door and it fit. The door opened and I crouched down to look inside.
I saw a garden with a large fountain. My head could barley fit through it. I pulled back, stumped. I placed the little key back on the table, but there is a small, acute, bottle on the table. Was this here before? I looked at the label: Drink Me. What if its poison? I sniffed it, put it back on the table, and stared. But how could it hurt me if I'm dreaming? I took a quick drink. GAG, it was revolting. In that same moment, I noticed the table getting bigger. Curious, is the table getting larger, or am I getting smaller. I was getting smaller. All the doors loomed over me. I took a step and dripped on my over sized dress. Wait. I did not leave the key on the table. I ran back to the gigantic table, I could see the golden key through the glass. Alice, your not using you head!
"She most certainly is not," said a quiet, smooth voice through the keyhole of the small door.
"You'd think she would remember this all from last time" said another quiet yet scratchy little voice.
"Eggsactually," said another deep voice.
"You've brought the wrong Alice!" the small scratchy voice said.
"She's the right one, im certain of it," said a nervous pitchy voice.
"Just watch what she does," said the smooth voice.
I attempted to climb the leg chair, but got caught on my too big clothes, and fell off. I sat frustrated, when I noticed a small little nox under the table. Without hesitation, I opened it. Inside laid a small little cake, with frosting on it, the frosting read: Eat Me. If the drink made me shrink, then the cake should make me grow. But dreams are never that logical. I took a tiny bite, not bad. I took another large bite. Then, WHOOSH, I shoot up straight towards the ceiling. The ceiling was getting close…. To close! I squeezed me eyes shut as my head finally grazed the ceiling. I bent down and got the tiny little key that was about the size of my pinky nail now. Crouching down, I made my way to the small door and put the key in the lock.
"She's the wrong Alice," The scratchy voice said
"Eggsactually," The deep voice said again.
"You haven't given her a chance," The nervous voice said.
"If she gets through the door," The quiet smooth voice said "Then you know she's the right one."
I laughed at my stupidity, where's that potion. I went back and picked up the small bottle on the table. I hope there's enough left. I took a quick drink; it was hard to hold on the tiny bottle now. I shivered at the horrible taste as I began to shrink. Down again. I was two feet tall again. I went up, a little bit impatient now, to the pick door. I finally put the small key into the door. I opened the door and walked into…
Chapter 3 The Oraculum
I finally put the small key into the door. I opened the door and walked into a fantastical world. It was bizarre. The statues in the garden were broken and over grown. The green mossy fountain lay silent. Tall flowers had gaunt, human faces. Strange dream.
"I told you," said a nervous voice behind me, "It's the right Alice."
I turned around to see a big dodo bird with eyeglasses and a walking stick; a small female dormouse in breeches, a duckbilled platypus, a tall white rabbit, and two round, pale, boys with their arms thrown over each other's shoulders. They all stopped and watched me critically.
"Im not convinced," said the scratchy voiced dormouse.
"Well that's gratitude for you," the nervous voiced white rabbit said to the dormouse, "you don't know how difficult it was to find her!"
"She could be the right Alice," said the tall, smoothed voice dodo bird
I looked over at the round, large boys. They seemed to be brothers. They both had collars on, on them they read: 'Dee' and the other one 'Dum'.
"As if she was, she might be," said the Dee.
"But if she isn't, she ain't," said the Dum.
"But if she were so, she would be," The Dee argued to his brother.
"But she isn't," the Dum replied "nohow,"
"You don't even know me," I said defensively
The Dee shook my hand. "How do you do?" he asked me "Im Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum."
"Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum, he's Tweedledee," Tweedledum said, "Who are you?"
"Im Alice,"
Tweedledum pointed an accusing finger at me, "Wrong!"
"How can I be the wrong Alice when this is my dream?"
"We should consult to the Oraculum," said the tall dodo,
"Eggsactually," said the deep voiced platypus for the third time.
"I'll fetch it," offered Tweedledee as he ran off,
"No I will," said Tweedledum as he ran off too. The next thing I knew, the two bothers were fighting each other, both getting nowhere.
"Opaque, fetch the Oraculum," The dodo said to the platypus. As he did so, I watched the two brothers who were still bickering and fighting.
"Are they always this way?" I asked the white rabbit.
"Family trait," he replied.
The platypus returned with a scroll of parchment, yellowed with age. He tossed it in front of me on a pedestal. I read the title.
"The Oraculum: Being a Calentrical Compendium of Underland."
The dodo unrolled the scroll, it was a calendar. It had a different name for each day. With an illustration for each day.
"Today is the Gribliq Day," said Dee
"NO! Today is the Quillian," argued Dum.
"Today is Gribliq, tomorrow is Quillian," the dormouse confirmed.
"Eggsactually," said I think you can guess who said.
"We have a name for each day here," said the dormouse.
"So do we," I said "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,"
"But ours never repeat," said the White Rabbit,
"They don't? Don't you get confused?"
"Only Tweedledum," every confirmed but him.
"Not So!" he yelled.
"I really must be off now. Im late for things," the curious white rabbit said as he hurried away.
"Tell the Jabberwocky part," Tweedledum insisted.
The dodo turned the scroll over to a day called the Frabjous day. I stood there while the dodo read it aloud
"Twas Brilliq and the slilthy toves, did gyre and gymble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe,"
"What language is that?" I asked helplessly
"Outlandish," The dodo replied.
"Just keep reading," Tweedledum was getting impatient.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son. The jaws the bite, the claws that catch. Beware the JubJub Bird and shun, the Frumious Bandersnatch. She took her vorpal sword in hand, in an ufffish thought she stood. The Jabberwock with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the Tulgey Woods, and burbled as it came. The vorpal blade went snicker-snack. She left it dead and with it's head, she went gallomphing back."
"This can't be real. I just need to wake up," I closed my eyes hard and pinched myself. I opened my eyes confused. "That's odd, pinching usually does the trick."
"I could stick you if it would help," the dormouse offered.
"Yes. Thank you." I shut my eyes when the felt the terrible sting of the dormouse's tiny sword puncturing my ankle. Still asleep.
I then heard a very strange growling sound. Without warning, a gigantic bear like creature broke through the garden walls.
Chapter 4 Bandersnatched
I then heard a very strange growling sound. Without warning, a gigantic bear like creature broke through the garden walls.
"Bandersnatch!!!" I heard Tweedledum scream.
They all scattered. The Bandersnatch was an enormous creature with the body of a bear, and the head of a rabid bulldog. Drool oozed from his squashed muzzle. He fur was caked with blood and filth. His teeth were shark-like and broken, stained with blood. A foul stench emanated from him.
As the animals were fleeing from the Bandersnatch; they were intercepted by red knights wearing the Red Queen's crest; A heart in flames. The knights were led by Ilosovic Stayne, the grim Knave of Hearts. Stayne had a flaming red birthmark which covered half his face, his neck, and his enormous hands. He rid a large Red Panther, with yellow eyes and fur the color of blood. The knights ensnare the fleeing animals and tossed them into a wagon.
The Platypus picked up the Oraculum, struggling to carry his ungainly rolls with his undeveloped wings. The Oraculum fell onto the ground while he was thrown into the wagon. Stayne saw the parchment roll on the ground and picked it up curiously, he looked through it, and saw something that alarmed him. He tucked it in his saddlebag, leaped on the panther, and rode off.
Running down the garden path, I tripped over my skirt. I tied it up and continued running. I looked back to see the Bandersnatch thundering after me. Wait, this is a dream. I suddenly stopped. I turned around to face the Bandersnatch as it came closer. The dormouse was watching from nearby.
"What is she doing?" the little mouse asked, "RUN!"
"This is a dream," I said "It can't hurt me."
The Bandersnatch towered over me. It leaned its smashed muzzle in. I recoiled from its hot, fetid breath. Trembling, heart pounding, I stood my ground. The dormouse leaped onto the Bandersnatch and pulls herself up. Hand over hand to its shoulder. The Bandersnatch open's its mouth to eat me. Thick, vicious drool dripped on me.
"Ahhhh!" the dormouse yelled.
The Dormouse drove her hatpin sword into the Bandersnatch's eye. It bellows. The Dormouse attempted to pull the sword out, but the Bandersnatch's whole eye pops out. Bandersnatch howls and whips around raking my arm with its long, sharp, claws. I gasped as the stinging grew more. The pain shocked me into action. I ran.
I ran down the path, until it diverged into two paths. A road sign pointed south to "Sund" and east to "Queast". Tweedledum leaped out of the bushes.
"This way," he said as he grabbed my scratched (possibly infected) arm and pulled my down a path.
"My Arm," I cried! But I was pulled back to other way
"No, this way," Tweedledee said.
I was pulled back and fourth between them. From the sky, they was an ear-splitting screech. The enormous JubJub Bird swept by us, grabbed the Tweedles, and took off.
The JubJub Bird flew over the barren red earth of Crims with each of its wiggling prey in its claws. It approached Salazen Grum and the castle of the Red Queen on the shore of the Crimsen Sea. Her flag with the heart in flames flied atop the spires. The JubJub Bird swooped down.
A long hall is lined with frog footman, standing up straight inside the Queen's Castle. The Red Queen's voice emerged from behind the closed doors.
"I had exactly three hundred and thirty three," the Queen's voice boomed from the other room, " I only counted Three Hundred and Thirty!!"
The footfrogs looked at each other nervously. The doors bang open to reveal Iracebeth, The Red Queen. She has a huge, oversized head, extremely large features, and bright red hair. She stride accusingly down the long row of nervous footfrogs followed by a fish butler.
"Someone has helped themselves to three of my squimberry tarts," she screamed, "If the guilty does not confess he will rue the day!"
She leaned into the face of a frog
"Did you steal them?"
The nervous frog shook his head
"No, you're Majesty,"
"Did you?" She asked the second frog.
"No, you're Majesty," it replied.
She walked down the row, studying the faces of each frog. At the end, she whirls around to leer into the face of one trembling frog.
"Did you steal my tarts?"
"No, you're majesty." He said terrified.
She reached out a finger and wiped a bit of jam in the corner of his mouth. She licks her finger
"Squimberry Juice," she confirmed.
"I was so hungry!" the frog confessed, "They smelled so good!"
The Queen's face turned beat red with fury
"Off with his head!!" She screamed.
Red Knights converged on the guilty frog.
"No! Please," The guilty frog begged, "Please! I have little ones to look after!"
The knights dragged him out. The Queen turned to her fish butler.
"Go to his house and collect the little ones," She told him, "I love little tadpoles on my toast. Almost as much as I love caviar."
"You're Majesty?" The Knave of Hearts asked. The Queen's face lit up to see him.
"Ilosovic Stayne, where have you been lurking?" she asked. He dropped to his knees.
"In the south. On our return from gathering up random creatures for your servants, we found this." He showed her the Oraculum, but she barely looks at it.
"An old parchment scroll," she said, "How nice."
"Majesty, it's the Oraculum."
"Oraculum? I thought it would be more ornate. It looks so ordinary for an oracle."
"Look here on the Frabjous day,"
He showed her the illustration of Alice, with her back to the reader, fighting with the Jabberwocky.
"I know that tangled hair mess anywhere," the Queen said, "Is it Alice, back again?"
"I believe it is."
"I never liked that tedious little girl. There's precious then there's "Ask me one more irksome question and I'll pluck your tongue." What is she doing with the Jabberwocky?"
"I believe she is slaying it."
They both read the prophecy.
"She killed me pet!?" she asked.
"No. It has not happened yet. It will happen on the Frabjous Day.
"I knew that little Pratter wasn't as innocent as she appeared. I should have taken off her head when I had the chance. Find her, Stayne. Find her!"
"Calm yourself, Majesty. We'll find Alice. I will personally bring her head back and drop it at her feet."
"No! Bring the whole girl! I want to do it myself!"
He kissed her hand and she sighed. Stayne leaves, glancing at the footfrogs who keep their eyes trained safely ahead.
Chapter 5 A Very Mad Tea Party
I was still running when I ran into a wood with the name of The Tulgey Woods, according to that sign. I stumbled and fell. Clumsy me. Still on the ground, I looked back fearfully. When I heard a distinctive voice
"There's nothing after you, if that's what you're worried about," it said.
The voice was coming from a disembodied head of a grinning cat which hovered of a tree branch. I stared, unsure of my eyes.
"I must be going mad," I said
"Then you should feel right at home," the cat said, "We're all mad here." I winced suddenly from pain, from the long, deep gashes in my arm.
"I thought I was dreaming, but this couldn't happen in a dream."
"It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws," I tried to remember the name of that vicious creature.
"The benner or banner…."
"Bandersnatch," The cat guessed, "You're lucky to have been alive. I might need to take a look at that."
The Cat's head disappeared, and then reappeared next to me as a whole cat. The Cat was always calm and casual, there's a cat like sensuality to him. The giant grin was seductive. He inspected the wound.
"The slightest scratch made by the Frumious Bandersnatch will fester and purify. Unless it's purified by someone with evaporating skills, like myself. "
He lifted my arm and tried to lick the wound, but I pulled away.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"It needs cleaning out."
"I'd rather you didn't,"
"At least let me bind it for you,"
I allowed him to use his handkerchief to bind my wound.
"I've never seen a cat smile," I told him.
"I sleep all day and carouse all night. Why would I not be smiling? What do you call yourself?
"Alice,"
"The Alice,"
"There's been some debate on that,"
His attitude shifted. He tied the binding tight, and then stepped back.
"Then you'd best be on your way," he told me, "I make it a rule not to get involved with politics."
"Can you at least show me how to get out of this place?"
"If you truly are the Alice, the only way out is to slay the Jabberwocky. That's all im going to say. But, you should talk to the Hare and the Hatter. They're the ones to help you."
"How am I to get there?"
"Fine," he said, "I'll take you there."
He disappeared suddenly, I looked around. He reappeared farther into the woods.
"Well come on then," he told me.
I hurried to catch up with him.
Stayne sat astride his Red Panther as the Knights hold a growling Bloodhound by a spiked collar and heavy ropes.
"Find the scent of the human girl," Stayne told the bloodhound.
"Find it yourself," he replied, and then he started to speak in outlandish, "Ye Urpal Slackum Scum,"
The knights jerked the ropes, driving the spikes into his neck. He jerked and snapped.
"Help us find the girl," Stayne said to him, "And you will earn you're freedom."
The hound considered the offer.
"For my wife and pups as well?" the hound asked.
"Everyone goes home," Stayne replied.
The dog sniffed the ground, picking up Alice's scent. They bayed and ran off. The Knave stroked his panther's neck.
"Dogs will believe anything," The Panther said.
As me and the cat proceeded, he disappeared and reappeared ahead.
"This way," he said.
He disappeared and reappeared again.
"Will you quit doing that?" I asked him
"The Queen's knights are everywhere. I'd like to keep my head if you don't mind. Here we are."
We approached the March Hare's house. The house was a living thing… part hare, part house. The chimneys were hare ears. The roof thatched with fur. The picket fences were rabbit feet…. Rabbit tail doorknobs. Windows were bunny eyes that moved around and blinked. A tea party was in progress. The March Hare, sitting on the side of the long table, looked like he had a mental disorder (probably did). Then sitting at the end of the other side of the long, long, table was the Mad Hatter. He was wearing a colorful, odd admixture of clothing at his time, including the ironic tattered top hat. He was the first human I have encountered here.
They were all laughing at the Dormouse who was standing at the other end of the long table doing an imitation of my encounter of the Bandersnatch.
"He can't hurt me, he can't hurt me," she imitated, "He was about to do her in. So I had to climb up there and pop out its eye. I keep it with me for good luck."
She held up the Bandersnatch's eye. They react to the sight and smell.
"Put that away, Mallymkum," Said the Mad Hatter, "It's Frumious,"
The Hare/House's Window/Eye's shifted. One ear tapped on the March Hare's shoulder. They turned to see me and the cat.
"Well look what the cat dragged in," The Dormouse said.
"The very Alice in question," said The Mad Hatter.
"Join us for tea?" asked the March Hare, "Tea anyone?"
"I'm not staying," The Cat said. Then he disappeared.
"He's always doing that," I told them.
"Don't we know it," The Dormouse said.
"Cheshire lives to please himself," Said the Mad Hatter. Then the cat (apparently named Cheshire) appeared in an empty chair.
"Fine, a cup of tea then." He said.
"Have a chair," the Hatter told me
I then sat in an empty chair. Then the Hare suddenly started screaming.
"Not there!! Can't you see the dishes are dirty? And there's no time to wash them! We're already late for tea! Move down! Move down!"
Then we all got up and moved down one seat. The Hatter held my chair. He started to study me.
"You don't look anything like yourself," he told me. And yet, there's something very familiar about him.
"Have we met?" I asked him. He smiled at me enigmatically.
"Now I've brought Alice to you," said The Cheshire Cat, "You can't say I've never done anything for the cause."
"Yes, thank you for the heroic efforts;" the Hatter said sarcastically, "We'll take the rest of the revolution from here."
"You'll pardon me if I don't give a guddler's scud who wears the crown," said Cheshire, "The Red Queen has never bothered me."
Furious, the Mad Hatter slams his fist on the table.
"No matter that she's enslaved have the population!" He shouted
"I don't know them personally," replied Cheshire
"No matter that she stole the crown from her sister!"
"The White Queen should have put up a better fight."
"No matter that the Red Queen rules with fear, terror, and torture!
"I fail to see what any of that has to do with me."
"He fails," the Hatter shouted, "He must be punished! Shall we butter his ears?"
The Hare picked up a butter knife. The Hatter put a hand on his arm, speaking Outlandish.
"Naughfter usel, Thackery. Cheshire being slurvish."
"Slurvish!" Cheshire shouted insulted.
"You are, Cheshire. You always have been. People don't change."
"Your always so angry, Tarrant," The Cat said, "I remember when you used to be so happy. You used to be able to do the best Futterwacken in Witzend."
The Hatter made a brief and bittersweet smile.
"On the Frabjous day, when the White Queen wears the crown again," Said the Hatter, "That's when I will dance the Futterwacken."
The Hatter and The Cat look at each other like bitter, estrange brothers.
"Look after that arm, Alice," Cheshire told me. Then he disappeared. I turned to the others.
"I want you all to know, right off." I said to them. "I'm not slaying anything!"
"As if you could!" The Dormouse shouted back at me.
"There must be another way for me to get back home." I said.
"No other way," Said the Hatter, "It's slay the Jabberwocky with the vorpal sword at Brilliq on the Frabjous Day.
"I'm not that Alice!" I shouted
The Hare put his hands on his ears and shouted.
"Stop all the shouting! I cannot abide all the shouting." He threw a teacup at me, luckily I ducked in time.
"But you're the only Alice we've got." The Hatter told me.
The Hare/House tapped the March Hare again.
"Red Knights!" He Shouted.
Hatter took a small bottle from his pocket. A bottle I remembered all too well. I refused to drink it. He threw my two feet high self on the table and forced it down my throat. I shrank to three inched tall. They stuffed me forcefully into the teapot and crammed my now overly sized clothes in behind me. They crammed and crammed.
"You're suffocating me with my dress," I yelled
"We'll hack it off," The March Hare yells. He hacked off my of my dress, it was a nice little dress now. They stuffed me back in while the Mad Hatter closed the lid.
"Watch your head," He said.
It was dim inside the teapot, except for a stream of light that came from the spout. I leaned in, I could almost hear what was going on outside.
The Hatter did a headstand in his chair. The Dormouse climbed into a soup tureen. The Hare lay on the table. The Bloodhound ran in, nose to the ground, followed by Stayne and the Knights.
"Greetings, Gentlemen," Said the Hatter.
"Well if it's not my favorite Trio of Lunatics," Said the Knave.
The Hare dipped his pocket watch into the tea.
"Your late for tea," shouted the Hare, "As usual."
"How fares the Red Queen?" Asked the Hatter, "Or is it White? Who is sitting on the throne these days?"
"We're looking for the girl named Alice. Have you seen her?"
"Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we like to sing in her honor: Twinkle, Twinkle little bat. How I wonder where you're at."
I looked out the spout to see Stayne put his hands on the Hatter's throat, cutting him off from his song.
"If your hiding her," Said the Knave, "You'll lose your head.
"I've already lost it." Said the Hatter with a smile, "All together now!" The Trio started to sing.
"Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky.
"The Alice," shouted the Knave, "Have you seen her?"
"Before we answer…." Said the Hatter, "… You have to solve a riddle first. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
The second Red Knight hit the Hatter with his weapon, knocking him out of his chair.
"Have you seen her?" Stayne asked.
Mad Hatter climbs back in his chair.
"Have you solved the riddle?"
The Knight hit him again, to keep his anger in check, the Hatter laughed crazily. The Hare joined in. The Knight hit them again. Stayne chokes the Hare. The Third knight dunked the Dormouse into a cup of hot tea, and then brought her back up. She was dripping and gasping for air.
The Bloodhound reared up and put its paws on the table, sniffing the teacups…. getting closer to my teapot. I could see its big nose sniffing at the spout. The Hatter watched the Bloodhound nervously. He whispers to it.
"Downal Wyth Bluddy Behg Hid."
The Bloodhound stopped, surprised to hear Outlandish. The Hatter shot up a sharp glance at the teapot. The Bloodhound understood. He dropped to the ground and pretended to catch a new trail. The Bloodhound bayed.
"Follow the Bloodhound," Knave told the Knights. Stayne pick up a cup of tea, and drank it in half a second.
"You're all mad!" Knave yelled at the Trio. He threw the teacup hard at the table, making it smash into several pieces. His six and a half tall body quickly walked up the hill, following the Red Knights that didn't know they were going into a trap, just like Stayne.
Chapter 6 Finding Absolem
The teapot was suddenly filled with light. I looked up, the lid was removed. I climbed out of the teapot. Ahh, fresh air.
"You're safe now," The Hatter told me, "The Bloodhound led them away." I could tell that the Hatter was now bleeding. The Dormouse was nearly drowned. The March Hare coughed and rubbed his neck. I felt oddly responsible.
"I wish I could help you," I told them, "But im not who you think I am." The Hatter lifted me up in his palm.
"You'll speak to Absolem," He told me, "He'll know who you are."
"Can he tell me how to get home?" I asked him.
"He's wise," he said, "He's absolute, he's Absolem!" The Hatter put me on the table. I was getting tired of being three inches tall.
"Do you have any of that cake that makes me grow?' I asked
"Do you mean Upelkuchen?" the Dormouse asked, "Do we have any Upelkuchen, Thackery?" The March Hare looked under the table and shook his head.
"Sorry no, Upelkuchen," The Dormouse told me. The hatter swept his hat off and put it on the table.
"You're Carriage, Mademoiselle," he said.
"You mean the hat?" I asked.
"Anyone can travel by horse or rail," he said, "But, only the best people can travel by hat." I climbed on the hat and sat on the crown. The Hatter put it on.
"By the way, Thackery," the Hatter said, "How is a raven like a writing desk?"
"If you don't know, then im not telling. Goodbye, Alice."
We started off when the Dormouse started to follow.
"I can't wait to see what Absolem says when he finds out she's pretending to be Alice." She said.
"Sorry Mallymkum, just us this time." The Hatter told her. As we continued off, I heard the March Hare scream at us.
"Wait! You haven't had your tea!!"
"Watch your head," The Hatter told me. I ducked as another giant tea cup flew over me.
Traveling by hat is actually a very pleasant way to see the sights. I hung on to his hat as he walked past many things. I remembered what Cheshire called the Hatter.
"Your name is Tarrant?" I asked him.
"Tarrant Hightopp. I was a hatter by trade in the White Queen's court, until the Horunvendish Day"
"What happened on that day?"
"White fell to Red. It was here in the Tulgey Woods." He looked off as he told the tale. In the dark woods ahead, I saw the story unfold.
"The White Knight holds the shinning Vorpal Sword, waiting to fight the Jabberwocky. The White Queen sat aside her white horse with other members of the court. The mood was festive. The Queen was confident in her champion. Then the woods turned dark as enormous leathery wings blocked the sun. Faces filled with awe as they looked up at the fearsome creature. The Knight was stunned by its fierceness and magnitude. The Jabberwocky fixed him with his fiery eyes. The Knight's hand shook as he lifted the Vorpal Sword. But fear overcame him; he dropped the sword and ran. The Jabberwocky laughed at his easy victory. He flicked his long, pronged tail, catching the Knight on the thorns. People scram as the knight fell dead. Then the Jabberwocky turned to the crowd, shooting fire from his eyes. The Queen's horse rears, but I grabbed it by the reins. I helped the Queen to safety and so I missed the worst of it. Stayne rid on his Red Panther and picked up the Vorpal Sword. The Red Knights captured the Vorpal Sword, so there was nothing to stop the Jabberwocky. People tried to escape, but the Jabberwocky did his work, rending, tearing. The Cheshire Cat vanished. The hare stood in the melee, shocked and terrified. The massacre was terrible. Thackery went mad from the sight of it. On that day, I swore I would not stop until the Red Queen falls. "
I staid quiet, moved by the story.
"And the White Queen?" I asked.
"She's in exile in Marmoreal, waiting for her champion to slay The Jabberwocky and return her crown. In the meanwhile, Thackery, Mallymkum, and others like us work secretly for her cause."
We passed out of the woods and came upon an open plain of charred, barren earth.
"This used to be fertile plains," Tarrant told me, "but nothing has grown in Iplam since the Jabberwocky desecrated the lands."
We then moved through the empty streets of a deserted village.
"Where is everyone?" I asked.
"Many have been taken as slaves for The Red Queen's court," he said, "Others have fled to the Outlands. Only a few strays remain." Just then a female cat appeared in a doorway, wearing a slinky dress reminiscent of a French chanteuse.
"Hello, Hatter," said the female cat.
"Cauol," He said, "It's been a long time." Hatter turned to me.
"She'll know where Absolem is, wait here." He took of the hat and put it on a small café table. He went to go speak to the cat. I heard a loud purring sound and I saw a very thin, very hungry feral cat looking up at me from below.
"Hello kitty," I said to it.
"Hello mouse," It replied.
"Actually, Im not a mouse." I explained. The cat was joined by another equally hungry cat. I glanced over at the Hatter, who was conversing quietly in outlandish with his friend.
"I saw it first," the first cat screamed. The second cat leaped onto the table.
"As you can see," I said, "Im not a mouse at all." Cat 2 slinked toward me. I took a step back as Cat 1leaped onto the table.
"It's mine!" I moved back to the edge of the table as a third cat landed on the table. I looked at the Hatter, who still had his back to me. Wham! I was hit by a fury claw, knocking me the other way. Those Cats toyed with me, amusing themselves as they bat me. I stumbled to the edge of the table, and fell, landing on the chair. I tried to get the Hatter's attention.
"Hatter!" A cat landed on the chair. I jumped to the floor. I landed hard with the cat behind, followed by the other two. I turned to face them as they stalked me.
"Run, mouse," The third one said.
"We like it when they run," added in the second one. No one had to tell me three times, I ran. I dived behind the table and chair legs. The cats enjoyed the chase, catching me and batted at between them. I finally broke free and ran towards the Hatter. But, a paw landed on my dragging dress tail, stopping me. I struggled to pull free as another cat stalked me from the front. Another cat from behind joined in. I yelled at the Hatter.
"Tarrant Hightop," I couldn't get away. The cats moved in for the kill, all playfulness gone. A large SSSTTTTT sound came from above. The Hatter's foot kicked a cat away. He stomped at the others. They hissed and backed off. I was fuming.
"There are starving cats here!" I screamed, "I'm the size of a mouse! What did u think was going to happen?"
"I forgot about the feral ones," he said, "Forgive me." He picked me up and put me in the pocket of his coat. He put his hat back on.
"By the way," the female cat shouted out at us, "Have you seen Cheshire?"
"Only briefly, but yes." Hatter replied.
"When you do," She said, "Tell him he's a slurking urpal slackush scum."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
The Hatter replied embarrassed, "It means…. It means be glad you don't speak outlandish right now." I sat in the Hatter's pocket as he walked across the blackened plain dotted with shriveled stumps and trees.
"We have half a day's walk to reach Absolem." The sky turned suddenly dark, tinged with red. He ducked under a large tree with wide gnarled branches.
"Why are we stopping?" I asked.
"Red storm coming," The sky opened and red hail pelted the earth. "It won't last long." He sat down; with he's back to the tree. He took tiny me out of his pocket and put me on his knee. Seeing his face loomed over me, I realized where I had seen him before.
"I know why you look familiar to me. You're in my dream. I've seen the same dream all my life. There's and egg man on the wall, you in your hat, and a blue caterpillar."
"A blue caterpillar?" he asked, "Have you ever thought this dream has been trying to tell you something?"
"I don't know what it would be. My father used to say…. Dreams are the way we whisper into our own ears"
"An excellent way of putting it! Your father is saganistute!"
"Was saganistute, and that better be a compliment!"
"It means a wise man of poetry and vision." I smiled. We sat silent for a moment. The hail stopped, we crossed the red barren plain until we reached a wide field of mushroom. The Hatter put his hat on the ground.
"You're on your own from here." He said.
"You're not coming?"
"Absolem can be temperamental. I'll wait here." I walked through a misty field of mushrooms the size of trees. I heard a very old voice call out.
"Whoooo areeee youuuuuu?" I squinted through the thick mist.
"Absolem?" I asked.
"Whoooo areeee youuuuuu?" it asked again. I still couldn't see the speaker.
"I'm not who you think I am." I replied.
"Who do I think you are?" It asked. I could see a form ahead where the mist raised in a steady plume from the top of a mushroom. The mist is coming from a hookah. A Blue Caterpillar is smoking it. I stopped dead, my mind reeling.
"Absolem,"
"I don't think your Absolem," it said, "I think I'm Absolem. I think your Alice."
"This cannot be real,"
"Of course, I'm real," He blew a ring of smoke in my face. I coughed.
"Have we met?"
"You don't recall? You were young then, although much larger than you are now. You called it "Wonderland" He chuckled, his whole body jiggled like blue jelly. "Stupid girl," He said. The name "Wonderland" sparked a distant memory.
Falling fast into an endless abyss with fleeting surreal images; a lush but off kilter landscape, strange misshapen people, a blue caterpillar floating in a smoky mist, the wry smile of a man in a top hat, a weeping turtle, an egg man on a fence, a gryphon and a silhouette of a large headed woman screaming "off with her head!!! Off with her head!!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!"
"It wasn't a dream at all," I said.
"Of course not, stupid girl." He blew more smoke in my face.
"I'm not stupid, and quit blowing smoke in my face."
"You're just as impertinent as ever."
"The Hatter said you could tell me how to get home."
"Quite simple, do what you came here for."
"Just because I've been here before, doesn't mean I can start slaying stuff. I couldn't kill a Jabberwocky if my life depended on it."
"I will, so I suggest you have the Vorpal Sword on hand when the Frabjous day arrives." He blew more smoke and obliterated himself from view. I turned around, marveling. I heard clashing swords through the mist. I ran through the mushroom forest, but I couldn't find my way out. I turned in circles, lost until I saw something through the mist ahead, a disembodied grin. I ran towards it.