After her customary 0500 shower, Sam Shepard toweled off and sat down at her desk to check the latest updates on her private terminal. As she sifted through the technobabble from Tali and the Engineers, she happened to glance up at the date in the corner of the vidscreen.
24/12/2185
"Shit! I almost forgot!" she yelled to nobody in particular, jumping up from her desk.
She ran to the dresser and threw on her black and white jumpsuit, which had a noticeable torn patch above the left breast, then hopped back to her terminal, where she furiously pounded out an email to her crew labeled URGENT. She then typed a much longer email to Joker and EDI, their correspondence taking most of the next hour.
At 0800, the entire crew of the Normandy SR-2 was crammed into the small conference room in its center. Left with no other option, Shepard hopped up on the table in the center.
"Everyone, I have an urgent matter we all need to address," she said, commander voice on full power.
"As you all may have noticed, it is currently December the twenty-fourth. I have thus far seen an unacceptable lack of preparation on all your parts. I have never seen a ship in this state!"
Everyone present, even Zaeed, shrunk back. What was she talking about?
"So that we can make up for this grievous lack of discipline, I have taken the liberty of assigning you all additional responsibilities. Garrus, Tali, you take care of the lights. I want multicolored strands along the tops of every hallway in the ship. Am I clear?"
Garrus was about to say something when Shepard continued as if he had responded.
"Jacob and Miranda will be in charge of acquiring small evergreen trees for every unoccupied corner of the ship. No taller than two meters."
Jacob shook his head and put his head in his hands while Miranda looked quizzically at the air a foot to the right of Shepard's head.
"Kasumi, run some extranet searches and get some music. Legion, you will link the music to EDI, who will play it from 0900 to 2100 every day."
"Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander."
"The rest of you WILL be cheery and you WILL attend the party on the twenty-fourth. Failure to do so WILL result in disciplinary action."
She looked around at her crew as they gawked at her. Grunt looked awestruck, and Garrus stared pointedly at his feet.
Jack raised her hand as she leaned against the wall out in the hallway.
"Do you have any questions, Jack?" Shepard inquired.
"Just one. What the FUCK?"
Shepard looked at her feet, a mischievous smirk crossing her features.
"Joker, you can come in now!" she called.
Joker hobbled in, dressed as none other than Santa Claus. He looked anything but happy.
"Ho ho ho," he said with noticeable sarcasm, and Shepard smiled even wider.
EDI came over the comm and began blaring holiday music from the mid-twentieth century.
And then Joker came fully into the room with a large lumpy sack of what looked to be
"Presents!" exclaimed Grunt.
Several hours later, a relative calm had settled in on the main deck of the Normandy. Shepard was sitting on the floor next to Yeoman Chambers' usual post. Kelly was probably having the time of her life, Shepard thought absently. The elevator opened and Garrus walked out, two glasses of punch from the party downstairs in his hands, a ridiculous light-up reindeer headpiece adorning his carapace.
"Shepard, why aren't you down with the rest of the crew? Grunt just challenged Jacob to a push-up contest and everyone's betting on the outcome!"
He leaned closer to her as he sat next to her and muttered "My money's on the human."
Shepard accepted the glass from him and smirked.
"I needed some downtime, Garrus. Watching a Krogan lose is not a calming experience."
He laughed, and then got serious.
"Still no response from Alenko?"
She looked down at her glass, then away at the door leading to Mordin's lab.
"Ah. Explains a lot."
She swirled the glass then downed it in one gulp.
"Come on Garrus, let's go have a dance," she said, getting up and offering her hand to the turian.
He gawked. "But…"
"No, you're right. I shouldn't be sitting up here by myself. Besides, you look pretty sexy in antlers," she said with a devious smile.
Garrus could do nothing but flap his mandibles uselessly for a full ten seconds.
"Relax, Archangel. I was kidding." She pulled him to his feet, and then donned a Santa Claus cap she pulled from her pocket.
"Besides, I'm a much better dancer than you."
"Want to bet? I learned from the best," challenged Garrus.