I'm going out on a limb here and writing a Post-GNT oneshot.

It's exclusively in Tommy's POV.

The NORMAL text is what's happening in the present.

The ITALICISED text centered lines are song lyrics.

If it's ITALICISED but not centered, it's INNER TOMMY.

The BOLD text is Adam speaking, used for dialogue.

Sorry for all that complicated-ness. I'm just trying to use the formatting available to make it easier to understand.

Hope you like it! Be sure to let me know.

I Never Told You

"See ya, man. I need some air," I yelled through my front door as it swung shut. I needed air. Hah. Understatement of the century? I needed a hell of a lot more than air… but as I stepped out onto the sidewalk I had to admit that the cool night breeze felt nice… Clean. I paused, letting an especially strong gust comb back my blonde fringe, and shivered slightly with exhilaration.

After a few moments, the wind was all but gone. Like everything good, it was over too soon and left me wanting more.

Like everything…

Like him.

I miss those blue eyes…

And just like that, all the shreds and traces of pleasant emotions drained from my heart.

"Ugh, Ratliff. Get the fuck over it." I shook my head, flipping my hair out of my face. It was always getting in my fucking face. The only time I liked that aspect was onstage, when Adam would brush it aside before he… "Stop. Thinking. About. It." I said aloud to the empty street. Great, I was officially talking to myself.

Well… like I said, I needed more than air… like a stiff drink. But I'd had my fair share of those back at my place earlier. As always.

"Maybe if you didn't drink so much you'd be less of a pathetic loser…" I grumbled. Well… that wasn't quite fair. I was hot, and I knew it. All the boys and the girls knew it too… But… looks couldn't get me everything.

And yet… sometimes it got me in way too deep.

Like with him.

I frowned and tried to push those thoughts away, focusing on the quiet thudding of my boots against the pavement.

My feet kept moving as my mind wandered.

The GlamNation Tour was over. Everything was slowing down, becoming calm… almost boring. Scratch that- VERY boring. Staying in one place for so long after traveling worldwide was strange to say the least. The days lately had been long and quiet…

But the biggest, and hardest to cope with, change was not seeing everyone. Sure, we'd all gotten together a few times since the tour, and I still saw Monte a lot since we did shows together… But it just wasn't the same. I missed them all so much.

Especially Adam.

He'd been having a crazy time since the tour, lying low and partying with friends. Most people would bet their lives that he wasn't bored.

"He misses it too," I mumbled, running a hand through my wind-mussed hair.

Whether he missed the tour as much as me or not, the truth was that he was having fun... Without me.

"Oh, so now he's not allowed to be happy, huh?" I bit my lip, letting the rhythmic sounds of the wind and my footsteps calm me.

He was allowed to have a good time, of course. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy… I just…

Every time I saw the paparazzi pictures of him out with other guys… especially recently…

Every time I heard rumors (false as they may be) about his new 'boyfriends'…

Every time… something inside of me died.

It was stupid… I had no right to think like that. He might be my friend, but I had no ability, no RIGHT, to control his social life, much less who he FUCKED.

I even went so far as to avoid Twitter, and sometimes even fans in person.

I tried to be a calm guy, but I couldn't always just laugh off the prying questions, the careless accusations.

Sure, most of my fans were super nice and not a bother at all, but I got sick of "TOMMY! What do you think of *insert random man's name here*? Are Adam and him dating? Does that bother you?"

I didn't mind questions about me, and if a lucky fan caught me late enough, after I'd had a few drinks or maybe more, they might be able to get me to feed the fire of the fandom and answer one of the never ending questions about Adam and I.

Usually, I just smile, maybe wink, and give a vague unsatisfying answer, but a few times I'd been almost honest. Once, during the tour, I had told a fan-girl that, yes, kissing Adam WAS "amazing," and I NEVER denied that he was a good kisser. My momma didn't raise any liars.

How you kissed me at night…

To be completely honest, each time someone asked about our "Rock 'n' Roll" antics, a warm-fuzzy feeling filled my chest and a smile took its place on my face.

But as always, with good comes bad. A fan could make me smile with their enthusiasm, but they could almost just as easily ruin my day.

"You don't own him, Tommy," I said aloud, the words echoing slightly in the deserted street. "You have no fucking right to be jealous."

I didn't have a right, but that didn't change the pang of envy that resonated with each hurtful question, with each picture I accidentally laid eyes on of Adam with some little twink stuck to his side like a leech. Just thinking about it sent a flare of anger through me. "None of them are even that pretty… I'm prettier than any of them." I grumbled, pausing from my march to kick a pebble.

I was cuter than puppy puke painted pink, for God's sake. I knew I was. Not to be conceited, it was something I had to face even as a young boy. I was always the pretty boy. Not that I disliked it. I was beautiful, and I liked it.

Everyone said so. The fans. My friends. The band. Even Adam. Somehow it meant so much more coming from him. I smiled, letting my pace slow. The breeze had started picking up again. I shivered, pulling my leather jacket tighter around my slim frame.

And I walked.

And I remembered.

"And on the bass…. Isn't be pretty? Mister Tommy. Joe. Ratliiiffff!"

The rush was amazing. As he said my name, I'd take a deep breath and just SHINE.

The adrenaline rush when all eyes were on me.

After my little solo, I'd slide my hand back and forth on the neck of my bass, throwing my head back and generally being obscene. Once I was almost done, I'd look for Adam, loving the heated look that never failed to grace his handsome features. A few times, I didn't have to look for him. He was there as I finished, a couple times taking my bass into his large hand and "helping me out." Once he seemed extra excited, and he came up behind me and grabbed my hair, thrusting into my ass.

If it'd lasted any longer than the few heavenly fan-pleasing seconds that it did in reality, I might have fainted.

Heat shot through my veins every time I thought about it.

And the Fever kisses…

The highpoint of every show for me was Fever.

I'd wait for Adam at the stairs, and for those few moments we were completely together. So many of my emotions and desires stemmed from those close encounters, backlit by red spotlights and surrounded by the excited screams of the fans.

During Fever, I could be myself. Because it was all for Rock 'n' Roll, right? It didn't mean anything that he made my heart pound, it was just for show. It didn't mean anything that there was nowhere I'd rather be than in his arms, but during Fever it was just fan service, right?

It may have started out as harmless fun, but it grew and blossomed into one of the closest friendships I have ever experienced.

I miss the way we sleep,

Like there's no sunrise.

With such a sexual relationship onstage, Adam and I were not shy about being touchy feely.

Like the taste of your smile.

If we were together, you could almost guarantee that I was close by his side.

I miss the way we breathe.

"I care about him so much." I whispered, coming briefly back to reality. My footsteps were the only sound I could hear.

The thud of boots. The thud of beats. The bass… the music.

Adam's golden day.

Adam's 29th birthday bash was a huge mishmash of beautiful women, close friends, and an obscene number of flamboyant gentlemen.

It was also one of the first times I had seen Adam since the end of the tour. I had missed him so much. I was so excited to see everyone.

One face among the crowd, however, made my heart sink as soon as I laid eyes on it. Him. That tabloid-bringing blog-spawning gossip inspiring… No. I will not be negative.

But I never told you

What I should have said.

Adam didn't talk about whether they were dating.

No, I never told you.

He didn't go over the top being touchy with him, but my sharp eye caught ever moment of contact between the two.

I just held it in.

I hadn't seen Adam in forever.

And now I miss everything…

About you.

I had been missing him so badly.
I wasn't about to let some gossip and drama keep me away from MY babyboy. For most of the night, Adam was making the rounds and I hung with the band (I even kissed Isaac a few times… oops!) but when he was with me I made sure that I was right next to him. I clung to his side like a lost child, soaking up his aura and scent, relishing in the joy that is ADAM. We took some pictures, and I put my arm around him for most of them.

I can't believe I still want you

After all the things we've been through.

Being around him, just touching him again… it made my head swim and my heart leap.

But that little man kept popping up, souring my mood.

BUT I was a MAN, so I tried not to let it bother me. I put on my sexiest face and hoped no one saw through my mask to the jealous bitch that I really was.

I miss everything about you

Without you.

The party was over way too quickly, and we all said our goodbyes. I lingered once most had left, wanting a moment with Adam. I walked over, wrapped my arms around his waist, and just held him for a few minutes. His arms surrounded me, warm and supportive.

I see your blue eyes

"Glitterbaby, you must be drunk! You're so cuddly today! Not that I'm complaining!"He laughed, ruffling my hair gently. "I missed you, Tommy."

I just nuzzled my face into his chest, pushing everything I wanted to say deep down inside of me. I can't do that to him. I can't say it…

Every time I close mine.

"You too, babyboy. I had a lot of fun today. See you soon?"

You make it hard to see

"Yeah. See ya!"he smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and walked away. I drove back to my apartment, hiding my tear-streaked face with my blonde fringe.

Where I belong when I'm not

Around you…

I cried that night more than I have ever since the turmoil of my father's illness.

It's like I'm not with me.

My flashback was shattered by the sound of my phone ringing.

I stumbled, barely catching myself.

"SHIT-hello?"

"Haha wow, I expected a more polite greeting!"

Joy poured through my veins at the sound of his voice.

"Adam. I'm sorry, I… I fell." My cheeks burned furiously as I slid down the wall of the building I was in front of and sat on the rough pavement.

"It's okay, glitterbaby. So what's up? What're you doing that you're falling?" He giggled softly.

"I'm… I'm walking. I needed some air… To think…"

I looked around, realizing suddenly how far I had walked. I barely recognized my surroundings. I was more than a couple miles from my house. I must have gasped, because Adam sounded concerned when he spoke again.

"Tommy? Are you okay?" I could practically see the worried look on his face through the phone.

"Yeah I'm okay. Sorry… I just realized that I've gone a lot farther than I intended…"

"Shit, are you going to make it home okay? Do you need someone to come get you?" He paused, and for a few moments all that I could hear was the quiet sound of his breath.

It brought to mind quiet evenings on the couch, just Adam and I. Alone. Together. We'd watch movies or just talk, spending what little free time we had in each other's arms.

But I never told you,

What I should have said.

Our relationship was so simple. We weren't together, we rarely kissed offstage… but we could snuggle without it being weird.

It was an unspoken truth that there was something special between us.

No, I never told you…

It was only when I thought too fucking hard that it got complicated.

I just held it in…

I really… I really fucking cared about him.

"Tommy? Say something." His tone left no room for argument.

Say something? Anything?

I had so many things I wanted to say… but I didn't. I thought them, their message never reaching any farther than the shell of my broken heart.

I miss you.

"Yeah I'm here."

"Are you okay?"

No, I'm never okay when I'm without you.

"Yeah."

"Do you need someone to get you?"

Yes I need you here now. I need you.

"I… I'm not sure. I…."

I bit my lip harshly, a bad habit of mine, and paused.

"Do you know where you are?"

I know where I want to be. In your arms.

"Kind of…"

"… Tommy, have you been drinking?"

Yeah, because I always drink and cause trouble. I'm such a loser.

"Why does that matter? I'm okay, Adam. I just got distracted… I was thinking… I made it all the way out here, I'll make it back just fine. Maybe I'll find a 24 hour taco stand and refuel." I joked, my heart warming when I heard his laugh.

"Haaa... Glitterbaby you're so adorable. Where are you, so I know just in case you do need help."

I told him the street names on the nearest intersection, gritting my teeth as he went silent.

"Honey, I just mapquested that shit. You're 2 miles from your house. How long have you been walking, this late at night! You could get kidnapped! Or mugged!" His voice rose in pitch, taking on that drama-queen tone he could be famous for.

"I'm sorry…" I smiled to myself, half ashamed and half glad that he was so worried about me.

"Do you want me to come get you? I'll come get you."

I don't want to be a bother. I always hold you back.

"You don't have to."

"I'm coming." A jingling sound came through the phone line. "It's not that far. And I have my keys already, got my boots on and everything."

Adam… I…

"Okay… Thank you so much babyboy… I…"

My voice trailed off.

"Tommy? Is there something you want to say?"

Yes. I've been wanting to say it for months.

"No… Nothing… Thank you so much, Adam. I can never make this up to you."

"Haha, how about a kiss when I get there? Then we'll call it even."

That hardly makes it even. I want nothing more than to kiss you every day of my life.

I have to say it… If I don't tell him now, it'll be too late.

"Okay, sounds good. See you soon?"

"Yup! Be there in not too long. Don't freeze to death, honey. It gets chilly even here in Cali. I don't want to get there and find a Tommy-cicle."

"Bye, Addy…"

"Bye!"

Just before he hung up, I heard something in the background.

A voice, calling Adam's name… I knew all too well who it belonged to.

And now I miss everything about you.

(Still you're gone)

That one word might as well have been the sound of my heart shattering.

There was a gentle click as our phones disconnected, and my opportunity was gone.

Can't believe that I still want you,

After all the things we've been through.

I let my head fall forwards, tears pouring freely, and whispered those three words that I'd been thinking all this time.

I miss everything about you.

"I love you."

But now I know…

I'll forever be…

Without you.