Welcome to my highly opinionated and possibly rude guide to a successful Maximum Ride FanFiction.

This is not original.

This is not magical.

This is not a tomato.

These are just my thoughts after having written some of my own fanfics and having read a ton of them by other authors.

To some authors' credit, a handful of these stories are pure gold, and they are doing a fantastic job – not perfect, note, but the overall effect is highly amazing.

For a large portion of you writers out there, however…there are some issues we need to talk about.

I'll start with my favorite (note sarcasm) problem.

Grammar & Punctuation.

Note I did not put "Spelling", though that can be an occasional issue. However, with spell-check and its special red squiggly lines, a lot of people can catch those. Also, even the better writers slip up a lot (I'm guilty of the spelling problem, too) because we'll type a word that isn't the right word, but it is a word, so spell-check doesn't catch it; then, since a lot of us don't proofread our own stuff once we finish (because face it, after spending hours typing a chapter, you just want to post it and let your mind decay for a bit), we have a public chapter with spelling mistakes.

Grammar, however, is another matter…because it is hard to accidentally slip up on subject-verb agreement.

For example:

"He are going to the mall tomorrow."

BZZZZZ!

NO.

Wrong. Fix that now. "He is". "They are". "We are". "I am".

It's basic, and this is not the prominent issue with grammar. I'm sure a bunch of you are shaking your heads, sure you don't do that. But some of you do. And it is irritating to read.

Another one, which is more common but not as widely known, is what demonstrative pronoun to use with "person" and "people".

Here's the general rule:

A person uses his or her mind to solve a problem.

People use their minds to solve problems.

Being the Grammar Freak I am, this bugs me.

Speaking of pronouns….

MAKE SURE YOU CLEARLY IDENTIFY WHAT PERSON/OBJECT THE PRONOUN GOES WITH.

I can't say how many times I have read a dialogue where I can't even tell who is talking because they keep using "she" and "he" said…with more than two people. When there are multiple "he's" and "she's", how can I know who is talking anymore? Names are longer to type, but use them.It makes reading a story so much simpler. I can follow the plot if I can figure out who is speaking.

Even outside the context of dialogue, if you haven't typed the name in a while, that's a good sign that you should probably stick it in there, just to keep us on track.

Now, TO THE PUNCTUATION.

I'll start with dialogue.

"Hi, my name is Charlie," he said.

That is an example of a correct use of quotation marks. Note the comma before the end quotation marks, the comma after "Hi", and the period at the end of the sentence are also examples good punctuation.

"Hi my name is Charlie he said".

NOOOO.

It looks ridiculous, but guys, I've read stories with punctuation like that. Not only do incorrect punctuation marks look wrong, they often make a sentence change meaning. For example, the above sentence makes it sound like Charlie was saying a boy said something to him, but was then cut off.

On this note….commas.

COMMAS SAVE LIVES.

For example:

Let's eat Grandma.

OR

Let's eat, Grandma.

COMMAS ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Don't be afraid to use them!

When addressing someone, such as "Grandma", use a comma.

When using expressions such as "Hi", "Yes/No," "Wow/Uh/Huh/Hmm", or transition words like "Then/After/Before/However/Also" in the beginning of a sentence, insert a comma after the word. If using them at the end of a sentence, stick a comma before them.

When listing items in a series, separate the items with commas.

When connecting two related but independent and complete sentences, insert a comma and then a conjunction, like "and/but/or/nor/so" and others.

DO NOT USE COMMAS AS PERIODS. THEY DO NOT WORK THAT WAY; RUN ON SENTENCES ARE THE WORST TECHNICAL WRITING ERROR YOU CAN MAKE, IN MY OPINION.

If I read a sentence that never ends….I get bored…and annoyed…and disinterested in your story because my Grammar Freak instincts start screaming at you.

I KNOW FOR MANY OF YOU NUGGETS THAT THIS IS OLD NEWS, AND I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THESE RULES SOMETIMES.

But, come on, if you can't write in proper English, how do you expect readers to take your story seriously?

Also, save the broken sentences and fragments for First Person Point of View. I don't think to myself in complete, grammatically-correct sentences, and characters probably do not either. However, in Third Person Point of View, keep the sentences clean and complete.

When consistent errors occur, I can't read your story, no matter how fantastic the content is. You don't see mistakes like that in real life writing (and if you do, their editor/publisher sucks royal hippogriff), and I'm only interested in reading stories that take writing seriously in all aspects – from characters, to plot, to writing style, to grammar and mechanics. So, that's my advice to young writers: fix the grammar and fix the punctuation, and I'll actually get to reading the story you spent hours typing and creating for the Maximum Ride fan community.

I'm not saying you can't get creative with punctuation – I love unique sentence structures, interesting introductory and transitional phrases, and all that jazz. However, still follow standard and simple primary school grammar rules, and you'll be fine.

ANGRY WORDS COMPLETE….for now.

I can assure you that I have probably made some grammatical or punctuation errors in typing this, and I embrace the fact that I am no perfect writer. I do not know everything – not even close. So, before you hang me with Christmas lights in a dusty closet, this is supposed to be beneficial, not extremely pompous and self-promoting…though I'm sure many of you disagree.

(I get a bit mean when I rant.)

I can almost see you readers readying your flamethrowers now.

(This should be fun.)

I've got more to rant about, though – now that we got through the appearance, I'm going to dive into what's under the surface: characters and plot.

(My next rant: Fang the Player: Why It Is Not Okay.)

So, rock on, Fanfic writers!

Now that you all hate me.

Sincerely,

~Dancing On My Toes~