Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
In which Edward's impulses are much stronger than is safe.
Having Bella cradled in my arms was the most satisfying feeling in the entire world. Nearly asleep, she looked like the most beautiful angel -- a gift from God. I heard her breathing become even and slow, and her lips quivered from the coldness of my touch. Instinctively, I wrapped the small green afghan around her shoulders, protecting her from my frigidity. As I did this, she sighed. Her warm, sweet breath fanned across my face, setting my throat ablaze.
I'd done this a million times, but I still couldn't control the scorching pain in my throat. Her blood was much too tempting, like a siren calling out to me. As the blanket I'd provided her began to warm her, her cheeks flushed and a delicate painting of rose colored her supple cheeks.
What was so different about tonight? What had made her blood so much more potent to me now? I couldn't bear it. Careful not to wake her, I quietly moved from her bed to stand by the window. I opened it a crack and reveled in the fresh, cool breeze. The baking in my throat became manageable again.
As I climbed back into Bella's bed, the scent once again lit my throat on fire. It was like swallowing flames -- like being burned alive. As Bella slept, her mouth became slack, a low snore in the back of her throat… Her neck exposed, the warm blood just beneath her pale skin flowing like a stream.
The monster inside of me roared to life and the fire in my throat burned on. Such an easy target displayed in front of me; such a delicious scent emanating from it. The monster inside of me took over and the girl in front of me was no longer Bella. She was simply a cure for the overpowering thirst that was flaying me. Her blood would flow easily down my throat, extinguishing the flames.
Hot, wet, pumping blood.
I needed it.
Nothing mattered anymore. Not Bella, not my family, not the century worth of self-control I was throwing away at this very moment. I wasn't even myself anymore. I was just a monster. A bloodthirsty, uncontrollable vampire.
My lips moved slowly to her pulsing neck and my throat blistered like never before. My lips were pressed against her warm neck, my venom-coated teeth so very close to the blood I so desperately longed for. And that was it. My teeth cut into her neck like a hot knife slicing through cold butter. Her eyes shot open, confused and bewildered, and a sharp scream escaped from her lips.
Her blood was indescribable. It was as if her blood completely owned me in that moment. I couldn't get enough and every last drop that touched my tongue urged me on even further. The burn in my throat slowly drifted as I drained her body. She twitched, moaned, screamed and pleaded. But I didn't listen to any of it. Her blood was too overpowering for her own good. Suddenly, as if I hadn't even realized what had happened through the haze her sweet blood induced, her warmth was erased. She felt cold and brittle in my arms and I reluctantly tore my lips away from her empty body.
She was lifeless in my arms. Her warm softness was now felt as cold and dead as my own. Her lips were blue, her eyes were open and her fingers were curled into claws around my wrists.
"No," I whispered, clutching Bella's dead body in my arms. I held her close to my chest, my hands shaking as I touched her lifeless, indigo lips.
My mind became unhinged and despair and yearning took root deep within my clouded brain. I couldn't believe what I had just done. While I held her unresponsive body to mine, a gasp escaped my lips. Never again would I feel her warm body next to mine. I would never see her blush crimson when I kissed her soft lips. I would never hear the hammering of her heart when she was near me. I would never again see the beautiful smile that lit up her face when I made her laugh. Never again would I hear her sweet voice whisper my name while she slept in my arms...
And sitting here, holding her body to mine, I realized that I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't tolerate living in a world without Bella, knowing I was the reason she no longer existed. But I couldn't move. I couldn't let go of her. I couldn't fathom never seeing her again.
I couldn't live without her.
I heard Bella's bedroom door open, but I couldn't bring myself to look up. Charlie's heart was hammering uncontrollably in his chest and a gasp escaped his lips. He came to stand next to Bella and I, his hand over his mouth and a glaze of impending tears clouding his eyes.
"No," he whispered, his hand moving down to clutch Bella.
He took her gingerly from me, picking her up to lay her gently on her bed. I wanted to scream. As much as I wanted to hold Bella in my arms forever, I knew I couldn't; I didn't deserve to. As Charlie examined Bella, he began crying. The sound of the broken cry that choked from his lips sent a wave of guilt through my body.
"What have you done?!" he screamed.
My face was blank, a true replica of the expression Bella wore in death. My head soon fell into my hands, my arms and legs trembling. I could have been sitting there for hours; time was the last thing on my mind now. I heard the faint mumblings in the room as humans passed in and out. The only thing I fully registered was the man who came in pushing a gurney. The man lifted Bella's body from her bed and placed it on the stretcher. And with a loud zip, her body was wheeled from the room.
And with that final zip, Bella was taken away from me, from Charlie, from everything which she'd every hoped and dreamed of.
Taken from her very life.
Forever.
Sorry.