The smoke slowly ascended up into the heavens as she sat holding a paper cup. In a careful motion, as to not miss her mouth, she lifted the cup to her lips and drank the hot, dark liquid savoring the rich flavor. It didn't taste the same anymore. It was most likely the cigarette in her left hand that made it different. Kairi had never imagined herself smoking as a child but so much had happened between now and then. Now the ripe old age of 20, she figured that no one would tell her she would die of lung cancer. It was more likely she'd die of being attacked or something would kidnap her. Life was radically different now. She was so lonely and so afraid. She kept her door locked and her curtains pulled but a was always light on. She hated the darkness with a ferocity that couldn't be explained in mere words. The cigarettes helped keep that anger away. She had tried drugs, cutting, alcohol, nut nothing soothed her like that sweet nicotine. The drugs only heightened her fear and made her defenseless, which was even worse then the fear. The cutting weakened her physically and only lasted during that first few moments. The alcohol also left her defenseless which scared her even more then the darkness. But nicotine soothed her and kept her physically aware and able.
Her mother wasn't pleased with her decisions but Kairi had stopped caring what others thought a long time ago. She gave up on trying to go back to school. Everyone judged her at first for her choices but slowly they began to realize that something haunted her from deep within. The neighbors heard the screams late at night, but they dared not ask what was going on in the house. Then they all pitied her when the boys didn't return. She suffered so much that her friends couldn't reach her where she was at. Even her eyes screamed how far gone she was. Selphine conjectured that she wasn't really seeing any of them; she was looking somewhere , somewhere far, far away where she was happier.
Rummaging through her purse she smoked the last of her current cigarette. Great, she just used her last one and needed to buy more. She put her butt out and rose with her purse and coffee cup. She prayed that her coffee would last till she got to the nearest convenience store. She drank her coffee hot, always, even now in the middle of July on Destiny islands. She knew that all these cigarettes and trips to the local cafe were only a temporary fix. She knew that someday this lonely feeling would rear it's ugly head right into the middle of her life and shred everything she had tried to fix. There was only one way to fix everything and she realized that she could only achieve it in her dreams. Her heart broke everytime she thought of the fix she needed. She knew if they saw her like this they wouldn't be happy with her. Their names hadn't passed her lips in years. She feared that saying them would break everything into the tiny pieces that it once was. Everything was so fragile now that even smoke was holding it all together.
Finally she made it to Kent's Corner. She exchanged her money for a few cartons of Malboro and a cute new lighter. She smiled as she exited. Stowing her purchases she looked up at the bright sky. The sun shone down happily down on her and the wind play with her hair. Long ago she would have enjoyed this but she didn't have her own sun and wind back yet. She tossed her paper cup in a trash can and made her way back home.
Sora would want her to quit immediatly.
Riku would understand the addiction and give her time.
The pain rippled through her quickly. Time for another light.
So I've been listening to Never Shout Never and was inspired by the song Coffee and Cigarettes. I know that it seems like it's out of Kairi's character but I think it fits an older her.
I do not own KH or the Song Coffee and Cigarettes, even though I really wish I did.