A/N; Hey everyone! This is one of the distractions I mentioned in my last AN in GI. So I was rewatching 'Big Time Single' some time ago, and I noticed how much of a douche Kendall was. I know he was in pain, but he was really annoying in that episode...And so I got the idea for this one-shot. So here ya go!
Big Time Single
"So until you all have girlfriends and you lose them in an instant you're not gonna understand what I'm going through."
Logan tried not to be angry, not to feel the way he did, but it was impossible. He knew that Kendall was hurting, and that if he was a tiny bit mean to them was because he already missed Jo. But that only got him more annoyed. Because, he knew! He knew how Kendall felt, and his blonde best friend couldn't even see that!
It took him a while to realise that he wasn't mad because Kendall wouldn't let him in. He was just mad with Kendall because he'd forgotten. He'd forgotten that Logan had a girlfriend, one that he lost in an instant. And when he realised that, standing outside apartment 4J ready to knock, he lowered his hand, and frowned.
The next question that popped in his mind was how; how could Kendall forget? Wasn't he the one who covered for him to Gustavo, when he didn't want to go to the studio because James would be there? Wasn't he the one who was willing to steal James' lucky comb, and dip it in the toilet, just to cheer Logan up? Wasn't he the one who found him crying in their room, and instead of leaving he stayed there and comforted him? He was. So how could he forget?
Before he had any time to sort out his feelings, and decide what he was going to do, the door opened, and Camille appeared behind it. Logan instantaneously felt his lips twisting upwards into a smile.
"Hello Logan," Camille greeted him, smiling as well.
"Hi Camille," he said back. She looked at him expectantly.
"Did you want something? Because I have an audition..." she trailed off.
"Well I wanted to ask for a favour," Logan started "Because Kendall is pretty bumped with the whole Jo leaving him thing," he continued and she nodded "And he said that unless we all had girlfriends that we lost in an instant we could never understand what he was going through. And we need to understand what he's going through, cause I really don't want to know what Griffin's 'or else' means," Logan finished visibly shuddering.
"So you want me to play your girlfriend, and then dump you?" Camille asked smirking. Logan chuckled, and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yeah, that was the plan, but then I remembered," he said, and his eyes pinned in hers "We've already done that."
Camille's smile dropped. Her face paled, and she tore her gaze away from his. She should've known he was going to bring that up at some point. Although Logan had assured her time and again that there were no hard feelings between them, she should've known. Hell, if she were the one who had been cheated she'd bring it up in every instant; let him know how much it hurt. But this was the first time that Logan mentioned anything about it.
"Camille?" Logan said tentatively reaching for her hand. Camille flinched, and he quickly withdrew his own, his eyes falling on the floor. Camille bit on her lip realising what she'd done, and stepped closer to him, her fingers brushing over the back of his palm. Logan slowly looked up at her. Camille gave him a small smile "Could we just talk? For a little while?" he asked.
"Sure," she said quickly. Camille guiltily thought of her audition; it wasn't a great part, just another low budget vampire movie, but she hadn't land a role in a long while and she needed the job. But then, Logan gave her a grateful, dimpled smile, and the audition flew from her mind.
They walked down to the lobby in common silence, both too busy thinking to notice how tensed the quietness between them was. Logan led her to one of the couches, and took a seat next to her, his eyes pinned on his knees as he tried to find the right words.
"I'm sorry, " Camille spoke first. He looked up at her confused "I'm sorry for kissing James, I shouldn't have done that it wasn't..."
"Cam, it's okay, I'm over that...I am..." Logan trailed off.
It was still difficult for him to admit how much they'd hurt him. He'd tried so hard to bury it all down, and move on and almost everyone was fooled. But the conversation would be pointless if he kept pretending. Camille had to know. If he wanted to get Kendall back before the end of the day, she had to know. Logan sighed heavily, and then he swallowed. He felt her fingers wrapping around his own, and he looked up to find her staring at him. Here goes nothing,
"I'm lying," he whispered, proving true what Camille already had guessed "I'm not, over it I mean," he muttered "I don't think I'll ever be. I had never been cheated before in my life, and even if I had, it wouldn't have mattered because I didn't..." he stopped and chuckled a little "This will make me sound like a jackass, but even though I dated in the past, none of those girls mattered. So even if someone had cheated on me..." he trailed off and shrugged "But you," he paused, and looked at her, his eyes studying her face for a long second "You mattered Camille, a-and it hurt. It still hurts. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough..."
"Logan..." she tried to cut him off, but he shook his head.
"I know that you didn't mean to make me feel like that. I know that you didn't kiss James to hurt me, or because you like him more than me, but still...You can't understand what it felt like...Camille you didn't know me before I moved to LA, but let me tell you, the Logan Mitchell who came here from Minnesota had a lot of insecurities...Somehow being in a band, keeping my grades up, and dating a girl that I actually felt something for, all at the same time, it helped...And then, then you kissed James, and all those insecurities came rushing back and...They knocked me down. I didn't really stand a chance," he stopped and dared a look to her face. He noticed the tears pooling in her eyes and tried not to freak out "I'm not saying all these to make you feel bad," he said.
"What then?" Camille managed to choke out.
"I need to say them out loud; I need to...to just feel. I've been postponing it far too long, maybe if...Maybe if we talk it out, we'll both be able to move on," Logan said hopefully, and she started nodding along but then she stopped. She shook her head as some tears made their way down her face.
"I don't want to move on," she said.
"Camille..."
"No, I-I don't want to. I-I...I refuse to," Camille mumbled. She wiped her tears, and sniffled, stubbornly avoiding to look at him.
"Camille I don't think I'm ready to..."
"I'm not saying that we should get back together right now," Camille cut him off "But I'm not moving on," she added.
Logan didn't know what to say. In all the possible scenarios that had played in his mind, every time he thought of having this conversation with Camille, this particular reaction was never a part of them. He expected her to get angry, he expected her to agree with him, he even expected her to slap him (to be honest, that was the first thing he thought she'd do) but he never thought she was going to refuse. He didn't know whether he should be angry or happy. Camille didn't want to move on. Camille had kissed James, and she still wanted him, she still wanted plain old Logan Mitchell, and not his ridiculously good looking best friend. Logan could literally feel his heart faltering. It all lasted a second. Because the fact that Camille did kiss James didn't change. And Logan couldn't bring himself to trust her not to do it again.
"What if I want to?" he asked surprising himself. He hadn't intended to say that out loud. Unlike Camille's almost frantic muttering, his voice was low and steady. His brunette ex-girlfriend blinked at him confused, as if he'd just said something in Chinese and not in English.
"What?" she managed to say, blinking rapidly as more tears made their way to her eyes.
Logan swallowed, hard, clasping his hands together. He tried to look away, but it was as if his eyes were magnetized by hers. He wanted to take it back, say he didn't mean it. He wanted to say it didn't mattered, that he didn't care she'd kissed James, that he just wanted her back. Anything to make her smile, anything to stop the tears from sliding down her face. He wanted to see her eyes lighting, as her lips twisted upwards in one of those special smiles she reserved only for him. But he couldn't, he couldn't make it better, he couldn't lie to her. He wasn't going to.
"I'm not saying that...I don't have any..." Logan had a difficult time finding the perfect words to explain how he felt. More tears gathered in her eyes, and Logan looked towards the elevator thinking to make a beeline for it; he was faster than her, he could do it. He shook slightly his head, focus Mitchell, he ordered "I'm just saying Cam..."
"What are you saying Logan? Because all I can hear is you trying to feel good about yourself..."
"What?" Logan demanded jumping up. Was that all she got out of everything he'd said? How did she even get that from what he said?
"..And that you're practically over me," Camille went on, not realising that he'd actually spoken. Logan's eyes widened, his lips parting in confusion as he looked at her. How the hell had she jumped to such a conclusion from what he'd said?
"That's not true," Logan said, calmly as he could, completely aware that everyone in the lobby was staring at them.
"Isn't it?" Camille's tone of entitlement angered him more than it should.
"No! Because I'm not, Camille! I'm not over you, and I'm not trying to feel good about myself either...All I'm saying is that talking about it, about our break up, and about you kissing James is what we should do. And moving on, while is not something that either of us is ready to do admittedly, will be the natural outcome..."
"Natural outcome?" Camille cut him off. Logan knew he was never going to finish that sentence. She shook her head and stood up as well, her eyes never leaving his face "You can't tell me to move on, and you can't say that it will be a 'natural outcome' because guess what Logan, I love you..."
The scoff that escaped his lips was loud. To her it felt like a slap to the face. Logan didn't mean for it to come off as bitter as it did, or as loud as it did, but it'd happened and he couldn't fix it. Another thing he couldn't fix...
"Yeah, because nothing screams 'I love you' louder than you kissing James, right?"
The words left his mouth before he could stop them. Logan's eyes widened, and he instictively took a step back. He didn't mean to say that out loud, in the middle of the lobby where they had an audience. He looked over at his ex-girlfriend, waiting for her reaction. The second Camille narrowed her eyes, Logan knew what she was going to do. He'd received one too many of her infamous slaps, and if after all of them he still wasn't able to tell the signs he wouldn't be a genius. And Logan Mitchell was a genius.
His fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping her hand seconds before it connected with his cheek. He felt a smug smile twisting the corners of his lips upwards, as he saw her outraged expression. Camille tried in vain to free her hand, but his grip on it was far too strong for her to shake off. She glared at him for a few seconds, and then she leaned forward her lips crashing on his aggressively and hungrily. That he hadn't seen coming.
Camille's tongue swept along his lower lip, begging for entrance. But he didn't grant it. Logan was angry, and he was right to be angry damn it! She'd cheated on him! She'd kissed his best friend! She couldn't just throw a bomb like 'I love you' and expect him to believe it! She couldn't kiss him to stop an argument and expect him to play along, not anymore.
His train of thought went haywire, when she bit down on his lip hard. A groan that came from somewhere deep in his abdomen, escaped his mouth. His hand came to her hair, tangling in her locks and pressing her closer to him. Logan deepened the kiss, tilting his head on the side. Camille smiled triumphantly as she allowed him to take control, comfortably melting against him when he wrapped his other arm around her waist. Her hands were trapped between their chests, grabbing fistfuls of his sweater.
All that Logan could think of was how right it felt. It wasn't a staged kiss, like the ones they had to exchange when Griffin wanted Big Time Rush to star in a reality show, not that he didn't enjoy those or anything... And it wasn't the hot and risky escape from reality kind of kiss that he had stolen from her when she landed that spy role – though again, he had immensely enjoyed those as well. It was a real kiss, and they hadn't had one of those in a long time.
Camille didn't want him to pull away. Ever. She didn't care she was getting light-headed, a telltale sign that she was in need of oxygen. She wanted him tokeep kissing her. She wanted him to hold her like that for hours upon hours. She just wanted..him. She wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be. She leaned more into him, moaning against his lips, and she felt him shivering. She just knew what to do in order to drive him crazy. Logan was well aware of how bad that was. His hand slid down her back, coming to a stop over her bum, and Camille giggled into the kiss.
Logan usually wouldn't be so open to PDA, but at that moment he couldn't bring himself to care. He didn't mind that they were in the lobby, or that everyone was staring at them. On the contrary; he wanted them to watch. He wanted them to know that Camille was off limits, that she was his.
The alarm bells only went off in his head when she slipped her hands under his sweatshirt, her nails grazing his skin. No matter how right this felt, it was still wrong. It wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't fix their relationship. Logan could see where this make-out session would take them – where it had already taken them a couple of times before - and he knew that he had to put an end to it. It took everything he had in him to pull away.
"Camille," he started, her name falling from his lips like a plea although he had no idea what he was pleading for.
"No, no, please don't say anything," Camille whimpered, snuggling in his chest.
Logan didn't know what to do; he was not used to seeing this side of her, at least not out of her apartment. Camille was usually so perky and loud, so passionate and aggressive, even terrifying at times, and that's what drew Logan to her like a magnet. But those rare, fragile moments of hers, those moments she shared only with him, when she let her walls down knowing that no one was going to judge her, when she was at her most vulnerable and real, those were the ones that made him fall in love with her.
Camille had no idea why she was crying. She'd promised herself she was never going to cry in front of him after their break-up and she'd, managed to stay true to herself. But she'd seen the look in his eyes, she knew that he was going to say something that would break her, and she didn't want to be broken. She couldn't afford it. Logan could feel his throat going dry. He couldn't handle Camille's tears. Crying girls usually made him panic, but when Camille cried it was so much worse. He put his arms around her protectively, touching his cheek on the top of her head,
"Hey, let's take this somewhere more private," he whispered in her ear. Camille nodded against his chest.
Logan's arms remained securely around her until they reached her apartment. He waited for her to unlock the door, and when she did he walked straight in, practically dragging her behind him. He halted in front of the couch, made her sit down on it, and he took a seat on the coffee table in front of her. He noticed that she'd stopped crying, but her eyes were far from dry; there were still tears clinging on her eyelashes. His anger towards Kendall came back full force, this time boosted with a new found anger for himself. And for Gustavo, and for Griffin. The CEO's 'or else' threat wasn't worthy of Camille's tears!
"Hey, what's wrong?" Camille asked reaching for his hand. Logan tensed when she entwined their fingers, but he didn't pull away. He shook his head, and tried to smile.
"Nothing is wrong," the shorter brunette chuckled.
"You know you're a terrible liar, right?" she asked cheekily. Logan let a small snort, nodding his head.
"Yeah I do...Listen, can we just talk? No crying, or yelling, or kissing involved?" he asked his dark eyes pinning in hers.
"What about slapping?" she deadpanned. Logan blinked at her, and Camille laughed. "I'm only kidding," she promised.
She was laughing, but there was nothing light or funny in her voice. It was heavy with nervousness and melancholy, Logan could tell. Still it was nice to hear her laugh. Logan ran his free hand through his hair. He wondered for a second if James and Carlos had found any girl to help them understand what Kendall was going through.
"Logan?" Camille's voice snapped him out of his thoughts "You said you wanted to talk, so..." she trailed of shrugging.
"Right, okay...Camille, I'm..."
Logan paused. It was now or never. He could either be completely honest with her, bare his heart and lay all the cards on the table, or he could just find a stupid excuse and ran away. But he was so tired of running away; from his problems, his fears, her. At some point he had to stop. And this was the best chance he got. Camille squeezed his hand, and he pinned in her eyes.
"I'm still so angry," he said his voice strained. He saw her face falling, and he turned his gaze to the floor, keeping it trained to his shoes "I-I'm angry with James, and with you, but most importantly I'm angry with me. I-I overreacted. I was an insecure mess and I let you go out of fear that you were going to dump me, and start going out with James," Logan chuckled bitterly "I always knew you were too good for me, but when I found out you and James had kissed I...it was a rude awakening of how out of my league you are..."
"Logan..." Camille tried to cut him off, but he shook his head refusing to let her speak.
"You said before that you refuse to move on...It's pathetic but it's the best thing I've heard this year. I don't know what I'd do if you'd agreed with me. No, that's a lie; I would've probably tried to convince myself that it was the right thing to do. I came here today because I wanted to help Kendall..but I realised, I already know how it feels to have a girlfriend, someone you..." Logan paused and pressed his lips together. He felt Camille squeezing his hand, and he looked up, straight into her eyes "I already know what it feels like to lose in an instant someone you love," he said. Camille's mouth fell open; she did not expect to hear that "I know I must sound like a total hypocrite right now..."
"You love me?" Camille's voice was hoarse. Logan nodded. Camille opened her mouth to say something, but she had to close it again when no words came out of it. She was speechless.
"I-I came here," Logan started again "To talk to you today, thinking that if we-we talked about our break-up, then we could move on and that would be for the best but...I was lying to myself, because I can't move on. I tried, I really did, with Peggy," Camille's hand tightened around his at the mention of the blonde, and Logan felt like smiling "She was cute, and funny and..ouch!" Logan pulled his hand away, and Camille gave him a refuel smile.
"Sorry," she said in a saccharine sweet voice. Logan nursed his hand against his chest, hiding a smile.
"She wasn't you...When you showed up at the cinema and I saw you I couldn't...I couldn't get you out of my mind," Logan said honestly "I didn't even notice you were there with someone else. You were the most beautiful girl in there, and I was so much in love with you..."
"Logan, why didn't you say anything?" Camille cut him off.
"Because I'm me. You know me Camille; I hate confrontations, and I can't make up my mind to save my life."
"Let me make your mind up for you then," she stood up, and tagged at his hand to get him to his own feet "Logan Mitchell, would you like to be my boyfriend?"
"Camille, I told you, I don't think I'm ready..."
"We'll take it slow, one step at a time," Camille said, taking hold of his other hand as well "No one has to know about it, no one but us."
"So it will be like an affair?" Logan asked, tilting his head on the side. Camille chuckled "What if I screw it up again?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You won't. And I refuse to be without you when I know that you love me, just because of your insecurities. Logan, you're so much stronger than you think, you can't let those fears get the best out of you."
Logan sighed. He wanted this. He really wanted this, but he was also scared. The possibility of him screwing everything up again was very real, and he didn't know if he could go through the heartbreak again. And of course he didn't want Camille to be in pain because of him, ever again. Camille stepped closer to him, her lips an inch away from his, her eyes pinning deep in his own.
"Stop thinking," it was half an order, half a request.
"You can't ask me to do things you know I can't do," he muttered. Camille chuckled, and he felt the vibration against his own chest as she pressed herself on him. She saw him swallowing, and her teeth bore on her lower lip.
"So what do you say? Care to give it another try?"
"I-I don't..." Camille leaned forward, her lips almost touching his ear,
"I love you," she whispered. Logan shut his eyes, drawing a deep, calming breath; god she knew just what to do to get him all worked up.
"You're not playing fair."
"Who said I was going to?" she asked arching an eyebrow. Logan rolled his eyes.
"We'll take it slow?" he asked, and she smiled a huge, happy smile. He hadn't seen one of those in a long while.
"As slow as you want," she answered.
"And we won't tell anyone?"
"We don't need the added pressure of your friends knowing," Logan looked at her for a long second before nodding.
"Okay," he said simply.
"Okay?" Camille echoed back.
"Okay, let's do this, let's give it another chance."
Camille squealed. She threw her arms around him, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, her head resting against his chest. Logan held her close, wrapping both his arms around her middle, burying his face in her curls. He took a deep breath, her scent filling him throughout. After a little while, Camille pulled away first. Logan beamed at her, leaning forward expectantly but she didn't move. He frowned.
"I thought you said no kissing," Camille said, barely able to hold herself from giggling.
"Ha ha, you're so funny," Logan mocked. Camille crossed her arms, kinking an eyebrow.
His eyes darkened noticeably as he tagged at her hand to bring her closer, his lips descending on hers with a force he'd never shown before. Camille completely surrendered to the kiss, melting in his arms, and only staying up straight because of his hold on her.
"And now, I know how to cure heartbreak," Logan mumbled when they broke apart. He rested his forehead against hers, smiling widely. Camille brought her hand up to stroke his cheek, still unable to believe what had just happened "But I don't think it will help Kendall."
"And why is that?" Camille inquired, looking at him as if she was afraid he was going to disappear if she blinked. Logan gave her one of his signature lopsided smiles, and she felt her stomach doing a somersault.
"Because, the only way I found is by getting back together with the person who stole your heart," he said nuzzling his nose against hers. Camille giggled, and then gave him a one million watt smile.
"I still feel bad for him though," Camille said letting a soft sigh.
"I know me too...If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here now," Logan said making a mental note to thank his best friend. His anger for the blonde had vanished magically during the last thirty minutes.
"So what are you gonna do about Kendall? And Griffin's 'or else'?" Camille asked before delivering a small peck on his lips.
"Maybe James and Carlos will be able to help him..." Camille interrupted him with another kiss "..o-or maybe G-Gustavo's song..." this time it was a longer kiss. Logan had to shake his head before he could continue "O-or Griffin will scare him out of it..." Camille moaned against his mouth, and any coherent thought flew out of his head "I don't really care at the moment," he whispered against her lips making her chuckle.
A/N; I don't particularly like this piece, and I wasn't going to upload it. So if you do like it you should thank my awesome (and sometimes annoying) friend Loganator-JR. Honestly if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have started or finshed this. So, yeah if you liked it thank him, and leave me a review! If you didn't like it, leave me a review to tell me why not! :)