A/n: I know it's been a while guys. I know. And I know lots of you want either TMAS or WTHS to be updated. But this is in my head right now and 'tis the season. Also WTHS is going to be updated sometime before New Years, so this is just to hold you until then. It'll probably be a three-parter. Also this is un-beta'd because I finished it at 1 in the morning on Christmas morning and I wasn't going to subject poor Liz to that, so any and all mistakes are mine.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Disclaimer: If I owned Skins it would be called 'The Naomily Show'.

Emily Fitch was her biggest regret.

Sometimes, late at night, if she was bored, or lonely, or had too much to drink, she find herself staying up thinking about what would have happened if she'd just been a little more brave when she was fourteen. She'd fallen in love with Emily the very first time she saw her, after the Fitch family had moved to Bristol. Emily and Katie had been put in different classes and when Naomi had first laid eyes on the girl standing nervously at the front of the class, so very small and adorable and precious, with her hands shaking but her chin held high, and her then-newly-dyed red hair and big brown eyes, Naomi was pretty sure she'd just up and melted into a puddle. There hadn't been any maddening questions about sexuality back then, just the sure knowledge that she liked Emily, and also that Emily Fitch was the most adorable human being in existence. (Both of those things were still true.)

Emily had kissed her when they were fourteen at a party just before middle school ended. Her last few days of middle school had been hell after Katie had found them and immediately blamed Naomi for the incident. Emily had tried to set the record straight and had been drowned out; she'd tried to make up with Naomi and had been pushed away.

In fact, Naomi shoved herself so far back into the closet that she may have well been consorting with talking animals in fucking Narnia.

Maybe in another life, Naomi would have given into Emily's persistence after that. When they got put into the same form at Roundview or when they developed the same group of friends and Emily was persistently there and nice and adorable and so damn lovable, and also when she admitted to liking Naomi and wanting to kiss her.

But she didn't. Naomi shut her down, over and over. There was a moment when they were drunk and a little high and almost kissed at Pandora's party, but Naomi had sobered up to the events just in time and had done what she'd always done best and run as far as she possibly could. She'd actually left the party after that because there was no way she'd be able to stop herself a second time. They hadn't talked to each other for two days, and then things returned to normal again.

Well, except for when Emily invited herself over to help with the school presidency. There had been a moment, drunk and happy on the floor of her room, that she'd wanted to kiss Emily. She'd held off again. And later, when she'd been upset because Cook had embarrassed her in front of the whole common room, she'd almost picked up her phone and called Emily.

The entire rest of that night and the day afterwards made her feel like she was forgetting something, or that something very important was missing. Like every time else she'd had that feeling, she'd ignored it completely.

And so she and Emily had fallen back into the role of good friends. She was there to celebrate the twins' birthday when Emily brought her first girlfriend and she acted like it didn't drive a stake through her heart. She was there as a shoulder to cry on when things with the Fitch family got too tough. She was there to punch Emily's second girlfriend in the face when the girl had cheated on her (Katie took the credit and the blame for it, although it was Naomi's knuckles that were bruised for the next few days). And on graduation everyone had gone to Keith's pub and hugged and smiled and it was painful and wonderful at the same time, the way every interaction with Emily always was, because the girl managed to warm and wound her heart at the same time.

They'd spent the summer preparing to be adults and then everyone had split to go their separate ways. Cook got a solid job working construction, Emily had gotten into a school up in Brighton, while Katie was going to school in Bristol. JJ had gotten into Trinity college, obviously, and Panda and Thomas were both going to Harvard of all places. Naomi and Effy had both gotten into universities in London, and Effy made a better flatmate than any of the wankers she could have been put with.

She'd thought that time and separation would make things easier: that it would no longer hurt to look at Cook and think of what Freddie could have been, and that her heart would stop beating so painfully whenever she saw a flash of red hair and a sweet smile.

Neither of those things were the case, which is why Naomi was currently standing outside Keith's in the freezing cold, with a rain that couldn't decide if it wanted to be snow or not falling lightly around her. She'd come home for the holidays thinking that little, if any, of their group would be home for them (and she was grown enough to admit that she thought Emily wouldn't be considering the other girl's stated desire to take some time off to travel to Mexico before committing to university). But there everyone was, huddled around their usual table and laughing.

She sighed and pushed the door in. The broken bell above the frame gave a funny little jangling noise before it gave up. Of course it was Emily who saw her approaching the table first, and Naomi couldn't stop the little twisting motion of her stomach when Emily's face lit up with a smile when she sat down.

"Naomikins!" Cook threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. He smelled like cheap cologne and smoke and it was as comforting as it was familiar. She smiled as she tightened her arms around her old friend.

"Hey Cook," she greeted. She smiled at everyone. "Guys."

Panda bounced in her chair and grinned at her. "Happy Christmas Naomi!"

Naomi had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from rolling her eyes. "Christmas isn't for another two days, Panda."

"Okay, Scrooge, rain on her parade," Effy needled gently. She smiled when Naomi made a face at her and grumbled 'Bah humbug'.

"Sorry Panda. Happy Christmas to you as well."

Effy took a sip of the beer in front of her and smirked. "We were just discussing the horrendous professor Emily had for her Film 1 class," she said, throwing a sideways glance at Naomi as if to say I'm going to say her name as many times as possible until your heart actually gives out in your chest.

Emily, who had been talking to her sister, looked up at her name and made a face that scrunched her nose up so adorably Naomi almost got up and walked out of the bar right then and there.

"Yeah," she said. Naomi's heart did a weird swooping motion as it was reminded that she hadn't been close enough to listen to Emily talk in far too long. Emails didn't count, and there hadn't been many of those anyway. "He had one of those wildlife narrator voices. I mean the class was fine, I guess, but not when he practically put everyone to sleep by talking at us. And then there was the overly flirty girl who sat in front of me."

"I dunno, I visited and thought she was cute," Katie spoke up. "You should have gone for it."

The small green monster that had been cohabiting Naomi's body with her ever since she'd realized how she felt about Emily, realized almost in the same moment that any chance she had at Emily was so far gone it was practically in Japan, and therefore been subjected to the string of girls Emily had dated during college, woke from its dormant state and rattled the bars of its cage as if to say, 'Oi. This again?' Naomi very firmly pushed it back down.

Emily shrugged and twirled the glass in her hand around, making the beer inside it slosh up the sides without actually spilling out. "Wasn't interested," she said.

Something seemed to occur to Katie and she nodded. "Right. The music major who took you dancing."

The rattling of the cage bars got more insistent. 'Mine,' it growled.

'Not yours,' Naomi answered.

"What about you Naoms?" Panda asked. "Did you have a good semester? Lots of pretty people take you dancing?"

Everyone turned to look at her. Emily's smile was bright and her gaze was steady, with no hint of negative emotion whatsoever with the thought of Naomi dating. Of course not, Naomi was quick to remind herself, you're the one with the unrequited feelings here. Emily got over whatever she felt for you a long time ago, or have you not been witness to the aforementioned string of girls since then?

"Eh, kept on with my studies," she evaded, ducking her head down so she could pretend everyone wasn't looking at her. It sounded better and far less pathetic than saying she'd turned down offers because after the first couple of tries at dating she'd found hooking up with people to be a lot easier: no fuss, no muss, no strings attached.

"Boring," Cook coughed into his hand. She kicked him under the table and he grinned at her even as he winced and rubbed at his shin.

"I thought you wanted to go to Mexico before uni, Em."

Naomi's head shot up. Just because she'd stopped herself from asking about it didn't mean she wasn't grateful when JJ brought it up.

Emily shrugged in such a sad little way that Naomi wanted to cuddle her until all the bad things went away. The monster in her stomach whined and sniffled, 'Mine?'

'No. Still not yours.'

"It's a lot of money," Emily said after she downed about half the glass in front of her. "I've got about enough to either buy a ticket there and then have no money for anything else, or have enough money to do stuff over there but no way to buy a ticket. So I'm saving, slowly but surely." She smiled so brightly at them that it had to be at least a tiny bit fake. "After uni, probably."

"You should get Naomi to help," Effy said with a smirk. "She's a beast with money. You should see what she has stored away for, and I quote, 'a rainy day'."

Cook laughed. "Blondie's getting the next round, then."

She flipped him off but stood up to go grab them another round of drinks while everyone cheered. When she got back, Panda had a Santa hat in her hands and she was shaking it excitedly.

"So I had an idea for this year," Panda said as Naomi distributed the drinks. "Secret Santa!"

Naomi groaned but cut herself off when Effy elbowed her in the stomach.

"Sounds top, Panda-pops," Cook grinned at her. He reached over the whole table and stuck his hand dramatically into the hat, pulling out a folded piece of paper with a flourish. He opened it, winked them, and stuck it in his shirt pocket.

"Okay, so here's the rules," Panda said as the hat made its way around the table, "you can't tell anyone who you got, no switching, no spending more than 20 quid. We'll meet back here tomorrow and put them all in the middle of the table so it stays a secret. Like we're each other's Christmas elves."

She looked so excited that Naomi managed to stop her snarky comment. Just barely. To keep herself from raining on Panda's Christmas cheer (again) she grabbed a piece of paper out of the hat as it passed her. Effy read hers with a small smile and then tucked it away. Naomi twisted hers around in her hand before she opened it.

Emily.

Of fucking course.

"So who'd you get?" Effy asked, leaning over to whisper conspiratorially.

Naomi was still trying to get the cavalcade of butterflies in her stomach to go away as she shoved the piece of paper into her pocket like not looking at it would make the name change. "I thought we weren't supposed to tell?"

Effy shrugged. "I got Katie. The least you could do is commiserate with me."

"Jinx," Naomi said with a tight smile. "Got the other half."

"Oh," Effy nodded like everything made perfect sense in her head now. Maybe it did. "That's why you look like someone kicked you in the stomach."

She immediately sat up straighter in her seat. "Is it that obvious?" she hissed.

"Only to me."

Naomi stood up and started to put her jacket on. The rest of the table looked up at the noise. "Should probably get home and help my mum finish decorating," she excused lamely. Only Effy, who knew that Naomi's mother was spending Christmas with Kieran in Ireland, could call the lie and she didn't say anything. Naomi said her quick goodbyes and sped out the door. She paused momentarily to light a cigarette and immediately regretted it when the door opened again.

"Hey," Emily said. She was pulling her coat on as well and she stomped her feet when she got outside in an attempt to warm them up.

Naomi tried to smile around her cigarette. "Hey," she mumbled.

"Figured you could use a walking buddy on the way home," Emily said. The way her smile crooked a little to the side and the warm light in her brown eyes made it impossible for Naomi to turn her away.

"C'mon then, Fitch. You can be my escort."

Emily's laugh warmed the pit of her stomach as they started walking towards Naomi's tube station. They walked quietly for a bit. The precipitation had finally turned to snow and little flakes got caught in Emily's bright red hair. She didn't have a hat on. Neither did Naomi, but at least she had one tucked away inside her pocket just in case. The way she rubbed occasionally at her cold-reddened ears made Naomi think she didn't have one at all. Emily broke the silence just as Naomi was contemplating the red of her ears matching the red of her hair.

"I've missed you," she said. She turned her head a little so she met Naomi's eyes.

Naomi smiled around the sudden lump in her throat. "Miss you too, Em." She cleared her throat loudly. They'd reached the point where they would part ways, but Naomi didn't want to leave just yet. "So...dancing, huh?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "She wasn't my type," she defended, and smacked Naomi's hand away when she prodded her lightly in the shoulder. "Oh quit it, she wasn't."

"Maybe I should set you up with this girl in one of my writing courses," Naomi teased with a lightness she didn't feel. "She's got blue hair. It'll be great. We'll be able to see you two coming for miles."

"Cute, Campbell. Keep it up."

A church bell started to ring somewhere nearby, signalling the hour. Naomi glanced at her watch and sighed. She didn't technically have to be home, but there was only so long she could prolong this moment for before it came to a natural end. Emily rubbed at her ears again and Naomi pulled her hat out of her pocket; it was stupid and had a bobble at the top, which was why Naomi wasn't wearing it, but it was warm from being in her coat.

"Here." Naomi put her hat on Emily's head and laughed when Emily squeaked indignantly. "Remember to bring a hat next time." She tied the two ends underneath Emily's chin when it looked like she was going to try and take it off and give it back.

"Thanks," Emily said. She untied the bit under her chin but didn't try to give the hat back. She took two steps forward and hugged Naomi tightly. "See you tomorrow, Naoms."

Naomi allowed herself two seconds, and just two, where she melted into the hug. She pressed her nose against the wool hat that smelled a little like herself and a little like Emily's shampoo, and for two heartbeats she wrapped her arms around Emily and squeezed tightly. After those two heartbeats she let go and stepped back, and immediately felt colder because of it.

"See you tomorrow, Ems," she said. "Don't forget to bring my hat."

Emily's eyes twinkled at her and then she hurried away to catch a bus. Emily didn't like the tubes, Naomi remembered, because they made her feel claustrophobic.

The ride home was filled with thoughts of maybes and might have beens, and it was only perpetuated by the empty house she walked into. She stripped out of her cold (and now wet) clothes and made herself some tea. There wasn't much on the tv when she turned it on, but it was mostly background noise anyway, as she pondered what she was going to get Emily. Different kinds of gifts could send a different message. A card said she didn't care enough and jewelry said she cared too much…so on and so forth. It went round and round in her head, until eventually she had to lay down to try and make her oncoming headache go away.

She fell asleep to the sound of the Muppet's Christmas Carol in the background, still without anyway idea of what to get Emily as a gift.

A/n: Part two will be up soon. Until then...~FS