Title: Dreaming Of A Better World
Author: NickyFan
Disclaimer: All rights belong to CBS and their writers.
Summary: What would you do if you knew that you couldn't prevent someone from dying? Would you have the strength to stay on that someone's side until the end? Nick wasn't sure he had but found an answer to it.
Notes: Oh man, I had a really hard time writing this one... it's the first story I wrote and actually finished in two month of being sick with pneumonia. I like how it turned out and I found new confidence in my writing abilities with it. I hope you'll enjoy it too :-) Please drop a line. Please remember English isn't my first language, so some verbalizations might sound a little weird ;-)
I wrote this story for the eighth round of Nick Fic Song Challenge on TalkCSI but my story turned out to be too long to be published in this round. I really would appreciate you all checking out the other stories of this round. We've very talented writers there :-)
Dreaming of a Better World
He dreamt of being in his warm nice home on the couch, watching TV with his mom, and he dreamt of being outside on a sunny day, holding his face high in the sky, smelling fresh air while crickets chirped in the nearby fields and butterflies sat on the stones in his mom's garden, moving their beautiful coloured wings.
Once it wasn't just a dream. It had been his life...a life free of worries and the bad things in the world. Now it was just a faint memory and a dream...a dream that would never become reality again. Now it would be enough for him to be able to see the sun again before he closed his eyes for the last time.
But he was far from it…far from seeing the sun at least. He missed feeling its warmth on his body and the light in his eyes. He doubted he would ever feel that way again. All he felt at the moment was horrible pain and endless fear as he got kicked and beaten with a baseball bat. He was bleeding because they had tortured him with a knife before, but it didn't seem to bother them. He was trying unsuccessfully to crawl away, and as he realized he couldn't he tried to curl into a ball, all the while pleading with them to stop. He cried and screamed, but they didn't want to hear him. All the time they were just laughing, and a few minutes later their laughter got even louder as they found a new way of having their fun with him. They let him dangle from the ceiling with his face downwards and watched how he, as weak as he was, unsuccessfully tried to get away. Soon they got bored and the knife was back again and his attackers started to cut his ears.
Then they suddenly stopped…and he could hear sirens. The penetrating noise they made had always been too loud for his sensitive ears, but right now he couldn't care less. Men in uniform stormed the small shed, and the three monsters let up from him. He would have used the chance to crawl away if he wasn't still hanging from the ceiling. The pain he felt at the moment was all consuming. He just wanted it to go away. None of the men seemed to recognize that he was crying softly and pleading with them to help him. The men in uniform were busy with the monsters; no one was taking care of the poor soul hanging in the middle of the small shed.
He was weak and couldn't help himself anymore. He wasn't like that when the monsters grabbed him off the street though. He had been in the best shape, even though he could have used a good meal. Living on the streets wasn't easy. He had only been homeless since his mom died two months ago, but he had already lost weight and looked scruffy and dirty. His mom had always told him he was handsome, and he had been so proud. One day she bought him a chain with a silver pendant shaped like his written name. He still had it; it was the only thing that reminded him of home and of his mom. Thank God the monsters had no time to take that away from him too.
He had no idea what to do after she had died, but what happened last night was definitely not what he had planned. He had been in search for something to eat, like almost every night, wandering through the mostly empty streets, as they grabbed him. He should have run off as soon as he heard them, but that just wasn't him. He wasn't scared of them. How naive he had been. Now they were monsters to him, and if he had the chance to turn the clock back he would have run off as fast as he could.
All too soon he knew what the three monsters had planed for him. After they had gotten to the shed they had started torturing him. They kept at it the whole night long. And he could swear that they had fun. He was sure of that because they were laughing and making fun of him all the time. The louder he had cried because it hurt so much, the louder they laughed. They used burning candles on him; let the hot wax flow into his ears and on his body. For a moment he thought that maybe he would go deaf because of it and the mean laughter of the three creatures hurting him would go away, but no such luck. Later they started cutting him with a knife. He was screaming, but they didn't hear him. He was crying, and they couldn't see it, and to his misery they didn't stop.
And now it was finally over. His whole body was in agony. The only thing he felt at the moment was pain. Finally he could see the ground coming nearer as one of the uniforms had the courage to cut the rope he was hanging on. He hit the ground pretty hard, but he didn't feel the pain from it. It seemed like he couldn't hurt any more than he already did.
His survival instincts kicked in, and he started to crawl away as fast as he could, into a dark corner. As one of the uniforms went to touch him, he started screaming again. He must have had a look on him that scared the man because he backed away. But only for a short time, then he tried again to touch him. But he was in pain and he was scared…he didn't want the man to touch him. He screamed again and tried to make him understand that he didn't want to be touched, but the man only shook his head
"Don't be stupid. I just want to help you!"
But he couldn't understand. All he knew was that he would use whatever strength he had left in him to fight off whoever was trying to come near him again. He didn't like the uniform-man. He didn't like his eyes. They were cold, not as warm as the ones his mom had always had.
The hand reached out again and this time he wasn't just screaming. Out of the blue he attacked the man, tried to bite and kick him. He wasn't strong, but his bite must have been painful enough for the uniform because he let up and went away cursing.
The uniforms all shook their heads and none of them came near him again. He was tired and so cold, but he wouldn't sleep now. He needed to be careful because he couldn't trust anybody.
***
Nick Stokes was tired...dead tired. He had just had a very hard shift and was on his way home, looking forward to some much needed sleep as his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and frowned. What was this about?
"Stokes"
"Hey Nick, can you come over now? It's important…"
After the next few spoken words of the woman on the other end, Nick buried the thought of a meeting with his bed, hit the brakes, and turned his car around.
A few minutes later he was there. One police car was parked in front of a little shed. The part of the city he was in reminded him more of a village than a part of the big and famous city of Las Vegas. There were only a few houses here and there, and the vegetation looked quite undisturbed. He liked neighborhoods like this where nature was still nature and no towers or hotels disfigured the environment. Everything seemed so quiet and peaceful and yet something terrible had happened here. One wouldn't believe it because it looked like this would be a beautiful day. The sun was rising and drowned the sky in creamy colours of orange and red and there was no cloud in sight.
He made his way over to the policeman who stood there looking like he would rather be on his way home than standing here waiting.
"Hey, Nick, I was informed you would be coming. It's something new to see you without your field kit," the uniform said with a smile on his face.
This was true. Nick certainly worked with LVPD, but definitely not in his off time. And that's what this was all about...a trip to a crime scene in his off time and he wasn't allowed to process it.
"Hey, Doug, what's going on in here?" He nodded to the shed.
"See for yourself. I suppose you already got the full story?" Doug was clearly impatient.
Nick nodded his head sadly. "Yeah." After a few seconds he said, "What I don't understand is why there is no CSI here to process the scene. I mean, a crime took place, right?"
Doug was shrugging his shoulders nervously. "You know, we caught them in the act and then there is another thing why protocol says we shouldn't get CSI out here. You know how it is…save the department some money."
"So? What's the reason? I mean, the suspects will need to get charged, right? Someone needs to collect the evidence."
"No, they most likely won't get charged. At least not really…"
Nick couldn't understand what he was hearing. He had a look of disbelief on his face, and so Doug continued "The suspects are too young. The oldest boy was only 12."
Nick was stunned. Nobody had told him that kids did something this horrible. He shook his head. Finally he got back to the task at hand, the reason he was here and not in his warm bed at the moment. "Where is the victim?"
"He's in there." Doug pointed to the shed. "Be careful. He is biting."
"He?"
"Yes…that's about everything I know about him though."
"What condition is he in?"
"He's crazy, that's all I know. Looks pretty banged up though. Listen, do I have to stay here or can I go now because my wife is waiting at home and I don't want to stand here all day. I was told I should wait until you showed up and that's what I did. I mean, if you want me to stay I will stay, but it's not protocol since you're not part of an investigation in this."
"You can drive home if you want. I'll be okay. The others should be here soon anyway," Nick said while cursing the damn department policy.
As Doug drove off Nick took one last deep breath before he stepped into the shed. It was dark in there and the air was stale and smelled like iron. He could have used a flashlight in here, but he was sure that it would only scare the victim more than he already was. As his eyes got used to the darkness surrounding him, Nick could see the mess the three little bastards had wreaked. On a table he saw burned candles, matches, and a bloody knife. On the ground he found a bloody baseball bat and a rope. This was a crime scene, but sadly the government had only seen it as a waste of money to process it.
He still hadn't found the reason he was here, but out of experience he knew that he would have to look closely and especially for good hiding places. Now he thought it was stupid not to ask for the name of the victim. How would he gain his trust now?
He got on his hands and knees and started his search. He was moving slowly as not to scare him away, and he listened closely. There it was; a weak sounding noise in one of the dark corners. Slowly he turned around and looked closely in the dark. He had found him. Seeing what those children had done to him broke Nick's heart and suddenly he was relieved that it was dark, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to hold his composure.
How could someone do that to an animal?
***
What had that been? What now? He was confused as he was brought back into consciousness. It was a noise that made him cock his irreparably damaged ears to try to figure out where it came from and who had made it. He really shouldn't have slept...it was too dangerous for him to sleep here. They could come back to finish what they had started. But then it didn't matter anymore. He was unable to feel any more pain than he already felt.
All he wanted to do now was find a place where he could wait for the final darkness to come and take him. This corner wasn't the place where he wanted to die. He never wanted to die like this, thrown away like a piece of trash in a dark, dirty corner of an old rundown shed. But he was unable to move. It seemed like he would never see anything else before he died. Now that he thought about it, it would have been better to leave the world right after his mom had left it. Everything that followed after her death had been hell for him, and what happened last night had been the final straw. Soon he would be able to see her again and he couldn't wait for it.
He hoped that she was in a safe place, free of pain. But then he had no idea what would happen after he closed the eyes for the last time. Right now it seemed to be pure mercy for him. If the pain wasn't so damn bad and his survival instincts not there, he could close his eyes and sleep. But he wasn't able to do so, and the new noise made his weak heart beat faster again out of fear for what would happen now.
There was someone here. Hadn't he shown the uniforms that it would be better for them to leave him alone? He tried to focus his big brown eyes on the place where he thought the noise came from, but everything was so blurry. His possible new enemy was too far away from him to see him clearly, but he was sure that he would find him soon enough since his corner wasn't a good hiding place.
All he could do was wait and hope that whatever followed would bring him out of his misery. This someone was moving closer to him, and he tried to stay as still as possible. As the person finally found him, he ducked his head and tried not to look into the man's eyes, all the while waiting for the final blow. He wouldn't fight it this time.
It seemed like endless minutes were spent with the two of them waiting for the other one to make the first move. The man was watching him; he could see that out of the corner of his eye. He wouldn't make the mistake of looking him in the eyes. That only let to trouble. But finally to his great relief the man got up and moved away without the faintest attempt to get too close to him.
He would never understand what humans are capable of...
***
Nick watched the poor animal for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. He knew that it wouldn't be right to touch him right away. The poor thing had been through so much that it didn't know who he could trust or not. But after checking the extent of the animal's injuries, he wouldn't count on it to be able to hurt a fly.
He had never seen anything like this. Sure, he had been at the worst of crime scenes with foul smelling bloody dead bodies, but this was different. The victim here was still alive. Of course he had worked at crime scenes with victims who were alive but never one where the victim was alive but where it was sure that he couldn't help. That's what he saw here. He was told to come here and help, and what he found left him unspeakably sad and helpless. Nick never had to deal with cases like this.
The poor animal was suffering and he only knew one way to help it out of its misery. The thing was...he wasn't the right person to do it. He needed to reach Ron, the veterinarian of the animal shelter he worked for in his off time. If that was what he could do to help, then he would do it. With newfound determination he got on his feet and stepped out of the shed. Nick's eyes needed a few seconds to adjust to the bright light of the day. The need for sleep he had before he drove here was no longer there. What he had seen in the shed had made it all disappear.
He took his cell phone and via speed dial called the woman who had ordered him to this place. After the third ring she picked up. Nick couldn't wait for her to say anything, so he simply interrupted her attempt. "Emily, when did you say Ron and the others would show up here?"
"In about an hour. Why?"
"I need Ron here now. Can you call him and tell him to hurry?" Nick spoke fast and his voice sounded pleading and higher than usual. He needed to help the animal yesterday.
"Nick, I told you that the others were busy with taking care of those dogs someone found in that little transporter abandoned on a parking place. It'll take a while until he'll be there. What's wrong?"
Nick had a hard time staying calm but tried to speak as smoothly as possible. "Do you know what I just found here?"
"A classic case of animal cruelty. Someone beat the animal with a baseball bat. You can bring the poor thing over and we'll take care of it. What's going on? It's not the first time you've seen something like that, Nick."
Her voice sounded cold to Nick's ears but he knew that she was anything but cold. It was just that she had more than once seen what human beings are capable of. It was her luck that she wasn't here right now.
"I can't bring him over. He is in pain and I don't think he'll live much longer. I've never seen anything like this... three kids nearly killed this poor thing. I need Ron here now. He could help by putting it out of its misery. I don't know what to do."
"Calm down, Nick. I know it's hard to see something like that, but I'm sure you understand that Ron needs to take care of animals who will be able to live after he takes care of them."
"Yeah, I know." By now Nick's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "But he's suffering, Em. They poured hot wax into his ears and nearly cut them off. He can barely move anymore, and I can't help him. I can't just sit here and wait. "
"That's not what you have to do, Nick" It was a statement that spoke volumes of how many times she had been in situations like that. It had been hard for her too, but every animal she could save made the pain bearable. It was her job and she loved it as much as she hated it. But she understood Nick better than she let herself admit. One always wanted to save them all and it was hard to accept that this was impossible.
Nick was silent on the other end. He didn't know what to say. He knew what she meant, and it was not as if he wouldn't have already known before she said it. He just wasn't sure if he could do it...if he would be able to go all the way with the poor thing in this shed before it closed his eyes for the last time. He doubted that he could make the pain bearable for the poor thing.
Emily seemed to know what he was thinking at the moment, because the last thing she said before she hung up was, "I know you can do it, Nick. You're the right person for this. Take this final step with him, okay?"
All Nick could do was nod his head. God, this was so hard. For a few seconds all he could do was stand there. Then out of the blue he went over to his truck to get a blanket and went back to the shed. His feet were getting heavier and heavier with every step.
Back in the shed he moved slowly and quietly back to the corner where he still lay. He sat down beside him and waited. He refused to look at him, like he was trained to, because traumatized animals just got aggressive when they were stared at.
***
How many minutes had he been in this corner now? He had no clue. Time meant nothing to him anymore. All he wished for was that it was over and that it wouldn't take too long. A shuffle at the door told him that the man was back. But he didn't care anymore about what they would do to him. Somehow he even wanted the man to do something...something that made it so he could be with his mom again.
The man sat down beside him and refused to look at him. He could see him out of the corner of his eye because, like earlier, he also wouldn't look at him directly. What kind of strategy was it that the man was playing? Being curious was his nature. He always needed to check everything out. He had forgotten that he had been like that, but that the man just sat beside him without doing anything awoke that feeling in him again and he turned his aching head a little to look at the man whose dark brown eyes glistened in the dark and stared straight ahead.
There was something peaceful and innocent coming from the man...something he hadn't felt in a long time and immediately he knew that this man wasn't there to hurt him. He couldn't take his tired-looking eyes off of the man whom he just wanted to trust. Since his mom died he had never felt it.
The man still wasn't looking at him. Maybe he was scared? He had never scared anyone before. Or maybe he was just as afraid of what was coming as he was. As much as he wanted the pain to go away he still had no idea what would come when it was finally over. Will it hurt? Will it be worse than now? It scared him.
But he didn't want the man to be scared. He was able to comfort him without even touching him, because he understood. The man understood him...his pain. That he sat here beside him was all the proof that was needed. He may not be able to understand what humans speak, but he was able to feel what they feel.
He slowly moved his wounded paw to touch the man's hand which lay beside him. No one needed to be scared.
***
He had no idea how long he sat there, deep in thought. It would be naive to say that he thought he would ever be in a situation like that. He was just lucky that he never had to go through something like this before.
He must look like a fool sitting there beside the wounded animal, not even trying to comfort it while stroking its fur or something. But he knew better. The poor guy beside him was traumatized and nearly dead, and Emily had always told him that one can only give animals comfort if they wanted it. He was a stranger and not supposed to touch him in any way. He himself wouldn't like to be touched by a stranger if he was as vulnerable as the animal beside him was right now.
He doubted it at first when Emily told him about that, because he had always thought that animals would like to die alone so no one could see how weak they were before they left the world. But with all the things Em had shown and taught him, he was ready to believe in what she said back then too. And so he sat there waiting for what was to come, waiting for the animal to make the first move.
It seemed like endless minutes passed and he more and more doubted he was the right person for this. What kind of comfort could he offer? How would sitting around here help? It was then that he felt something touching his right hand. Nick looked down and saw a bloody little paw touching his hand and two tired looking eyes watching him.
Was that what Em had talked about?
***
He looked the little guy right in his eyes and the animal held the gaze and stayed calm. Without taking his eyes off of him, Nick reached over for the blanket he had brought with him and covered the little guy's shivering body with it. Now only the head was showing out from under it.
The animal accepted the blanket and didn't even flinch as Nick touched its body. He must be in horrible pain, Nick thought. The breath of the poor guy beside him came in slow painful gasps and his body still shivered. He wanted to offer comfort to the little guy somehow but he wasn't sure how. Should he try to touch him?
He risked it and was surprised that the animal seemed to relax as he touched its fur on a place where he thought he wouldn't inflict more pain on him. Winning the little guy's trust was easier than he thought it would be. After all, he had been traumatized and hurt so badly by human beings such as him...hurt by people who should protect animals like him and give them love. He would never understand how people could hurt something as innocent as an animal.
Nick had always been an animal lover. As a little kid he had always tried to save flies which had flown through the open window into his room and couldn't find a way out. In his opinion, no animal should have to suffer. Every living creature should have the chance to live in freedom and be able to enjoy their time on earth. It was sad that not everyone saw it like that. And so Em, he, and the other animal lovers would continue fighting against animal cruelty and try to help those animals they couldn't save from becoming victims to it.
They sat there for several minutes in silence, the little animal whimpering from the pain and the Texan trying to assist and comfort it. He had had a cat as a kid, an orange tabby who had followed him everywhere. He remembered how they had both played in the garden and how his little fur buddy had enjoyed sunbathing in his mom's flowerbeds.
Now that he thought about it, he had no idea who was with his cat when the time came for it to go. All he knew was that he had been in school that day. His mom had told him in the morning that they would need to take him to the doctor and Nick had said goodbye to him like every morning before he went to school. When he came back, his buddy was gone. He had been in tears then, but his mom had promised that he hadn't suffered. Back then he had always imagined that his tabby had been at his favourite place in the garden as it happened, lying in the flowerbed under the big oak tree, his head facing the sun, slowly falling asleep and not waking up again.
Today he knew that it had most likely never happened that way and it brought tears to his eyes now. The little fellow beside him would most likely also not die like he wanted to. Nick himself hoped that he wouldn't die in a dirty corner of an old shed, but then he was a human being. These days they don't have to die like this.
While stroking the animal's head he asked himself if dying like that was what the poor guy wanted...of course not. Maybe he would like to die how he as a little boy tried to think his cat died. He was sure that he wanted to go from this world without pain and being near the things he loved so much.
As he let his fingers slide over the wounded animal's neck he noticed that he was wearing a silver chain with a written name as pendant. He had a hard time reading it in the dark, but with some difficulty he deciphered the letters and read Sammy from it.
"So your name is Sammy, huh?"
At the mention of the name the animal's eyes focused on his and Nick knew now definitely that this was indeed the animal's name.
"Well Sammy, are you up for one last trip? I think it's too dark and cold in here."
With these words Nick got up. His body protested the sudden movement but he paid it no mind. He scooped Sammy up and carried him wrapped in the blanket out of the shed. If he couldn't make the pain go away for him, he would at least help make it bearable.
As they left the shed and the sun greeted them, they both needed to squint against the sudden light in their eyes. But they were welcomed by the sudden warmth a beautiful day like this brought with it. Nick walked to a nearby tree and sat down under it with Sammy still in his arms.
The animal seemed to be calmer now, relaxing in the Texan's arms. Nick watched him as he tried to hold his heavy hurting head into the light of the sun. He knew he had done the right thing with coming here and helping Sammy. He couldn't keep him alive, but he could help him finding peace.
He had no idea how long he sat there, but when he looked at Sammy again he had his eyes closed and would never open them again. While fighting back tears he said softly, "Rest in peace, Sammy. Rest in peace."
And Sammy would. All the suffering was now over for him.
A/N: Aww I was so crying after typing it down :-( It's the sadest thing I ever wrote. Thank you all for reading it :-) I would like to hear what you think, so please leave a review. If you would like to know how I came to write this story check out my profile.
Thank you Smokey for your beta work. There were times when I wasn't sure if I would ever finish a story again after four poor attempts of writing a new one for the songfic challenges. You always said it would come to me and I doubted it... but like always you were right :-) Thank you for helping me through this time *hugs*
This story wouldn't be published here without you :-)