[AN: thank you for all of the reviews for 'Stay', a lot of you asked for a prequel, and this is sort of my answer to that request. It's a little unconventional, but I hope you enjoy it.
Ten times during my relationship with Rachel when I knew I was in trouble.
*ONE*
"Are you drunk?" I smile as my girlfriend of about a year stumbles into my arms.
"No, I'm just happy." She slurs
"I can tell." I laugh as I hold her upright.
"I know you don't do karaoke…" she begins as she presses her chest against mine.
"Rach."
She reaches her hand behind my head and pulls it down towards her, "But, I will make it very worth your time." She giggles as she pulls away.
"Rach…"
"Nope, you're not allowed to say no when I use my sexy voice."
"Now if that's the rule you'd always have to do what I say." I reason.
"Oh cause your voice is that irresistible." She laughs as her hand snakes into my back pocket.
"You bet your ass it is." I smile as my hand moves behind her to return the favor.
"Pleaseeeeeeeeee"
"Fine." I reply dramatically
"Yay!" She giggles as she jumps up for a quick kiss.
"I assume you have a song picked out."
"Of course" she smiles, "Just try to keep up."
As Benny Mardones "Into the Night" starts to blast through the speakers I can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. A year ago this is the last place I would be, screaming cheesy 80s music with the New Directions on a Friday night. I've never been happier and I truly have her to thank. And it hits me, as she stumbles towards me giggling with the music, I love this girl. I've never loved anyone before. But as she stands there clapping as I sing I realize that all of the applause in the world will never compare in meaning to the applause I get from her. And as she jumps in my arms at the end of the song I realize that I'd do anything to keep her this happy, even if it means making a fool of myself on a regular basis. God am I in trouble.
**TWO**
We were still in the preliminary stages of moving in with one another when I came home from work one evening and found my fiancé sitting on the floor in our closet sobbing.
"Babes…what's wrong?" I asked as I quickly wrapped her shaking form in my arms.
"This is never going to work." She answered in between sobs.
"What's not going to work?" I ask as I feel my stomach drop in sheer terror.
"It's all black." She responds as she digs her head deeper into my chest.
"Are you feeling ok? Is it the baby?" I panic as I begin to lift her onto the bed. "Should I call Quinn?"
"She can't help. Kurt couldn't even help. Nothing matches." She continues to cry into one of the pillows on our bed.
"Rach, I'm confused. What's the problem?"
"Your wardrobe, Johnny Cash, it's all black. Nothing we own matches." She angrily responds as she rises to a sitting position.
"I thought black matches everything?" I offer as I duck from the pillow flying towards my head.
"You cannot wear black in our engagement pictures, or when our baby is born, or on days when I want us to be that couple."
"That couple?"
"UGH you are such a guy!" she responds as she throws her arms up in the air, "That couple. You know, the couple that makes every other couple and single person want to vomit because of how sickeningly in synch and cute we are."
"We already are that couple." I respond with confidence.
"Don't try and act cute to get out of this." She responds with a glare.
"Get out of what?" I laugh finding the whole conversation irresistibly endearing.
"Jesse!"
"Fine, let's go." I respond standing up, offering my hand.
"Go where?"
"The mall, of course."
"Really?" She responds with a sniffle.
"Babes wants, Babes gets." I respond with a smirk.
"Great!" She yells as she jumps onto my back, "I already have several outfits that Kurt and I visualized during yoga this morning. How do you feel about fuchsia?"
"Upfm" I grunt as I make my way towards the door with Rachel on my back, "I'm in trouble."
***THREE***
"Rach." I yell from the bed, "Are you alright in there?"
"Just a minute." She responds from the bathroom. Something about this whole situation is very déjà vu, however instead of being two scared high schoolers, we find ourselves as man and wife on our honeymoon.
I stand up and make my way over to the bathroom, "Do you need my help? Are you nervous? We could sing about it." I smile with recognition.
"Don't come in here!" She snaps on the other side of the door.
"Rach, you are pregnant with my baby. I'm sure it's nothing I haven't seen before."
"Wanna bet?" She responds as she opens the door revealing her in a bathrobe.
"Uh, yea?" I respond as I lean in for a kiss.
"Nope." She responds as she pushes me back onto the bed.
"Rach, is this about before? I know I promised not to drink too much, but you know how Noah and Mercedes can be." I reason as my mind goes back to a small drinking competition I may have participated in with the two.
"Shut up."
"Meow." I respond, slightly offended. "I guess I'll go sleep on the couch."
"Are you going to let me speak?"
"Not if you are going to yell."
"You ruin everything."
"Rach, I said I was sorry…"
"In honor of our commitment to one other that we made hours ago in front of our family and friends and our honeymoon which we are currently on, I have prepared a piece." She states, looking very much like she belonged in front of Mr. Schue and the New Directions.
"Uh Rach? Is Brad in there?" I ask motioning to the bathroom, "Cause I know he's always magically around, but tonight might be a little weird."
"I said shut up." She responds as she heads back to the bathroom and pulls out a boom box, much to my relief. "I've chosen 'Out Tonight' from the seminal Broadway classic 'Rent'." She grins as she drops her bathrobe and presses play on the boom box.
"Oh I'm in trouble." I grin silently to myself.
****FOUR****
"What's that smell?"
"GO AWAY!"
"Rachel? RACHEL? There's smoke everywhere are you ok?" I yell as I try to find the source.
"I'm fine, just go away!"
"Are you trying to kill yourself?" I yell as I try to extinguish the mini fire in the kitchen.
"No, I was trying to cook you our first meal as man and wife."
"Well I would stick to your day job." I say without thinking as I finally manage to make the kitchen stop smoking. I stand up, semi proud of myself when suddenly a hard object collides with my head.
"That was mean!" She yells.
"Stop hitting me." I respond as a duck from her wooden spoon blows.
"Apologize!"
"I thought we agreed that I would cook." I yell behind me as I run through the house in an attempt to avoid the spoon.
"APOLOGIZE!"
"Never." I grin as I wrap one arm around her waist and use my other to gently but firmly grasp her hand with the spoon.
"Just because you have the spoon, doesn't mean I still can't hurt you." She angrily stares at me.
"Have. I. Mentioned." I begin in between kisses, "How. Much. I. Love. It. When. You're. Mad. Mrs. St. James."
"Don't think you can kiss me like that and call me that and I'll forgive you." She sheepishly responds as I feel her melt against me.
"Oh really, Mrs. St. James?" I smile, "What about when I do this?" I ask as I begin to suck on the sensitive part of her neck.
"I really tried to make dinner."
"I know." I answer as I lift her in the air and wrap her legs around me.
"And you hurt my feelings."
"I'm sorry." I respond as I move towards the couch.
"You're still in trouble." She huskily replies as we fall back onto the couch.
"I know."
*****FIVE*****
My alarm went off later than I remembered setting it. I had been out working late the night before and as a result, did not get to really speak to my beautiful wife. I felt guilty but I knew she understood that I was putting in the extra time for our family including our future baby. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and make my way to the kitchen with full intentions of graveling for forgiveness.
"Hey Babes, listen I'm really sorry…" I begin as I walk into the room. She turns around and shoots me a dear in the headlights look.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." I respond as I move closer for my morning kiss. Before our lips can touch, she angrily pushes me and points at the calendar.
"I know it's been a day or so since we've talked that's what I'm trying to apologize for." I reason, to which she just stares at me angrily.
"Please don't give me the silent treatment, Rachel. I'm sorry."
Silence.
"Fine. Be that way. I thought you would understand why I'm pulling the extra shifts." I angrily respond as I storm out of the house, hardly noticing her violently pointing towards the calendar.
I'm not sure what to do so I call Quinn, to see if she knows why Rachel is so mad. Or maybe so she can talk to her for me, but I get no answer. So I try Kurt, no answer. Hirim, no answer. Leroy, no answer. Mercedes? No answer. Does she have them all icing me out? This is ridiculous. I finally make my last ditch effort and call Noah. Jackpot.
"Dude, what is going on?" I ask before he can even speak, "No one is answering the phone, Rachel isn't talking to me."
"No shit, no one's talking. I'm not even supposed to be talking. Why the hell are you talking?"
"What?"
"It's that day of silence thing. Aren't we all supposed to not talk, in like support of Kurt and Rachel's dads?"
"It's April 16th?"
"Yea, dude, buy a calendar."
"I'm in so much trouble." I respond, horrified.
"Yea, I'd say you're pretty fucked." He answers as he hangs up the phone.
******SIX******
It had been a long day when I got the phone call. I was getting ready to attend a dinner in honor of my father-in-law, Leroy, when the phone rang. My father had passed. I didn't exactly know what to do with this information. My father is, well was the only family I really had left. My mother died when I was young , before they could have any other children. And to be honest, growing up I had a better relationship with my mailman than my father. My father never spoke and was very cold. He hated the fact that I would rather sing than throw a football and would much rather be traveling the word than spending a second of time with his only son.
"Who was it, handsome?" My very pregnant wife asks me as she stands in between my knees and straightens my black tie.
"I don't know." I respond, at a loss for words.
"You don't know?" She asks, concern in her eyes.
"No, I forgot to ask." I answer, staring at the phone. I shake my head, silently urging myself to snap out o f it.
"Jesse, what's wrong? What did they say?"
"My father died." I respond, surprised at how it sounds falling from my lips.
"Oh my gosh." She responds as her hand rises to her open mouth, "I'm so sorry, baby." She quickly recovers as she reaches forward in an attempt to pull me into a tight hug. "I'll call my dads and cancel."
"No." I respond gently pushing her away at arm's length while holding my hands on her shoulders, "I am not ditching your fathers who have actually been there for me on account of him."
"Jesse…"
"Rachel, I haven't spoken to him in years. You've never even met him. Leroy and Hirim are my fathers, not that man. I never had a relationship with him. I have no right to be sad."
"You're allowed to be sad."
"I'm not sad." I respond with a little more anger than I intended.
"Yes you are." You respond simply, never breaking eye-contact, "And I understand if you don't want to admit it, but you are. And you have every right to be. He was your father, Jesse. It's ok to hurt."
"I'm not sad I just have to go to the bathroom." I respond as I fight the ears that are filling up my eyes.
I rush to the sink and splash cold water on my face. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, silently cursing myself for crying.
"Jesse.."
"Just give me a minute."
"Jess, I'm coming in." And before I can respond she's standing next to me, eyes full of pity and sadness.
"Don't look at me like that." I state as I hurriedly attempt to dry my eyes.
"Let me help." She offers as he reaches for my face.
"Rachel, please. No." I respond as I duck away.
"I'm not leaving."
"Please, Rachel, not now."
"You wouldn't leave me, I'm not leaving you." She responds simply as she continues to move towards me.
"I don't want to cry in front of you." I respond lamely as I make my way back out to our bed.
"Well isn't that too bad, cause I'm not going anywhere." She calls from behind me, obviously following me.
"I don't get why I'm acting like this."
"Because he was your father, Jesse, and even though he sucked that still means something."
"It's just…I don't know, I kind of always thought we might be ok one day. As lame as that sounds."
"I don't think that sounds lame at all." She softly responds sitting next to me. "I called my dads, they totally understand why we can't make it tonight."
"Rachel, I didn't want that."
"Well sometimes what you want isn't what's best for you and as your wife I have the power to make that call. We are just going to stay in tonight. Maybe order some Chinese? Lay in bed. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, even though I really think you should. And I know that I should stop talking, and I recognize that I am rambling when this moment is about you and not me. But I really don't know what to do, and my hormones are going crazy and I know you're not sad but I'm really sad about this. I mean I know it's irrational and I never met him but I'm really really sad, Jesse. I feel so bad for you and I don't want you to be embarrassed about crying in front of me because we are married so we shouldn't be embarrassed about doing anything in front of each other. Well not anything, but you know what I mean."
"Rach."
"And I know it's totally inappropriate, but I actually found you crying to be really hott. And here I am, once again, making it all about me when it's your father that died."
"Rachel."
"And you still haven't let me hug you yet."
"Come here." I smile as I pull her towards me. "Thank you." I whisper into her hair.
"For what I didn't do anything? I just rambled and probably made things worse."
"You didn't." I smile as I pull you back to lay by my side in our bed. "You were right actually."
"About what?" She whispers as she rolls to her side and looks me in the eyes.
"Everything." I respond with a sad smile as I gently brush some hair from her face.
"Even the part about me having the power to make decisions for you because I'm your wife?" She smiles, thankfully breaking the sad air.
"Guess I'm in trouble now." I smile as I lean forward for a kiss.
"You bet your ass." She smiles against my lips.
*****SEVEN*****
"I HATE YOU."
"Just push, Rachel, push."
"GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT."
"Come on, Babes, you can do it." I smile as I hold her hand.
"DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU DID THIS!"
"Just push, Babes, push." I reply calming
"She's only about five centimeters dilated. She needs to be ten, so this is going to be a little bit longer." A nurse's voice interrupts.
"What do you mean a little longer?" Rachel angrily asks.
"Could be a couple hours, could be longer." She offers as she moves out of the room.
"I hate you." She cries as she falls back into the hospital bed, "When I get out of this bed, you are going to be in so much trouble."
********EIGHT********
"Are you excited for your first trip to the pumpkin patch?" Rachel coos to our 1 year old son, "It's going to be so much fun! Uncle Noah, Aunt Quinn, Uncle Kurt, and Aunt Mercedes are coming." She excitedly explains to which Stephen merely drools.
"Does he have to be in that pumpkin outfit?" I ask as I walk into the room.
"Yes, it's very cute."
"When is he gonna wear some of the clothes I've picked out?"
"When he goes to his first funeral."
"Rach, come on. This little leather jacket is impeccably stylish."
"He's a baby, he's not supposed to be stylish he's supposed to be cute."
The doorbell suddenly interrupts our somewhat heated conversation.
"Saved by the bell." She giggles as she skips to the door with Stephen in her arms.
"Little man!" Noah's voice bursts through the house, "You are going to get so many chicks in those robes." He smiles as he lifts Stephen from Rachel's arms, after which she turns around and sticks her tongue out at me.
We all pile into Kurt's car and make our way to the pumpkin patch. The girls plan a hay ride first, then the petting zoo, then finally the pumpkins.
"This is Jesse's first trip to the pumpkin patch." Rachel blurts out as we take our seats next to each other on the hayride.
"Thanks." I whisper in her ear.
"For real?" Mercedes asks.
"Yea, growing up my father was never the family outing type." I shrug as I survey my surroundings.
"Well then," Quinn interrupts, placing her hand on my shoulder "Stephen is lucky to have a father like you."
The rest of the hayride was rather relaxing, but Stephen kept falling asleep no matter what Rachel would do otherwise. "He's missing it."
"I don't think he's going to remember it, anyways." Kurt offers.
We enter and old barn and play with some animals for a little bit before we head off to the pumpkins.
"Hey would you mind taking Stephen for a second?" She asks Mercedes, "I need to steal Jesse for a second."
"Sure." She smiles, happily pulling Stephen into her awaiting arms.
"What's up, Rach?" I ask curiously.
"Come on, I wanna show you something." She smiles as she reaches for my hand. We walk back towards the petting zoo but pass it as we head past it towards an old, seemingly abandoned barn.
"Uh, Rach?" I ask as she pulls me inside.
"What is the most epically beautiful yet sensual love scene from Broadway?"
"The hayloft scene. Spring Awakening." I smile, pleased with my speed.
"Take your places." She smiles as she motions to a hayloft that's above us.
"Risky." I flirt as a grin spreads across my face.
"Told you I was trouble."
*********NINE*********
"How'd your audition go today, Babes?" I ask as I carry an 18 month old Stephen in from a day with Noah and myself.
"I decided not to go."
"Why not? It was with the touring group for Le Miz, it was your dream role!"
"I'm not ready to leave you and Stephen." She shrugged meekly. "I was actually thinking of looking for a job at the community theater, maybe give some singing lessons."
"But you want to get out of here." I answer, referring to our lovely state of Ohio.
"Yea, when I was young. But we have so much going for us here, I'm not ready to leave."
"We're still young, Rach. I don't understand." I offer.
"And I don't expect you to." She smiles as she gently strokes my face and takes Stephen from my arms. "Mommy didn't know what to do without her two boys today." She coos to him as she leads him to the living room.
This was unacceptable, she's going to resent me one day. She doesn't know it now, but she will. The man who got her pregnant, forced all of her dreams into limbo. She loves performing, applause is like breathing to her. The novelty of our little family will wear off and she'll be left there with nothing but me. And I'm not good enough by myself. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my star for her's. To be honest, ever since I met Rachel Berry, her dreams became my dreams. When I told Rachel Berry I would love her always and forever I told her I would make her dreams come true. If I have to wear my bad guy mask again to do so, dammit I will.
**********TEN**********
I knew the moment she pulled into my driveway that Father's Day. The pencil skirt and sleeveless blouse she was wearing. The way she lovingly took care of our son, the way she struggled with the presents, but refused to ask for help. The second the word, "Stay" slipped from my lips, I knew I was in trouble.