Kay, to all the people that I've promised fics to, I'm working on them! I swear, I am!
Dedication: Here's your Misuke, Kate! I hope you like it!
~*Absence of the Heart*~
~*Mimi's point of view*~
I write you letters, but I don't send them,
I just can't figure out how to end them,
I stared down at the tear-streaked page that lay in front of me, dropping my blue-inked pen down beside it. Leaning forward, I rested my head in my hands, keeping my eyes open, and forcing myself to stare down at my own neat writing. The writing that told him how I felt. That I loved him, but that things just weren't working out.
So many times, I could remember myself, right here, in this same position, trying to write the same letter. I always got to this point, before stopping. Right near the last few sentence, not ever knowing just how to end it. With an "I love you," or a "I'm sorry," or maybe even, "Maybe it can still work." I just didn't know.
I try to reach you, your right beside me,
There's something missing and we can't deny that
I pictured him, his messy brown hair, his big eyes…Daisuke…
I felt a single tear trace it's way down my cheek, as I reached out to the single piece of paper that still lay, motionless, before me. I crumpled it up into my balled up fist, listening as the paper crinkled beneath my fingers.
We had grown apart…had used to be so happy…what had happened to us?
But, oh, how I still loved him. Everything about him…
We, live together, separately,
We don't want to fall apart,
I straightened myself up, knowing that he would be here at any moment. Standing before the full-length mirror that hung on my closed door, I surveyed myself in the mirror.
My pink T-shirt was slightly rumpled from sitting in the same position for so long, pouring over the words that I had been trying to get onto that piece of paper. My eyes were slightly red and puffy, as I had cried almost continually throughout the process of writing.
But every time we kiss, there's an emptiness,
An absence of the heart.
God how I loved him…but it just wasn't working out!
With a sigh, I leaned against the cool surface of my mirror, trying to pretend that it was Daisuke that I leaned against. Trying to pretend that he was here, with me…that he was comforting me…
But he wasn't here. And, if I ever got around to completing one of my numerous letters, he never would be.
We had been loosing touch. We seemed…distant. Almost as if we were each in a different place, whenever we were together.
How did we loose it, why did this happen,
When did we take it all for granted,
"I love you, Daisuke," I whispered. "But it's not going to work. We both know it."
What was I supposed to do? I loved him with all my heart, yet I knew that if we stayed together, that I would end up breaking his heart…He deserved someone better than me…someone who could actually hold onto his love…
Lifting my head, I surveyed my room, looking for something to occupy my attention…
And my eyes latched onto a figure that I could see through the shining glass of my window. A figure with messy brown hair. I recognized it as Daisuke, even though I stared down at him from 7 floors up. He was walking towards the front door of the apartment building.
We sit in silence, inside we're crying,
How can we keep our love from dying.
What am I supposed to tell him, my heart seemed to moan. And the truth was, I didn't know.
All I could do was watch him step into the building, and wait, as in my mind, I mentally saw him walking every step of the way.
Within minutes, he would be here. Should I tell him now? Maybe everything could still work out…
But no. First, I would see how he acted around me. I knew that he could feel it, too. The…uncertainty…the distance…between them…
So, outwardly looking calm as I waited, I steeled myself for the worst.
We, live together, separately,
We don't want to fall apart,
I heard the knock on the door that led into my parent's apartment. Could hear my mother open the door and greet Daisuke cheerfully.
I could hear his careful tread on the heavily carpeted hallway, as he headed towards my room.
Didn't exactly hear, but mentally saw him reach for the doorknob that would let him into my room and into my range of sight.
But every time we kiss, there's an emptiness,
An absence of the heart.
I heard him speak my name as he stepped into my room. Saw him reach for me. And willingly let him fold me into his arms.
It still didn't feel right, however. Still didn't feel like it used to.
I had no idea what to do. I was completely lost. Lost, drowning in my own emotions. Drowning, while Daisuke stood on the shore, looking into my pleading eyes.
Weather I made it or not, both ways, depended on Daisuke.
We, live together, separately,
We don't want to fall apart,
I looked into his eyes, and, once again, began to drown. God, I loved him to much to hurt him…but there was no doubt that he felt exactly what I felt, as well.
"Dai…" I began, trying to find the words to express just what I was feeling.
He seemed to read it all in my eyes, and stopped my words with his own eyes. The look in his eyes seemed almost to be saying not to speak; not to worry.
But every time we kiss, there's an emptiness,
An absence of the heart.
Not to worry? My heart was about to break! And in the process, I might end up breaking his heart, as well!
"I…" I tried to pick up on my explanation.
"It's okay, Mimi. I already know what your gonna say," was his answer. "We'll make it work."
The look in his eyes made me believe him.
We, live together, separately,
We don't want to fall apart,
I lay my head against his shoulder, just enjoying having him near me. Maybe he was right. Maybe we could make it work. If we worked at it…hell, anything could happen!
I closed my eyes, reveling in the attention as he gently stroked my back, running his fingers through my hair.
Just enjoying the warmth of his body pressed against mine.
But every time we kiss, there's an emptiness,
An absence of the heart.
It was going to work. As long as we didn't voice our concerns, we could make it work. We could make anything work, as long as we were together.
God, I hope that he was right. That it could work. I'd give anything to make this relationship work…anything because I love him so much.
And maybe, just maybe, I would never have to finish one of the letters that so many times I had actually started. Just maybe…
~*2 weeks later*~
I write you letters, but I don't send them
I stared down at the tear-streaked page that lay in front of me, dropping my blue-inked pen down beside it. Leaning forward, I rested my head in my hands, keeping my eyes open, and forcing myself to stare down at my own neat writing. The writing that told him how I felt. That I loved him, but that things just weren't working out.
I hope that didn't totally suck…please review!
Gatomon_1