Author's note: Hello! This is a short story I wrote about a more realistic (and less fluffy) growing relationship between Hermione and Draco. Please review any comments or suggestions! I have edited this myself, but I am sure there are grammar errors, so please forgive my imperfect writing :)
"Get out of here Granger" he snarled viciously as I walked towards him, turning his face away from mine to stare into the glistening fire. I shook my head in exasperation, but continued forward in my quest for answers. I stood there a moment, feeling in equal parts the warmth from the fire and the cold tenseness from the boy, no man, sitting in front of me. For once in my life, my words had abandoned me, and I felt as hopeless as I had the day I Obliviated my parents.
After all, what does one say to someone who has nothing?
Draco's mother and father had both died in the final battle, and he had watched on with cold eyes as they beaconed him to join them on the "right" side, the Dark side. Voldemort's army of muggle-hating imperialists.
And he turned away, his steel grey eyes met no one as he turned to gaze apathetically at the building that had crumbled, but was his only home. Hogwarts. Lucius howled out in rage and barreled towards his only son as I gazed on, horrified, as Draco turned his head to gaze at his father, his eyes dead and uncaring, his wand left hanging limply at his side. Before I could comprehend my actions, my wand was pointed at the blonde man and my voice whispered out "Incarcerous" in a shaking voice.
I never believed that spell was humane to use on a person, or animal. But Lucius Malfoy had almost murdered my best friends and I on several occasions, and I felt no pity as he fell, writhing, to the ground and cursing my name to the heavens. Draco's eyes met mine, and as we squared off, my being a mudblood and him being a Malfoy no longer mattered. We were free from our constraints the wizard world, and each other, had placed upon us.
And even among this realization, the dead look never left his eyes, and staring into them left me shivering.
The moment seemed to last hours, but truly it was only moments that we were judging each other, and as one we nodded. A tentative truce was made, and Draco fought for our freedom in the end, striking down the Death Eaters he had been raised among with cold impassive flicks of his ebony wand.
And when it was over, and Harry was victorious, the Order of the Phoenix, Hogwarts and the Ministry Aurors began celebrating and grieving in unison. Malfoy slipped away and disapparated from the scene, meeting my pitying eyes just before he disapparated into the new daybreak.
And now we are at an impasse, back at Hogwarts and sharing a common room that all those should be 7th years shared. And Draco, whom I had never before called by his name, was ignoring every trace of life.
Including me.
"Draco...I-" He held up one long fingered, pale hand at my bold use of his moniker, and he stood up and turned to face me, his spin ridged and his grey eyes glaring daggers into mine. I shivered involuntarily, but stayed my ground, refusing to budge under his tower height and prepossessing body that caused me to feel horribly inadequate.
"Whom, may I ask, gave you permission to use my name, Granger?" He spat with derision, and my skin tingled with both fear and indignation. I am just trying to help!
"No one, I just thought-"
"You just thought hmm?" He drawled in a vaguely Professor Snape fashion as he drew closer to me until there was only a hairbreadth between us, and I could smell the vanilla spices from his soap. He hair swung free in an unkept fashion, and my mind supplied, unhelpfully that it looked much more attractive than when it was slicked back. I gulped and met his eyes nervously, but hid my apprehension well beneath my usual Gryffindor bravado.
"You never speak anymore, Malfoy" I conceded that using his first name without his permission was presumptuous, "not even to snark. Where is your usual arrogant remarks, your intelligence? It is unhealthy to keep all the memories and emotions inside-" I trailed off from the magic rolling around me in waves, and I could feel Draco's incontrollable rage mounting and swirling around the room in spades, seeking an outlet.
"What do you know of pain, you insufferable know-it-all!" Malfoy blew up, roaring in my face with his eyes gleaming with scorn and derision for the world and me in equal measure, "perfect little Granger, Harry Potter's best friend and hero from the Battle of Hogwarts" he sneered in a voice so snobbish and superior I thought, for a moment, that Lucius had broken out of Azkaban once again... But no, he is gone now, and Draco has no one. I held my ground, and attempted to reign in my own hurt emotions, but they burst free without my consent and tumbled out of my mouth at a rapid pace.
"I had no one either Malfoy! I know what it is!" I howled back in rage, my curls springing free from their confides at the back of my neck and swirling about me as I gesticulated my frustrations, "my parents are obliviated and living in Australia who knows where! They could be dead, and even if they are alive, they won't remember me... And there is n-no way to-" my voice broke momentarily, but I held in my anguish for the moment, "to regain their memories. They will never know me again." I finished with a haunted whisper, and I refused to meet Draco's eyes and see the emotionless mask I was sure he had in place.
After a moment of silence, I hesitantly looked upwards to see that Draco had once again turned to face the fire, and as I stared at his aristocratic posture and gleaming white-hair, I asked the question I had come here to ask, "Malfoy-Draco, please, can we start again? Maybe we can be friends and start over...?" I haltingly queried, my voice soft but firm in its intents.
Draco let out a humorless laugh, and my heart sank in my chest, not that I was expecting anything to come from this feeble attempt to draw him from his crippling sadness, "and why would you want to befriend a death eater? Need something to focus your attentions on, a new charity case to sooth your bleeding heart? I regret to inform you, you miserable chit, that I am not some new cause for you to 'fix'" He intoned with an uncaring voice, but I heard the underlying anger and confusion between the insults. I soldiered on, refusing to give up on him yet.
"I know you are not, but everyone needs people. Even stubborn Slytherins" I chuckled hollowly in my attempt to lighten the mood, but it only added to the hopelessness of my efforts.
"Not me, good day Granger" Malfoy uttered with cold civility as he picked up his bag and slung it around his shoulder as he stalked out of the common room and closed the door with a slam. I sank onto the cough with a defeated sigh. How am I to get through to him?
Ever the Gryffindor, I keep trying. At every meal, I sit next to Draco at the 8th year's table, even though he sits far apart from the rest of us. Harry and Ron know of my plight to reach out to Draco, and while they understand, they continue to stare at me as if I had grown a Hippogriff's head on my shoulders. I shrugged at them and would turn back to my food, missing the equally bemused expression from the blonde on my right before he turned back to stare at his plate as if nothing had changed.
But it had.
In almost every class, except for Potions since that was split down the aisle by house affiliation, I would sit by Draco in the back, never saying anything outside of a 'hello' and 'goodbye' at the end of the lessons. If he was bothered by my constant presence, he never allowed it to show, and did his work with as much chilly indifference as ever. I was undeterred from my mission, even after almost two months of silence outside of barely cordially greetings.
Harry and Ron grew agitated by me constant efforts: "honestly 'Moine, the git isn't worth it," Ron would say to me at night when we would be revising by the fireplace, with Harry nodding vigorously in agreement, and I would shake my head at them sadly, not dignifying their outbursts with a response. They would look at each other and then at me with confused pity in their eyes, not understanding my obsession with "saving" Draco.
But that is just it, I wasn't trying to "save" him, per say. I am trying to help him move past the war, the pain, the past. I have Harry and Ron, they are my brothers and I love them so fiercely and with such loyalty we are all willing to die for the other. Draco needs that kind of support in his lonely existence, and I want to be that friend to him, not matter how impossible the task may seem.
I am convinced that there is far more to Draco Malfoy that meets the eye.
Towards the end of November I walked into the library to return Divination: Fact of Fallacy? When I spotted Draco at his usually table near the East window. I returned the books to a grumpy Madam Pince, and greeted her softly before taking a deep breath and making my way over to Draco's solemn table.
I knew he saw me enter the library, because he is so observant, and I could see his posture straighten as I made my way towards him, his shoulders tensing and his face burrowing deeper in his book to feign nonchalance. I swallowed in my amusement at his Slytherin tactics, and braced myself for Draco's sneer and inevitable insults.
"May I sit here with you?" I asked in my straightforward manner, and Draco lazily leaned back in his seat to stare at me. He really does have the most magnificent grey eyes I have ever seen, gleaming silver that seemed to stare straight into your mind, like Legilimancy. As I awaited his response, I noticed his eyes trailing up and down my form, judging me silently in lieu of a verbal rejection. Finally he sighed in resignation and nodded, rolling his eyes when mine light up and I exclaimed, "thanks!"
We sat in silence, both writing and reading in the calm atmosphere of the library, until I cast a Tempus and realized it was almost curfew. I stood up and began to gather my books, attempting to be quiet as not to disrupt Draco's intense concentration on his tome, and I muttered a quiet "goodnight" on my way out. I, one again, never saw the silver eyes watch me go with utter confusion; but I felt them watching me, and I forced my feet to continue walking, knowing the Draco would have to come to me on his own terms.
We continued in this unceasing pattern until Christmas; I would sit by Draco in classes, mealtimes, and then occasionally in the library. And soon he became accustomed to my silent presence. His books would mysteriously always be away from my seat in the library, giving me room; and his chair would always be a bit closer to mine in the Great Hall during meals, with my favorite strawberries suspiciously near my place setting. Slowly, Draco's cold ice-prince behavior began to thaw, and I saw him relax in my presence, his shoulders slumping and his breathing deeper and steadier in my near vicinity.
A few after the start of the Holidays, his tenor voice broke through my concentration as I read from my favorite novel Pride and Prejudice, "why aren't you with Potty and Weasel?" He drawled uncaringly, and I bit down on the inside of my cheek to hide my grin. Silly Slytherin, I knew I would crack your code eventually.
In an equally cool manner, that did not match the excitement of my mind, I scolded "don't call them that. And I wanted to spend some time alone this year" I lied in a steady tone. I did not want to go to the Burrow and see the Weasley family and their happiness, as this year is the first without my family. The first of many, I reflected bitterly, and I stared out the window. A steady gaze of silver eyes was perusing my face for answers, and through my reminiscing, I knew I wanted to prove to Draco that I understood pain and loneliness.
"I miss them" I whispered, so softly it could have been the wind rushing through the drafty castle, and an equally soft voice toned the same in reply a minute later. Neither of us spoke after that, our attentions drawn back to our books and away from our loneliness in the outside world.
The next day, as we sat in the library as had become our ritual, I glanced out the window to see that snow had started falling, twirling beautifully outside the widow and sticking to the glass. I grinned widely and almost began bouncing in my seat in my unbridled excitement, and Draco noticed my distraction and followed my gaze to the window.
"It is only snow" Draco snorted in his quiet tone, which I was happy to hear no longer held indifference, just light mockery. I smiled cheekily at him and leaned forward, as if sharing a deep secret between the two of us.
"No, it is the first snow! It is magical!" I whispered conspiringly, as if we were plotting an evil scheme, and he shook his head in bemusement at my uncharacteristic playful attitude.
"The by all means, Granger, go out an enjoy the magical snow" he sniffed haughtily and turned the page of his book; attempting, and failing, to appear disinterested.
"I think I may" I said in response, ignoring his sarcasm as I gathered my books and transfigured my quills into a hat and gloves. Draco watched me with an expressionless mask, until I turned to look at him with a twinkle in my eyes, "would you like to come with me?" I asked mischievously, hoping to draw him out of his shell, knowing it was most likely to no avail.
To my utter surprise and delight, he slowly rose from his stiff chair and began gathering his supplies and books, mumbling about Gryffindors and their lack of decorum.
We ventured out into the cold through the front doors and I immediately made my way to the freshly fallen snow off of the path. I heard Draco's quiet footsteps behind me, and I smiled in triumph. I leant down and began gathering a pile of snow while packing it together.
"Granger. What in the world are you-" he cut off when a snowball hit him directly in the face. It was small, and I knew it would not harm him or be too cold, and I giggled silently at his gobsmacked expression. Honestly, he is too easy to tease! "Why did you just hit me with... with!" Draco attempted to rationalize what had just occurred, and his utterly confused expression with his wrinkled brow made him appear all the more cute to me as he swiped off the offending substance.
Wait- I did not just think Draco Malfoy is cute!
Moving past that deranged thought, I bent down to scoop up a decent handful of snow and placed it in his leather bound hands.
"Here, you roll it up and then throw it at someone for fun. It is called a snowball." I explained, my heart breaking that Malfoy did not even know what a snowball was. He must have been denied his childhood to never have engaged in a snowball fight.
I was struck by the image of a small blonde-haired boy reaching his arms up for his mother's affection, and being turned away. A small boy learning to hide his emotions, for crying and fear were signs of weakness. A slightly older boy shivering in his bed as he prepared to take a mark on his arm that he did not want.
A boy denied his freedom, or any choices of his own.
I shook my head free from those morbid thoughts as I placed my hands over his and helped him form his first snowball. Draco was shocked by my audacious touching, but soon resigned himself to the fact I was not going to be swayed. I looked at him once it was formed and smiled warmly, to which he only blinked dazedly in response. As I turned my back to collect more snow, I felt an exploding iciness on the nape of my neck that traveled down my bare back and I squeaked from the chill.
"Never turn your back on a Slytherin, Granger" Malfoy teased, and I whipped around to stare at him. He was smirking slightly, and his expressionless mask was completely removed to display his old haughty self. I would have cried in relief, if it would not have scared him away; instead, I glared at him half-heartedly and grabbed more snow.
Thus began our snowball fight.
I had the advantage of experience, but Draco quickly caught on and began hurling snowballs rapidly to slow me down. I laughed as we fought in the snow, and Draco had quirked his eyebrow at me in a condescending manner at my playfulness, but the slight curve of his mouth gave away how much he was enjoying our adventure.
The fight was messy, vicious, and wonderful. My hair, which had once again come down from its tie, was swinging free with chunks of ice and snow decorating it. Malfoy's pale completion was red from my first snowball attack, and I smiled as I saw his eyes light up with a warmth I have never seen. Soon, too soon, we were freezing from the wintery wind, and we sought out solace inside the castle walls.
I was rubbing my arms up and down my body to create heat from the friction, and Draco was shivering slightly from the cold as well. We silently made out way back to the dorms, and separated with a small glance at one another to change and shower in order to warm up.
I smiled as I stepped beneath the warm cascade of water, reflecting on the nice afternoon I had just spent with Draco. He had seemed so open for once, actually speaking! I began to wash my body, humming as I did so, when I heard a crash and a yell from outside the bathroom. I hurriedly grabbed my towel and raced out of the girls dormitory to see what was amiss. I ran down the staircase and ran face first into an agitated Draco Malfoy.
"What-Granger, of course it is you" he sneered at me as I attempted to gather my bearings and sit up from the place I had fallen on the floor.
"What's wrong? I heard a yell!" I said hurriedly, glancing around but only seeing Draco standing high above me with a closed off expression on his face.
"It is nothing, one of my dorm-mates put a prank on my clothing to make it burn once it is on my body" Draco sneered, mocking their juvenile tactics, while I fully took in my surroundings.
Draco was shirtless, wearing only a pair of black tailored trousers while holding the jinxed shirt, and he looked... Well, I glanced away in embarrassment, refusing to stare at the beautiful man in front of me; and as for me-
"Granger, go and cover your body with something more suitable, wont you?" Draco asked condescendingly, and I bristled as I stood, my blush traveling from my face down my chest. My towel was short, only covering the tops of my thighs, and I flushed deeper at the thought of what I must look like to him, all wet and disheveled. I nodded mutely and turned to race back up the stairs from whence I came.
But I never saw the appreciative glances from Draco on my way.
Once I was dressed, and my face had cooled off from the furious blush that had adorned it, I padded downstairs in my socks to read by the fire. When I reached the common room, I saw Draco sitting in front of the fire as I had seen so many months previously. I sucked in a breathe as I took in his silhouette; his back was straight and proud, per usual, and his body was lean with sinewy muscles. I glanced away, scolding myself when I realized I had just been ogling Draco, and I moved forward to sit on the abandoned couch, directly behind the blonde man. If he noticed my presence, he did not acknowledge me, and I began reading in the tense silence, allowing the soothing words to envelope me.
Since a certain blonde Slytherin never would.
I tried to focus on the story in my lap, but I was distracted by the light breathing of the man I had- well, I have some sort of feelings for. I care about him more now than ever, having seen him let go a bit this afternoon. He will never return those feelings, if his reaction to my undressed state is anything to go by...
I was startled out of my disparaging musings by a low tone, "Why Granger?" And I knew at once what he meant. Why was I here, with him. Sitting with him, talking to him, always being near him. And I knew I could not lie to him, not when he had lost almost everything and everyone else.
No matter that he will mock me, and leave me wishing for his friendship and maybe more.
"Because the world has all but given up on you- and I don't want to" I told him bluntly, seeing his back wince at my statement, "and I..." I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the inevitable laugher or scorn.
"I see goodness in you, Draco. I see a handsome-" I choked in mortification when he cocked his head, "man who is worth far more than the life he was forced into. I..." I trailed off due to my loss for words. Care for you. Want to be with you. Want to hold you, protect you, comfort you. And let you comfort me.
"Come now, don't stop there" Draco sniffed, and he had yet to turn around, but I could hear the need in his voice. The need for comforting words and truth. I nodded to myself and put my book aside, turning to face his back, and wishing I could see the deepness of his steel grey eyes.
"I care for you" I said timidly, my Gryffindor boldness halting momentarily as I pondered what this could mean. Draco could never speak to me again, tell the school I was pining after him. He could said a million hurtful, scornful statements to me.
But I knew he needed comfort more than I needed my pride: "I care for you, more than a friend. Which is so hilarious" I chuckled humorlessly to myself, "because you loathe me, find me an annoying know-it-all, even without the blood issues, but-" I was cut off by a quiet voice.
"Blood issues" Draco whispered into the fire, "blood issues, you said?" Draco's voice grew louder and his breathing more erratic as he swiveled around to face me, his grey eyes molten silver and his hair glowing from the fire at his back, "why on earth would 'blood' matter to me anymore, Granger? Why? When I am parentless and hated for the death eater I am!" He cried and thrust his left arm forward, brandishing his arm to me to display a faded skull with snakes surrounding it. I ignored his erratic breathing, and his attempts to frighten me off, and instead I leaned forward to grab his forearm in my hand and caress the dark mark with gentle fingers. Draco saw my actions and tentatively attempted to draw away but I held firm, glancing up at him during my observations.
"It does not matter to me, as you had no choice." I whispered forcefully while looking into his confused eyes, "and we all had no choice. We survived the war, and we now need to put it behind us and start to live, Draco. Really live." I said with conviction the statement I had uttered many a time to Harry over the course of the year so far. I rolled up my left sleeve to show the mark 'mudblood' against my arm, and Draco let out a small gasp as he saw the marking for the second time.
"We were both marked by the devil, Draco, but what defines us are our actions, our intentions to do what is right in the face of hatred" I told him passionately, willing him to understand that our scars do not define our entire beings, or the people we are destined to become. I saw his pale hand slowly move forward to trace my scar as I traced his, and as our eyes met, we saw each other for what we were. War heroes, survivors, wizards, damaged people, and orphans.
"I am here Draco, I will not leave you."
Draco's breathing hitched, and he rose up hurriedly to race from the room. I knew in an instant he was going to escape to vent his emotions and I grabbed his arm tighter to yank him down, where he landed atop of me on the couch, slightly crushing my smaller frame under his larger one. I saw wetness glistening in his beautiful eyes, and my tears had already begun to well up and fall down my cheeks in a steady rhythm of misery.
"Draco, please, let me learn to...to love you" I whispered my deepest confession through my tears, gazing into his tortured eyes and willing him to understand my want for him.
I stroked his cheek and he allowed the cold tears to fall; those tears that had not fallen in many, many years for fear of him seeming weak. He lowered his head to my neck and I held him against me as he cried silently, my own tears joining his in a torrent of pent up emotions as we both released the fear, anger, and heartbreak that had been plaguing us for the past few years. I whispered sweet nothings into Draco's ear as I rubbed his back, telling him that I was here and to let it out, "Shhh Draco, you are safe. I promise" I whispered through my tight voice. I felt his throat moving against my collarbone and heard his breathing falter, and I witnessed his final attempts to hold together his emotions fall away.
Urgently, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled himself even closer to my body, sobbing and crying out from his pain in a heart wrenching voice that spoke of ongoing despair, and my heart broke for him.
"M-my father beat me and my mother n-never loved me. No one ever lo-loved me" he hitched through his uncontrollable sobs, and I fervently wished there was something more I could do; but I held him, and I shed tears from his plight of loneliness and misery as I swore to prove to Draco he is worthy of love and kindness. I gently pushed his blonde hair away from his face as he calmed down, and I pressed my lips to his head in a comforting manner. When I glanced down at him, I noticed his cheeks and eyes were red from exertion and crying. I continued to stroke his hair in a way that calmed me down as we both relaxed from our tiring outbursts.
We laid together on the couch for a long while, until eventually my breathing drew even and my eyes closed from their heaviness. I felt a pair of warm arms lift me from the couch and I clung to their neck, barely conscious, falling asleep quickly in their gentle embrace.
I felt the stirrings of consciousness, and I curled up tighter into the warmth beside me. It was hard, put somehow still comforting... How odd!
Wait. The fire. Draco. Our meltdown.
Oh no, Draco will never speak to me again! I told him, inadvertently, that I love him! My eyes flew open with a start, and I found myself gazing into the unreadable expression of Draco Malfoy.
"D-Draco?" I asked timidly, somewhat hoping this was a dream. He continued to gaze at me blankly, until I could hold it in no longer, "Draco I am so-" he cut me off with a gentle hand twisting around my hair and pulling my face towards his to meet in a gentle kiss, the most tender I could have ever dreamed of. Me toes curled and my stomach tingled as he softly moved his lips against mine in a slow dance.
"Shh, no words now Gra-Hermione." Draco said once we broke apart, and I almost cried from the tenderness and his use of my real name. He doesn't resent me for yesterday! Thank goodness! He knelt his head down and kissed my lips hungrily, willing them to part and then sliding his tongue inside my mouth until I was lost to the sensations. We broke apart for need of air a few minutes later, and we stared into each others eyes as our heartbeats began to slow.
"Did you mean it?" Draco asked, glancing away from me to stare at his Slytherin green bedsheets. I knew at once he was referring to my courageous declaration, and I nodded timidly.
"Yes Draco, I love you" I said fearlessly, using my hand to tilt his face towards mine. Once our eyes met I saw his open expression of relief, confusion, and wonderment. I saw him open his mouth to speak but I silenced him with my finger, "do not say endearments you do not mean" I warned seriously with a hard glint in my eyes.
"I am not easily ruled by my heart" I admitted, and scowled at Draco when he snorted lightly at my out of character musings, "but in this, I do not doubt. And I will not allow you to hurt me, so if I am not someone whom you respect and wish to grow closer to, then tell me know." I told him seriously, my expression booking no room for argument.
He nodded, "I know that Gr-Hermione. I only wanted to say that-" he trailed off, his cheeks flushing with color all of a sudden, "thank you for yesterday, and all the months you sat near me... I-no one has ever shown me such consideration or..." He stopped, scowling and turning away to sit up, and I realized that he was simply embarrassed.
"Draco, there is no shame in tears" I said and I watched him tense up at my verbal acknowledgment of the vulnerability we shared yesterday, "there isn't. It shows you are strong, and that you have suffered greatly" I went on, moving towards him and wrapping my arms tentatively around his waist to hold him against my chest. I smelled his vanilla soap, and I smiled in happiness when he did not tense or pull away from my gesture of affection. Suddenly he swung around and pinned me to the bed beneath him, and I smiled up at him as he locked me in his cool gaze.
"I love you" he said quietly, and my heart began to pound erratically in my chest. It was one thing to love Draco, but for it to be reciprocated...
I leant up to kiss his jaw line and beneath his ear, causing him to groan in desire, after which I promptly sat up and rolled out of his be to freshen up in my own rooms, giggling at his protesting groan.
"You little witch" he growled teasingly from his place on the bed, looking every bit as handsome as ever in his current disheveled state. I leaned over to peck him lightly on the lips, and I murmured a sweet declaration of love before whisking out of the room, hearing a soft sigh as I left of, "Hermione Granger, you troublemaker."
What a troublemaker I am.
Thank you for reading!