title: we'll find another piece to your puzzle
fandom: gossip girl
characters: blair waldorf + nate archibald + serena van der woodsen
information: pre-series | 1,519 words | oneshot
summary: serena leaves for boarding school without telling anyone, not even her best friends
( they all break in the end )
Blair wakes up the morning after the Shepherd wedding, arms outstretched for her phone. She's done it enough times that it's nearly rote: fingers scrolling through her extensive contacts list and tapping at the partially raised buttons: where r u? missed u last nite. text me back.
-/-
Staring at your phone won't make it vibrate any quicker, lesson learned.
Blair is halfway finished with a low-fat fruit parfait, when, forgive her for being concerned about her best friend, decides to dial said best friend's mother.
"Lily?"
"Blair," Lily responds with a light, casual air.
"Did Serena come home last night? She enjoyed the open bar more than anyone else, maybe even more than Darren Shepherd's ex-fiancée trying to drown her woes in alcohol." Straight to the point is best, Blair has figured out after time and again.
"No, not quite."
Pause.
"What do you mean?"
"She briefly returned home to retrieve her clothing before signaling a taxi to Grand Central early this morning. I couldn't even convince her to stay for breakfast."
"Grand Central?"
Pause, again.
"Oh, did Serena not tell you? I expect she's arrived at boarding school by this hour."
The words, b and s, they start with, roll around in her mind. She spits them out before they do any more damage. "Boarding school?"
"We both know I've attempted to get Serena to agree for months know, and quite frankly, it's half a miracle she's in Connecticut at the moment."
"Connecticut?" Blair chokes out.
"Yes, Blair. I have a committee to attend soon, so if you –"
Blair has good enough sense to snap her phone shut. She stares at it, hands shaking and eyes burning. She doesn't know what to feel; only a combination of anger, betrayal, and hurt comes simmering to the surface.
Her phone breaks against the wall. She expected some great feeling of satisfaction—if the source of the news doesn't exit, then how can it be true?
-/-
Blair knows she has a broken phone. Blair pretends she doesn't have a broken friendship as well.
Nate wakes up the morning after the Shepherd wedding, head buzzing and certain recollections of the night before beginning to haunt.
-/-
He should feel guilty, he tells himself. He should feel guilt crushing every bit of him, be on the phone with Blair, tell the truth, and apologize profusely. He should be consumed by guilt, shame even.
He isn't. The guilt isn't there.
Nate had sex with his girlfriend's best friend and he doesn't even feel guilty.
He cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend and he doesn't even feel guilty.
He lost his virginity to his girlfriend's best friend and he doesn't even feel guilty.
It sounds worse every time he thinks about it. It only goes downhill from here.
-/-
"This is Serena van der Woodsen, sorry I'm not here to pick up the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep."
Beep.
"Hey Serena, it's Nate. About last night, I—" Nate stops midsentence, searching for the right thing to say. "Call me back. I need to talk to you and to hear your voice." He quickly ends the voice message, pacing around the room.
A minute passes. Then another.
Beep.
"Hey, it's Nate again. I want to know if we're both on the same page about… about last night. We need to talk."
Beep.
"Hey, this is probably the third time I've left a message so far. Where are you? We really need to talk." He pauses. "We can't tell Blair yet, not now, not before we talk about what happened. Call me back, Serena."
Beep.
"I can't stop thinking about last night." He takes a deep sigh. "Serena, I think I'm in love with you. I know I'm with Blair, and she's your best friend, but I'm willing to change that. I need to talk to you about this."
Beep.
"Is there an us?"
Nate leaves eight more voicemails.
-/-
Blair calls him sometime in the afternoon. His heart skips a beat when he first sees her name in the Caller ID. He considers letting his phone continue ringing, coming up with an excuse for when Blair hunted him down later.
"I missed you last night. You left so abruptly after the wedding." Blair's voice sounds raw, her words sincere but lost in meaning.
"I know, but I. Sorry, Chuck was around the bar and—" he begins to explain
"No, I understand. It's fine."
Blair, ever the caring and perfect girlfriend. A sudden pounding surfaces in his head, threatening with secrets and misplaced affection.
"Nate," she says, softly, just on the edge to say more. He questions whether or not Blair has spoken to Serena yet, if Blair knows of his deception. This fact, when it should be weighed down with dread and regret offers him a feeling of liberation.
"Have you heard from Serena?" he says slowly, testing out each word.
Blair goes silent. For a moment, Nate is almost sure Serena told Blair. He takes a deep, shaky breath and can only brace himself for the impact.
Nate can only hear muffled sobs on the other end. "Blair?"
Everything slowly begins to register in his head. She's crying. Blair Waldorf is crying.
"Blair, look, I — " Nate begins, unsure of how to explain.
"She's at boarding school." Blair says in a rush, trying to get all the words out before they get caught in her throat again.
"What?" He stops in his tracks.
"I called Lily. After last night, after the wedding, she went home to pack. Serena left for Connecticut this morning." Nate hears Blair crying, but quite frankly, he doesn't have a damn idea about what to do.
He should be a good boyfriend, leave the house at this instance and take a cab over to the Waldorf penthouse and console his crying girlfriend.
He doesn't. He lost the title of good boyfriend over twelve hours ago.
"She left without saying goodbye." Blair says, voice breaking in the middle of the sentence.
She left without saying goodbye. Nate finally, after a morning and thirteen voicemails, understands.
Serena van der Woodsen left without saying goodbye.
-/-
Nate knows his heart is broken. Nate isn't sure if he wants his relationships broken as well.
Serena wakes up the morning after the Shepherd wedding—she doesn't wake up. She hasn't slept the entire night. She went from cowering behind the ambulance and calling her mom to home to packing up the bare essentials to her one-way train ticket headed for Connecticut.
-/-
Her lids are heavy as she leans back against the head cushion. Images of the northeast landscape quickly pass by her, going fast, but not as fast as her thoughts. In thirty minutes, Serena is supposed to be meeting with the dean at her new boarding school, to discuss expectations and policies and everything that's supposed to give her a fresh start.
A fresh start from partying and high society, from putting on a Prada heels and a fake smile, from acting like everything was okay and knowing everything wasn't, from Georgina and Peter.
Peter. Serena remembers last night again, in all of its intense detail and sharp edges. There's a weight pressing on her shoulders and she can't pick herself up from it. Not quite yet.
She ran, ran with the dewy morning air through her blonde hair, ran away to the greens of boarding school. Away from the blood she felt dripping on her hands but couldn't see, away from the soft touches and lingering whispers and the betrayal she won't be able to take back.
-/-
Her phone buzzes several times over the course of the day. A few texts from Blair. A cryptic text from Chuck. Thirteen voicemails from Nate, she counts.
She listens to each and every one before she presses delete.
"Serena, I think I'm in love with you." She feels her heart skip in her chest. Serena is tempted to call back, just call back to say anything and realize something.
She's not allowed to return the sentiment.
Slowly, achingly slowly, the truth begins to rise up again from her hazy memories from last night. She slept with her best friend's boyfriend. She betrayed Blair, the girl who played dress up with her, brought her to her first party, and saved her from her first hangover. Blair, the girl who is her best friend.
Correction. Blair, the girl who was her best friend.
Serena almost, just almost, imagines last night never happened. Peter, alive. Nate and Blair, together. She shuts her eyes and closes herself off from the world; curling herself up and letting sleep take her away as a prisoner of reality, into promises of reinvention.
-/-
Serena knows she's already broken. Serena doesn't want to know who else she breaks as well.
(author's notes)
written over the summer, posted now. fair warning, it does get a bit melodramatic at parts.