My Fears, My Lies, Myself
(Summary: Electra muses about her life and her darkness. Rated "T" causes it's a little on the dark side.)
Disclaimer: I way don't own Electra. Sigh. But I do have a pair of fake scythes!
Author's Note: Poem is written in blank verse, so it's not suppose to rhyme.
Review please!
This is who I am
A woman standing on a knife-edge between good and evil
The winds of change blow me this way, that way
Yet I remain on the knife-edge
This is who I am
Yet I pretend to be someone other then myself
A woman who smiles, though they never reach her eyes
A woman who laughs, but it is a cold, bitter thing
A woman who pretends to love, yet her heart is cold
This is who I pretend to be
Confusion, illusions of hope but hope is not who I am
I am darkness…there is no light
Light cannot reach a darkened soul
A soul, what is a soul? Do I have one?
Or maybe Great Death, both mine and others, have stolen my soul away?
Death is what I am, what I do, how I exist
A flick of the wrist and life fades into nothingness
Life is too fragile, too easily broken…it cannot be real
Why do I exist this way? Why do I live?
Why did not my mortal death last?
God did not want me to come back
Maybe I was good enough for the afterlife but not now, never now
I died, so I devote my life to death, I devote my existence to destruction
Souls in the wind, innocence fades quicker then a swift breeze
Innocence…mine striped away, torn from my life
Innocent…never again, never after death, mine and others
My lies…myself…darkness destroying light, light abolishing darkness
I am neither good nor evil, dark nor light…neither extremes
I am twilight and shadows in human form
I destroyed things of evil and yet I am the destroyer of innocence
My mother's death, so fresh in my thoughts
My fears, my lies…myself
Over and over, in my deepest, darkest dreams, a figure lingers there, always
And I ask myself, lying awake in the midnight hours…
Is this the thing that killed my mother?
Or is this myself?
My fears, my lies…myself
A repeating cycle of death and horror, a bit of soul chipped away everyday
Or am I hollow? A soulless monster of death?
No…I must have something within me, telling I stand on the edge of a cliff of evil
Evil and good, light and dark…am I one or am I the other?
Am I neither? All extremes…they annoy me so
I am neither…just twilight and shadows, a weapon wielding steel
Twin blades, twin lives, twin people, existing back to back
The person I am, the person I pretend to be…the person I will grow to be
My fears, my lies…myself
My life stretches out before, things I've done, things I will do
Who am I, really? A motherless daughter? A student without a teacher?
My teacher…my mentor, the one I should've had from the beginning
I could not be taught: Too much rage in my heart to fight, to know the pureness of battle
I devoted myself only to death…from out of death, came life, came more death
But from out of that death, that rebirth, came new life
My redemption is so far out of reach but so close
I run through a meadow, stretching out my hands to the sky, desperately reaching
I can taste new life, can taste death…one taste of love, the other hate
Roses and candles, blades and darkness…a creature of both am I
My fears, my lies…myself
The demon of the past…the ones I kill in the present…those I will face in my future
I will live through it all…no, not live…exist
It is all I do, it is all I can do but it is more then I've done
Perhaps one day, soon, I will learn to live fully
I will learn to leave behind the red-clad goddess of blades and blood
Perhaps she is all that I am, all that I can become, all that I will ever be
My fears, my lies…myself
My blades, maybe they will learn to protect?
They hunger for blood but blood is blood and they will accept good or evil
And so I hunt for the next pray, the next victim
Evil this time, good the next? No, good…good is too good for me
I will change, another metamorphosis, another rebirth I do not deserve
I will hunt the darkness in this world and protect the innocent
I am no hero…I am no villain…I am neither
I am a creature of death but at least I shall learn to protect
Maybe, maybe redemption is somewhere along the road of protection
It is all that I can do, all that I am willing to try
And so I run down this new road of protection and redemption
My fears, my lies…myself.