The Project Zappa: Bikini Assassination
by NekyuToi
Welcome to my first DOA fan-fiction, based on Ultimate. Now that college exams are over I can spare a day or two to knock out some weird stories again!
DOA is owned by it's respective owners, which I assume are Team Ninja and Tecmo.
WARNING: Suggestive themes and mild language.
CHAPTER ONE: Let's Have Fun
"Wow! This is like so exciting!" Tina squealed in delight. She twirled on the spot as Tengu, the bus conductor placed her suitcase full of bikinis onto the bus storage, making sure EVERYONE saw her new outfit: a white, tiger-skin bikini with a faux-fur scarf. Bass, her father, slapped his forehead and sighed as he looked away. Lei Fang, Tina's WORST enemy also turned away in a huff. Dressed in a white, long dress she was nothing compared to Tina. But she still had the power! They were all heading toward the Dead or Alive championship, where Lei Fang believed this year she would have a great chance.
The bus was quite new, and looked expensive, especially from the inside. It was heading towards the seventh Dead or Alive championship, which was to be held in London, England. Although many of them rich aristocrats, such as Helena, they could only afford a plane ticket from America as far as Spain, so they would have to drive thousands upon thousands of miles in order to reach the capital.
"Right, you freaks." Tengu exclaimed, "Get on the bus!" He was in rather a mood, as someone who had just picked up 20 heavy suitcases would be; and now he had to drive ten thousand miles. Tina giggled seductively and pushed Lei Fang out the way in order to get dibs on the back seat, pulling a young man named Bayman alongside her. Bass stared on in anger as she dragged Bayman to the back and he himself pulled Leon aswell, to avoid any 'unfortunate incidents' with her; he didn't want Bass to kill him. Everyone finally got on the bus...
So, from the backseat to the front we have Tina, Leon and Bayman occupying the backseat, then Helena and Zack, Kasumi and Ayane, Lei Fang and Jann Lee, Ein and Bass in front and Tengu, looking moody, driving the bus. The first half an hour of the bus ride was incredibly noisy; everyone was very excited, and at the throne of the noise was Tina, shouting her head and secretly knocking back a bottle of vodka she hid in her handbag. "Hey, I bet I can beat Lei Fang when we get there!" she giggled, loudly. Bayman rolled his eyes; she was all over him, rubbing his legs and holding his arm, already she was nearly drunk. "Watch this!" Tina exclaimed, and threw a used lipstick at Lei Fang. It hit her directly on the back of her head. She looked back in anger, holding back the tears. Kasumi and Ayane giggled very schoolgirlishly to each other and that only increased her anger.
After everything had settled down and Tina was getting more emotional because of the drink the bus ride was gaining a little more tension. Lei Fang was still upset about the lipstick, so started passing around notes about Tina. It came into Zack's hands and he read it out loud.
"'Wanna hook up, Zack? - Tina' Sure, babe!" he looked back at Tina. Tina looked at him in disbelief. "Hey! I like SO did not write that!" she squealed, pulling Bayman towards her. She ripped the note from Zack's hands and looked at it, recognising Lei Fang's handwriting. She stood up in an instant and walked down the bus towards Lei's seat. "Oi, you!" she screamed. A fight was brewing, everyone could see. Lei Fang stood up in her seat, and everyone looked on, Bayman taking the oppurtunity to scooch up closer to Leon.
"What do you want, tramp?" Lei Fang asked, with a faint smile on her lips. Tina scowled at her, and with no reply grabbed her hair! In an instant they were both on the floor! Tina kicked hard at Lei Fang's stomach as Lei punched her in the face! Tina, in a rage, ripped of Lei Fang's dress, revealing a saucy black bikini. Zack ran up to get a closer look. They were both struggling on the floor in bikinis, with Zack now pouring his mineral water on them! The fight would have gone on longer if Bass hadn't dragged them away from each other, taking a considerable while to look at Lei Fang...
"Right, you two!" he bellowed, "No more of that!" He shoved Tina back to the backseat and pushed Lei into her seat. They both spat in disgust and crossed their arms. Bayman and Leon sat uncomfortably for a while until Zack and Tina started dissing Lei Fang to ease her nerves. "She's like a right tart." Tina laughed. "I bet her breasts aren't even real"
"No way, doll." Zack replied. "Gotta be fake"
Meanwhile, Jann Lee and Lei Fang were also talking about Tina, but also drawing sketches of her in not such a favourable light. One diagram showed her in a nun's outfit with "I'M A BITCH!" coming out a comical speech bubble. That one went round the bus quickly, causing mostly everyone to laugh, even Bayman, who aruptly stopped when Tina glanced at him. "Will you lot shut up!?" Tengu screeched. "Or I'll come down there and rip your fat little heads off!" Everyone kept silent. For a little bit...
The tension had lifted from the bus now, and everyone was chatting jovially. Kasumi and Ayane were trying to catch Jann Lee's attention at every oppurtunity and Ein was in total disagreement at that; he thought that bloke was a bad influence considering his violent streak.
"Hey, Jann Lee!" Kasumi would cry. "Show us your biceps!" And they would both giggle and laugh as he did so, Lei Fang looking on in anger.
"Hey, Leon." Bayman started. "Do you have a room-mate yet"
"Well, I"
"Do you want to be room-mates"
"We don't know who we're staying with yet"
"But if they don't have any set, do you wanna be room-mates?" he continued. Leon rolled his eyes. Tina started up now too.
"Yeah, Leon, pick a room-mate. Obviously you want to be with me. I want to show you this new bikini I got for BEATING THE FUZZ OUT OF LEI FANG!" Tina made sure she heard that.
"Well..." Leon laughed, quietly. "GIRLS CAN'T SHARE WITH BOYS!" Bayman shouted loudly.
"THEY CAN TOO!" Tina replied, just as loudly. "Just the other day I shared a room with you Bayman"
"No we didn't! You just passed out on the floor!
"Yeah, well, same thing"
"Oh, who cares? Anyway, Leon, pick a room-mate!" Bayman continued to nag Leon, tugging at his sleeve. Leon rolled his eyes again and swigged at Tina's nearly empty vodka bottle.
"Hey!" she squealed, snatching it from him. "I've only got that one and some others. But if you share with me I'll show you a trick I can do.. hehehe..." "Oh, god.." Bayman whispered.
"You say something?!" Tina shouted, standing up and going into her fighting stance.
"You bet I did!" Bayman screeched, standing up also and going into his fighting stance.
"Ladies, please!" Leon dragged them both back to sitting position and slapped them. Angry and feeling scolded they both shut up, for a while... until another note was passed round, and came into Leon's possession.
'Leon and Bayman, Sitting in a tree,
With Tina in a thong,
Woah, that makes three!
First comes love,
Then comes sex,
Then, knowing Tina, A bottle of vodka next!'
"That BITCH!" Tina shouted in her loudest voice. Leon and Bayman had gone as red as tomatoes.
"What you'd say?!" Lei Fang shouted back. "You come right here and say that"
"Why don't you stop being a bitch and come right here!" Tina screamed. The slagging match continued for a bit until Jann Lee had calmed Lei down by covering her mouth with his hand and Bayman doing the same; they did not want the wrath of Bass again.
"So, Kasumi, been out with any hot guys recently?" Ayane asked.
"What! You are so nosy..." Kasumi giggled, turning red.
"You have, haven't you! I knew it. Tell me!" she whacked her on the arm, causing Kasumi to cry out in pain.
"Ow! You're so violent! I'm not saying anything!" she cried. Ayane got even angrier and held Kasumi in a head lock. "Tell me, now!" she screeched, digging her nails into her sister's neck. "NONONONO!" she replied. Jann Lee noticed what was going on and broke it up by holding Ayane in an arm lock. "Oh, my God!" Ayane whispered, breaking free easily. "It's YOU, isn't it! Jann Lee!" Kasumi turned her face down and went bright red. Ayane had liked him too. Holding back further rage Ayane walked to the back of the bus, shoving Jann Lee out of the way. She didn't notice he had sat next to Kasumi to comfort her.
"What's up, Ayane?" Tina asked, in a rare moment of consideration. "That bitch Kasumi like so totally stole my boyfriend!" Ayane piled her rage into a fist and slammed it down onto the chair, shaking the bus.
"OI! STOP IT!" The Tengu screamed.
"Oh God, you were dating Jann Lee? Sorry." Tina giggled.
"NO! Not REALLY dating, but I liked him"
"Seriously? Can you imagine what he'd sound like in bed?" Bayman laughed. Everyone turned to stare at him. "Uh,... I mean... you know, with those stupid noises he makes"
"Well, I liked him!" Ayane sniffled. "You know who else likes him? Lei Fang." Tina smirked. Ayane looked up at her in surprise. "Yep, really. She's been after him for years! She makes all this talk about wanting to beat him, but it's so obvious SHE'S IN LOVE!" Tina laughed loudly. "Well, she ain't getting him too!" Ayane cried. "God, I'll get her this D. O. A. championship." she trailed off. "Well done, Tina. Do you want there to be fatalities this year?" Leon asked. Tina looked at him as if he had farted at a funeral. "Just making it interesting!" she retorted.
"I'm just worried about her, surrounded by young guys!" Bass snorted. The Tengu did not reply. "All she does is flaunt her body all over the place!" No reply. "I wish she would just stop"
"AND I WISH YOU WOULD STOP. I AM A GOD OF THE TENGU, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" The Tengu bellowed. "NOW LET ME FOCUS ON MY DRIVING. Oi, BASTARDS, ten miles until the SERVICES!" he let out one final grunt and went back to driving. Everyone cheered at the thought of food! And the toilet!
"Hey, Leon?" Bayman whispered. Leon shut his eyes.
"Yes?" he muttered.
"What are you going to eat at the services"
"...what"
"What are"
"I heard you! What a weird question." Leon laughed strangely.
"I was just wondering. We could talk about something else"
"No! That's OK! I think just a hamburger"
"I like hamburgers too.." Bayman trailed off. Tina shoved her face inbetween the two suddenly, causing Leon to jump in fright.
"God, Tina, don't do that"
"What's the matter, you dorks? Afraid of beautiful women?" she laughed. Tina was getting rather bored now, so decided to stir things up a little now. "Zack, pass me your mineral water." "What for?" he asked; it was expensive stuff, coming from the mountains of Everest.
"I want to rub it over myself; I'm so hot!" she giggled quietly.
"SURE!" he literally threw it at her, but she caught it gracefully. Helena, sat next to Zack, dozed on. Tina, hoping to excite all the blokes on the bus, poured the water all over herself and moaned slowly as she rubbed it into her skin on her tight stomach and her chest, making sure not to miss her neck and thighs. Zack was literally entranced by the sight, yet Bayman was looking on in disbelief. Leon wasn't sure how to feel, but Bass was set on how to feel; red rage. But what could he do? He couldn't attack her. So he went on talking to the Tengu, unintentionally winding it further and further up.
"That Tina objectifies herself too much." Jann Lee said quietly. Lei Fang was over the moon that he had said that; she held even greater respect for him now. She was in total agreement with him, of course. "I know what you mean, I would never do something like that." she muttered, sat in her seat in a black bikini.
Ayane sat quietly with her thoughts swirling about in her head; should she forgive Kasumi? She would have done the same had temptation came her way. She swallowed her pride and decided to do the decent; standing up she went over to Kasumi's seat and sat down beside her.
"Kasumi... I'm sorry for going off on a tagent. Forgive?" she asked sweetly. Kasumi, sat there in a white, Japanese school girl's outfit smiled sweetly and hugged Ayane, wearing a blue schoolgirl outfit,tightly.
"I'm sorry too, do you forgive me"
"Yes. I would have done the same. Shall we go to the back? It's so funny when Tina's drunk"
"That's so mean!" Kasumi laughed. "But let's wait unil after the services, then we won't look funny running around the bus"
"OK!" she agreed. They sat down and chatted for a bit as the services loomed ever closer.
"All right, listen up folks!" Bass growled, standing up to get everyone's attention. "We're stopping at the services to get something to eat and rest! I suggest you all eat something as we ain't bloody stopping for a while afterward! All right?!" he sat back down after grunting and resumed his chatter at the Tengu.
"Wow! I want strawberries, marmalade, coke, rice, beans and everything!" Tina cried out in joy. She lifted her knees up to her chest in glee and smiled as Bayman sighed heavily; he just wanted to be off the bus.
Meanwhile, at the site of the DOA Championship, MMVIII. "Gen Fu, are the preperations complete?" a voiced echoed out. From the shadows in the corner of the dark room where a man in ninja-gear stood, an old man appeared dressed in old Chinese tiger-skin.
"Yes, your grace. I have ordered the clothes and they are due to arrive in one hour"
"I see... that will give us enough time. Besides, we are almost complete on that side of things." he smirked, eyeing the many thousands of bikinis hung up on the black wall. "Master, I have no doubt this plan will work, but how do you intend to carry it out"
"Simple, Fu." the man in ninja-gear laughed quietly , laying down an A3 sheet of paper on a desk in the centre of the room. Gen Fu gasped in terror at what he saw...
Five minutes later the bus had reached the services and in a flash, after having turned off the engine, Tengu had flown away into the mountains nearby to gather something natural to eat. The rest of the group went into the food area to get something processed and covered in grease. Luckily for them the queue was not busy, in fact, it was empty. Tina, being herself, pushed her way to the front, until she was standing next to Lei Fang.
"I want a salad, please. I'd like to watch my figure." she smirked, eyeing Lei Fang and giggling. Lei gave her a right pair of evils! "Thanks!" she remarked, taking her salad and sitting by the window, doing her best to look deep, graceful and beautiful, although she stood out like a sore thumb in the dank place wearing only a bikini. Everyone had eventually ordered something, mainly their favourite foods... like Zack: ice cream; Kasumi: strawberries and Jann Lee: burgers. Bayman had convinced Leon to share a cheese and tomato pizza with him, and sitting next to Tina they discussed rationally the competition that was to be held soon.
"I'm not nervous." Leon remarked. "I'm just hoping to get a good chance"
"I'm not nervous either, Leon!" Tina laughed, looking at Lei Fang. "I just gotta remember that we're all just targets in the ring, right"
"Right"
"Sometimes it's hard to remember." Bayman sighed.
"Whatcha got there, Jann?" Lei Fang asked, picking away at her fruit salad.
"Just a burger." he replied, non-commitedly.
"Oh, right..." she trailed off. "Are you confident about the competition"
"Always"
As usual, she found it difficult to hold a conversation with Jann Lee, the only man she ever felt comfortable with. Ironic how things went... she glanced over at the other competitors. Tina, with her strange dress sense, smothered the guys. Helena, now awake, practiced blocking manoeuvers with Bass; she seemed to be the only sensible one!
"So, I was like, 'stay away from Tina, bastard!'" Bass bellowed at Helena. He threw a punch in her direction and she blocked it with ease.
"I see..." she replied. She wasn't half tired of him going on about his daughter, but she was sorry for him that his daughter felt she had to do such things in order to progress in the world. "Say, Bass. Are you going to share a room with that Tengu fellow? He seems awfully dangerous"
"No way, darling. I wouldn't trust him with anything"
"Then why don't you share a room with me? I don't know the others very well"
"Well, well, well, look at all the birds lining up to share a room with me"
"Don't be so perverse! I would just feel safer at a competition where people have to kill each other if I stayed with someone strong enough to protect himself"
Bass reflected on what she had said, and when she put it that way it didn't seem sexy at all, but more business like.
"Well, all right then, sure." He liked the idea of being a protector anyway. God knows he had tried...
"God. Look at Lei. Just POURING herself all over Jann Lee. Not a care about Ayane." Tina remarked. She glanced over at the pair who were busy chewing away at their lunch. "Someone ought to do something!" she spat.
"Leave it out, Tina..." Bayman sighed. "Don't want no trouble!" "...Fine." she sighed.
"Horosho!" he smiled at her, surprised she would leave it so easily, but then again, it wasn't regarding her, but Ayane, so what did she really care? "So what hotel are we staying at, Leon"
"Ahem. We are ALL staying at some hotel called Le Trap"
"Oh, what a exotic name! I wonder what it means..." Tina wondered. She poked at her salad. "Eurgh, this don't half taste like shite! Here, watch this!" she giggled. Like a thrisbree she flung it at Lei Fang, hitting her directly on the head! She let out a scream of pain and then the anger came. She leapt onto the table and jumped over to Tina, kicking her square in the face. Tina squealed in agony but luckily nothing was broken. In a quick reflex she swiped at Lei's leg and sweeped it; Lei went tumbling down head first onto the table, and fell to the ground with a resounding thump. She quickly got up again and did a back kick directly to Tina's stomach. Tina, like a rag-doll, literally flew through one of the large glass windows, sending shards of glass everywhere with a hugh smash! Lei Fang ran after her as Tina jumped up and regained her composture by sweeping away the mud she had contracted after the fall.
"You bitch." Tina smirked. She flung herself in the air and with her thighs locked Lei in a neck lock; with a twist of her hips she threw herself to the ground and slammed Lei's head into the ground.
Half an hour later...
"Right, young ladies. Until you can learn to behave you're going to be strapped to your seats!" Bass bellowed, tightening the straps. They were now all back on the bus after being kicked out of the services station, and Tina, sat at the back, and Lei Fang at the front, were both now strapped into their seats so they couldn't move. Bayman and Leon felt sorry for Tina a little bit, for she did put up a jolly good show! No bruises though.
"Lei Fang, you'll never find peace of mind if you don't make up with Tina. Why are you two like this?" Jann Lee questioned her.
"She's the one! She's always like this! I don't do anything ill-willed towards her"
"Then try to reconcile with her"
"..." She kept silent, which she felt was stupid, for he had said more to her than he had done in ages, but it was about Tina, and that made her ANGRY.
Ten hours later...
"Oh GOD, I'm so bored!" Tina screamed. Everyone was very tired; it was now night time, and the bus was very quiet, except for Tina's screams of wanting to be let out of the straps. Bayman was also bored, until he spotted something in Tina's bag; a bottle of vodka.
"Tina?" he said softly.
"WHAT?!" she screamed.
"...I'll let you out of those straps if you give me a bottle of that vodka you keep in your bag"
She dwelt on the idea for a while... "OK!" she agreed, and was beyond relief when she was released. She grabbed one of the bottles herself and started drinking from it without a glass. Helena and Zack noticed the beginning of a party and suggested she pass it around. She didn't mind that much, since she had plenty more. The bottle went around the entire bus and everyone took a swig, even Tengu, but then he kept it; besides... no one wanted the bottle after Tengu had had his lips around it! Bayman and Leon kept a bottle for themselves for freeing Tina and drank willy-nilly from it, actually laughing since they were enjoying themselves now; or at least dulling their senses. In fact, everyone on the bus were as excited and happy as the moment they came on the bus. Helena was a bit more alive now too.
Swigging down the vodka like it was water, Helena roared and lifted the bottle high above her head and started to laugh.
"Take it off, girl!" Zack cried. Helena eyed him seductively and started to unzip the back of her dress. Since she was a little pissed though she got her foot caught between the seats of the bus and tripped, landing on Zack's lap. For a moment they stared at each other, until that moment passed and they were locked in a kiss! The kiss turned into a snog and after a while that snog was drowned in vodka to spice it up. Tina followed suit and grabbed the nearest bloke, which happened to be Ein. "Hey, Ein. Want to kiss me?" Tina slurred, a smile on her lips. She threw him to the floor wihtout a reply and started snogging the face off of him. Now everyone was snogging, but nobody cared! All the girls suddenly were in their bikinis, their dresses and posh clothes discarded, and empty beer cans rolled up and down the aisle of the bus. Kasumi and Lei Fang were so drunk they didn't even realise they were locking lips together and rolling about on the floor. Even Bayman and Leon were snogging in the corner, but Leon was too drunk to care.
Bass had passed out already, so couldn't really do anything about it; although if he was awake he would most certainly have something to say on the subject of Tina. Ayane was the only person on the entire bus not to be completely shit-faced, but she was immensly happy, since Jann Lee had finally responded to her unrequited passion for him. They sat in an embrace together for what seemed like the longest of times as the drunken snoggin' orgy went on around them.
After a while, Tina got bored of snogging Ein, as she got bored of most things after a few minutes. So procuring a pack of playing cards from the white thong she was wearing she suggested a game. Strip poker. Everyone agreed at once, even though most of them didn't know how to play, except Leon and Ayane. It was a little awkward for all of them to face each other however, because of the usual placement of bus seats, so using their combined strength they kicked the seats of the bus to the back; Tengu didn't care for two factors: he was drunk and also the God of a higher plane, so why would he care about some stupid bus that he didn't own anyway?
After the 'arrangement' of the seating had been done, the group all sat down in a circle, even Bass, whom Helena had slapped awake. The cards had all been given out and everyone was eyeing each other suspiciously. As they lay their cards down Lei Fang saw that she had been given the worst hand, and knew that she would have to take an item of clothing off. But, oh no! She only wore a bikini! Tina sniggered loudly. Although Lei Fang protested as much as she could, there wasn't much she could do, as during her protest Tina had summoned the courage to 'p'twang' her bra, causing it to slide off with ease! Lei Fang let out an embarrased scream and jumped down behind Jann Lee. As she did so, suddenly a loud bang echoed throughout the bus and it crashed! Everyone was flung forward into the front with Lei Fang landing on the Tengu, topless. "Uh... ahaha.. sorry." she muttered, picking herself up.
"What'cha doing?!" Bass shouted at the Tengu. No hope, as it had passed out from too much alcohol. They decided to rest for the night and continue their journey in the morning. They were nearly there anyway. As they sobered up they set the seats back as they were and all sat down, two by two to rest. Helena sat with Bass, Zack with Tina, Kasumi alongside Ayane, Leon next to Bayman, Jann Lee beside Lei Fang and Ein by himself with Tengu passed out at the driver's seat.
"Jann Lee..." Lei Fang whispered.
"Yes?" he replied, also whispering. She coughed ever so slightly as the bus was still.
"I need the loo. Will you come with me?" she whimpered. He kept silent for a moment.
"OK. Let's go." He stood up and tip-toed down the bus with Lei in tow. Unbeknownst to them, Tina overheard her little want and decided to have a little fun. Being careful not to wake Zack she rose from her chair and went over to Ayane, stirring her quietly. "Wanna have a little fun?" she whispered, covering Ayane's mouth to make sure she didn't make a noise that might wake someone. She gave Tina a puzzled look, until she noticed Lei Fang was gone, then her eyes narrowed and she nodded curtly. In an instant they were both outside, following Lei Fang and Jann Lee into the dark woods.
"What are we going to do?" Ayane whispered to Tina. "Hmm. Let's scare her!" Tina giggled quietly. They tiptoed cautiously over to where Lei Fang was abluting her doings and Jann Lee was keeping watch. With two sticks they found they banged them together quietly. Lei looked around in fright, gasping. "Oooooooooo." Ayane ghoulishly whimpered in her most deepest of voices. Lei got even more scared now, pulling her knickers up and attempting to flee, but instead tripping over a log. "Throw this turd at her, Ayane!" Tina whispered.
"Ew, gross!" Ayane retorted, instinctively. "FINE!" Tina shouted, throwing it at Lei. It hit her right in the face. She let out a massive scream and saw nothing but red as she angrily sought out her target... Tina. Luckily for Tina though, Jann Lee had scooped up a bucket of fresh water and threw it on Lei's face, washing it clean and calming her down considerably. She still wanted to kill Tina, but Jann dragged her back to the bus. "You're so gross, Tina!" Ayane laughed, as they followed. "Isn't anyone going to tell her that her bra is still unhooked?"
The next morning...
Everyone came quietly out of the land of nod, stretching their arms way above their heads. Leon quickly placed Bayman's head from his chest back onto the window and shrugged him awake and Helena remarked on the peculiar smell that had invaded the bus. Everyone was in high spirits as the sun shone brilliantly through the windows and lightened up everyone's faces. No one could help but smile at each other as they greeted one another in good morning. Then suddenly, like a gun shot, the hangover owed from the previous evening hit everyone, almost at once. Lei Fang was the first to go, much to Tina's glee, as she vomited over the side of her chair onto the bus' floor, bikini top still undone. Tina was not happy for long though, as she herself was vomiting not a few seconds later. In fact, everyone was sick! Then the headaches came; Helena was groaning in agony as her head felt like it was being punched in, and Bayman rested his head on Leon's arm to stop the smarting, but Leon, too sick to care, was trying to hold back the urge to vomit and also treat a headache with bare teeth-gritting. Bass was also inflicted, but he would not let it show, he was too strong for that; his stomach was doing cartwheels though.
"How much did we drink last night?" Ein inquired. No one knew the answer to that, but they could pretty much guess by the large quantities of bottles on the floor. Later, they would go on to count fifteen bottles of vodka and three bottles of liqueur. Tina sure had a big handbag...
"Hey, Leon..." Bayman whispered. Leon squeezed his eyes shut; he didn't want to talk with anything!
"Yes"
"Where the hell are all our clothes?!" he bellowed, sitting up in his chair. Helena overheard his little question and opened her eyes; she was sat in her chair wearing just a yellow bikini. Looking over at Leon and Ein she could see they were only wearing their boxers, too. In fact, everyone on the bus was either wearing a bikini or boxers! "Nice bikini, Bass..." Helena smirked. He stood up from his recumbent position and maintained an air of dignity for a split second, before widly raising his arms in the air and smashing all of the chairs in search of his normal, casual clothes!
"Where the hell are they?!" he screamed wildly. Tina jumped from her hangover to the rescue, explaining that they must of played strip poker or something last night, as cards were littered all over the place.
"I don't know why you're wearing one of Lei Fang's bikinis, though." Tina giggled wildly. Lei rose from her seat, still wearing her own black one.
"Hey, what makes you think it's mine?!" she spat.
"Well, anything big enough to fit my father certainly wouldn't be one of mine." she smirked. Lei growled deeply from the bottom of her throat and instinctively went over to punch Tina. Luckily, Jann Lee pulled her back down to her seat. "Why don't we just get some other clothes from our suitcases?" Tina suggested sweetly. Staying inside for obvious reasons, Bass waited as the rest of the group searched through their suitcases to get changed into something more sensible. Tengu wasn't happy after they had finished, when he had to place all of the suitcases back onto the bus, but at least he was going to beat the fuzz out of them when they eventually reached the DOA Championships this year.
The bus continued steady along it's course, and as they passed a sign which said 'LONDON CENTRE 23', Kasumi, whom was sat beside Ayane, tightened her grip on the armrest.
"Is something wrong?" Ayane asked out of genuine concern. Kasumi looked paler and paler as the miles went by.
"...no." she replied, weakly. Ayane knew something was up!
"Tell me! You're not nervous are you?" Ayane questioned her eagerly as Kasumi tilted her head to face her sister, her face wearing an odd expression.
"Are you joking? Nervous to face a bunch of weirdos who are more interested in alcohol, sex and getting one over each other?" she whispered, smiling.
"Then what is it?" Ayane persisted. Kasumi let out a deep sigh.
"Hayabusa is going to be there, isn't he?" she said out loud, although she was really confirming it with herself.
"Yes, I suppose so... oh, I see. It's been ages since you saw him, hasn't it"
"I know. I'm nervous about seeing him, that's all"
"I wouldn't worry about it, you know he worships the ground you walk on"
"Oh, shut up!" Kasumi spat, turning her head to glance at the wonderful sights of outer London. She squealed in delight as she pointed out a urine-soaked, vandalised red public telephone box. She had only seen them in the movies at strategically placed points! And look, she continued, real teenage CHAVS! She vacantly ignored the River Thames or Big Ben as they drove past it.
"God, it's hot." Tina sighed, fanning herself lazily with Bayman's leaflet on London, much to his dismay. "OI, TENGU!" she screeched down the aisle. "Turn on the air conditioning, why don't you?!" "I ain't your bloody slave!" he screamed back. And that was the end of the matter. Tina didn't mind too much though, as she knew from experience that sweat appeared sexy on a woman. She winked at Bayman. To him, he saw a tired, exhausted, sticky woman covered in sweat; he didn't care to mention it, however.
It was only half an hour later and they were all standing outside the hotel in which they would be staying throughout the duration of the tournament which started tomorrow. They were all silent as they walked slowly in, the Tengu growling angrily as he dragged each of their suitcases alongside with him. Le Trap was a beautiful hotel, with a huge reception area. In the middle was a large, marble champagne fountain which Tina was quick to try; ('recycled? Ew!'). "We're here for the D.O.A. tournament!" Bass exclaimed, slamming the tickets down on the counter. The receptionist nodded her head in reserve and took the tickets, typing swiftly on the keyboard placed in front of her. A list of names appeared on the monitor and she started to sort out the rooms; in the end people slept in the same rooms as who they sat next to on the bus, although Bayman wasn't too happy that Tina was also staying in the same room as he and Leon.
Tina squealed in delight as the sight of the room unfolded before her as Leon opened the door. The room was expensive, you could see, and led off into the bedroom which was even more of a delight. Tina ran into where the beds were and chucked her suitcase onto the largest bed, causing it to spring open and fling clothes everywhere.
"Damn!" she exclaimed. "I certainly haven't got enough clothes for this week.." she trailed off. Bayman and Leon looked on in disbelief; there had to be at least enough clothes there to fill five wardrobes; what the hell was she thinking? "I'm going shopping! Apparantly there are a lot of great clothes shops in London." she clapped her hands in glee and grabbed Leon's and Bayman's, dragging them out the hotel room and into the lift, much to their protests. ('You can't leave a sweet, innocent woman like me on my own, so COME ON!').
"Subject 5, 10 and 11 have left the hotel." a voice whispered. It came from within a non-descript black car that was parked outside Le Trap.
"Good." the voice on the radio replied. "I want you to keep a close eye on them. Follow them, in fact." "Dave"
"What"
"I mean, roger." he coughed, slipping the hand-held radio into his pocket and stepping out the vehicle. It was old man Gen Fu, one of the ninja's associates, dressed completely in black so he didn't stand out, and also wearing a leather black hat. Much to his ignorance he stood out like Paris Hilton at a Mensa convention. He followed the three 'subjects' closely throughout the many boutiques that littered the streets of London, getting tired of the increasing mileage he was building up by wandering through many women's underwear shops.
"Hey, Leon. What do you think this looks like on me?" Tina pondered, stepping out the dressing room, wearing a skimpy black negligee. "I think it looks like you don't care what you might look like after a bout or two tomorrow!" he spat back.
"Calm down!" she retorted in anger. "Bayman..." she bent over as he was sat down on a chair. "What do you think"
"...looks expensive." he muttered.
"So you like it?!" she clapped her hands together.
"I just said"
"I'll take it!" she didn't give him a chance to digress as she rushed back into the changing room and slipped back into her own gear. "Hey, Leon, let's get a coffee while she wraps up things here. There's a coffee shop right over the road." he sighed. Leon agreed, telling Tina of their plight. She moaned about it, but gave in as she stumbled around with her own underwear. "I'll see you over there then!" she called back.
"Subjects 10 and 11 have left the boutique, subject 5 is alone." Gen Fu whispered into his radio. "Good! Take this chance, go and get her!" a voice replied in adamance.
"Da... roger!" Gen Fu quickly slipped the radio back into his pocket and using the techniques he had learnt from years passed slipped un-seen into the changing rooms of the ladies. Tina, struggling to get back into her own clothes didn't notice as he stepped behind her.
"Hello, dear..." he smirked. She turned around quickly, instinctively ready to strike, but he was too quick for her and back-handed her across the face, sending one of the rings he wore on his finger flying off; she went fast into the side of the changing booth, hitting the side of her head on the hard wall. Moaning in confusion she lost consciousness quickly and passed out on the floor. Laughing quietly to himself he realised it would be too obvious to take her out the front way, so stepping outside the booth and noticing it was empty besides him and Tina he picked up a nearby chair and flung it at a large french window. The chair passed easily through it, sending shards of glass everywhere and leaving a huge escape hole. He picked subject five up and ran, unheedingly through the window, landing safely on his feet into a back alley. He placed her on the cold floor below and spoke into his radio. A few minutes later the same non-descript car parked by the alley-way and Gen Fu picked up subject five again and placed her inside, getting in himself. The car drove away, leaving only a trail of smoke in it's wake...
"She certainly knows how to take her time..." Leon remarked. It had been at least twenty minutes since they had ordered their coffees and drank them. Bayman hadn't noticed, forget about thinking about Tina. "She'll be fine; she's an expert fighter." Bayman smiled. Leon looked up at him from his cup.
"You make it sound as if she's in danger." he replied. Bayman sat in his chair, not knowing what to say. Why had he said that? He didn't know, but he begun to stand up; they had better go back and check on her. Rushing across the street they hadn't noticed the black car driving away. Into the dressing room they went, and immediately their hearts sunk when they saw the commotion; glass everywhere and people standing around in confusion.
"What the hell happened?" Leon asked one of the bystanders.
"Someone's been kidnapped!" a young girl remarked. "Some weird guy in a black suit just picked her up and jumped out the window! It was all caught on CCTV!" "Shit." Bayman whispered. They started to look around for evidence at the scene of the crime, but found nothing but a small, golden ring. "Bayman, look." Leon grunted. He held up the gold ring. It was an unremarkable ring apart from one small detail. Engraved inside of it was the quote: "DOLOR NIHIL EST"
"Leon, that's the Latin quote of the DOA champioship, isn't it"
"Yes. 'Pain Is Nothing.' Whatever. This means that Tina's dissapearance has something to do with the DOA championship"
"But what, Leon? Why would someone from there kidnap her? She's competing tomorrow"
"I don't know, but we've got to save her"
"Right; she may be an alcoholic, narcissistic bully,... so... "
"Let's just go"
Owing to their knowledge of the DOA, they knew the HQ this year was the top of Big Ben, the clock tower of England... would they find her there? Would they be in time? What would await them?
"Hey, do you know where Tina and her guys are?" Helena asked. She had poked her head round the door to Lei Fang's room. Lei shook her head. Of course she didn't know where they were.
"Probably shopping, knowing Tina." Lei smirked, sarcastically.
"Oh, right." Helena sighed. "So, you're sharing a room with Jann. Where is he?" she inquired.
"Practicing his Jeet Kun Do in the courtyard." she replied, brushing her hair in the mirror; he was to return soon, so she wanted to look good. "Are you and him...?" "What?! Don't be silly. You and Bass are sharing a room. Does that mean that you and him are sharing more than the toilet sink?" "What a thing to say! You just seem to, you know"
"No, I don't know." Lei retorted, shoving a hair clip brutally behind her ear to keep it from falling into her eyes. Helena knew she was still young and quite naive, so decided to leave it at that. Leaving the room she turned around.
"Good luck tomorrow."
"Can I get another one?" Ein asked. Sat in a white shirt and black trousers he drew the attention of many young women that passed by at the hotel bar; with nothing to do before the championship but practice he found solice in knocking back a few, especially the gin and tonics they made here, which were fantastic! He would stop after this one though, for he didn't want to get too drunk; he had learnt his lesson after that night on the bus...
"When I click my fingers you will awaken." a deep voice whispered. As a click droned in her ears Tina slowly opened her eyes with dim awareness. She was not quite sure of what was going on but she could hear, and she could see... vaguely. "Good girl"
"She's reacting well to the 49 Base chemical we administered earlier, your grace." an old voice quivered. "I can see that, Fu"
Tina moaned incoherently as she writhed around on a bed of straps, although she was not in any pain, apart from that bump on the head she had received earlier.
"Tina, as you can see before you, there are many bikinis. Do you see them"
She garbled non-sensically. The deep voice sighed.
"Just nod your bloody head if you see them." She nodded.
"Good! Now, I'm going to say something, and I want you to listen to it well, can you do that for me? Nod, sweetheart"
She nodded.
"Good. Fu, boost Base 48, 23 and 2 up to 1 m.g.." "Yes, your grace!" Fu bowed low and ran prissily over to some controls on the far wall. "Now Tina, as you know, the new prime-minister of the labour party is succeeding tomorrow, and there is a huge party at the House of Commons. As you are well aware a plethora of guests are invited, which includes the cheerleaders for the New York Lakers, or whatever they're called... some baseball team. Now, you'll fit in very well with them I'm sure. There's just one difference between you and them. You see, there's a special thing that I need you to do once you're there, that doesn't involve drinking or chatting up some guy, but it involves wearing a bikini..."
"Leon, you've got to slow down!" Bayman shouted; in a fast car down a London street they drove an old Beetle car which hadn't been MOTed in years. Although Leon didn't hold any romantic feelings towards Tina he couldn't let her down; he couldn't fail another person.
Driving 70mph down a road was dangerous, but they had to reach her! "You're going to crash!" Bayman wailed!
"We'll be fine!" Leon retorted, turning a corner with ease. Luckily, the roads were empty, the weather was fine for once, with no rain and perfect visibility, and the police were nowhere to be seen.
"Do you know where you're going?" Bayman inquired; the car flew into the air a little as it hit a speedbump.
"Oof! Yes. Just turn at Hyde Park... speedbump again!" They hit it hard! Bam! The beetle sounded like it was going to give, but it kept going at a steady 66mph. "Then follow that tall building. See Big Ben"
"I see it"
However, the next corner... they did not see the traffic jam. As Leon hurtled around the corner at 60mph they slammed head first into a Robin Reliant, crushing the bonnet outright, knocking them both out of active thought.
Gasping, Ayane rose quickly out of sleep and into a bolt upright position from her bed, stirring Kasumi also from sleep. Kasumi rubbed her eyes and peered over at the clock, which read 7:20p.m. and then over at Ayane.
"What.." she slurred, "...what's wrong? Did you piss the bed"
"..No! I just had a terrible dream." Ayane sighed, rubbing her head.
"Hmph. That'll teach us for trying to get an early night." Kasumi laughed weakly. Looking out of the window she saw it was still light. She sighed quietly and pushed the covers aside, stepping out of the bed. "Let's go get a drink at the bar"
"Well, all right." Ayane whispered, still shaken. Kasumi noticed her pallor.
"Are you all right?" she asked. "No"
"What was your dream about?" she inquired, going over to place her arms on her half-sister's shoulders.
"A loud bang! Like a gun-shot, only lasting for ages. Then quiet as death. I don't know what it was, but it felt like someone really close to me was involved"
"Spooky..." Kasumi trailed off. She held her sister's hand and pulled her outside the hotel room into the hallway where their entered the lift to go get a stiff drink. At the bar they bet up with Ein, who was utterly pissed out of his mind.
"All right, ladies?" he slurred, almost falling out of his chair.
"Oh, God." they sniggered, helping him back onto it.
"I'm not... you know... what's the word?" he snorted, rubbing his nose and coughing loudly.
"Uh, drunk?" Ayane smiled, trying her best not to laugh.
"Yeah, that's it. Beautiful!" "Ugh! Don't call me beautiful." she looked away.
"I wasn't talkin' to you, Aya. I was talking to that walking pair of legs behind you"
Ayane turned around and saw the female bartender who was serving him drinks. The bartender turned bright red and went into the kitchen without saying a word.
"Looks like we won't be getting a drink, Ayane..." Kasumi sighed. Before she could finish her sentence though, a middle-age man who looked just like Harrison Ford stepped out from the kitchen door in a bartender's outfit to serve them, a smile on his lips and wink in his eye at the ladies. Their hearts skipped a beat and their eyes widened.
"Hold that thought, Kasumi." Ayane sighed breathlessly, as Ein fell off his chair. They did not notice.
Hearing the doctor's report, Bayman felt an incredible surge of relief. Leon had not suffered any serious injury, but would have to stay in the hospital overnight under heavy sedation whilst healing. Bayman himself was wearing a seatbelt, so had been unharmed. What was he to do now though? When the doctor left he spoke to Leon.
"Leon, I'm going to go get Tina. I think I can do it!" he whispered. He turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Leon with the gold ring they had found, although he had crushed it in his hand for causing such misery.
Lei Fang quickly rushed over to the table that was in the centre of the room as she heard the door knob turn; she knew it was Jann Lee, and she had made dinner for the pair of them. As she ran so blindly though, she tripped awkwardly and fell flat on her face, splitting her forehead on the wooden floorboard. Jann Lee entered the room quietly and noticed her lying on the floor in pain. He quickly ran over to her to help her up. Not wanting to seem too effeminate and weak she pushed him away.
"I'm all right." she explained. "I only tripped"
"You're bleeding." he uttered, helping her over to the bed. She sat down as he went into the kitchen to wet a towel; she hadn't seen him so caring before. She thanked him as he came back in and placed the warm towel on her forehead. He looked over at the dinner prepared on the table. "For us"
"...Yes." she whispered.
"It's nothing really, just a good luck dinner"
"Are you up to it?" he inquired. She glanced up at him, already feeling a million times better.
"You bet!" she laughed, throwing the towel on the lit fireplace, causing it to burst into flames.
"God, Kasumi, you could put some clothing on." Ayane spat. Sat at the bar, ten drinks later, the half-sisters were waiting for the cute bartender to return from the kitchen. Kasumi sat on the stool, hurt-looking.
"I am, Aya. And at least I'm not dressed like a prostitute"
"Uh-huh. Well, I'm not surprised, being a frigid bitch." Ayane smirked. The alcohol, mixed with the guy behind the bar had caused a little flame to burn brighter between the two, until the flames were burning bright with fiery, jealous anger.
"Well if I'm such a frigid bitch then how come barty," (the bartender) "has been looking at me all the while"
"Probably because the snot hanging from your nose!" Ayane laughed. Kasumi quickly hung her head to rub it with her finger, when suddenly BAM! Her half-sister punched her in the face! Kasumi was thrown over the bar stool and landed on Ein, who was still passed out cold. "Oh, you bitch!" Kasumi screeched. She stood up in a haste and picked up a bottle of tonic water which sprayed a steady stream. Ayane screamed in displeasure as Kasumi ruthlessly let her have it! Not wasting a moment, Ayane picked up her own drink and threw it in her half-sisters face. Seeing that she was stunned by having hard-liquor in her eyes, Ayane quickly performed a leg sweep to take her off her feet. Kasumi went down quickly, catching the hem of her skirt on a splinter on the bar stool. The skirt ripped off quickly, revealing a pair of teddy bear boxer shorts. "Ugh, how sexy." Ayane laughed sarcastically. Kasumi screamed in anger and rolled away from her sister, gracefully getting back on her feet. With one quick manoeuvre she scooped up a handful of old, sweaty roast peanuts and flung them at her sister. DIRECT HIT! The peanuts hit her directly in the face, sending her hurtling backwards into the champagne fountain. Kasumi jumped up and down in glee, clapping her hands together. She turned to sit down, only to see that the bartender had gone, to be replaced by the beautiful woman Ein had persisted in knowing earlier. In dissapointment, Kasumi picked up her skirt, flung it around her waist and left the scene, unaware of the old man in the black suit following after her with criminal intent.
"Checkmate." Helena smiled, placing down the Rook. It was the third game she had played, and won. Bass growled and anger, picked up the chess board and threw it hard against the wall, sending shards of wood everywhere. Helena sighed as she looked on in pity at the broken chess set, broken checkers set, burnt playing cards and smashed ludo board. "Shall we just have a drink?" she asked. Bass nodded his head; he could agree with that. As Helena rummaged around the drink's cabinet for some tequila and Bass searched for some salt and lemons someone suddenly was banging heavily on the door.
"Who is it?!" Bass bellowed.
"It's Ayane! Lemme in!" she cried. Bass swung the door open after un-latching it. She tumbled in, landing face first. Quickly composing herself she explained the situation: Kasumi was missing!
"I've tried Tina on her cell phone." Bass sighed. "No reply"
"So where are they? I doubt Kasumi is with them, Tina and the guys left hours ago." Helena remarked. In the hotel room they all sat around the dining table wondering where they should search first, when suddenly Zack burst into the room.
"Hey losers, you'll never guess what!" he shouted. They all turned to gawp at him. "Leon's in the hospital!"