Marius was gone within seconds, as if nothing he'd just heard had gone through and Enjolras cursed under his breath. He threw Grantaire an annoyed look before he exited the room, knowing his friend wouldn't be far behind. He didn't know exactly what the adjoined room was there for. A desk stood propped against the far wall and a few chairs were mindlessly scattered around the room. Probably spare ones that had been thrown in there by lack of space. Enjolras sat down on the edge of the desk and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily as the creaking floorboards told him Grantaire had joined him. He looked up just in time to see Grantaire roll his eyes, which only made him angrier than he already was.
"I can't believe you!" he exclaimed, not taking his eyes off Grantaire who grinned as if he didn't have a care in the world. "The last thing Marius needs right now is encouragement in his deranged ideas."
"Oh please Enjolras. Let him be. It's his problem if he want's to have his heart broken." Grantaire slouched down beside him on the desk, still grinning.
"His and mine and all of us. Am I really the only one who realizes that this revolution is real? That we will be fighting for our freedom? How can he even for a second let his mind wander from the cause at this moment?" Enjolras could feel himself get angrier and angrier as he spoke, balling his fists so hard his fingernails dug into his palms. "If he does not keep his mind on track all our lives might be jeopardized. This is serious. He can think about girls later."
"There might not be a later though," Grantaire told him matter-of-factly, poking Enjolras in the ribs playfully. "I say take what you want whilst there's still time."
"That's not the right mindset to have Grantaire." he scolded his friend, trying to ignore the confusing stinging he suddenly felt in his eyes.
"I'm not saying we're all gonna die. I'm saying there's a chance we might, so why not let Marius be happy? I'm sure he'll stand with us when the time comes, if that's what you're afraid of."
Truth was, that was not why Enjolras felt such rage with Marius for pursuing this girl he'd just met today. He was not scared that Marius would abandon them. He'd known him for far too long to doubt that he had every intention to fight. No, that was not the problem at all. He was mad because Marius had just met this girl and did not stop to consider even once what a mistake pursuing her might be. Enjolras on the other hand had spent countless months telling himself that France was more important than his own feelings. That there was a greater cause than his own happiness for the moment and he could take what he wanted after his beloved country was free at last. He spent more time suppressing feelings than he would like to admit. He was mad at Marius for not even considering the same sacrifices he'd made for this revolution. Mad perhaps wasn't the right word. Jealous, more like it. Because now it was too late for him, even if he was to change his mind. He'd spent so much time pretending not to feel, that he could not let go of the façade now without loosing his head completely. He'd just have to make sure he'd survive this somehow.
As long as Grantaire survived too.
"He'll be back, I know." Enjolras sighed, leaning away from Grantaire who suddenly felt much too close to be at a safe distance away.
"Then what's troubling you?" Enjolras was taken aback at the genuine concern he could hear in Grantaire's voice, and he wished he could give him an honest answer. Instead he let out a shaky laughter and shook his head.
"Just nerves I guess." he turned to give Grantaire a reassuring look but was met by two blue eyes staring into his disbelievingly.
"Enjolras, there's only one reason I'm here to fight, do you understand?" he asked, more serious than Enjolras had ever seen him before. Enjolras nodded, not sure he understood at all. "I am not much of a fighter and I drink too much. There's not a very high possibility that I will survive when it comes down to it. So why am I here? Why am I here when I know I'll most likely die? Because you believe in this cause. And I believe in you."
"You won't die." was all Enjolras could answer, looking away from Grantaire's piercing stare. He could not do this now. It was too much. They were on the eve of the revolution for Christ's sake.
"Perhaps I will, perhaps I won't," Grantaire whispered, "But I intend to take what I want whilst there's still time, just as Marius ought to."
And all of a sudden Enjolras' face was cupped in Grantaire's hands and his lips was somehow on Grantaire's. All rational thought escaped him, his barricades of self-restraint collapsed as he started moving his lips in synchronization with Grantaire's. It was a slow kiss, one that lasted forever and yet not long enough. Their tongues lazily discovering each other. Enjolras bit Grantaire's bottom lip softly and he could feel Grantaire smiling against him before parting their lips, leaning their foreheads together breathlessly.
"Don't say anything." Enjolras begged, his eyes closed. He knew something had to be said, but he did not want to hear anything. He'd suspected for a long time that his love wasn't unrequited, but that had only made it harder. And now it was impossible to ignore.
"There's no need. Now I know. I could die a happy man now Enjolras. I understand." Grantaire smiled at him as Enjolras opened his eyes and he knew he was speaking the truth. It was fine like this. One kiss. Just to make sure. Just so that they would not have lived a life, loving each other and not being sure. If they died tomorrow, next week or whenever the revolution began, this moment would always exist. And that would be enough.
"Vive la France." Grantaire laughed as he got up from the desk and headed back towards the crowded room next door. Enjolras looked out the window, down at the streets of his beloved city. He leaned against the frame and felt a smile spread on his lips.
"Yes." If only so that he could one day feel Grantaire's lips against his again. "Vive la France."