Carlton Lassiter does not admit failure. It is his one thing that he does not back down on, and never will. In his eyes, only the weak give up, and the weak never prosper. She knows, and she knows this damn well. It's one of his most defining characters, one of the things that just makes Carlton Carlton. She admired this about him before, and could only see him in a positive light. The strapping, tall man who was the youngest head detective in Santa Barbara history. He was intelligent, quick-witted, and ever-so-adorably awkward. Always punctual, never late to a thing in his life. And oh God, his smile. He was even quite the looker.
But it all just...fell apart.
He was more in love with his job than he was her. Working late shifts, even on special nights. ("Crime never sleeps, Tori. I don't want anything to happen to you.") His brutal honesty. ("I call it like I see it, you know I don't mean any offense.") Her father and friends never liked him. ("Come on, I pulled her over once. She was speeding.") How he actually wanted children, but never brought it up. ("I'll never pressure you, Tori. You know that.")
She knew he loved her, she knew it just like she knew he wouldn't admit failure. But she couldn't take it anymore. The love had vanished, at least from her side, and she would have to leave him.
So separate they did.
It was messy, to say the least. Her father rejoiced, and Carlton was bitter about it. Incredibly bitter. And she could see in his eyes that he wanted to work this out, he wanted to fix everything and be a better person.
If you close your eyes and listen close, you can hear the chapter close
And it's already bound and better closed, and you like the way this story goes
But she didn't believe that he could. And she went through with it, even going so far as to invite him to dinner just to sign the divorce papers. What a kick between the legs. And as she looked at him, she could see he was struggling internally with signing it: his need for success and his hatred for failure, arguing with the part of him that loved her so unconditionally.
She would never fully understand him, not ever.
'Cause the sun still burns the shadows out
And there's nothing to complain about now
And he signs the papers. It's so unexpected of him, but she guesses that's just part of being a detective: remaining calm even when confronted with what you hate most. He talks about looking forward to tomorrow, and she's shocked, because he's always been one who examines the present and draws from the past, as anticipating the future is not part of his daily routine. Suddenly, the uptight, stressed out head detective becomes the man she once loved, doing what he despises the most just to make her happy. And it makes her eyes burn, because she could never see this part of him when they were married.
If this is our destiny, I treasure the fact
And I give you what's left of me if I held back
For a second, she regrets it. She wants to get back with him again, she wants to see his flawless smile and hear his quiet chuckle, talk over their problems like this whole thing never happened. But there's no turning back now, and he's accepted it, too. And for once, she doesn't want him to accept it. She wants him to rip up the papers, toss them out the window, and scoop her up and carry her into the sunset. The urge dies quickly, before she can even act on it, and she remembers why they're here and what happened for this to occur.
So they share one last kiss, and she tells him the lie she had been preparing for so long:
"I don't think I'll ever stop loving you."
He doesn't reply, and she knows he knows she's lying. He works with liars for a living, but she can tell he hopes that it's true. He hopes that there's hope for them, even if everything is final and his signature is on that paper and her last name isn't Lassiter anymore. Victoria steps out into the mild Santa Barbara night with a weight on her conscience, knowing she just stomped a man's heart flat and it's something she couldn't fix, not in a million years. He has just admitted failure, and for the first time in his life, he isn't bitter about it.
I don't need a soul
No, I don't need a soul to hold
Without you, I'm still whole
You and life remain beautiful
You and life remain beautiful
a/n; first piece I've written that even resembles a songfic. Minimal editing, written in about 20 minutes.
How'd I do?
and yes, I did delete and repost this. Some major typos.
The song is I Don't Need a Soul, by Relient K. This song describes Lassie's relationship with Victoria quite nicely, even with the 'look to tomorrow' part. Yay.