Paved With Good Intentions
CHANGE
The Itch

She didn't want to be Usagi anymore.

It was hardly the first time that she had felt this way; it had come and gone numerous times during her teenage adventures, but it had definitely been a few years since the last time. Not since... well, not since before Galaxia. Not since the last time that Mamoru had walked all over her heart, if she was being honest. It was hard not to be when she hurt this much.

Each time previous, she had only seen one solution: to change herself into something that would be more attractive to Mamoru. To fix herself for him. She had tried to be prettier. She tried to be more mature. She had dug in and clawed frantically at the faded and fractured memories of her life as Serenity in an attempt to become the Princess that had once been his True Love. She could remember a love so deep and powerful that his death had inspired her previous self to suicide, and she had tried so hard to force herself into that half remembered mold.

Each and every one of those attempts had been for naught. Every change that she had tried to make of herself, everything that she had reached for had eventually been dropped. She had been 'perfect' the way she was when they had first met- waves of long blonde hair, and brilliantly blue eyed. The same as that long lost Princess that had haunted his dreams for years. So she had kept dying her hair and wearing the contacts long after she had tired of the look. This is what Serenity had been, and so it was what Usagi would be. There was no other choice.

She didn't want to be Serenity anymore, either.

Serenity's love for Endymion had been all encompassing, a vine that had grown and twisted through every facet of her life. So Usagi had dug in at fourteen, when the memories started to come back, to make sure that she did the same. She was Serenity reborn, after all. It only made sense that they would mirror each other that way. So when Mamoru had returned to America for his studies, had, in fact, decided to finish them there, she had decided to follow him.

It was their love that saw her through her tears, saw her through depression and through stresses that would have broken her before. Every time that she thought to give up on her dream of being with him, she would remember Serenity and she would persevere. It was an awe-inspiring change, and her friends had rushed to help her reach her dreams before she could change her mind. It was their love that had her applying for and getting into Stanford. That love that had sent her across an ocean just to study politics.

After all, if she was going to be the Queen of Earth, she should probably understand how governments worked, right?

Usagi had wanted to surprise her love. She had kept not only her visit, but the fact that she had been accepted into the same University that he had, a secret. She had fantasized about their reunion in her head from the moment she had gotten on the plan in Narita to the moment she turned the corner towards his residence. Mamoru would be surprised when she knocked on his door, of course. His eyes would grow wide, and she would offer him her sweetest smile. She'd cover his started exclamations with a cheerful greeting even as she pushed him back into his room and sealing their lips together. It would be a sweet kiss, as beautiful and perfect as their first, and then-

Usagi had seen pictures of Mamoru's lab partner, of course. She was a pretty young thing, with short black hair and sharp brown eyes. Caucasian, not Japanese. She wore her make up thick and her shirts thin. She had always been a non-thread in Usagi's eyes. The girl was the opposite of Serenity, just this tiny little thing that couldn't possibly get in the way of predestined love.

Maybe... maybe if Serenity hadn't been so confident. Maybe if she hadn't believed so whole heartedly in their immortal love... well, maybe then Usagi wouldn't have rounded the corner just in time to see the lab partner sling her leg over Mamoru's hips. She wouldn't have seen the stubby and calloused fingers slide up and tangle in Mamoru's hair. She wouldn't have seen the gentle tug that brought Mamoru's head down.

She wouldn't have seen the absolutely filthy kiss that broke her heart.

Usagi fled. What else could she do? She was barely managing to hold all the piece of her crumbling heart together as the jagged edges of betrayal tore into her chest. She almost made it back to her own room before she could only collapse against the wall and fall apart. Her legs refused to hold her weight and down she went, a crumpled ball of blond hair on the floor, face buried in her hands.

There were no great wailing sobs. She did not shriek or throw a temper tantrum. There were only the tears boiling trails down her face, her shoulders shaking and breath coming in harsh gasps.

An arm looped loosely around her shoulders, while fingers brushed her hands away gently and tried to tilt her chin up to get a look at her face. "Oh jeez... Rabbit... what happened?"

She didn't look up. She only turned so that she could bury her face into Brady's neck, hands curled in his shirt.

"I don't want to be Usagi anymore."

side note: despite appearances, Mamoru isn't really a bad guy. We'll get into that later.