Duelogue

a series of loosely connected one shot vignettes, showcasing various people verbally sparring with House

Disclaimer: House is not mine, which works for me; I'd rather wake up next to Cameron or Thirteen.

A/N: I'll be adding to this from time to time as things pop into my head that don't fit my other project, a House/Thirteen multi-chap fic called Legacy.

Cuddy: Scrabble

"You're impossible, House!" Lisa Cuddy was livid.

House gave a non-committal shrug, leaned in towards her on his cane. "Clearly the universe disagrees with you, as I'm here in your office. Maybe you're a figment of my imagination, though, it would explain why the twins are on display more prominently than usual."

Cuddy made no effort to cover up, who was he to tell her how to dress, when he looked more like a roadie than a physician. "Well, well, you're lazy. You haven't done your clinic hours all month."

House smirked, making no effort to tear his eyes away from Cuddy's cleavage. "Such an eloquent repartee, where are we, preschool? I'm not lazy, I've just carefully honed my nihilistic approach to pragmatism to splendorous perfection."

Cuddy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Pray tell, what's the difference?"

"Mostly the number of syllables, Chase challenged me to a game of Scrabble." he replied, yawning.

House never socialized with Chase if there wasn't something in it for him. "And you've obviously accepted, so, what's the bet?"

"If I win Cameron spends all of next week in my bed, satisfying my every whim." He waggled his eyebrows.

Cuddy couldn't believe it. "And she agreed to this?"

House barked a laugh. "Of course not, she has no clue. Where would the fun in that be?"

Cuddy sighed deeply, then her voice found the strength she needed. "As I said, House, you're impossible."

He was beaming. "Aw, stop it, you'll make me blush."

"This isn't over." She gave him her glare, it was known to make full grown men cry; knowing that it would never work on House didn't stop her.

House started looking around, showing his disenchantment with this boring conversation. "I know, or I'd be surfing the interwebs right now. What's your size, I'm ordering you a negligee. Okay if I have it delivered for you to accept in the ER?"

Cuddy actually growled, House's mission for the day was complete. "Why do I put up with you again?" She asked, through clenched teeth.

"Because you lllikkke me, you want to hhhold me, and want to kiiissss me." House jigged around a bit, singing.

Cuddy threw up her hands in frustration and stormed out of the office. House counted down the seconds. "5... 4... 3... 2... 1."

She stormed back just as quickly, and shouted him down. "This is my office, you get out!"

House shrugged and made to leave, looking over his shoulder just before he left. "If you didn't want me here, why call me to begin with?" And was gone before she could respond.

A/N: It's short, I know... that's why it's a vignette. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it. More will follow whenever I'm not working on Legacy, as mentioned above.